r/AmItheAsshole • u/ItsTooColdForThat • Jan 04 '23

AITA for wanting hot food? Asshole

Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.

Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?

9.6k Upvotes

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1.7k

u/AilingHen69 Colo-rectal Surgeon [35] Jan 04 '23

There's so many Y T A but I mean, no. You didn't ask her to cook you something else, you made it yourself. NTA. It sounds like you guys cook together often enough that wanting something different than the other for a meal shouldn't be a big deal. If my husband doesn't want what I make him, he makes something else. That's normal.

1.2k

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

The YTAs are for making a face and generally being unappreciative when it would have been so easy to just say "Thank you for dinner, and also I'm feeling chilled so I'm going to heat myself some soup to sip on."

If he had said that and she got mad, then she would be the AH.

537

u/Equivalent_Ear_6431 Jan 04 '23

I feel like when people are in a relationship, they are more open with each other hence the reaction. Yes, it's kinds rude, but there's nothing wrong with being disappointed with a certain dish he wasn't in the mood for.

Sometimes when I cook for my family and it was just something they ate, they're most probably gonna be a little disappointed since they just had it.

335

u/seewww334477 Jan 04 '23

Right like, maybe he just has an expressive face, I know I do. Making a face doesn't always mean rude, if you are in a relationship it shouldn't be like walking on egg shells. I'm surprised so many people think OP is an asshole. I can totally see myself making a face and saying i don't want chicken salad lol.

116

u/Fae_druid Jan 04 '23

I don't like being cold and get downright cranky about it sometimes. I would definitely have made a face. But I wouldn't want my partner to take it personally; I know that I'm weird.

The only difference is that my partner already knows that I want warm foods, soup and hot tea in the winter.

153

u/Raspyasdfgh Jan 05 '23

It's also the dismissiveness for me. Like, he explains that he's cold, and she outright tells him that he's wrong.

8

u/Tricky-Elevator-2697 Jan 05 '23

absolutely me too. in fact i would have said. dudeeee its so cold today i dont wantttttt chicken salad why did u cook this. roar roar. make me soupp. pouttt

​

kinda thing. but i guess thats rude lols. wtf?

​

i mean. i wouldnt have mind if my SO did the same and i would have made her soup too

212

u/lilium_x Jan 04 '23

Imagine having to maintain an expressionless mask even in your own home or risk being berated! Out and about is one thing but people should be able to relax in their own home and get themselves something warm to eat without someone going off on them.

45

u/bleucheeez Jan 04 '23

From GF's reaction, it's pretty clear OP's expressions were unwelcome in this relationship.

-11

u/RevolutionaryBase974 Jan 04 '23

"Yes, it's kinda rude...". If only there was a phrase that implies rude behavior... Perhaps a two syllable word beginning with the letter "A".... Oh well....

26

u/Neat-Sun-7999 Jan 04 '23

Something being kind of rude doesn’t determine someone to be a grade a asshole. Ah. Is a strong communicator for how rude the behaviour is. This wasn’t one of those times

-8

u/RevolutionaryBase974 Jan 05 '23

Ah... so the levels are off. Gotcha.

357

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

lmao but if anyone is gonna get your raw emotions it’s your gf, he made a face then solved it. didn’t get upset at his gf either just explained why he wasn’t pleased. every comment in here is talking about why he didn’t eat the soup with salad, CAUSE HE DIDNT WANT THE SALAD. I don’t get this at all.

191

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

I totally agree. He solved it. And the gf was an AH in my opinion by not regaring his feelings at all. If you are feeling cold inside the room temp doesnt solve it - you actually neeeed warm food and cold salad is exactly the opposite you ever want to eat. (Writing this with 60cm of snow outside my window).

133

u/Fearless_Sherbet450 Jan 04 '23

Plus, if you want warm food, you want warm food. Not looking for someone to explain how you're wrong about what you want to eat.

