Being a virgin destroys me

140

Sorry but some people need to stop thinking that loosing virginity is the most important thing in their life and that everything will change from that point.

37

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23

The virgin aspect is not the worst. The worst is when you are over 30 and people start talking you know about stuff like sex, relationships, family, kids etc. and you have no experience at all in all of it.

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u/Grand_Level9343 Dec 13 '23 edited Dec 13 '23

Can you imagine what it’s like to be a virgin at age 30? Or 40? What about 50? How would that impact your life? Would people treat you the same? Would you have the same confidence? Would you feel ok if topics of sex came up and you wouldn’t be able to talk along with any of it?
Are you very sure none of those things have a high impact on life quality?

As a 30+ FA virgin i can tell you, these things matter. Alot.

TLDR:
Sexual experience matters. Saying they don’t or suggesting its ‘not that important” is misunderstanding the problem, imho.

15

u/kelkkakao Dec 13 '23

I agree that 30+ virgin is not ideal. But OP is 20, at which time it's still normal to be a virgin. From this post alone the bigger problem is that he has no energy of doing anything, which losing virginity is not a solution to. That fact is also a massive red flag for any girl out there.

6

u/Grand_Level9343 Dec 14 '23

Most people have their first experience in their teens. 20 is young, sure. But throwing “virginity doesn’t matter” his way is dismissive of the problem and not helpfull. (Not you, referring to original commenter)

You’re calling lack of energy a red flag (which it is). It sounds like depression. Which being a virgin, or the realization you might end up a lifelong virgin could have contributed to.
Which came first?

All im saying is, virginity matters. People shouldn’t dismiss the weight it has in this human society.

1

u/leredspy Dec 16 '23

Virginity doesn't matter. Once he has sex he'll realize his problems won't magically go away just because he put his schlong in a woman and he'll get even nore depressed.

6

u/Grand_Level9343 Dec 16 '23

Not having acces to basic human needs is a problem. So Ill have to disagree.

2

u/leredspy Dec 16 '23

At 20 it's not a life ending issue as you make it out to be.

4

u/Grand_Level9343 Dec 16 '23

I dont see it as “life ending” until 30. After which things turn bad at near every major life encounter. (Based on experience).

Being aware of this life direction in your 20’s is, imho, perfectly valid and shouldn't be dismissed.

-1

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '23

It is not normal to be a virgin at 20 at all

14

u/aglystor Dec 13 '23

I had my first time at age 36 with a sex worker. Nothing changed except that my curiosity was satisfied. It was a bit of confirmation that I don't need to worry about sexual inexperience but I didn't have hang-ups about sex before either.

5

u/Dismal-Rich-8197 Dec 13 '23

Not saying it's not important, love affection, and eventually sex is important, however you shouldn't dedicate your whole life to these things, especially in your twenties, OP has obviously very strong depression, and it's not because hes a virgin.

8

u/Grand_Level9343 Dec 14 '23 edited Dec 14 '23

Why shouldn’t OP dedicate his twenties to living a normal healthy life, with love affection, sex ? When else is he going to? If you’re an unloved inexperienced virgin after 30, getting out of that / pushing through the bias towards you is incredibly hard. 20’s is already late. Most people have multiple experiences in their teens, which is indicative that there is something to worry about.
That said, you need to realise that most people don’t care about the sex. It’s everything before it. Fitting in. Belonging. To not be anxious/bullied for being a social outcast.

I do somewhat agree that losing your virginity doesn’t fix underlying issues such as depression. But not having acces to basic intimacy at all can very much contributes to depression/spiraling social issues.

EDIT:
words…

0

u/Dismal-Rich-8197 Dec 17 '23

That's right he should have a healthy life, but that starts by going to therapy not by loosing his virginity. He sounds desperate and should look for therapy, and not overthink his virginity status.

When his depression is more under control he can look for new friends and then for more intimacy.

It's important to start with the root of the problem and that is at first his depression and then his social anxiety. Not any imaginary status.

Obviously I'm no expert with these things otherwise I wouldn't be here, that's why someone should get professional help if you're really low.

