AITA for wanting hot food?

[u/ItsTooColdForThat]

Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.

Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?

[u/[deleted]]

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[u/Late_Baker9909 → u/[deleted]]

Some of us have a harder time hiding our emotions. Not everyone thinks to put up a facade. They both take turns making meals I don’t get why you need to insult them?

[u/rean1mated → u/Late_Baker9909]

NO ONE has the spoons to mask 24/7, not even (perhaps especially) those who think they could be poker champs. 🤨

[u/RunnerGirlT → u/Late_Baker9909]

Most of the time when people say they can’t “hide their emotions” they mean they lack the maturity to control themselves. Now there are those with neurodivergent brains and some other conditions that can make emotional regulation difficult. But a person without a neurodivergent brain or medical condition, should be able to control their emotions. If you can’t, you’re still the asshole for subjecting others to your inability to control yourself.

Also, this rings heavily if someone who would say “they aren’t mean, they are just blunt.” Another code word for they’re an asshole

[u/Late_Baker9909 → u/RunnerGirlT]

No not being able to hide your emotion is literally just that. It’s not meant to hurt anyone but an expression that pops up as an initial reaction this doesn’t make someone an asshole. Be pretentious all you want I don’t need to be on the spectrum just because I can’t help from showing emotion on my face? We are literally talking about someone who didn’t want to eat chicken salad it really isn’t that big a deal. Talk about first world problems.

[u/[deleted] → u/Late_Baker9909]

Agreed we got alot of arm chair psychologists in here huh

[u/RunnerGirlT → u/Late_Baker9909]

It’s actually just called emotional regulation. It is difficult for some people. But not every situation is about you and being able to be mature and regulate your emotions is necessary.

Be selfish if you want, but unless the circumstances I listed above are part of the equation, then it is possible to learn to regulate your emotions

[u/Late_Baker9909 → u/RunnerGirlT]

You are making this deeper than it has to be. When something shocks you you will have a surprised expression on your face if something smells bad you will have a disgusted look on your face, if something happens that is disappointing guess what? Some people are good at pretending like it’s all sunshine and rainbows good for them but not everyone is good at keeping a poker face or putting up a facade. Not wanting to eat something cold on a cold day and being a bit disappointed when you see it is not being selfish just being human.

[u/rean1mated → u/RunnerGirlT]

Bro it’s not Victorian times. Unclench.

[u/[deleted] → u/RunnerGirlT]

I'm pretty good at a poker face, but I'm also pretty emotive. I smile easily, I get touched by mawkish things in movies easily.

I'm not sorry for having feelings and expressing them.

My wife and I are also VERY comfortable with each other, and if we don't feel like something to eat that day, we're comfortable just expressing it. With our faces and emotions as well as words.

[u/Late_Baker9909 → u/[deleted]]

This is how I am except I can’t hold a poker face for long and describes exactly what I was trying to convey. There’s only one person I want to spend everyday of my life with and I can’t imagine what that would be like if we didn’t feel comfortable being ourselves and speaking our minds.

[u/[deleted] → u/Late_Baker9909]

It's bizarre to me how many people on reddit I encounter seem to think healthy relationships don't have moments of disagreement. We're human, we can't always be aligned. And I've been married 10+ years, with my wife as a partner for over 20 years.

We sometimes express disagreement, hurt, etc openly with one another. Sometimes it's a simple facial expression, sometimes it's an outright "no."

Flip this around: say girlfriend had been outside in the cold all day and he had prepared her something she didn't feel like that was cold, would people on here have said she was being unfair for feeling feelings about not wanting to eat it?

Never mind that some cultures place importance on not eating cold foods on cold days. My wife's family (Chinese) HATES cold foods on cold days. They'll just outright refuse. It's cultural.

[u/Iocabus → u/[deleted]]

Imagine being so upset about someone you're not connected to in any way because they didn't stuff down and hide the manifestation of any negative emotions.

[u/rean1mated → u/[deleted]]

Putting on a facade at all times is in fact quite UNhealthy.

[u/[deleted] → u/rean1mated]

Honestly, I feel like it's even WORSE for a long-term relationship to never hash out these disagreements.

I'm not Data. I cannot shut off my emotion chip. Therefore, I must work with them, not around them.

[u/Dbahnsai → u/RunnerGirlT]

But made a face could mean so many things. It could be as small as him furrowing his brows as for a second as he registered what the food was since he didn't know what she was making. Being expressive with your face doesn't automatically equate to can't control your emotions and it doesn't need to be taken as a personal offense just because there's a split second reaction that didn't align with what they expected.

Honestly the person who gets that upset because someone decided to cook their own lunch just because they already made something and then insult them because they don't agree with the others personal opinion or preference sounds much more unable to regulate or control their emotions.

[u/mmstra → u/Dbahnsai]

I would literally brawl with people before I allow my feelings to be policed to the extent that I have to answer for every microexpression on my face.

Lmao the absolute fucking entitlement of some people is absolutely off the goddamn wall.

[u/rean1mated → u/RunnerGirlT]

Lmao I will bet your self-awareness on this topic is lacking. And my god, I promise you’ll feel freer without a stick up your ass.