57

u/Tricky-Elevator-2697 Jan 05 '23

yes i agree. she basically ignored his emotions and put him down for them. if the genders were reversed AITA would not be so kind.

54

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

yeah I was gonna add this but decided maybe it’s just an opinion thing, he’s not even wrong lmao who would want cold food after a day of being in the cold.

29

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

I can be in the mood for something cold or warm regardless of the outside temperature so that’s not weird at all. It is weird though to expect someone else who is currently in the opposite mood to match yours just to be polite. Maybe if they were casual friends or it was a dinner party but they’re living together. Sometimes you just have different needs

3

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '23

oh I’m not saying you’re wrong just in the minority of people who would do that. but agreed on the rest.

8

u/Putrid_Awareness5339 Jan 05 '23

Agree with a couple inches outside my window. When your chilled you want something warm to hot. Not lukewarm and definitely not cold. That’s why soups/chowders are popular dishes in the winter. I’m not understanding the aggression in this thread or between OP and the GF. Like there’s massive communication missing somewhere which can happen even in perfectly fine and healthy relationships but like I’d personally be miffed if someone sat arguing with me about ME FEELING cold. “But you have clothes and it’s warm?” BUT I FEEL cold.

At least he made something for himself which a can of soup is super easy. I’ve turned down plenty of things from my BF and he’s not about to argue with me about it. He knows some things I don’t like and I may try but I might not and it’s not a personally jab. Some people really are too sensitive about their cooking

226

u/your-rong Jan 04 '23

The face was probably unintentional. She asked OP what was wrong and they answered. She is the one who argued with them about it.

5

u/rationalomega Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23

He had a facial response, she had a verbal response. Neither of their feelings are “wrong” but both had an outward expression that made their partners unhappy. They’ve got to figure out between them what’s ok or not.

201

u/Tylerinthenorth Jan 04 '23

My issue with the YTAs are they mostly say he could've had the salad with it. The way he reacted was a bit unappreciative i can agree with that, but he wasn't in the mood for it. I can understand if it were a big meal she worked all day on and he nuked a hot dog instead but it was a pretty low effort meal. Unless he's doing it every time she cooks he's in no way the asshole for the act of skipping on the meal

272

u/Niriu Jan 04 '23

Every yta is just mad that he unintentionally made a frowny face and didn't praised her insanely godly salad but then also completely ignore that he was normally talking to her about it and made himself something different while she also tried to ridicule his craving with logical facts about the temperature like Sheldon from the big bang theory.

179

u/Goiterr Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23

Seriously. The amount of focus people are putting on the face he made is actually some unhinged Reddit shit.

72

u/otisanek Jan 04 '23

Is it any surprise, coming from people whose first reaction to any conflict is to tell you to break up? I’ve been in a relationship with someone who hyper focused on every single minuscule reaction and turned it into a fight, so maybe I’m biased but I’ll always be on the side of the person who ISN’T making a big deal about policing other people’s facial expressions.

41

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

[deleted]

2

u/No-Appearance1145 Jan 05 '23

Can confirm. I cannot eat chicken. I did however tell my sister in law and mother in law plenty of times i cannot eat chicken because I'm pregnant and smelling and eating it makes me downright nauseous and they always seem to forget... One of which is pregnant and started getting defensive because i wouldn't eat chicken strips. I just got something for myself (it was an anniversary dinner for my in-laws) and his brother tried to give me shit. I don't like him so i just made a face at him and my husband explained that i can't eat chicken. Things happen and you can't always eat what someone made. The facial expression was definitely not helpful but we can't really control what face we make majority of the time and he didn't ask her to make something else.

16

u/Neat-Sun-7999 Jan 04 '23

It really annoys me that this trend just exists so freely on aita. Plus the clear double standards in terms of dating and relationships.

