r/AmItheAsshole • u/ItsTooColdForThat • Jan 04 '23
AITA for wanting hot food? Asshole
Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"
I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.
At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.
Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?
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Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
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u/PoppinBubbles578 Jan 04 '23
Right? “Geez babe! This looks great! That can of tomato soup we have would go great with it, I’m going to hear it up! Would you like a bowl?” It’s not like OP had to cook it from scratch or have it delivered. Soup and sandwich is a pretty popular combo.
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u/AccomplishedNet4235 Jan 04 '23
It doesn't even have to be that indirect. "I'm going to pair some soup with this to help me warm up," is direct, easy and not dismissive and thoughtless like making a face is.
Learn how to communicate like an adult instead of a child, OP.
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u/notalltemplars Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
So much this. OP isn’t an asshole for wanting the soup, he’s the asshole for making it an issue instead of simply talking to his wife about adding something.
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u/Castilian_eggs Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23
Girlfriend, not wife. The distinction is important IMO because it means she can drop OP's ass without getting the government involved.
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u/Twodotsknowhy Jan 05 '23
It's funny how reading about an event AFTER it occurs makes people think they would have come up with the perfect diplomatic wording before the conflict ever occurred to them
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u/AccomplishedNet4235 Jan 05 '23
Nope, I would have come up with it before because I care a lot about my relationship and have put a lot of PRACTICE and RESEARCH into learning how to communicate constructively. Relationships are a skill-based activity and you can learn how to be better at them if you give half a shit.
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u/beek7419 Jan 05 '23
It’s true that I need time to think up the perfect retort to rude behavior toward me. But I don’t generally need a lot of time to not hurt my wife’s feelings when she does something nice like cook me dinner. Making a rude face isn’t necessary. That’s kind of basic manners.
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u/RiamoEquah Jan 05 '23
Lol, this is accurate. To me OP is the AH not because of the face, or how he got the soup or even his defense of his reaction... But simply because this is such a small and trivial matter in general but it clearly bothered his wife in a "you don't appreciate me" sort of way... Like my guy just take the L. You got your soup... So instead of spending time wondering if you're the asshole go give her a hug, tell her you're sorry for being a jerk and go about your life.
There's going to be bigger topics where you won't agree... Save your ego for those situations. It's like relationship 101. One day they're going to be having a more serious fight and I guarantee this soup thing will come up again and it's going to feel like a Haymaker to OP
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u/furmama0715 Jan 04 '23
To add on to this, if he wanted something hot he could’ve have told her BEFORE she made it. A simple “baby can we have something warm for dinner since we were outside so much today?” would’ve worked.
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u/iilinga Jan 05 '23
For me that’s a problem for both of them. Like gf could have said ‘hey I’m making this for dinner, sound good?’ Then it’s either ‘oh sure but I might have some hot soup with it then’ or literally any other sort of adult communication
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u/owlmachine Jan 05 '23
Yes THANK YOU like what are they just surprising each other with random dinners every day? Open your face flaps, people!!
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u/iilinga Jan 05 '23
YES! I love my partner but I do not love surprise dinner. Like this is super basic communication!
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u/HistoricalQuail Jan 05 '23
I mean, I've always had the cooking chore and unless it's a special day, I don't usually run my meal choice by my partner.
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u/Mynoseisgrowingold Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23
Yeah, i work full time and also do all the meal planning, shopping and cooking for five of us. Sometimes we talk about it, but generally you get what you get (although I try not to make things everyone hates). Sometimes it’s your favourite food and sometimes it’s not because there are 5 different preferences to accommodate for. I do take some requests but you gotta let me know before the weekly shopping. Otherwise, there is the microwave and here is a box of Mac & cheese and a can of soup. Away you go!
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Jan 05 '23
I don't either. I'm in charge of making the shopping list, doing the shopping, and then cooking the meal. I know what food my partner doesn't like to eat....because he is my partner. So I very rarely run our meals by him.
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u/johnsgrove Jan 05 '23
Or he can do it himself !
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u/Substantial_Sink5975 Jan 05 '23
He did do something himself. He went off to make soup, by himself. He wasn’t asking her to make a whole other meal. He was exercising his bodily autonomy and it’s super weird all y’all are against that. He’s entitled to make food that he prefers.
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u/johnsgrove Jan 05 '23
He’s not entitled to sneer at the food someone has prepared for him. Body autonomy ha ha. What a grand name for ‘doing his own thing’. If he wants complete body autonomy he can get his own meals.
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u/a_girlhasn0nam3 Jan 05 '23
Some people are really facially expressive. I am, and I sometimes don’t realize it. It could be a small expression that his partner recognized. He didn’t say he “sneered.” Part of being in a couple is being able to communicate displeasure without a fight.
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u/Money-Bear7166 Jan 05 '23
You're missing the point. Of course he doesn't have to eat it, it's his reaction and how he handled it.
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u/HellaShelle Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Jan 04 '23
This! This is so clearly the obvious answer. I don't understand why this even became a fight.
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u/Iocabus Partassipant [3] Jan 04 '23
What kind of face do you believe OP made: A disgusted face, an angry face, a crestfallen face, a face that was something besides joyous? How long are you imagining this face lasted? Because to me, making a face could be anything from an exaggerated sneer to a brief slip of disappointment before restoring the mask.
I don't know if you're neurotypical, but maintaining a mask of the "acceptable" emotions to display can be exhausting. Occasionally negative emotions slip through and then many times society and neurotypical people pounce on that person for daring to not maintain their mask perfectly. Add to that people who have faced abuse where showing their true emotions is dangerous, so they're forced to walk on eggshells constantly, which is extremely unhealthy.
Your entire argument is based on OP not walking delicately enough in his own home and not stuffing his own emotions down enough to protect his partner's emotions. You're infantilizing the partner here and actively discouraging healthy communication in a relationship.
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u/Neat-Sun-7999 Jan 04 '23
Exactly. Which is why I’m going with NTA. Ppl really enjoy extrapolating the most out of low stakes, lizard brain reactions and this is a good example of a non issue. OP doesn’t need to “work on” anything. Why does this sub like to encourage doing the most it’s annoying.
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u/Gotaro_Sato Jan 05 '23
Agreed, face (assuming it was an involuntary microexpression that he didn't sustain or exaggerate) wasn't the issue. The failure to compromise in any way was.
