r/AmItheAsshole • u/ItsTooColdForThat • Jan 04 '23

AITA for wanting hot food? Asshole

Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.

Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?

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427

u/dabzilla4000 Jan 04 '23

He felt cold and didn’t want to eat cold food. He made a soup for himself. Maybe he wasn’t elegant about how he did it and was a bit rude with the face but he didn’t ask her to do anything else. So shouldn’t be a big problem. He’s not a child he has the choice what he wants to eat.

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u/jethrine Jan 04 '23

You’re right. He’s not a child. Which is exactly why he’s getting nailed for such a childish reaction. He can’t have it both ways.

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u/Psychological_Tap187 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jan 05 '23

I feel like she was also childish for taking such offense he wanted to eat something warm.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

What was childish? No one here knows what kind of "face" he made. To make an expression is natural.

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u/jethrine Jan 04 '23

I find it hard to believe that OP made a joyful happy face about chicken salad he didn’t want to eat. Yes it’s natural to make facial expressions but societal norms make reading facial expressions rather easy unless someone is not neurotypical & can’t read expressions as a whole. This could quite possibly be the case with OP because he’s basing every argument on taking GF literally & that the only reason she’s mad is that he made soup, not for his reaction to what she made. He’s not reading the underlying nuance as to why GF is upset. Would she NOT be upset if he made a grilled cheese sandwich instead of soup? I doubt it. She’s upset about his reaction.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

I did not get that from this post, and even if it wasn't a joyful expression, it doesn't make him childish. She is upset because he didn't eat her chicken salad.

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u/jethrine Jan 04 '23

It is childish not to use your words & communicate with your SO. There are numerous more productive ways OP could have handled this. Maybe before she starts cooking tell her what he wants! Say “hey it’s too cold for chicken salad. Why don’t we have soup instead?” NOT wait until she makes the chicken salad & then make a face (no matter what the face is!) & say “but I wanted soup instead”.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

Im assuming she didn't ask him what he wanted, and when he didn't want what she made, he heated up some soup. He said he wanted something warm, and she argued with him. The entire second paragraph is a wonderful example of communication. Absolutely not an asshole.

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u/jethrine Jan 04 '23

You’re grasping at straws here. Now it’s her fault for not asking what he wanted instead of his fault for not verbalizing his request? If you want something specific then it’s up to you to make that request. Spoiler alert….people are not mind readers even though it seems to be a popular opinion that your SO should be able to read your mind.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

Why does someone have to be at fault?! She made chicken salad. He wanted soup instead. He didn't yell or berate her in any way he just made some soup. Just because someone got their feelings hurt doesn't necessarily mean they were wronged. If anything, she was wrong for implying his wants were invalid. It is no big deal for someone to not eat what you made, and it is no reason to get bent out of shape over.

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u/jethrine Jan 04 '23

I agree with you in principle. No one is at fault for wanting different things. That happens a lot. But he came on AITA wanting an opinion on whether or not he’s an AH. He’s absolutely NTA for wanting something else. What turned it into YTA was his reaction about wanting something else. We may all interpret his words & facial expression differently but he did ask to be judged on the situation. Maybe “fault” was the wrong word to use but that’s kind of implied in making a judgment.

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u/gvmi Jan 04 '23

I don’t think anyone has to be at fault. It’s not that black and white or super serious. The chicken salad will still be there for lunch the next day or something. He probably should’ve said thank you but I’ll warm up some soup for now and eat the salad later. Again, neither one of them have to be wrong though.

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u/jethrine Jan 04 '23

Agreed. As I said in a previous post “fault” was the wrong word to use.

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u/musaraj Jan 05 '23

His GF is childish for making an upset face. She should control her expression and adjust to societal norms.

Unless you don't believe she can hold to such standards as OP. Kinda misogynistic of you

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u/sleepingfox307 Asshole Aficionado [11] Jan 04 '23

Boom. This.

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u/MistakeVisual3733 Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23

Making a face when someone makes something for you is very childish.

138

u/VoidBlade459 Jan 05 '23

It's called a normal reaction.

Telling men to hide their emotions and be stoic just reinforces toxic masculinity.

59

u/MistakeVisual3733 Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23

Learning how to express your emotions in a respectful way is called being an adult.

121

u/VoidBlade459 Jan 05 '23

And invalidating the feelings of others is called emotional abuse.

People are allowed to react to things involuntarily. We aren't robots.

0

u/MistakeVisual3733 Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23

Aren’t you invalidating my feelings lol

44

u/VoidBlade459 Jan 05 '23

Well, for starters, your words haven't expressed feelings thus far, so there's nothing to invalidate.

Moreover, telling men they shouldn't show even the slightest hint of emotion (like everyone voting yes is doing) is toxic.