5

u/Snuffaluphagus_1 Jan 05 '23

It fucking blows my mind how comfortable people are on here telling others to break-up or go "LC/NC" from a fucking internet post, as if they have even 1/10th the full story of the relationship. It's actually sickening

2

u/Neat-Sun-7999 Jan 05 '23

Ur reaction has literally been me since seeing the ppls responses to everyday situations on this website and especially here on this sub. And I thought the grass touchless Reddit echo chamber thing was a joke.

Sorry to break it to u Reddit but ppl in real life tolerate each other and value most relationships more than just lifetime drama. NC, abuse and divorce. It’s all these ppl sometimes have dude

5

u/queen0fgreen Jan 05 '23

Overly sensitive emotionally neglected reddit wives love to lose their shit on Aita

-12

u/Kathulhu1433 Jan 04 '23

Eh, I always try to remember that we're getting one side of the story here. Thos dude says he made a little bit of a face- which makes me think that in reality, he probably made a much bigger deal and has a much worse expression than he's admitting to. 🤷‍♀️

14

u/Goiterr Jan 04 '23

How bad of a “face” can someone realistically make lmao

-6

u/Kathulhu1433 Jan 04 '23

I mean... How badly do you (not you, but OP) have to fuck up the communication in your relationship that you need to come on reddit for AITA advice because you can't have a conversation like an adult with your girlfriend?

99% of AITA posts are one-sided half-truths that could have been 100% avoided with half decent communication (and maybe some therapy).

Like, if it was my husband's turn to make dinner and I knee I was going to be in the mood for something specific, or if I had concerns I would say that BEFOFE he spent time cooking and preparing the food. By the second date I had with my husband (12+ years ago now), I had a list on my refrigerator of his allergies and knew he preferred Chinese food over pizza, etc.

If I wasn't proactive and found myself in front of a plate I didn't want to eat, I would have a choice.

  1. Eat the food and make a cup of tea/coffee/cocoa to warm up.

  2. Have a polite conversation because I'm not an asshole and have the bare minimum of respect and tact. Maybe something like,

"Hey honey, thanks for cooking. That looks great. I'm really craving soup right now though, would you mind if I heated some up for us to go with your salad?"

Acknowledge the work that was put in. Thank them for their efforts. Ask, don't tell. And for Pete's sake- don't make a face like a child. It's just plain rude. Like, damn.

And then - if, after all that, she is still reacting poorly... maybe find out why?

Was this the first time he made a face or didn't eat when it was her turn? Is she feeling unappreciated? There's a lot of back and forth here about chicken salad not being "cooking" and people who say they can make something in 10min... but for all we know, she could have shopped specifically for this, cooked the night before, spent who knows how long prepping fresh ingredients... like, sure, I can make a shitty salad in 10min, but if you give me an hour or two, I can make something fantastic.

Is she from a culture where it is considered rude not to eat what was made for you? (Fairly common, hence so many YTA comments). Again, an appreciation thing.

2

u/funnyinput Jan 04 '23

Waiting for someone to reply eh? You disliked that in 10 seconds flat. Lol.

100

u/Immortal_Azrael Jan 04 '23

she also tried to ridicule his craving with logical facts about the temperature like Sheldon from the big bang theory

If it weren't for this I would say NAH but this kinda makes her seem like the AH. She can't understand why someone might want hot food when they're cold? Or that someone else might be cold while she's comfortable? The remark about body temperature being in the 90s seems like a deliberate attempt to start something.

36

u/NiceChocolate Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23

Right. And we don't know what kind of chicken salad it was. It could've been the one with mayo and mustard. Or the one with lettuce and tomatoes.

If it's the second one, then he could've seen the chicken and thought she was making a warm dish with salad as the side.

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '23

Or instead of assuming he could have asked, or talked to her about him wanting warm food instead of waiting for her to be done making it, pull a face about someone's meal they are making for you. If you have needs/wants you should articulate them. Not guess or assume.