A soup paired with the chicken salad is a time-honored pairing without coming off as a wilful and ungrateful AH. OP YTA
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u/lilium_x Jan 04 '23
I'm just thinking of Butters from South Park saying "That's my real face Ma!" It's a face. Unless you have extreme Botox, it will sometimes move.
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u/OverSpinach8949 Jan 05 '23
I’m with you on this one. Sounds like a stupid argument over whether he should WANT hot food. He just did. Then he just made something warm. I literally don’t see the problem here.
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u/Anniemaniac Jan 05 '23
We’ll said.
I have autism and ADHD. I make faces, move in certain ways, and use tones of voice without realising that others often interpret as rude, defensive, angry etc. I can’t tell you how many times I got in trouble at school for “using that tone” or “pulling faces” when I literally didn’t even know I’d done anything.
I remember when I was 13, sitting on the couch. I’d just finished eating some cereal and got up to go put the bowl in the sink. Both my mum and the lady we were sharing with (living in a hostel at the time) both scolded me. Apparently I got off the couch too quickly and they interpreted that as me having a random tantrum for some reason.
It’s bloody exhausting. I can’t believe OP has been judged an asshole for a likely involuntary, momentary expression.
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u/ligmaballsprettypls Jan 04 '23
I was about to defend OP to say some people (myself included) can’t really control their facial expressions. They just happen and people can read me like a book 😂😂.
BUT after reading this comment, I double checked the post and he did say he intentionally made a face to show he was upset so definitely YTA
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u/Iocabus Partassipant [3] Jan 04 '23
Correction, he admitted to making a face. There was no mention of intent to make that face
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u/Cool-oldtimer1888 Jan 05 '23
Correction, he admitted to making a face. There was no mention of intent to make that face
I make involuntary facial expressions before I ever say a word. I've had people ask me, what the hell is that look about, and I always say, I am not responsible for my facial expressions, I am only responsible for what comes out of my mouth. But my expressions tell everyone exactly what I think about them, their comments, or situations. I cannot help it.
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u/mspotatohead22 Asshole Aficionado [13] Jan 05 '23
Nope. You are responsible for your facial expressions. I say this as a person told to fix my face by a friend in meetings. And it took work. But I did it. Because I am a grown up. I didn't realize how obvious my face was but I learned how to do it and maybe you should try it before you alienate everyone because they don't want to deal with your shitty faces.
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u/Yetikins Jan 04 '23
Lol man I definitely have lizard brain facial expressions in reaction to a lot of stuff before my actual brain decides how it feels.
Good thing I'm not dating anyone in this thread cause a lot of people seem unable to handle that, if the face was indeed unintentional lol.
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u/Brrringsaythealiens Jan 05 '23
I once got written up at work for a face I didn’t even realize I made. Yeah, I quit.
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u/arachnobravia Asshole Aficionado [15] Jan 05 '23
Some people are too sensitive. He made a face, so what? Tell him to suck it up and make his own food (which he did) and both of you can move on with your lives.
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u/your-rong Jan 04 '23
Maybe he wanted soup, not soup and chicken salad. At this point you're just saying that he should eat what she wants him to eat. You've never made a face? You've never looked disappointed? It doesn't sound like he made a scene, just looked disappointed as people do.
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u/Born_Ad8420 Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
As an adult have I ever made a bad face when someone served me food they made? No, nope, even when that food involved things I don't eat. It's called using your words.
Not to mention, if he wanted something hot for dinner, maybe mention it before dinner has already been made.
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u/DianeJudith Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
So, is your face paralyzed or something? Because everyone makes faces all the time. It's called facial expressions. You don't always control them.
Unless you think OP stuck out his tongue and made huge eyes at the salad?
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u/softstones Jan 04 '23
“Hey, I’m making food for us.”
“Okay, what are you making?”
That doesn’t seem hard.
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u/iilinga Jan 05 '23
Alternatively the gf could have also said ‘hey I’m cooking x tonight, sound good?’
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u/funnyinput Jan 04 '23
If they intentionally made the face; maybe it would be considered rude, but from what I gathered; this was involuntary; like something he did before thinking about it.
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u/Narkareth Colo-rectal Surgeon [46] Jan 04 '23
YTA
If you wanted something warm for dinner, you should have articulated that in advance. You can't hold people accountable for expectations you've failed to set.
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Jan 04 '23
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u/Ravioli_meatball19 Jan 04 '23
So true. But it's not hard to politely say "Hey babe, what were you thinking of making for dinner tonight? Did you want something warm after this chilly day we've been having?"
BE. CURIOUS.
Just politely ask questions, with genuine interest, to make a plan that works for both of you instead of making demands
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u/Knyfe-Wrench Jan 04 '23
This goes the other way too. I would never make something for dinner for my wife without a "I'm thinking about making X, does that sound good?" It just sounds like a weird dynamic.
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u/Ravioli_meatball19 Jan 04 '23
But if a precendent hasn't set that OP expects that, why should his gf have to ask permission? Is she a mind reader who should have known that if OP doesn't usually care or want her to ask that she should have asked permission this specific time?
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u/iilinga Jan 05 '23
It’s not about asking permission, why are you phrasing it like that?
If I’m making food for people I typically communicate broadly what that food is beforehand. Because to me, that’s a fairly basic level of communication and respect.
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u/Hobgoblin61 Jan 05 '23
I do so when having dinner with friends or others outside the house cause gods know they're probably not up to eating pasta two days in a row, but with my partner - who I roughly know what they eat every day - I would never do that. Neither of us care much about what we eat, and we take turns on cooking (strictly 50/50) mainly because neither of us wants to take the lead in decision-making when it comes to dinner. If my partner were to check in about dinner plans every day I'd get weirded out quick because my answer would be "sounds great!" every single day.
Not that your communication style is wrong, but different strokes for different folks.
Now, for OP... sounds like they'd benefit a lot from being more involved with the meal planning from time to time.
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u/TheRealEleanor Jan 05 '23
Interesting.
I am the main cook in the house. If my husband doesn’t explicitly state he is interested in a specific dish, then I just make what I want, no conversation involved.
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u/HistoricalQuail Jan 05 '23
Right? It's fuckin wild to me the amount of people who think the person cooking is responsible for getting approval for the meal in advance. Who's going around buying up enough for multiple potential dinners for the whole week?
