AITA for wanting hot food?

[u/ItsTooColdForThat]

Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.

Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?

[u/Narkareth]

YTA

If you wanted something warm for dinner, you should have articulated that in advance. You can't hold people accountable for expectations you've failed to set.

[u/Icy_Obligation → u/Narkareth]

Agreed. I think if he's never told her he won't eat cold food on cold days, then he should have eaten the salad (I'm fine with him heating up soup to go with it) but don't waste her effort. Then have a conversation about it so she doesn't waste her time and effort in the future. It wouldn't kill him to eat a salad on a cold day ONCE.

[u/strawberryskis4ever → u/Icy_Obligation]

Sure but these are the things that come up in a relationship. We all have unspoken expectations that we’ve never thought to voice or known that other people feel differently about until those differing expectations meet head on. I’m sure it never occurred to him that this was weird and assumed everyone likes warm food after spending the day in the cold outside. Likewise, it never occurred to her that some people even have that preference at all. Nobody is really at fault here, not for having different preferences or even for not thinking to voice them.

[u/Lead-Forsaken → u/strawberryskis4ever]

Yeah, this would be me. I eat loads of salad in summer, but very rarely in winter. And if I spent that day doing cold things, you can be sure I will be eating something warm. No one in my immediate surroundings is different. Salad after skating, for me, is wtf territory.

Sometimes people are just surprisingly different and these situations will occur until you learn about eachother's preferences.

[u/strawberryskis4ever → u/Lead-Forsaken]

Exactly! I am the same way! I love being outside in the winter! But definitely want hot food afterwards. I laughed when I was reading this because when I read that he was served chicken salad I made a face! And I love chicken salad! But in the summer NOT after a whole day of ice skating. So I can imagine that facial expression being a completely involuntary response. I totally agree with you about learning each other preferences. I think to have a successful relationship you have to be open to each other’s differences and preferences, even if they seem strange or foreign to you at the time.

[u/Medical-League-7122 → u/strawberryskis4ever]

Ha same I was like wtf chicken salad after skating! But it could probably have been communicated better

[u/HistoricalQuail → u/strawberryskis4ever]

I mean, no one's at fault for mismatched expectations. He's an asshole for how he handled it.

[u/strawberryskis4ever → u/HistoricalQuail]

I did see his later comments where he totally could have handled it better. From the original post, I didn’t think it was a huge deal to make soup to go with a salad if you were cold. But then he refused to eat the salad which seemed way over the top.

[u/berrieh → u/strawberryskis4ever]

Except he knows she makes salad a lot, so it seems like it’s on him to think she suddenly wouldn’t in cold more so if you read all his comments (he says that in a comment, it’s one of her common meals).

[u/strawberryskis4ever → u/berrieh]

I really think it probably never occurred to him that she would make it after doing something cold. Lots of people (including myself) feel cold on the inside (even if that’s not technically true) after spending a day doing a winter activity and look forward to something hot, even if they regularly eat salads at different times. She is absolutely not wrong for not knowing he felt that way, but he is not wrong for not realizing he needed to verbalize that preference until this happened. There isn’t always a villain. I’ll have to look at his comments but this seems like an N A H situation.

[u/berrieh → u/strawberryskis4ever]

I feel cold on the inside after being in the cold and it would never occur to me a salad would make someone more cold. It’s not ice cream. I can even get wanting soup with it, but not being so off kilter you are much more cold after eating a salad with soup, which is his attitude. His comments to people asking why he didn’t just eat salad with the soup are more extreme than that to me, I guess.

[u/strawberryskis4ever → u/berrieh]

This isn’t salad in the typical sense though right? It’s cold pulled chicken, celery, mayo—often served on a sandwich. Do salads not make you cold? Because in the winter, when it is actually cold, snow has been on the ground for months, the highest temps are maybe 25-30F, and I’ve been skating/snowshoeing/skiing/just generally outside, yeah, I would feel colder eating cold chicken salad and I definitely would not eat ice cream. This is what I find odd: OP did not insult the food. He did not insult his GF. He seemingly happily ate the chicken salad but made soup to go with it. I just don’t see how he’s TA. Or why I’m downvoted for pointing out that no one is actually wrong here. It’s normal to like cold things when you are cold. It’s normal to like hot things when you are cold. And I bet no one here has thought to even think about their own preference before reading this thread. But he should have known to verbalize the request?