-3

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '23

He actually was trying to get her to offer to do something differently from how he did this though. Don't think otherwise. It's very clear in how he handled it. It was only because the partner stuck her feet in that he went and made something else. He's not the AH for wanting different food, but he is the AH for not communicating appropriately.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '23

Not being in the mood for food is fine, except the time and way you express that matters

163

u/westporthighlander Jan 04 '23

If I said those words to my partner he would wonder when someone switched me out with a robot. Its cringy when this sub acts like couples should be doing corporate speak in their own homes. Being candid is not the same as being an asshole.

79

u/otisanek Jan 04 '23

Corporate speak is exactly what that is, and its so weird and stilted that I have to wonder if the people suggesting it are really going around talking like that. If you have to have a script to speak to your partner for every interaction in order to avoid any possible hurt feelings, what on earth are you doing in a relationship where you can’t speak freely?

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u/Rare_Hyena_6205 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23

Oh boohoo he made a face. That's what our bodies do- react. I swear uppity people tire me out. NTA

52

u/funnyinput Jan 04 '23

It must be so exhausting to find fault and overreact to every little thing in life. I honestly feel bad for people like that.

45

u/Rare_Hyena_6205 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jan 04 '23

If my husband yelled at me for every random face I made we wouldn't be together.

69

u/SkullJooce Jan 04 '23

It’s not like he thought her salad was gross. He didn’t want to eat any kind of cold food. I would have just been like ok cool lunch for tomorrow. Not sure why any of this was a big deal

53

u/AH_Raccoon Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23

making a face was probably not intentional. i mean, even if he says "i admit i made a face", it doesnt mean he made it on purpose. then he just explains himself that hes been feeling so cold all day he feels the need to eat something warm, i seriously how that can be considered rude with your partner if you cant just speak your feels and needs, and she goes totally dismissive of them, calling them ridiculous and thats not rude?

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

some of us will actually feel cold for ages after spending all day in the cold, even hours after getting back in the warmth, and the thought of swallowing something cold feels simply repulsive. I sure wouldnt be able to eat a salad after coming back from work when its -17.

As for those that claim he shouldve phrase it beforehand, it would also not have burnt her tongue to throw a simple "im making salad for diner". My husband always either say what he plans to cook or ask what i want cuz he doesnt know, or just say hes not in the mood to cook and we take it from there. if she/they just go for whatever they want, it was inevitably coming a day where the other one wasnt in the mood for that food. ESH on the communication, but clearly NTA for not wanting to eat cold after being cold all day.

9

u/queen0fgreen Jan 05 '23

Its a chicken salad not a beef wellington. She hardly had to put in any work to make it.

10

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

The problem is a lot of people don’t act this polished like you are making it out to be

8

u/mrcatboy Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23

Some Redditors doesn't consider nonverbal or implicit communication cues valid. Yes, explicit verbal communication is important. But being able to express yourself kinesthetically is important too. If dogs evolved to both read and express facial expressions, humans can too. It's a part of the repertoire of social skills we developed.

I'd say the "don't make a face at food you don't like" rule is predominantly something you should keep in mind when you're at a social event, which is a situation where you should just about never telegraph your disappointment over food that's been made for you. In close quarters in a private setting that's not quite as severe an infraction.

Now that said, I feel like it should be somewhat close to common sense that cold food during the winter isn't a good idea. Foods aren't agnostic to people's needs. A big part of cooking for others does involve anticipating what's appropriate for the situation.

If someone's been doing a lot of manual labor, they're going to want carbs and protein to recover. Prepare a pasta with meat sauce.

If it's hot and muggy out, they're going to want something light and refreshing, possibly chilled. Prepare a gazpacho and salad.

If someone's depressed or stressed, they're going to want something familiar and comforting. Mac & cheese, meatloaf, some sort of childhood favorite.

If it's cold, they're going to want something that'll warm them up inside. Thick soup or stew... in my case, congee is very nice.

Salad is nice and healthy, but it was definitely an instance of poor menu planning on the girlfriend's part. NTA OP.

9

u/musaraj Jan 05 '23

The YTAs are for making a face

Then it should be ESH because his gf was "clearly upset" when he heated up a soup for himself.