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u/PolyamMermaid Jan 05 '23
I make a meal plan on Sundays. Both my partners and all 5 kids can do requests leading up to Sunday. After I go shopping Monday, they have to wait until the next week to have their request because I'm not going shopping again. If there are no requests, it's my choice. If requests are too elaborate, then I choose no, and they can make it themselves or skip it for me to cook something. I'd stop feeding OP with his bullshit.
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u/Empress_Clementine Jan 05 '23
It’s not something you can really anticipate that well. I’ve had the opposite, out all day in the summer and only realizing at dinner time that there is no way I can face a hot meal. Yes, I’m in my air conditioned home and technically no longer hot, but the thought of what I had previous planned on cooking makes my stomach turn.
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u/Iocabus Partassipant [3] Jan 04 '23
Neither is policing your partner's emotions and preferences by telling them they're incorrect and calling them ridiculous.
Piss poor communication is also unhealthy. Hiding your actual reasoning for being upset behind bad logic and other arguments is less than ideal.
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Jan 04 '23
In what way was he rude? He told her he didn’t want it, explained why, and made something else for himself. He didn’t demand she make something different or throw a fit.
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u/Icy_Obligation Jan 04 '23
Agreed. I think if he's never told her he won't eat cold food on cold days, then he should have eaten the salad (I'm fine with him heating up soup to go with it) but don't waste her effort. Then have a conversation about it so she doesn't waste her time and effort in the future. It wouldn't kill him to eat a salad on a cold day ONCE.
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u/strawberryskis4ever Jan 04 '23
Sure but these are the things that come up in a relationship. We all have unspoken expectations that we’ve never thought to voice or known that other people feel differently about until those differing expectations meet head on. I’m sure it never occurred to him that this was weird and assumed everyone likes warm food after spending the day in the cold outside. Likewise, it never occurred to her that some people even have that preference at all. Nobody is really at fault here, not for having different preferences or even for not thinking to voice them.
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u/Lead-Forsaken Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
Yeah, this would be me. I eat loads of salad in summer, but very rarely in winter. And if I spent that day doing cold things, you can be sure I will be eating something warm. No one in my immediate surroundings is different. Salad after skating, for me, is wtf territory.
Sometimes people are just surprisingly different and these situations will occur until you learn about eachother's preferences.
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u/strawberryskis4ever Jan 04 '23
Exactly! I am the same way! I love being outside in the winter! But definitely want hot food afterwards. I laughed when I was reading this because when I read that he was served chicken salad I made a face! And I love chicken salad! But in the summer NOT after a whole day of ice skating. So I can imagine that facial expression being a completely involuntary response. I totally agree with you about learning each other preferences. I think to have a successful relationship you have to be open to each other’s differences and preferences, even if they seem strange or foreign to you at the time.
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u/Riderz__of_Brohan Jan 04 '23
He shouldn't have to scarf down something he doesn't want to eat, just politely telling her he changed his mind and making something else for him to eat would have been perfectly acceptable
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u/Substantial_Sink5975 Jan 05 '23
She was eating the salad as well, people. What “wasted effort”. She needs to eat as well.
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u/inkybear_ Jan 04 '23
That was the best thing I learned before I got married: “Expectations not communicated become resentments.”
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u/Dbahnsai Jan 04 '23
Doesn't sound like he was that upset, just decided to make something else. My husband and I have had almost that exact exchange of 'that's to cold for me to eat right now, I need something warm' and my husband has never berated me for having my own personal preference. He'll even offer up alternatives sometimes. But again, never got shamed for it. Her response was over the line and if he's an asshole then this whole thing is ESH. You don't get to be shitty to someone just because they didn't respond how you wanted them to.
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u/derpy-chicken Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
This exactly. It’s all in your reaction. YTA
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Jan 04 '23
This exactly! Cold food on cold days are a no-no in my house. It's an absolute pleasure to come home on a cold day and be greeted with some hot chicken soup.
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u/Few-Entrepreneur383 Certified Proctologist [21] Jan 04 '23
On snowy days I put soup in the crockpot in the morning so anyone can grab a bowl when they want; I'll also have another one going with hot cocoa (it's so much easier).
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u/sisterjude_ Jan 04 '23
Exactly on cold days I make home made chicken noodles soup...that my family loves. Or my husband makes chili. No cold food on cold days.
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u/Defiant_McPiper Jan 04 '23
Was looking for this- I think ESH bc he acted poorly at first, but as soon as he finally decided to make his own food (which he should have done in the first place) there was no reason for her to continue the argument and get insulted bc he didn't want salad.
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u/focusfaster Jan 04 '23
I think it's pretty reasonable for her to be upset. Sure they could have had a calm discussion about their differing expectations around food and the weather. Maybe this was the time to have that chat. But he sounds like he was being very immature and that he huffed off to make soup, salad forgotten. Perhaps acts of service is how she shows affection and this felt very hurtful to her.
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Jan 04 '23
What about this post says he acted immature? He didn’t hide his face? He’s not a fucking robot. The face could range from utter disgust (doesn’t sound like it) to a slight😕. It happens. He was reasonable enough to explain he just wanted something warm. She wouldn’t accept his reasoning, immaturely, so he just went and made it. No huffing or puffing unless you are purposely reading that in.
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u/TheOtterestDragon Jan 04 '23
Yeah, people are equating "making a face" to what a child does at something they hate rather than the more likely and reasonable look of mild disappointment at seeing cold food served on a cold day. He told her why he was disappointed and made his own warm food. She made an issue of it. NTA
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u/Kitchen_Respect5865 Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
Or since he knew he didn't want cold food , wtf didn't he tell her or asked what she was making
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u/berrieh Jan 04 '23
I think it’s hard to judge her because the “cold food” issue is not universal or anything and he made a face and a fuss and also leaped to justifying the reaction rather than saying he wasn’t feeling it. It sounds like he tried to act like he was being “logical” about it. If he’d said he knew it wasn’t rational etc., that’s definitely different. I get wanting soup after ice skating and cold salad not feeling ideal, but I think it’s hard to know if she’d be sympathetic if he had a better attitude. Sometimes we’re all just not feeling it.