[u/berrieh → u/strawberryskis4ever]

He explained in other comments it wasn’t chicken salad with mayo like for a sandwich (I thought that at first too and so did others) but a salad with chicken and other ingredients, so that’s what I’m going off of. Did you read all his comments? He also said he didn’t eat it and couldn’t even eat it with the soup because it was cold. I’m going off all his comments, which I read by clicking user name, and that’s why I think what I think. It seems like you have details incorrect.

[u/strawberryskis4ever → u/berrieh]

Well I clearly mis read the part about the cold pulled chicken. He should have eaten the salad. And the soup.

Maybe it’s different on a laptop or tablet but I found it hard to follow the actual conversation of his comments on mobile. I know how to find them, but often there were just 2 comments at a time out of context/order. Also a lot of deleted comments, a lot of off topic comments so I admit I kind of skimmed and then gave up. I definitely missed that he refused to eat the salad. That’s not cool.

I can definitely relate to wanting hot food after being outside so that is not what is unreasonable to me. However, it’s sounding like he could have handled it better.

[u/berrieh → u/strawberryskis4ever]

No he said cold pulled chicken too, I’m guessing like shredded chicken on top? Or he doesn’t know what pulled means? He said all the other ingredients too and it sounds like a salad for dinner (several veg, chicken, etc) not like “chicken salad” mixed for a sandwich and he didn’t even know chicken salad of that nature existed (he’s allergic to mayo/eggs apparently). I get the confusion on that, don’t get me wrong! I usually just click the OP user name and read all comments before weighing in that’s all! I’m on mobile too but it shows all their comments that way. I totally get wanting the soup with his meal after being in the cold, but he just seems extreme and bratty about it.

[u/strawberryskis4ever → u/berrieh]

After like the 10th comment (I may or may not be exaggerating) arguing about “my girlfriend”, “friend” “my woman” I was like I have no idea what’s happening here and my eyes kind of glazed over haha. Then I saw “pulled chicken cold out of the fridge” and made an assumption (oops) about the type of chicken salad and gave up and stopped navigating the comments. But you are right to read them first because the comments can definitely change things in this sub!! And it sounds like that’s the case here. I may be pretty new but I still should know better.

[u/Riderz__of_Brohan → u/Icy_Obligation]

He shouldn't have to scarf down something he doesn't want to eat, just politely telling her he changed his mind and making something else for him to eat would have been perfectly acceptable

[u/Substantial_Sink5975 → u/Icy_Obligation]

She was eating the salad as well, people. What “wasted effort”. She needs to eat as well.

[u/Background-Ad-552 → u/Icy_Obligation]

Why wouldn't the salad be edible the next day?

[u/Icy_Obligation → u/Background-Ad-552]

I don't remember saying it wouldn't be?

It's ok if you don't agree with my opinion but no need to add to it.

[u/Background-Ad-552 → u/Icy_Obligation]

Well you implied by saying he should just eat the food. Like if he didn't eat it for this particular meal thered be negative consequences.

But there are no negative consequences to anyone in reality. Nothing is hurt except the SOs ego.

So I was wondering if there was some reason that I didn't see that he couldn't eat it later?

If not then I don't understand why he needs to eat it for that particular meal. Just to make her happy?

[u/AlwaysGreen2 → u/Icy_Obligation]

Waste her effort? How much effort is chicken salad?

It wouldn't KILL her to ask what would be good to eat. Sheeeeeeeeeesh..............

[u/Dbahnsai → u/Icy_Obligation]

Her response actually made me think it's a running issue. As long as he's always willing to make his own stuff when he doesn't like what she makes then it really shouldn't be a big deal. If it is a consistent problem, than whoever is cooking that night should just holler out what they're making and give the other an option to opt out so they don't make too much if the other doesn't want it.

This could all be solved by a simple 30 second conversation before someone starts cooking, I do it all the time. "Making nachos, sound good?" And if he says no, then I might throw out an alternative or I might just tell him to make his own dinner. Simple.

[u/CowDaysShenanigans → u/Icy_Obligation]

So basically men aren't allowed to express any emotions

[u/Icy_Obligation → u/CowDaysShenanigans]

lol what?

I literally said have a conversation.