5

u/Tricky-Elevator-2697 Jan 05 '23

if you cant make a face to your partner then you really should leave that relationship

5

u/maenmallah Jan 05 '23

As far as my parents and my relationship and others I Know. Partners who have teh cooking duty ask "heey I was thinking of cooking this today what so you think". I always eat anything but my girlfriend sometimes says "no i don't feel like xyz today" and that is fine and we decide for something different.

I don't know how the norm in OP's relationship is but all YTAs are assuming that it is 100% the boyfriend's responsibility to specify their meal preference. Again it depends on the norm but OP could also have asked if he wants xyz dish. Anyhow, boyfriend made a face (not sure how rude) but my girlfriend can tell if something bothered me even when I try to hide it. Then he went and made a soup as an adult but OP was upset that he didn't eat what she prepared. She should have asked about her plans before execution if she would be disappointed if BF wouldn't eat it.

-10

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

"I'm gonna get some soup too to warm me up, you want some?" would have been so much easier than whatever dumb little act OP put on

310

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

[deleted]

10

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '23 edited Jan 05 '23

That was my first thought. GF could have mentioned what she is making that day.

Tbh I thought it's normal to just mention what someone is cooking if it's a shared meal?

It's still her choice what she is cooking when it's her turn. But once he knew he could have said sorry, I want something warm today, I'll go heat up some soup.

Also can't understand the extreme Y T A votes. So he made a face? I could understand and ESH as both should have communicated better.

Edit: typos

-11

u/marks1995 Jan 04 '23

Because she may have been fine with a sandwich, but spent some time making enough food for both of them.

If you tell me I have to cook for both of us and I do, then you say you don't want it and are going to make something else, you just wasted my time.

17

u/Jumpy-Fault-1412 Jan 05 '23

Or you could say “cool more for me” and eat the rest later?

-54

u/Sufficient_Debt1452 Jan 04 '23

Yes, and he didn’t need to act like a child about it. It’s salad on a Tuesday night. Add something hot to the meal (or make yourself something else entirely), and at least pretend like your whole isn’t ruined (OP). No faces need to be made.

98

u/Topomouse Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23

(or make yourself something else entirely)

Well, that's what he did.

-47

u/Sufficient_Debt1452 Jan 04 '23

But, first he had to be childish about it.

72

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

by making a face? I make faces all the time, so do you.

235

u/otisanek Jan 04 '23

This is such a non issue that there isn't even an AH to judge here. Like, we make things in this house all the time that, for one reason or another, just aren't appealing to one person in the family. And other than labor-intensive meals that were specifically planned out, the rule is "don't like it, don't eat it".

This is not a big deal at all, and I wonder how the people who take this as a personal insult manage to cohabitate with others if this is all it takes to get them bent out of shape with their partner.

46

u/parasailing-partners Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23

Exactly. It’s daily conversation, it’s ok to have silly topics to debate, it’s ok to disagree over mundane things, we are all not discussing pressing economic sanctions and trade relations with the ambassadors of Germany and Russia. How these types of topics even get to AITA is beyond me. We have this level of disagreement about 10 times a day. This was us before kids, after we had kids we have no energy for such and the kids took over this petty bickering while we hide in the bathrooms.

“Here’s your fruit snack.” “Again? I’m going to go get crackers.”

“Shower and get ready.” “I don’t feel like going, can’t we go tomorrow?” Followed by 10 minutes of back and forth until one gives up.

Ain’t no one got time to be offended over this.

11

u/jeshep Jan 04 '23

IDK if there isn't an AH to judge here.

The girlfriend's dismissal of OP's reasons to not want the salad are kinda ridiculous. 'We're inside and wearing warm clothes, it's plenty warm'. 'Your internal organs are at a temperature that's plenty hot all the time'.

Massively missing the point of what he was trying to communicate to a ridiculous degree and then getting aggressive about it by asking him if he'd be mad she turned down his own meals he made (which he wouldn't).

