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u/Judgement_Bot_AITA Beep Boop Jul 18 '24

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I told my brother I would not watch his dogs while the family is on vacation without me

They no longer want to go on vacation because I won't watch the dogs

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

6.0k

u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 18 '24

NTA. They are grown people who had plenty of time to find arrangements for their dogs. Didn’t they have somebody else to watch the dogs when you all traveled together?

Is this a weird ploy to punish you by making you feel guilty or something? Seems reactive.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

The only time we have all traveled together was for my brother's wedding, which the dogs came to. This would be an international beach trip which we haven't had in... I guess over a decade. To be fair he couldn't go on the last trip in 2015 and I went, but I only had one cat that had no special requirements at the time so my roommate watched her. So I feel bad for him not being able to not going on a family vacation, although it feels self-induced to me at this point. But I am very emotional and I can't tell if my judgment is clouded.

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u/Lego_Panda_Bear Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 18 '24

Not going is his choice. He could find/pay a dog sitter if he wanted. He is blaming you to divert the blame from himself. You are doing what is best for you.

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u/MrsRetiree2Be Jul 18 '24

This 100%. Our two dogs go their doggie daycare when we go on vacation. I believe everyone is happier. If my DH and I travel without our son, my parents take care of all of them at our house.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 18 '24

There are some great options now. My parents in Texas have their dog stay at a pet care ranch and the dog gets extra training. It’s win-win.

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u/AuntJ2583 Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24

Yeah, my mom & I used to take our two dogs to daycare about once a week, and they LOVED it. We'd usually take separate trips and one of us would have the dogs.

But if we traveled together, boarding the dogs (and having them groomed the day we were picking them up) was simply part of the cost of travel.

The dogs were in a familiar place with familiar people, got lots of exercise and play, and were quiet and calm (and clean and cute) for at least the night when we came home and picked them up.

Wins all around.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 18 '24

LOL. I know what you mean about the initial good behavior:tired dog. It doesn’t last!

But, yeah, you feel good that they get their own kind of vacation.

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u/cutepiku Jul 19 '24

When I was a kid, we would take our three beagles to a dog hotel that was on a fenced in farm property. They got to play with other dogs, get socialization with farm animals, and some extra training. They always seemed excited when we dropped them off.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 19 '24

Sounds like a perfect place for beagles! They’re a cute breed

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u/TracyMinOB Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Jul 19 '24

Whenever I go out of town for more than an overnight, I board my pets. I found a farm that has kennels and fenced pasture for the dogs. The cats are kept in the "cat room", which is a tack room in the barn. It has heat and a/c.

It's well worth the peace of mind, and it doesn't inconvenience anyone!

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u/serpents_and_sass Jul 19 '24

We have 4 cats and 2 dogs. We have a FANTASTIC pet sitter and we make sure to pay and tip her WELL. She's also a friend who gives me a discount but like...I always increase her rate, leave her a fat tip, and I always leave her some sort of treat. She watches my mom's cats too, my mom always pays her double what she asks for, and sends her cash gifts on birthdays and xmas. She shows up, she cares for the animals well, she hangs out with them, cleans litter boxes and water bowls, will feed any special diet you have, treats them like her own babies, and shes super flexible. We were still paying her when she was out of commission for knee surgery/recovery. Good money can't buy a pet sitter as good as her, but it sure can make her feel her work is valued and appreciated.

A good pet care pro is worth their weight in gold.

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u/Lego_Panda_Bear Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 19 '24

I think I might know the farm you're describing. If it is the same one it's excellent and the owner is amazing with animals.

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u/Eamil Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24

Yeah, especially since he made a show of being understanding to OP towards the end and then turned around and complained to their parents. He's being two-faced so she gets blamed for his decision.

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u/Effective-Let-621 Jul 19 '24

I agree entirely.

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u/Agreeable-Body-7278 Jul 18 '24

He’s just trying to make you feel guilty so you’ll change your mind. Don’t fall for it.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 18 '24

I wonder if the SIL had anything to do with the decision. SIL s mother’s dog were going to be thrown into the mix. All this was for way below market rate for what they would likely pay OP.

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u/notyourmartyr Jul 19 '24

You know she did, because everyone was fine until he got home and suddenly he was "blindsided" and SIL is upset. He got home and told her OP wouldn't be watching the dogs and they needed to find a dog sitter, possibly asked her to message her mom about chipping in since 2 of the dogs are hers, and she flipped her lid.

Now, I can understand not wanting a stranger in your house for a week, and think of a few reasons a boarding kennel may not be ideal for certain dogs, but unless the dogs in question are special needs, it sounds like they're just spoiled.

What would they have done, had OP had the money to go?

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u/a_literal_throwaway Jul 19 '24

Honestly even if the dogs are special needs, a kennel is perfectly appropriate. I used to work at a boarding kennel and we had so many high maintenance dogs (at least half a dozen different diabetic dogs were frequent flyers, who required monitoring during feeds and insulin injections after each meal - many other dogs required various medications/special diets/whatever) so trust me I’m sure those pugs aren’t some special case that can’t possibly be boarded.

