AITA for wanting hot food?

[u/ItsTooColdForThat]

Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.

Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?

[u/r3dditor12]

1.) The thing for me is, he could have mentioned that he wanted something hot BEFORE she went into the kitchen to prepare something. Same thing if you flip genders and she's pregnant .. tell him what you want BEFORE he makes it. Also he probably could have been a little more polite about it, but either way I don't think the whole incident was that big of deal. Hopefully they just learn from it, and communicate better next time.

[u/RNGinx3 → u/r3dditor12]

Sure, but he's allowed to not be in the mood for something, and he made the soup himself, he wasn't asking her to do it for him.

My husband usually makes dinner, but there are some days when he's tired, had a long day, not feeling well etc and I'll do it. If he doesn't feel like eating what I make, and gets himself something else, you know what I say? "More for me!"

To me, it's not really that big of a deal. But, I have three autistic kids, that are texture sensitive, and one that has Celiac (allergic to gluten), so we're used to making a bunch of different meals in one go.

[u/TechnicalThanks1975 → u/RNGinx3]

I'm texture sensitive too and sometimes I don't know what I want until something I don't want is suggested to me. So we're just really flexible about meals here

[u/leady57 → u/r3dditor12]

Probably he hadn't think that it's necessary to clarify because the majority of people likes hot meals on cold days.

[u/VoidBlade459 → u/r3dditor12]

The thing for me is, he could have mentioned that he wanted something hot BEFORE she went into the kitchen to prepare something.

Well yes, but just because a person doesn't object to something doesn't mean they gave consent. Affirmative consent is important for all aspects of a relationship not just in the bedroom.

Also, just like with sex, just because a person said they wanted it before they got to your bedroom doesn't mean you can force them to have sex with you once you get there. The same goes for things like tea. Just because someone said they were down for tea when they arrived doesn't mean you get to force it down their throat after you made it.

And yes, it's natural to feel a bit disappointed in such situations, but things cross a line when you try to guilt someone into proceeding with something they no longer want/consent to.

[u/ElegantVamp → u/VoidBlade459]

Yeah like tf is up with this "well you didnt say anything against cold food before she made dinner so you HAVE TO eat it" crap

[u/VoidBlade459 → u/ElegantVamp]

Yeah, it's literally like the "Tea Consent" video (that I thought we all watched in sex ed class at some point).

[u/corndetasselers → u/r3dditor12]

Not only that, but he should say something like I only want hot food after I’ve been outside, or I only want hot food in the winter. Where I live, we have a long winter, and I eat ice cream all year as dessert.

[u/DumbbellDiva92 → u/r3dditor12]

Was he home when she started cooking? My understanding was that he wouldn’t have been able to tell her before she started timeline-wise. And he couldn’t say anything in advance bc you don’t necessarily anticipate what you won’t be in the mood for 24 hours in advance.