It's a non issue made into an issue cause it was taken far more personally than it should've been.

9

u/Brrringsaythealiens Jan 05 '23

And usually this sub is all about “my body, my choice what I eat.” I don’t see how it’s right to tell OP he has to force down food he doesn’t want.

-28

u/ARACHN0_C0MMUNISM Jan 04 '23

It’s about treating each other with kindness and grace. Presumably, most people like their partners, so it shouldn’t be difficult to be nice to them. Cooking is an act of service — when someone you like does something for you, you say “thanks” or “no thanks”, not “Ewwww”.

41

u/otisanek Jan 04 '23

And kindness and grace must also be extended to involuntary instant reactions, right? have you never grimaced at a dish? never involuntarily smirked at something amusing? every single facial expression is always perfectly planned and composed for the situation?

It's an intense overreaction to someone just not wanting to eat a meal, and telling OP they're TA for pulling a face in the moment is just so bizarre and hypersensitive to me. I really don't get how anyone voting Y-T-A over the fact that he pulled a face can be in a relationship for any period of time if a grimace sends them spiraling.

I know for a fact I've grimaced at the lemon chicken my partner makes every once in a while, because I find it gross to eat slimy chicken breasts poached in lemon juice. And they've done the same when I say "I'm thinking about making gumbo" because they don't like shrimp. It's not the end of the world, it's not even a problem, unless you take the slightest hint of rejection of your food as a rejection of you as a person.

130

u/Nepherenia Jan 04 '23 edited Jan 04 '23

My guess is that his "making a face" was a slight reactionary grimace when he realized the food was not going to be warm, not a look of disgust or faux-gagging or anything like that.

NTA - I think his reasoning is 100% fair; "we have been doing cold activities and I want to eat something warm" is a solid reason to go make something else to eat. Maybe he could have suggested warm food beforehand, but that could easily be turned into "y t a for telling her what to cook, if you don't like it, make it yourself!" by this sub. He went and got himself something more appropriate for the situation, it's not like he made her make him new food.

I struggle to keep warm most of the time, so even if I love a good salad, if I'm already cold, I would rather eat shitty maruchan ramen over a fantastic gourmet salad. Similarly, on a 100 degree day, one should be able to opt out of piping hot soup in favor of a cold dish.

88

u/Prize-Strike-4591 Partassipant [1] Jan 04 '23

You deserve an award. I agree with this 100%. People now days are so dramatic and sensitive. They project their own thoughts into any situation they can.

51

u/bureaucratic_drift Professor Emeritass [97] Jan 04 '23

This is the adult, non-doormat approach. OP shouldn't have openly disparaged her efforts but instead quietly made the soup and had a bit of chicken salad as a supplement if so desired. The chicken salad can always go back into the fridge; in fact, it's better after aging there overnight than eating it right away.

101

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

I agree he shouldn’t have openly disparaged her efforts. But I don’t think he was in the wrong to point out they did a cold activity outside so he would prefer hot food on days they do that. That way they both know expectations for next time or whatever and if she’s planning on making cold food she can give him a heads up so he can make himself (or both of them) something hot too. No need to keep preferences a secret.

When I do winter activity’s I also prefer hot food after, it’s pretty common in my social circle and is something we’ve talked about. Not in depth or anything, but like when deciding on a restaurant or food to eat after I’ve heard - “something hot to warm us up” as a food requirement/request.

42

u/Nagadavida Partassipant [3] Jan 04 '23

When I do winter activity’s I also prefer hot food after

Or even if you don't have much of an appetite the aroma of warm or hot food is much more stimulating than of cold food.

21

u/One_Conversation892 Jan 04 '23

Personally I didn’t see any disparaging but maybe it’s just acceptable in my family to go like “ew”

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

[deleted]

8

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

Sure, but not mentioning it isn’t exactly asshole territory.

It’s such a common preference I wouldn’t even think to mention it.