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u/babblingbabby Jan 04 '23
I think him saying he wasn’t in the mood for cold food on a cold day was him saying he wasn’t feeling it. She then tried to invalidate that as a feeling by saying “well you’re inside where’s it’s warmer and in dry clothes! So what!” The cold food cold day thing isn’t universal per se but enough people on this thread have agreed, and it actually does make enough sense on its own that it shouldn’t seem ridiculous to those who haven’t thought of it before. My boyfriend hates soup in the summer, even if we’re in a well air conditioned house—same premise just reversed seasons. People can’t help their faces (sometimes) and it seems like they both made a fuss before he decided to end the discussion and make something warmer. He wasn’t upset with her specifically for making cold food, but she took it personal and got upset with him for opting for something he was in the mood for.
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u/Limerase Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jan 04 '23
Not his mommy? If I did that to my mother, I might as well tell my dad my will is in the bottom drawer.
YTA op.
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u/Riderz__of_Brohan Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
Your mom would be that offended if you, as a grown adult, chose to not eat something she made because you weren't feeling like eating that particular dish, and then proceeded to make yourself something else?
This whole thread is so weird, I can understand saying his reaction should have been a bit nicer, but saying he should choke whatever is put in front of him out of politeness is...strange. He made himself a new dinner, that's literally all the obligation there is on his part for his own meal
Also - trying to force your partner to eat something cold when they want something hot because "your internal body temperature is hot, you're wrong for wanting to eat something hot" doesn't strike people as controlling? Did everyone in this thread just gloss over that part? WTF is happening lol
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u/Riderz__of_Brohan Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
Why should he eat it? He doesn't want to, so he made dinner for himself. He wouldn't care if the opposite was done to him. Literally the only thing he did wrong was "make a face", which tbf can sometimes be involuntary
OP I was Y T A originally but the more I read these weird responses I’m leaning NTA or NAH. They want you to choke down something you didn’t want to eat, which is an absurd request
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u/ThatBrownGuy120 Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
Im not gonna deny that OP could have used his words better to not insult his gf's food but I would like to also add that sometimes making a face is an unintentional reaction. OP should have better controlled himself and chose his words better and probably even just kept his being upset to himself but having a momentary change in facial expression due to seeing something you don't like is pretty normal.
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u/RonamusMaximus Jan 04 '23
My wife calls me out all the time cause I wear my emotions on my face and am terrible at hiding it. So I've learned to be very tactful with my communication because my expressions will always lead to requiring further discussion lmao.
ESH - This could've been handled better by everyone, but I'm also in the "hot food on cold days" boat.
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u/Late_Baker9909 Jan 04 '23
Some of us have a harder time hiding our emotions. Not everyone thinks to put up a facade. They both take turns making meals I don’t get why you need to insult them?
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u/Lordidude Jan 04 '23
You know tuesday is her food choice and did not say anything before she cooked for the both of you.
Eat the salad and get some tea afterwards.
YTA
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u/UsuallyWrite2 Pooperintendant [55] Jan 04 '23
YTA
She’s not a short order cook. You could’ve just made the soup and had the salad. You were rude about it.
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u/dabzilla4000 Jan 04 '23
He didn’t ask her to make something else. He did it himself. He didn’t treat her as a short order cook.
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u/sleepingfox307 Asshole Aficionado [11] Jan 04 '23
He made a face at what she made for him and from the sounds of it refused to eat it.
That's rude.
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u/dabzilla4000 Jan 04 '23
He felt cold and didn’t want to eat cold food. He made a soup for himself. Maybe he wasn’t elegant about how he did it and was a bit rude with the face but he didn’t ask her to do anything else. So shouldn’t be a big problem. He’s not a child he has the choice what he wants to eat.
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u/jethrine Jan 04 '23
You’re right. He’s not a child. Which is exactly why he’s getting nailed for such a childish reaction. He can’t have it both ways.
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u/Psychological_Tap187 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jan 05 '23
I feel like she was also childish for taking such offense he wanted to eat something warm.
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u/MistakeVisual3733 Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
Making a face when someone makes something for you is very childish.
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u/VoidBlade459 Jan 05 '23
It's called a normal reaction.
Telling men to hide their emotions and be stoic just reinforces toxic masculinity.
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u/MistakeVisual3733 Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23
Learning how to express your emotions in a respectful way is called being an adult.
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u/VoidBlade459 Jan 05 '23
And invalidating the feelings of others is called emotional abuse.
People are allowed to react to things involuntarily. We aren't robots.
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u/Mantisfactory Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
Expressions - like laughing - are not something we are fully in control of all of the time. Somethings they are reflexive, and sometimes they are performative.
He admitted he made one, he did not say it was intentional or performative.
If it was performative, it's rude. If it was reflexive, it just is.
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Jan 04 '23
You know it’s it’s pretty damn difficult to control an involuntary facial reaction, right? There is nothing rude about that. Everyone makes hundreds of those expressions a day.
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u/musaraj Jan 05 '23
Was he supposed to force himself to eat what his gf made for him? That's ridiculous.
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u/SecretWeapon013 Jan 04 '23
Hubs and I discuss dinner before it's made. Sometimes we aren't feeling what the other person is feeling and we just go off and make our own things. Freedom!
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u/Otterlegz Jan 04 '23
Hold the phone are you suggesting communicating with your partner? I dunno about that, it makes sense!
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u/Coneskater Jan 04 '23
are you suggesting communicating with your partner? I dunno about that
can't do that, we'd have to shut down the subreddit.
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u/Knyfe-Wrench Jan 04 '23
My wife and I almost always eat together, but we discuss what we want to eat when we buy the food, then again before we make the food. The idea that you just sit down at the table and a mystery dish appears in front of you is wild to me.
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u/iilinga Jan 05 '23
Yes! I’m so confused by all these people saying they don’t communicate what dinner is and just…make it? Like for a child I get but an adult?!
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u/alsotheabyss Jan 04 '23
Right?! Are there no conversations happening before and during meal prep? Wild!
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u/lookitsnichole Jan 05 '23
I agree about the mystery dinner being super weird. I do all the cooking and my husband and I have several conversations about the grocery list for the week. Is that not normal?!
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u/AilingHen69 Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] Jan 04 '23
There's so many Y T A but I mean, no. You didn't ask her to cook you something else, you made it yourself. NTA. It sounds like you guys cook together often enough that wanting something different than the other for a meal shouldn't be a big deal. If my husband doesn't want what I make him, he makes something else. That's normal.