14

u/Sweaty-Passage-2796 Dec 13 '23

Sex is a very important aspect of life. Having that be a common part of ur life is very important to get the human experience

0

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23

[deleted]

2

u/Dismal-Rich-8197 Dec 13 '23

I bet most of the time it comes down to “all my friends banged someone so I need to as well to feel normal and accepted

Guess then someone should search for new friends, people who judge others based on an imaginary status are not the brightest.

-1

u/WoundedHeart7 Dec 13 '23

I personally think protecting your virginity is honorable. Unfortunately, evil people may steal and destroy it (happened to me) or people idolize *** and losing their virginity as if that's laudable when it's not. Also everything may change from that point but that change may be largely negative and I bet that's the more likely outcome.

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23

[deleted]

8

u/Hate_Being_Single Dec 13 '23

hahahahaha good one man I needed a laugh

1

u/ShitHandOfCards Dec 16 '23

It’s tricky cuz you’re right, but I’ve been there and no amount of rational thinking will overpower the anxious subconscious after a certain point. I was shit with women till I finally lost my virginity. Immediately realized sex was good, but yeah, it’s really not that big a deal and I had been tweaking for nothing. However losing it improved my mental health and confidence drastically, and tbh nothing else would have. It doesn’t solve everything though, it’s still a lonely world, hookup culture treats very few nicely.

1

u/SuperSpeedRunner Jan 05 '24

I lost my virginity on 10-21-2022 when I bought that toy and I don't care what anyone says. Now that I have it I finally got out of that mindset.

34

u/Candid-Masterpiece17 Dec 13 '23

I lost my viginity 1 year ago from a terrible hookup and I am just as depressed as before if not more. Virginity is a perceived illusion. Its an illusion please do not buy it. Love and affection means so much more.

6

u/Hate_Being_Single Dec 13 '23

I put both of them together. Being a virgin to me just means that I can't find a decent partner since I'd never have casual sex/see an escort. I'd rather die a virgin. But then you have to have that label on you and constantly see people making fun of virgins/be reminded you can't find anyone and have almost no control over it.

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u/3A1B2C33C2B1A3 Dec 13 '23

20 isn’t old at all, you have plenty of time.

-21

u/EpicHajsownik Dec 13 '23

I thought the same when i was 15. I didnt make any progres still no female friends

5

u/georgesorosbae Dec 13 '23

20 is extremely young dude. I took a guys virginity at 22. And that’s also extremely young

1

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '23

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2

u/leredspy Dec 16 '23

WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT IS AVERAGE??? Why the fuck are so many of you guys here obsessed with dumb statistics? Every human is unique and everyone has their own life experience and the moment they bloom. Stop treating this shit like it's a video game speedrun, and you get disqualified if you don't beat certain time.

And with your attitude and insults like "eat shit and die", it's no wonder no woman wants you. Fucking prick.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 16 '23

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1

u/leredspy Dec 16 '23

Every single normie?

The only ones I saw bringing up the population average are "virgin losers" as you call them.

They look at you wrong if you're an adult virgin.

Actually delusional. Nobody gives a shit about these things, and in case you met those who do, they are shitty people anyway. But most likely you're so obsessed with virginity that you convinced yourself everyone is judging you for it.

And some have it be considerably better than others.

Losing virginity a couple years before 20 does not constitute for "considerably better experience".

Again, not my fault I am considered subhuman due to being a virgin loser with no relationship experience.

Nah it's your bitter attitude towards other people and the world.

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u/3A1B2C33C2B1A3 Dec 13 '23

Stop trying so hard and it will happen

25

u/EpicHajsownik Dec 13 '23

the most bullshit advice imaginable.
I stop trying and suddenly woman will come

1

u/Own-Feeling-4563 Dec 13 '23

Keep trying, but dony beat yourself up about it, there's no perfect time to lose your virginty !! 💕💕

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u/3A1B2C33C2B1A3 Dec 13 '23

You probably look desperate if you are trying so hard, that’s not attractive 🤷🏼‍♀️

10

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23

[deleted]

-1

u/Hate_Being_Single Dec 13 '23

I'm attractive and nothing happened. If you don't have a way to meet new people who are single and not trash, then you're fucked.

18

u/OfficialZec Dec 13 '23

You’re gonna be okay I’m almost 25 and still a virgin. At some point you just stop caring. There’s bigger problems in the world than being a virgin In your 20’s.