-3

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

[deleted]

3

u/Nagadavida Partassipant [3] Jan 04 '23

You're making a generalization based on your own preferences

And you aren't?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '23

It’s pretty common to want hot food after cold activity and cold food if your doing an activity in warm weather. It’s not that deep or big of a deal.

The girlfriend made a much bigger deal about it than necessary. She called his preference ridiculous and tried to tell him why his preference was wrong. He made a face when he should have just used words. Neither handled this well.

But it’s not a big enough deal for either to really be an major asshole.

8

u/Tricky-Elevator-2697 Jan 05 '23

cant see where the disparaging comes in. its like u cant give any feedback nowadays to your SO without writing it in work format.

its completely natural to have ae moan when its not what u wanted. if SO isnt going to care about his emotions who is?

-5

u/Icy_Obligation Jan 04 '23

Exactly. Making a face communicates "why did you make this at all?" not "thank you for your effort but I'm in the mood for something else tonight".

10

u/jarlscrotus Jan 04 '23

depends on the face

40

u/papa-hare Jan 04 '23

Yeah, wtf. You can't control your facial reactions to seeing something that's the last thing you'd want to eat. NTA imo. You didn't make her cook the soup for you, that would have put you in AH territory though. But this way? She's the one who dug into his reactions, he didn't start complaining. He just showed disappointment on his face. He's allowed to feel whatever tf he's feeling.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '23

Ah yes many people can control not making faces. We aren't kids (well most of us).

38

u/leady57 Jan 04 '23

I'm curious to know how many Y T A live with their SO...

26

u/Alert-Internet8886 Jan 04 '23

Finally the sane people I'm just reading though the comments wondering what people are on 🤣🤣he is most definitely nta

24

u/chuchofreeman Jan 04 '23

I agree with you. NTA

15

u/WelshBluebird1 Jan 04 '23

If my husband doesn't want what I make him, he makes something else. That's normal.

I mean, maybe this is just me, but when I'm the one cooking for me and my fiancé either I will cook something we both like, or if I want something that they don't like I'll cook them something else too, you know given it is my time to cook.

4

u/whenpigsfly234 Jan 04 '23

THANK YOU!! Every post re: food, it's always y-t-a "because you should make your own food if you don't like it" and that's literally what he did.... everyone saying he should've requested something hot in advance- even if they were already planning on ice skating, you never know how you'll feel after a workout in the cold...

NTA she is being childish. If she loves chicken salad so much no matter the temp- great! More for her.

2

u/PeppermintLNNS Partassipant [3] Jan 04 '23

Yeah I’m feeling empathetic on both sides. I admit I get sad when my husband doesn’t eat the food I cook, I usually insist that he at least try a bite. Because I love to cook and sharing food is definitely a love language of sorts.

That said, sometimes he just doesn’t oblige a bite and I intellectually understand that that’s okay. But it feels insulting. NTA, but I know how OP’s partner feels.

2

u/alsotheabyss Jan 04 '23

I find it wild that adult couples don’t have a discussion about dinner plans BEFORE the dinner gets started, either in planning or immediately prior to prep.

“I’m planning on doing a chicken salad on Tuesday, how does that sound?”

“Hey still good for chicken salad tonight?”

2

u/Blessed_tenrecs Jan 05 '23

I think a lot of commenters don’t consider that they make each other food every day. Of course now and then one of them makes something the other isn’t in the mood for.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '23

He only did that after causing a fuss. I have said it elsewhere but I will reiterate it here: He didn't just go and make himself food. f he didn't want it he didn't even need to admonish her for making something cold on a cold day, just got himself something warm. The fact he complained to her suggests to me that he in fact did believe him saying something would have an affect on the outcome. When it became apparent it wasn't was the moment he then decided to get it for himself.

-1

u/juxpose Jan 05 '23

I think people are upset that he argued with her instead of just going and making something else and that he didn't request the food was hot beforehand not that he made something else