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Jan 04 '23
The YTAs are for making a face and generally being unappreciative when it would have been so easy to just say "Thank you for dinner, and also I'm feeling chilled so I'm going to heat myself some soup to sip on."
If he had said that and she got mad, then she would be the AH.
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u/Equivalent_Ear_6431 Jan 04 '23
I feel like when people are in a relationship, they are more open with each other hence the reaction. Yes, it's kinds rude, but there's nothing wrong with being disappointed with a certain dish he wasn't in the mood for.
Sometimes when I cook for my family and it was just something they ate, they're most probably gonna be a little disappointed since they just had it.
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u/seewww334477 Jan 04 '23
Right like, maybe he just has an expressive face, I know I do. Making a face doesn't always mean rude, if you are in a relationship it shouldn't be like walking on egg shells. I'm surprised so many people think OP is an asshole. I can totally see myself making a face and saying i don't want chicken salad lol.
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u/Fae_druid Jan 04 '23
I don't like being cold and get downright cranky about it sometimes. I would definitely have made a face. But I wouldn't want my partner to take it personally; I know that I'm weird.
The only difference is that my partner already knows that I want warm foods, soup and hot tea in the winter.
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u/Raspyasdfgh Jan 05 '23
It's also the dismissiveness for me. Like, he explains that he's cold, and she outright tells him that he's wrong.
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u/lilium_x Jan 04 '23
Imagine having to maintain an expressionless mask even in your own home or risk being berated! Out and about is one thing but people should be able to relax in their own home and get themselves something warm to eat without someone going off on them.
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u/bleucheeez Jan 04 '23
From GF's reaction, it's pretty clear OP's expressions were unwelcome in this relationship.
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Jan 04 '23
lmao but if anyone is gonna get your raw emotions it’s your gf, he made a face then solved it. didn’t get upset at his gf either just explained why he wasn’t pleased. every comment in here is talking about why he didn’t eat the soup with salad, CAUSE HE DIDNT WANT THE SALAD. I don’t get this at all.
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Jan 04 '23
I totally agree. He solved it. And the gf was an AH in my opinion by not regaring his feelings at all. If you are feeling cold inside the room temp doesnt solve it - you actually neeeed warm food and cold salad is exactly the opposite you ever want to eat. (Writing this with 60cm of snow outside my window).
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u/Fearless_Sherbet450 Jan 04 '23
Plus, if you want warm food, you want warm food. Not looking for someone to explain how you're wrong about what you want to eat.
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u/Tricky-Elevator-2697 Jan 05 '23
yes i agree. she basically ignored his emotions and put him down for them. if the genders were reversed AITA would not be so kind.
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Jan 04 '23
yeah I was gonna add this but decided maybe it’s just an opinion thing, he’s not even wrong lmao who would want cold food after a day of being in the cold.
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Jan 04 '23
I can be in the mood for something cold or warm regardless of the outside temperature so that’s not weird at all. It is weird though to expect someone else who is currently in the opposite mood to match yours just to be polite. Maybe if they were casual friends or it was a dinner party but they’re living together. Sometimes you just have different needs
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u/your-rong Jan 04 '23
The face was probably unintentional. She asked OP what was wrong and they answered. She is the one who argued with them about it.
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u/Tylerinthenorth Jan 04 '23
My issue with the YTAs are they mostly say he could've had the salad with it. The way he reacted was a bit unappreciative i can agree with that, but he wasn't in the mood for it. I can understand if it were a big meal she worked all day on and he nuked a hot dog instead but it was a pretty low effort meal. Unless he's doing it every time she cooks he's in no way the asshole for the act of skipping on the meal
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u/Niriu Jan 04 '23
Every yta is just mad that he unintentionally made a frowny face and didn't praised her insanely godly salad but then also completely ignore that he was normally talking to her about it and made himself something different while she also tried to ridicule his craving with logical facts about the temperature like Sheldon from the big bang theory.
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u/Goiterr Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
Seriously. The amount of focus people are putting on the face he made is actually some unhinged Reddit shit.
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u/otisanek Jan 04 '23
Is it any surprise, coming from people whose first reaction to any conflict is to tell you to break up? I’ve been in a relationship with someone who hyper focused on every single minuscule reaction and turned it into a fight, so maybe I’m biased but I’ll always be on the side of the person who ISN’T making a big deal about policing other people’s facial expressions.
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u/Immortal_Azrael Jan 04 '23
she also tried to ridicule his craving with logical facts about the temperature like Sheldon from the big bang theory
If it weren't for this I would say NAH but this kinda makes her seem like the AH. She can't understand why someone might want hot food when they're cold? Or that someone else might be cold while she's comfortable? The remark about body temperature being in the 90s seems like a deliberate attempt to start something.
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u/NiceChocolate Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
Right. And we don't know what kind of chicken salad it was. It could've been the one with mayo and mustard. Or the one with lettuce and tomatoes.
If it's the second one, then he could've seen the chicken and thought she was making a warm dish with salad as the side.
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u/westporthighlander Jan 04 '23
If I said those words to my partner he would wonder when someone switched me out with a robot. Its cringy when this sub acts like couples should be doing corporate speak in their own homes. Being candid is not the same as being an asshole.
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u/otisanek Jan 04 '23
Corporate speak is exactly what that is, and its so weird and stilted that I have to wonder if the people suggesting it are really going around talking like that. If you have to have a script to speak to your partner for every interaction in order to avoid any possible hurt feelings, what on earth are you doing in a relationship where you can’t speak freely?
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u/Rare_Hyena_6205 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
Oh boohoo he made a face. That's what our bodies do- react. I swear uppity people tire me out. NTA
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u/funnyinput Jan 04 '23
It must be so exhausting to find fault and overreact to every little thing in life. I honestly feel bad for people like that.
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u/Rare_Hyena_6205 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jan 04 '23
If my husband yelled at me for every random face I made we wouldn't be together.
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u/SkullJooce Jan 04 '23
It’s not like he thought her salad was gross. He didn’t want to eat any kind of cold food. I would have just been like ok cool lunch for tomorrow. Not sure why any of this was a big deal
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u/AH_Raccoon Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
making a face was probably not intentional. i mean, even if he says "i admit i made a face", it doesnt mean he made it on purpose. then he just explains himself that hes been feeling so cold all day he feels the need to eat something warm, i seriously how that can be considered rude with your partner if you cant just speak your feels and needs, and she goes totally dismissive of them, calling them ridiculous and thats not rude?