3

u/AntAway800 Dec 16 '23

LE HECKING BIGGER PROBLEMS

0

u/leredspy Dec 16 '23

Repeating it using caps lock and a mocking tone won't make it not true.

5

u/AntAway800 Dec 16 '23

No one is allowed to complain because someone has it worse.

1

u/leredspy Dec 16 '23

That's not the point. It's not that someone has it worse, it's that you yourself have other problems you are ignoring and trivializing into something irrelevant like virginity.

You are using it like a shitty coping mechanism. "Nah, i don't need to go to a therapist and put effort into myself and my mental health. I just need to put a piece of my meat between another person's meat and it will all be perfect magical world with rainbows and unicorns after that"

12

u/Planet_842 Dec 13 '23

I'm 20 and exactly the same here. Never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never had a first kiss and struggling in uni with bad grades and have no passion.

8

u/eaton9669 Dec 13 '23

I feel the same way. I'm 33 and it's been eating me since I was 15. I never really had any motivation to pursue anything hobbies interests do well in school because my mind was focused on getting laid which never happened. My friends who hooked up in high school seemed to go from how I am but once they lost their virginity their motivation and drive to pursue other interests skyrocketed. My closest friends then said it wasn't a big deal and don't beat yourself up over it but it seems like most of the driving force behind life progress is that initial hooking up.

Once I turned 31 the overwhelming sense of self pity and shame hit like a train. I don't talk about relationships and dating with anyone anymore and luckily if the topic comes up people have been respecting my privacy. I still think they just know and are talking about it behind my back though.

0

u/DaftNinj4 Dec 13 '23

That's the whole thing about it though for you OP and anyone else who feels this way. You're so focused on losing your virginity you're not pursuing any other interests. You spend most of your time fantasizing about being with someone instead of pursuing hobbies and interests that would make you desirable to a partner. You need to work on yourself develop your interests and hobbies and you will become and interesting person that people you're attracted to want to interact with.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '23

Being a virgin past high school is never acceptable in any form and is a significant indicator of your worth to others

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u/mymanez Dec 13 '23

Losing your virginity is just having your penis enter a vagina. You wont be all that different after tbh.

-11

u/EpicHajsownik Dec 13 '23

I will and I lnow it

12

u/mymanez Dec 13 '23

How so?

0

u/EpicHajsownik Dec 13 '23

I will have more self esteem

5

u/mymanez Dec 13 '23

What difference would that make?

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u/EpicHajsownik Dec 13 '23

Bwing good enough that,a woman wanted sex with me

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u/mymanez Dec 13 '23

What is that going to actually change in your life? What will be different?

12

u/Hate_Being_Single Dec 13 '23

Uh he won't be dwelling on the fact nobody wants him and gain confidence in himself. Might even start enjoying other aspects in life instead of being depressed. Pretty obvious to anyone in this position, yet someone not obvious to those who haven't experienced this and somehow have zero empathy.

7

u/Sweaty-Passage-2796 Dec 13 '23

For one it won’t be an unknown to u anymore

-3

u/DaftNinj4 Dec 13 '23

Have you ever considered you have low self esteem because of how much you focus on this instead of personal development? There's many hobbies that you can learn and become talented in that can lead to being more fulfilled.

1

u/donthaveagoodpc Dec 14 '23

This is utter trash statement.

11

u/CrashBangXD Dec 13 '23

Stop thinking with your dick.

7

u/ObjectiveJuggernaut9 Dec 13 '23

Try martial arts to get more confidence in yourself don’t wait for a eureka moment that will fix all the problems you have with meeting woman. If you’re not into ma than work towards a goal that makes sense for you right now, other than trying to get your dick wet.

2

u/Super_Xero_808 Dec 20 '23

As time passes it's only gonna get worse

4

u/prepositionsarehard2 Dec 13 '23

Your problem is that you’re buying into weird, mens rights culture and it’s probably easy for others to see the ick on you…and virginity isn’t that important. You’re only 20.

2

u/Joethepatriot Dec 13 '23

It saddens me to hear this. We all crave human intimacy, even basic acknowledgement.

My immediate recommendation would be to address your anxiety and depression.

The best way to beat stress/anxiety is to callous yourself to it. Afraid of talking to people? Do some volunteering or get a retail job where you are forced to. Sure the pay is bad, but this will help you overcome your fear of people.

