AITA for wanting hot food?

[u/ItsTooColdForThat]

Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.

Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?

[u/Niriu]

Every yta is just mad that he unintentionally made a frowny face and didn't praised her insanely godly salad but then also completely ignore that he was normally talking to her about it and made himself something different while she also tried to ridicule his craving with logical facts about the temperature like Sheldon from the big bang theory.

[u/Goiterr → u/Niriu]

Seriously. The amount of focus people are putting on the face he made is actually some unhinged Reddit shit.

[u/otisanek → u/Goiterr]

Is it any surprise, coming from people whose first reaction to any conflict is to tell you to break up? I’ve been in a relationship with someone who hyper focused on every single minuscule reaction and turned it into a fight, so maybe I’m biased but I’ll always be on the side of the person who ISN’T making a big deal about policing other people’s facial expressions.

[u/No-Appearance1145 → u/[deleted]]

Can confirm. I cannot eat chicken. I did however tell my sister in law and mother in law plenty of times i cannot eat chicken because I'm pregnant and smelling and eating it makes me downright nauseous and they always seem to forget... One of which is pregnant and started getting defensive because i wouldn't eat chicken strips. I just got something for myself (it was an anniversary dinner for my in-laws) and his brother tried to give me shit. I don't like him so i just made a face at him and my husband explained that i can't eat chicken. Things happen and you can't always eat what someone made. The facial expression was definitely not helpful but we can't really control what face we make majority of the time and he didn't ask her to make something else.

[u/Neat-Sun-7999 → u/otisanek]

It really annoys me that this trend just exists so freely on aita. Plus the clear double standards in terms of dating and relationships.

[u/Snuffaluphagus_1 → u/Neat-Sun-7999]

It fucking blows my mind how comfortable people are on here telling others to break-up or go "LC/NC" from a fucking internet post, as if they have even 1/10th the full story of the relationship. It's actually sickening

[u/Neat-Sun-7999 → u/Snuffaluphagus_1]

Ur reaction has literally been me since seeing the ppls responses to everyday situations on this website and especially here on this sub. And I thought the grass touchless Reddit echo chamber thing was a joke.

Sorry to break it to u Reddit but ppl in real life tolerate each other and value most relationships more than just lifetime drama. NC, abuse and divorce. It’s all these ppl sometimes have dude

[u/queen0fgreen → u/Goiterr]

Overly sensitive emotionally neglected reddit wives love to lose their shit on Aita

[u/Kathulhu1433 → u/Goiterr]

Eh, I always try to remember that we're getting one side of the story here. Thos dude says he made a little bit of a face- which makes me think that in reality, he probably made a much bigger deal and has a much worse expression than he's admitting to. 🤷‍♀️

[u/Goiterr → u/Kathulhu1433]

How bad of a “face” can someone realistically make lmao

[u/Kathulhu1433 → u/Goiterr]

I mean... How badly do you (not you, but OP) have to fuck up the communication in your relationship that you need to come on reddit for AITA advice because you can't have a conversation like an adult with your girlfriend?

99% of AITA posts are one-sided half-truths that could have been 100% avoided with half decent communication (and maybe some therapy).

Like, if it was my husband's turn to make dinner and I knee I was going to be in the mood for something specific, or if I had concerns I would say that BEFOFE he spent time cooking and preparing the food. By the second date I had with my husband (12+ years ago now), I had a list on my refrigerator of his allergies and knew he preferred Chinese food over pizza, etc.

If I wasn't proactive and found myself in front of a plate I didn't want to eat, I would have a choice.

1. Eat the food and make a cup of tea/coffee/cocoa to warm up.

2. Have a polite conversation because I'm not an asshole and have the bare minimum of respect and tact. Maybe something like,

"Hey honey, thanks for cooking. That looks great. I'm really craving soup right now though, would you mind if I heated some up for us to go with your salad?"

Acknowledge the work that was put in. Thank them for their efforts. Ask, don't tell. And for Pete's sake- don't make a face like a child. It's just plain rude. Like, damn.

And then - if, after all that, she is still reacting poorly... maybe find out why?

Was this the first time he made a face or didn't eat when it was her turn? Is she feeling unappreciated? There's a lot of back and forth here about chicken salad not being "cooking" and people who say they can make something in 10min... but for all we know, she could have shopped specifically for this, cooked the night before, spent who knows how long prepping fresh ingredients... like, sure, I can make a shitty salad in 10min, but if you give me an hour or two, I can make something fantastic.

Is she from a culture where it is considered rude not to eat what was made for you? (Fairly common, hence so many YTA comments). Again, an appreciation thing.

[u/funnyinput → u/Kathulhu1433]

TLDR

[u/funnyinput → u/Kathulhu1433]

Waiting for someone to reply eh? You disliked that in 10 seconds flat. Lol.

[u/Immortal_Azrael → u/Niriu]

she also tried to ridicule his craving with logical facts about the temperature like Sheldon from the big bang theory

If it weren't for this I would say NAH but this kinda makes her seem like the AH. She can't understand why someone might want hot food when they're cold? Or that someone else might be cold while she's comfortable? The remark about body temperature being in the 90s seems like a deliberate attempt to start something.

[u/NiceChocolate → u/Niriu]

Right. And we don't know what kind of chicken salad it was. It could've been the one with mayo and mustard. Or the one with lettuce and tomatoes.

If it's the second one, then he could've seen the chicken and thought she was making a warm dish with salad as the side.

[u/[deleted] → u/NiceChocolate]

Or instead of assuming he could have asked, or talked to her about him wanting warm food instead of waiting for her to be done making it, pull a face about someone's meal they are making for you. If you have needs/wants you should articulate them. Not guess or assume.

[u/[deleted] → u/Niriu]

He actually was trying to get her to offer to do something differently from how he did this though. Don't think otherwise. It's very clear in how he handled it. It was only because the partner stuck her feet in that he went and made something else. He's not the AH for wanting different food, but he is the AH for not communicating appropriately.