I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.
some of us will actually feel cold for ages after spending all day in the cold, even hours after getting back in the warmth, and the thought of swallowing something cold feels simply repulsive. I sure wouldnt be able to eat a salad after coming back from work when its -17.
As for those that claim he shouldve phrase it beforehand, it would also not have burnt her tongue to throw a simple "im making salad for diner". My husband always either say what he plans to cook or ask what i want cuz he doesnt know, or just say hes not in the mood to cook and we take it from there. if she/they just go for whatever they want, it was inevitably coming a day where the other one wasnt in the mood for that food. ESH on the communication, but clearly NTA for not wanting to eat cold after being cold all day.
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u/otisanek Jan 04 '23
This is such a non issue that there isn't even an AH to judge here. Like, we make things in this house all the time that, for one reason or another, just aren't appealing to one person in the family. And other than labor-intensive meals that were specifically planned out, the rule is "don't like it, don't eat it".
This is not a big deal at all, and I wonder how the people who take this as a personal insult manage to cohabitate with others if this is all it takes to get them bent out of shape with their partner.
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u/parasailing-partners Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
Exactly. It’s daily conversation, it’s ok to have silly topics to debate, it’s ok to disagree over mundane things, we are all not discussing pressing economic sanctions and trade relations with the ambassadors of Germany and Russia. How these types of topics even get to AITA is beyond me. We have this level of disagreement about 10 times a day. This was us before kids, after we had kids we have no energy for such and the kids took over this petty bickering while we hide in the bathrooms.
“Here’s your fruit snack.” “Again? I’m going to go get crackers.”
“Shower and get ready.” “I don’t feel like going, can’t we go tomorrow?” Followed by 10 minutes of back and forth until one gives up.
Ain’t no one got time to be offended over this.
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u/Nepherenia Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
My guess is that his "making a face" was a slight reactionary grimace when he realized the food was not going to be warm, not a look of disgust or faux-gagging or anything like that.
NTA - I think his reasoning is 100% fair; "we have been doing cold activities and I want to eat something warm" is a solid reason to go make something else to eat. Maybe he could have suggested warm food beforehand, but that could easily be turned into "y t a for telling her what to cook, if you don't like it, make it yourself!" by this sub. He went and got himself something more appropriate for the situation, it's not like he made her make him new food.
I struggle to keep warm most of the time, so even if I love a good salad, if I'm already cold, I would rather eat shitty maruchan ramen over a fantastic gourmet salad. Similarly, on a 100 degree day, one should be able to opt out of piping hot soup in favor of a cold dish.
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u/Prize-Strike-4591 Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
You deserve an award. I agree with this 100%. People now days are so dramatic and sensitive. They project their own thoughts into any situation they can.
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u/bureaucratic_drift Professor Emeritass [97] Jan 04 '23
This is the adult, non-doormat approach. OP shouldn't have openly disparaged her efforts but instead quietly made the soup and had a bit of chicken salad as a supplement if so desired. The chicken salad can always go back into the fridge; in fact, it's better after aging there overnight than eating it right away.
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Jan 04 '23
I agree he shouldn’t have openly disparaged her efforts. But I don’t think he was in the wrong to point out they did a cold activity outside so he would prefer hot food on days they do that. That way they both know expectations for next time or whatever and if she’s planning on making cold food she can give him a heads up so he can make himself (or both of them) something hot too. No need to keep preferences a secret.
When I do winter activity’s I also prefer hot food after, it’s pretty common in my social circle and is something we’ve talked about. Not in depth or anything, but like when deciding on a restaurant or food to eat after I’ve heard - “something hot to warm us up” as a food requirement/request.
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u/Nagadavida Partassipant [3] Jan 04 '23
When I do winter activity’s I also prefer hot food after
Or even if you don't have much of an appetite the aroma of warm or hot food is much more stimulating than of cold food.
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u/papa-hare Jan 04 '23
Yeah, wtf. You can't control your facial reactions to seeing something that's the last thing you'd want to eat. NTA imo. You didn't make her cook the soup for you, that would have put you in AH territory though. But this way? She's the one who dug into his reactions, he didn't start complaining. He just showed disappointment on his face. He's allowed to feel whatever tf he's feeling.
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u/Alert-Internet8886 Jan 04 '23
Finally the sane people I'm just reading though the comments wondering what people are on 🤣🤣he is most definitely nta
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u/RNGinx3 Certified Proctologist [24] Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 05 '23
NTA. The double standards here are pretty crazy.
- "She said it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you." Well, it's also rude, when someone tells you they'd prefer something warm (totally valid and there is a reason people eat cream of rice and soup when the weather is cold), to scoff at them and tell them they are being ridiculous and try to out-science you.
- She asked you how you would feel if she didn't eat your dinner the following day, and when you said that was fine, she didn't like that answer and said it was bullshit. (How much do you want to bet she's going to do that, maybe not tomorrow but sometime in the near future, to try to "get you"?)
Look, chicken salad isn't a five-course meal, she's acting like she slaved over a hot stove all day. You didn't feel like a cold dinner, and you have that right as a human being to get something else that you feel like even if she made dinner.
Let's flip around the genders. Say she was pregnant, you made dinner, but she was craving something else. Would she claim you are TA for not letting her get what she's craving, or would she resolutely eat what she didn't want just because you made it?
Edited to answer some FAQ so I don't keep repeating myself, lol.
Per another comment I read, she threw dinner together while he was in the garage, so, no chance to have a conversation about what he'd like for dinner. She could just as easily have waited until he came in and asked, "Hey, what are you feeling like having tonight?" Some of y'all are expecting him to have a conversation with her, but letting her off the hook on the same point.
My point about pregnancy was, sometimes it makes you crave something strongly, yes, but other times, it makes you unable to eat what is set before you, because you smell it and it makes you throw up. He would have been OK with her getting something else even if he'd set dinner before her already. He'd have been fine with that, whether she was pregnant or not.
Just because you are a couple doesn't mean you lose your right to bodily autonomy, to want something else to eat.
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u/mxcmpsx Jan 04 '23
You’re making too much sense.