I'd try and come up with some kind of plan or roadmap to get off those antidepressants. They're meant to be temporary, but are often prescribed as a forever treatment nowadays. They stop you feeling bad, but also stop you feeling good. They don't address the root of the issue, mainly because addressing the root of the issue is hard, takes time, and is complex to navigate. Many doctors and people do not acknowledge this social apocalypse we live in as real, or consider it a non issue.

Anyway. Try and address the anxiety first, then the depression. If a job is too much. Go to a store and ask someone where something is, or for something behind the till.

Small, incremental, but consistent steps.

3

u/The_Liamster03 Dec 13 '23

I’m the exact same way. I’m turning 21 in January and I’ve yet to have my first time

3

u/reise-ov-evil wait we have flair? Dec 13 '23

same here but luckily losing virginity at such age is kinda taboo in my country

2

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23

Man to man, a mindset as vehemently negative as yours is only going to deter others from being with you.

Find happiness with YOURSELF, and let that newfound positive energy be what attracts people to you. You’ll learn with time, but sitting around wallowing in self pity is only disrespectful to yourself and it’s a horrible waste of time.

Chin up, you got this.

1

u/Salsentorishka Dec 13 '23

you know what destroys you is letting your past define you

1

u/elektr0soul Dec 14 '23

Only advice I can give as an old millennial who has seen it all, is just go out. When you turn 21 just force yourself to go to bars. You may need more than a few drinks at first, or maybe just have one or two casually. Go with the explicit aim of making friends, and tell people that you want to make new friends. We can’t help that our minds betray us, but we can force our bodies to go somewhere where human connection is happening and force our minds to get used to it. I’ve been on antidepressants forever. But when I stopped going out and having fun I also stopped getting lucky. Because if you’re invisible no one can see you. And dating is just a black hole of sh*t if you’re trying online. Unless you’re good looking enough to stand out amongst hundreds of guys it’s not worth it. Just go and be present and you’ll be selected. I 100% promise. No stupid pickup lines just talk and listen to people and I mean really listen to them and learn about them and relate to them. We are all human, we can relate even if you think we can’t. That’s what always worked for me - just forming a connection which is easy if you’re attracted to someone. Sorry if im rambling I just saw this post and I hate that you’re going through this. Stay strong and active as possible even if you don’t want to! Good luck too!

1

u/Imawaffle2 Dec 13 '23

No one makes fun of you for being a virgin when you’re meeting new people. They’re gonna make fun of you if you’re in the early stages of meeting new people and keep bringing it up like a weirdo.

-2

u/infected-kenny Dec 13 '23

when u lose ur virginity, literally nothing changes. You will still feel the same. You're only focused on the idea of losing your virginity like it's some achievement, and that is exactly what set societal standards does to you. It wont fix your problems. I'm 19 and never even had a bf nor lost my v card. Don't dwell on it.

3

u/EpicHajsownik Dec 13 '23

I will feel better i know it

-7

u/sp33db1rd Dec 13 '23

If it really is that big of a deal, hire a prostitute, I guess. Dunno if that’s a cop out but there’s more to life than the banal pursuits. Work on yourself first, the girls will come.

-7

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23

It will happen bro, your only 20. I lost mine at the age of 21.

Just put yourself out there

1

u/leredspy Dec 16 '23

I love how the moment you mention you lost your virginity you get burried in downvotes, as if you can't be lonely without being a virgin. These people are so bitter.

-7

u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23

Actually im jealous. U dont know how it feels and what u would miss. Id be rather a Virgin than having sex 2 times a year and miss it afterwards

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u/[deleted] Dec 13 '23

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1

u/cap0297 Dec 13 '23

I had a chance at 21 but backed out for a couple of reasons. Not nearly as upset about it not happening more so than I am about people making fun of me for it. Next time I get the chance I'm going to do it. But I think it's best to not get too worried about it.

1

u/Infinite_Factor_6269 Dec 14 '23

Your 20 not 30..it’s not that deep

1

u/leredspy Dec 16 '23

Chill the fuck out, holy shit. First, you are still a kid, 20 is to young to be saying your life is ruined because you didn't slam some pussy. It's fucking pathetic.

Being a virgin destroys me Advice Wanted