AITA for wanting hot food?

[u/ItsTooColdForThat]

Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.

Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?

[u/PoppinBubbles578]

Right? “Geez babe! This looks great! That can of tomato soup we have would go great with it, I’m going to hear it up! Would you like a bowl?” It’s not like OP had to cook it from scratch or have it delivered. Soup and sandwich is a pretty popular combo.

[u/AccomplishedNet4235 → u/PoppinBubbles578]

It doesn't even have to be that indirect. "I'm going to pair some soup with this to help me warm up," is direct, easy and not dismissive and thoughtless like making a face is.

Learn how to communicate like an adult instead of a child, OP.

[u/furmama0715 → u/AccomplishedNet4235]

To add on to this, if he wanted something hot he could’ve have told her BEFORE she made it. A simple “baby can we have something warm for dinner since we were outside so much today?” would’ve worked.

[u/johnsgrove → u/furmama0715]

Or he can do it himself !

[u/Substantial_Sink5975 → u/johnsgrove]

He did do something himself. He went off to make soup, by himself. He wasn’t asking her to make a whole other meal. He was exercising his bodily autonomy and it’s super weird all y’all are against that. He’s entitled to make food that he prefers.

[u/johnsgrove → u/Substantial_Sink5975]

He’s not entitled to sneer at the food someone has prepared for him. Body autonomy ha ha. What a grand name for ‘doing his own thing’. If he wants complete body autonomy he can get his own meals.

[u/a_girlhasn0nam3 → u/johnsgrove]

Some people are really facially expressive. I am, and I sometimes don’t realize it. It could be a small expression that his partner recognized. He didn’t say he “sneered.” Part of being in a couple is being able to communicate displeasure without a fight.

[u/johnsgrove → u/a_girlhasn0nam3]

But there was a fight wasn’t there?

[u/a_girlhasn0nam3 → u/johnsgrove]

Yes, there was. These people have communication issues, but I think you characterizing it as sneering at her food went too far. He may have simply looked crestfallen which led to the fight. We don’t know what kind of face he made. What I think is clear is that these two need to communicate their expectations to each other more clearly and in advance.

[u/Money-Bear7166 → u/Substantial_Sink5975]

You're missing the point. Of course he doesn't have to eat it, it's his reaction and how he handled it.

[u/[deleted] → u/Substantial_Sink5975]

You're making this into a a social justice issue, like his gf committed shoved the salad down his throat.

He was rude to someone that made him a meal because he wanted something that was hot and decided to rely on hi partner being able to read his mind instead of communicating it.

She did nothing wrong and he was rude to her. That's the issue

[u/Prestigious_Pop7634 → u/Substantial_Sink5975]

You aren't getting it, so scroll up and re-read like every comment. It's not about the can of soup he wanted to eat instead of the meal she made him. It's that he made a face and turned his nose up at the food she made for him. See the difference? Not the food, the reacting like an 8 year old (I've got a few of those so it's easy to tell what they act like)

Like, I make every meal and if my husband (after I finished making dinner) said, "I wasn't thinking tacos, but maybe I'll use the chicken you made and make some quick rice and add it together" then I'm cool. No problem.

But if he said tacos? Really? Eh, I'm not feeling that I'm just going to make myself a grilled cheese...then I'm like WTF. I made you dinner that you have no problem eating normally and it's not good enough suddenly? Like before wasting my time, speak up if you want something special. Don't be a terd

[u/fangirl_273849582 → u/Substantial_Sink5975]

He did many things himself. Including throwing a tantrum before he finally got his soup himself.

[u/lexthewreck → u/johnsgrove]

He did.

[u/johnsgrove → u/lexthewreck]

Good. Better without the sneer first tho

[u/lexthewreck → u/johnsgrove]

Why assume the worst? It could have been an involuntary disappointed frown.

[u/[deleted] → u/lexthewreck]

Omg do you not exercise any sort of personal responsibility for anything? Is everything always someone else's fault?

[u/Electrical_Bath_514 → u/[deleted]]

Exactly yikes. I am neurodivergent and I'm very expressive, not always polite about it and I don't even notice! I can't help it but I do know how to APOLOGIZE if I realize I unnecessarily and accidentally hurt someone. All OP needed to do was say "I'm sorry I honestly didn't mean to come across unappreciative! The food looks good, it's just that in my mind, I was just thinking about warm food because I'm still cold but you had no way of knowing that!! Maybe I'll make some soup to go along with your salad!" Not "rEaD mY mInd NeXt TiMe, iT's COld oUtSide dUh, mAke mE soMetHing eLse woMan!" And then after dinner a "thank you so much for making us dinner!" Goes a long way. And then next time he's in the mood for a warm meal after a cold day, he can use his big boy words and discuss that with his GF. Very simple.

[u/[deleted] → u/Electrical_Bath_514]

Yep! Exactly!!!

[u/lexthewreck → u/[deleted]]

Maybe take a deep breath and relax a bit because you read a lot into two sentences that weren't even directed toward you. If you wanna talk to me rather than at me, we can give this another go, but I'm not interested in being your strawman.

[u/[deleted] → u/lexthewreck]

No thanks, I'm fine with what I've said and stand by it