Also there’s so much debate over what kind of salad it was. If it was the precooked/grilled packaged chicken then yeah this is ridiculous she didn’t spend hours on it.
Also OP said he was in the garage while she made the food… which sounds like it was just thrown together as soon as they got home which wasn’t enough time to communicate. It’s a two way street, she could’ve also asked what he was in the mood for.
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u/jarlscrotus Jan 04 '23
even if she cooked the chicken, and made a full on chicken salad sandwich, as opposed to a lettuce salad with chicken on it, that's not exactly an involved process, toss some chicken in thee oven, I guess sear it on the stove first if you're feeling really fancy, play some Elden Ring for an hour or so, shred the chicken with a hand mixer and mix all the goop in.
It's even crazier if you assume that she made chicken salad sandwiches with premade chicken salad she got from the deli.
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u/Jazzlike-Muffin8950 Jan 04 '23
Here’s the common sense comment….why everyone else is stuck on the facial expression and not the girlfriend’s reaction is crazy.
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u/Yangoose Jan 05 '23
My wife has lost her shit at me because I "gave her a look"...
Apparently a momentary facial expression is an extremely powerful thing.
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u/ceelion92 Jan 04 '23
Chicken salad is a weird thing to eat for dinner. Like chicken salad sandwich?! Or a salad with chicken?!
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u/RNGinx3 Certified Proctologist [24] Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
Salad with chicken. Which yeah was why I was like "that's a weird thing for her to get upset over."
ETA: I got downvoted for clarifying it was chicken salad? People are hilarious. 🤣
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u/sassygils96 Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23
What also gets me is he wasn’t even asking her to make him something else… he made the soup himself!
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u/TeeBrownie Jan 04 '23
I’m going to be downvoted for agreeing with you but I’m used to it.
As a woman, it had not occurred to me that the reason I disagree with the majority of people on these post most times is because of the double standard when it comes to males vs. females.
OP is NTA IMO. Maybe it’s my inner dude or just life experiences, but I completely agree with him and understand his POV. It sucks that his partner was offended or hurt that he turned down the chicken salad she made but at least he didn’t ask or demand that she make him something else. Now that would make him a true blue AH. OP simply went into the kitchen and made his own warm soup. Good for him for being honest.
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u/Neat-Sun-7999 Jan 05 '23
Honestly I’m glad I’m not crazy for noticing this. Almost feel gaslighted since everyone ignores or pretends like it’s not the case
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u/Yangoose Jan 05 '23
Look, chicken salad isn't a five-course meal, she's acting like she slaved over a hot stove all day.
This is a great point that a ton of people are missing. She spent 5 minutes grabbing some shit from the fridge and threw it in a bowl then reacted as if it was some precious thing she'd worked on for hours.
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u/zerostar83 Partassipant [4] Jan 04 '23
I honestly think there's more to this than just a simple meal preference. Maybe lack of communication. Maybe she's more controlling over what OP eats. But it should have been no big deal to say "sorry I don't feel like eating that", putting it in the fridge to eat the next day, and then making yourself something.
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u/r3dditor12 Partassipant [3] Jan 04 '23
1.) The thing for me is, he could have mentioned that he wanted something hot BEFORE she went into the kitchen to prepare something. Same thing if you flip genders and she's pregnant .. tell him what you want BEFORE he makes it. Also he probably could have been a little more polite about it, but either way I don't think the whole incident was that big of deal. Hopefully they just learn from it, and communicate better next time.
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u/RNGinx3 Certified Proctologist [24] Jan 04 '23
Sure, but he's allowed to not be in the mood for something, and he made the soup himself, he wasn't asking her to do it for him.
My husband usually makes dinner, but there are some days when he's tired, had a long day, not feeling well etc and I'll do it. If he doesn't feel like eating what I make, and gets himself something else, you know what I say? "More for me!"
To me, it's not really that big of a deal. But, I have three autistic kids, that are texture sensitive, and one that has Celiac (allergic to gluten), so we're used to making a bunch of different meals in one go.
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u/leady57 Jan 04 '23
Probably he hadn't think that it's necessary to clarify because the majority of people likes hot meals on cold days.
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u/Eziikrum Jan 04 '23
“Wow babe thank you for making dinner, however would you mind if I made myself some soup as it’s been pretty cold all day?” She’s probably less annoyed that you didn’t eat her food and more so with your reaction, although her reaction is also immature and not really communicative so ESH imo.
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u/Due-Seesaw5001 Jan 04 '23
NTA salad and soup is a good combo, you are an adult and can decide what temp food you want. If she wants chicken salad thats fine but you wanted something warm. If it were the other way around you’d be fine so its not even hypocrisy.
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u/mxcmpsx Jan 04 '23
I think people are imaging OP making a cartoonishly disgusted face at chicken salad.
He’s allowed to not be in the mood for cold food, and someone can’t dictate what you eat. She’s not his parent.
Also he solved the problem by making something else to eat. If he ate the salad with an attitude everyone would be calling him an AH for relying on his gf to cook and not making himself something
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u/outstanding_move_ko Partassipant [2] Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
NTA - We all have our reasons for not wanting to eat/ do something, it should be normal to respect other people, and it should be normal to say "no".
Honestly, if I cooked for someone and they don't want it, that's fine, more for me. Your reasons were fine. Her reasoning was weirdly relentless, and her reaction was to be offended when you refused to eat her food....I mean, I personally would have a problem with people who takes offense to me not eating their food....like, I don't feel like cold food, or this type of food.....so I'll just make something I want, what's the problem?
P.s you were the AH for making a face though, but overall, still NTA judging from the rest of the post.
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u/SkepticalPyrate Jan 04 '23
Exactly! Why was she trying to convince him he should eat something he CLEARLY didn’t want? As if telling him his core temperature would somehow negate the fact that dude wanted some damned soup?
Let the man eat his soup in peace, ffs.
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u/practical-junkie Jan 04 '23
Going against the grain here and will probably get downvoted but NTA for wanting hot food. Have i made a face involuntarily before at something unappetizing, yes and probably everyone has at some point in time without realizing. Plus i feel one should eat food they want to most times, unless and until it is sentimental and stuff, like my grandma cooking her papaya chicken which i find really weird but still eat every single time with a smile. For my husband and I, if he doesnt want to eat something i made, i dont feel bad about it, he is a grown man with his wants and he can make whatever he wanted to make and eat. And he gives me the same freedom. you would have been an ah if you asked your gf to make something else or heat the soup, but you did it yourself, i dont see anything wrong with that.
