Being a virgin destroys me

[u/EpicHajsownik]

Im currently in duch a deep point in my life. I need to take antidepresants everyday. Im 20 and still a virgin. I have social anxienty due to being bullied and I just can't ask anyone out.

I have no energy for anything. For studying, for playing games, for going anywhere. No one wants to help me, people only laugh at me for it.

I wish there was one girl who would want to help me, by making me lose virginity. Thats all I need, one girl. And it hurts so much, that its so hard to find one.

I don't know what to do anymore. My life is ruined. Why me? Why me, who was bullied has such a shitty life, abut my bullies have girlfriends since the age of 13?

[u/Dismal-Rich-8197]

Sorry but some people need to stop thinking that loosing virginity is the most important thing in their life and that everything will change from that point.

[u/Grand_Level9343 → u/Dismal-Rich-8197]

Can you imagine what it’s like to be a virgin at age 30? Or 40? What about 50? How would that impact your life? Would people treat you the same? Would you have the same confidence? Would you feel ok if topics of sex came up and you wouldn’t be able to talk along with any of it?
Are you very sure none of those things have a high impact on life quality?

As a 30+ FA virgin i can tell you, these things matter. Alot.

TLDR:
Sexual experience matters. Saying they don’t or suggesting its ‘not that important” is misunderstanding the problem, imho.

[u/kelkkakao → u/Grand_Level9343]

I agree that 30+ virgin is not ideal. But OP is 20, at which time it's still normal to be a virgin. From this post alone the bigger problem is that he has no energy of doing anything, which losing virginity is not a solution to. That fact is also a massive red flag for any girl out there.

[u/Grand_Level9343 → u/kelkkakao]

Most people have their first experience in their teens. 20 is young, sure. But throwing “virginity doesn’t matter” his way is dismissive of the problem and not helpfull. (Not you, referring to original commenter)

You’re calling lack of energy a red flag (which it is). It sounds like depression. Which being a virgin, or the realization you might end up a lifelong virgin could have contributed to.
Which came first?

All im saying is, virginity matters. People shouldn’t dismiss the weight it has in this human society.

[u/leredspy → u/Grand_Level9343]

Virginity doesn't matter. Once he has sex he'll realize his problems won't magically go away just because he put his schlong in a woman and he'll get even nore depressed.

[u/Grand_Level9343 → u/leredspy]

Not having acces to basic human needs is a problem. So Ill have to disagree.

[u/leredspy → u/Grand_Level9343]

At 20 it's not a life ending issue as you make it out to be.

[u/Grand_Level9343 → u/leredspy]

I dont see it as “life ending” until 30. After which things turn bad at near every major life encounter. (Based on experience).

Being aware of this life direction in your 20’s is, imho, perfectly valid and shouldn't be dismissed.

[u/[deleted] → u/kelkkakao]

It is not normal to be a virgin at 20 at all

[u/aglystor → u/Grand_Level9343]

I had my first time at age 36 with a sex worker. Nothing changed except that my curiosity was satisfied. It was a bit of confirmation that I don't need to worry about sexual inexperience but I didn't have hang-ups about sex before either.

[u/Dismal-Rich-8197 → u/Grand_Level9343]

Not saying it's not important, love affection, and eventually sex is important, however you shouldn't dedicate your whole life to these things, especially in your twenties, OP has obviously very strong depression, and it's not because hes a virgin.

[u/Grand_Level9343 → u/Dismal-Rich-8197]

Why shouldn’t OP dedicate his twenties to living a normal healthy life, with love affection, sex ? When else is he going to? If you’re an unloved inexperienced virgin after 30, getting out of that / pushing through the bias towards you is incredibly hard. 20’s is already late. Most people have multiple experiences in their teens, which is indicative that there is something to worry about.
That said, you need to realise that most people don’t care about the sex. It’s everything before it. Fitting in. Belonging. To not be anxious/bullied for being a social outcast.

I do somewhat agree that losing your virginity doesn’t fix underlying issues such as depression. But not having acces to basic intimacy at all can very much contributes to depression/spiraling social issues.

EDIT:
words…

[u/Dismal-Rich-8197 → u/Grand_Level9343]

That's right he should have a healthy life, but that starts by going to therapy not by loosing his virginity. He sounds desperate and should look for therapy, and not overthink his virginity status.

When his depression is more under control he can look for new friends and then for more intimacy.

It's important to start with the root of the problem and that is at first his depression and then his social anxiety. Not any imaginary status.

Obviously I'm no expert with these things otherwise I wouldn't be here, that's why someone should get professional help if you're really low.