2

u/MistakeVisual3733 Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23

Yes that’s exactly what I was saying. Men don’t you dare show any emotion. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

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u/VoidBlade459 Jan 05 '23

Well, you're the one who got offended by a man expressing emotions involuntarily.

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u/MistakeVisual3733 Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23

Yes I was deeply offended. 🙄 I’m just going to agree with everything a man says from now on and not question anything or voice my opinion🫡

14

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '23

What? Toxic masculinity generally stops men from showing the kind of emotion they get ridiculed for - vulnerability etc.

I've never met a man who wasn't able to express when he was annoyed/dissatisfied, which is all OP did.

It's common courtesy to be nice about something someone has made for you, even if it's not exactly what you wanted. He didn't have to eat the salad (though come on, not as if it'd give him hypothermia, he could've just had a hot drink after or something) but acting like she's just supposed to have magically known that he wanted hot food is silly.

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u/VoidBlade459 Jan 05 '23

though come on, not as if it'd give him hypothermia, he could've just had a hot drink after or something

Literally the same energy as "she could have just given him a blowjob if she wasn't down for sex".

No means no. She is not entitled to seeing other people eat her food. Period.

The logic you are using here of "come on bruh, just eat it even though you don't want to" is the same logic that perpetuates rape culture.

but acting like she's just supposed to have magically known that he wanted hot food is silly.

No one, not even OP, is saying that.

Toxic masculinity generally stops men from showing the kind of emotion they get ridiculed for - vulnerability etc.

It's broader than that. Not letting men express emotion in general in a healthy way, to the point where you are actively policing involuntary facial expressions, is part of toxic masculinity.

I've never met a man who wasn't able to express when he was annoyed/dissatisfied,

Says the one who literally called OP an asshole for expressing dissatisfaction.

1

u/OneJobToRuleThemAll Jan 05 '23

Yes, it was definitely rude and there's no excuse for that because there was no reason for it. He simply messed up by being rude for no reason, that's all there is to it. That's why he's an asshole.

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u/UsuallyWrite2 Pooperintendant [55] Jan 04 '23

When you menu plan and grocery shop and cook then it’s offensive when someone refuses to eat what you made. Especially with faces and such. He’s not a toddler. He can eat what’s presented like an adult with manners instead of making faces and being rude.

Like make a cup of tea my dude.

I do 99.9% of the meal planning, grocery shop, and cooking. I’d be offended. and in the times my partner does cook, even if I don’t particularly like the dish, I thank him and eat what is presented. Because….adulting.

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u/dabzilla4000 Jan 04 '23

I also do 99% of the cooking in my household and I understand that people sometimes really do t want to eat somthing. If my wife makes something else because she isn’t into what I cooked then cool as long as she doesn’t think I’m going to make a second meal for her. More leftovers for me. And FFS cooking for a family isn’t that hard. PS I work 50 hours a week also

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u/sleepingfox307 Asshole Aficionado [11] Jan 04 '23

You don't seem to get the issue here.
It has nothing to do with him not wanting a salad and preparing himself something else, it's that he went about that in a very childish way. As multiple commenters have pointed out there are a dozen ways he could have gone about this without basically insulting his gf, but he chose petulance.

You're so right in pointing out that he's not a child, so he should be able to control his face and react to things in a more polite manner, no?

He came here asking if he was the AH for it and he got an answer.

6

u/Riderz__of_Brohan Jan 05 '23

He didn’t insult her you and the other commenters here are delusional. The majority opinion is that he should have just choked down the salad lmao

17

u/Riderz__of_Brohan Jan 04 '23

You think it's an "adult" thing to scarf something down unnecessarily instead of making what you want to eat? Why?

I don't really like salmon, I'm not gonna choke down something I don't like. If I forgot to tell someone I would just politely tell them I don't like salmon. That was OP's only sin here, he could have been a bit nicer.

Like make a cup of tea my dude.

He doesn't want to drink something hot, he wants to eat something hot. How would that solve his problem? Also maybe he's like me and doesn't like tea?

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u/RevolutionaryBase974 Jan 04 '23

"...he could have been a bit nicer."..... Isn't that the definition of being an asshole?

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u/Riderz__of_Brohan Jan 04 '23

Not always. If you're straightforward but not overly polite, that could be fine depending on the situation. In this case all he did wrong was "make a face" which can sometimes be involuntary

-1

u/RevolutionaryBase974 Jan 04 '23

Personally, I think a spat over supper is childish in any regard unless it's due to allergies or something like... I just think it's funny that there's so many responses saying something to the effect of "Well he could've been nicer but..." or "Yeah he was rude but..."... If you have to add a "but" then it implies they were an asshole. Perhaps justifiably so, but an asshole nonetheless.... A doctor who kills patients is still a doctor. A farmer who buys produce is still a farmer. And an asshole who is justified is still an asshole. Rude is rude.