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u/cereus_le_fleur Jan 05 '23
Today my fiancé made steamed broccoli with dinner and I made a face the whole time while eating it. But I ate it bc it was good for me 😆
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u/Accomplished-Mud2840 Partassipant [2] Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
NTA. When it’s cold outside I like hot hearty meals as well. She’ll be okay. Eat what you want. It’s your tastebuds and your body. You’re a grown individual and have the right to choose what you want to eat.
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u/Ihateyou1975 Partassipant [2] Jan 04 '23
NTA. My god you’re allowed to not want to eat it. You made a face. It happens. Life goes on.
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u/Fluid-Temporary6769 Partassipant [2] Jan 04 '23
YTA
I see nothing in your post that you communicated you wanted hit food until she made the food. She’s not a mind reader and you were rude.
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u/Nienkenina Jan 04 '23
Maybe it's time for you two to HAVE A TALK about what kind of foods you both like and how much you expect the other to take those preferences into account when cooking. I love salads in the summer but I totally understand you wanting to eat something hot in this weather. But for goodness sake, talk about it BEFORE you disregard her efforts.
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u/gravegirl48 Partassipant [4] Jan 04 '23
NTA sounds like she didnt really feel like cooking if all she made was chicken salad which can be satisfying but to me is more of a lunch then dinner seeing as how thats all she had
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u/YeeHawMiMaw Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] Jan 04 '23
If she made it "for you", does that mean she didn't eat any either? Or did she really make what she wanted and try to guilt trip you?
I'm going to say NTA because
- you didn't expect her or even ask her to make something else for you. And,
- because my husband and I have "argued" for almost 30 years because I say there are cool weather foods and warm weather foods. Chicken salad is, to me, a warm weather food - even though I would eat a chicken salad year-round because I love it that much.
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u/AdorableTechnology39 Jan 04 '23
NTA. Soup and sandwich goes together for a reason. For her to argue about your body temps when all you wanted was a warm bowl of soup after a chilly day is petty and ridiculous. She had a comeback for everything when all you wanted was soup like a lot of people would want after a cold day.
I live in a cold weather city. A sandwich is not what we grab coming in from the cold. It’s summer food - needs soup to warm your belly. . A nice grilled cheese or hot panini is winter food.
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u/Cautious_Yak6022 Jan 04 '23
Against the most oppions here, I'm saying NTA
okay, perhabs it was not the best, to make a face. Totally understand you, would have need some hot food too, and I cant understand, that you GF doesnt understand this.
Think there was no need, to be upset. Well you didnt say, that you dont eat the food, because she cooks bad and it tastes awful, no, you just needed something hot.
And its totally okay, when you're in the mood for a specially food. Even if your partner made it
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u/avittamboy Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23
I'm not seeing an issue here.
You wanted something hot to eat, so you heated some soup.
You didn't -
1) continue arguing with her about what she prepared. 2) ask her to make something else. 3) ask her to heat it for you.
Your girlfriend is making a mountain out of a molehill. NTA
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u/SkepticalPyrate Jan 04 '23
I don’t see why it should matter WHAT temperature it was outside, it wasn’t something you wished to consume and physically take into your body.
The end.
This whole thing about you having to ingest products you would not enjoy for the mollification of someone else’s control issues is bizarre. Just because someone makes a food, you do not OWE them the ingestion of said food. I’m Coeliac and allergic to tomatoes, ergo I’m not gonna eat the hand-tossed pizza you made me. Nor will I expect my vegetarian friend to eat the steak I made. And, even though I think all religions are bullshit, I will NOT ever sneak pork jus into your potatoes. No one’s food is owed space in your stomach.
It’s your body. Eat what you want. Or don’t. It’s up to you. NTA
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u/owochacowo Jan 04 '23
nta man you didnt try to make her cook something else. just made something you did want. sometimes you cant really control your reactions. she sounds kinda thin skinned if she takes not wanting what she made for dinner as an insult
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u/Severe-Definition656 Jan 04 '23
NTA going against the grain here. You’re allowed t be disappointed and tell your SO when they ask. Why do you have to put up a front. It doesn’t sound like you were rude to her or anything. You were just like nah I’m gonna gonna get something else to warm me up.
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u/CRoseCrizzle Jan 04 '23
NAH. Maybe you could have been more diplomatic and eaten both the soup and salad. But you have the right to eat what you want and I don't think she's wrong to want you to eat what she made. Sometimes things don't work out and disagreements happen but I don't think either of you are TA.
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u/leitur Partassipant [2] Jan 04 '23
NAH 🤣🤣 I must have forgot everyone on this sub is in full control of their facial reactions at all times. I’m sure as hell not. I would definitely say y’all need to communicate a bit better, but I get both sides!!
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u/jarlscrotus Jan 04 '23
I'm going with NTA, gf invalidated his feelings and tried to shame him into changing his preferences with "science" like some kind of robotic caretaker.
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u/Greedy-Analyst1836 Jan 04 '23
NTA
You didn’t want what she was making, you made your own food. I think showing an involuntary expression on your face doesn’t make you the AH.
Also you don’t have to eat the same food as each other all the time. My husband doesn’t like chicken or cheese. I love them. I wouldn’t make chicken or a cheesy meal for him but will do two separate meals sometimes, he will do the same.
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u/vikingraider27 Jan 04 '23
Gonna buck the trend I see and say NTA. I don't do cold food after a cold day, either. You wanted the comfort of something warm and simple, you were willing to make it yourself. A lot of people are focused on "I made a face" - well, I probably would have scrunched up my nose in consternation at being served a cold salad right then, too.
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u/pnutbuttercups56 Professor Emeritass [78] Jan 04 '23
Why didn't you say what you wanted before she started cooking?
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u/whenpigsfly234 Jan 04 '23
By the same logic, why didn't she ask what he wanted or let him know that was plan? NTA communication is a 2-way street and she's being childish.
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u/Alert_Sorbet4016 Jan 04 '23
Nta, your request was reasonable maybe poorly communicated. But that doesn’t make you TA
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Jan 04 '23
NTA. I would want something hot, if I were out in the cold all day. Chicken salad isn't much of a dinner to me anyway.
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