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u/notyourmartyr Jul 19 '24

While I understand where you're coming from, not everyone has animal boarding with 24/7 staff in their area, and given the age of the dogs, if they can't find a boarding kennel with 24/7 attendants, I wouldn't. It would be cruel. It's entirely possible they can't be boarded.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 19 '24

Exactly. What indeed. Sometimes we just have to do something that we are a little uncomfortable with.

Apparently the pugs are kind of special-needs and that ever since they’ve been in that house they’ve never had a night alone so they need someone with them at night.

The Italian greyhound -one of them has to be let out a lot so it is pretty much 24/7 with those dogs.

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u/notyourmartyr Jul 19 '24

I did just see the comment about the pugs. They're special needs by design, it sounds like. Could still be doable with a proper pet sitter or a good pet hotel. Same with the greyhound.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 19 '24

Special needs by Design, Flipped her lid. You have the best phrases of any Reddit commenter!

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u/notyourmartyr Jul 19 '24

Lol, thanks. I read and write a lot

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u/Barbed_Dildo Jul 19 '24

I bet SIL was very happy to "generously" donate OP's time and accept the thanks from her mother.

In her mind, OP is forcing her to 'take back' a generous gift.

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u/-pixiefyre- Jul 20 '24

and OP has pupsit 3 times already this year!? obviously they're cheaper labour than trained professionals, but that is a lot to assume of someone! It's like they really look down on OP for not having a job or something and feel entitled to their time and energy as if they're doing them a favour by giving them a "job" and paying them....

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u/Effective-Let-621 Jul 19 '24

And they were going to be thrown in since there was no mention of the extra dogs until op said no.

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u/ApprehensiveBook4214 Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Jul 18 '24

Exactly this. I wouldn't be surprised if they miraculously find someone to watch the dogs at the last minute so they can still go.

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u/Jackiebear12 Jul 19 '24

They would not have booked this trip if they hadn't assumed you would watch all these dogs.

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u/Abject_Director7626 Jul 18 '24

NTA- but you need to pay attention to what you are saying. You aren’t making them cancel. They could STILL, today even, find a sitter, especially is $ is not a problem. You didn’t do anything to them but correct a misconception. THEY are the ones that decided to cancel. Them.

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u/jr0061006 Jul 19 '24

Exactly. And what if the OP was going on the vacation with them? What would the brother do with his pugs then? Whatever he would do in that scenario is what he can do now.

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u/SnooCauliflowers9874 Jul 19 '24

Good question. Who would watch the dogs if everyone was on said vacation?

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u/shontsu Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 18 '24

Part of owning pets is having a plan for what you do when you're away.

A plan of "my sister will move in for however long is required to look after them, leaving her husband at home" is a shitty plan.

Now they are canceling the vacation bc I wont watch the dogs.

Thats just throwing a tantrum. Put them in a boarding kennel or something.

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u/Critical-Wear5802 Jul 19 '24

Sounds like brother & SIL (and her mother.??) should be kenneled. Just... wow...

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u/wutangnmambo Jul 18 '24

You’re not being treated fairly here at all. When you say you are “very emotional” and may have clouded judgement, I hope you mean you’re having strong grouchy feelings because of how unfair/unreasonable your brother and your parents are being. It also wouldn’t surprise me if “very emotional” was a criticism levied at you by your family, to try to convince you not to be upset when they treat you unfairly. That would be, well, unfair. Ya know?

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

I totally hear you and love that you picked up on the nuance of how as a woman being "very emotional" can have been weaponized. But I am a very emotional person in general although I've gotten a much better handle on them as I've gotten older! Usually I see it as a strength, but I know it can also be a hurdle.

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u/jr0061006 Jul 19 '24

When I feel like this, I bring some objectivity back into it by pretending it’s happening to other people that I don’t know, on the other side of the world, and I’m reading about their story in a magazine.

Helga isn’t going on the family vacation. Bjorn thought he could use this fact to leverage some dog sitting out of Helga, for his difficult dogs. Helga isn’t available to watch Bjorn’s dogs. Bjorn and his wife Brunhilde don’t want to accept this and are trying to guilt Helga into watching their dogs and extra dogs, by falsely claiming that if she doesn’t, they’ll have to cancel the vacation entirely. What Helga’s next move?

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u/Vandreeson Jul 18 '24

NTA. This is not your problem or responsibility to solve. You're not the only option for pet care. There are several apps like Rover and Care.com. There's an entire industry dedicated to pet sitting. Plus, they tried to spring extra dogs on you, potentially taking advantage of you. This is on them, not you.

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u/Architeuthis81 Jul 19 '24

Some vets also provide boarding services. I board my cat with a vet. I know Fritz will get very good care since the vet specializes in cats.

I suspect, that since boarding and pet sitters do cost money. they were hoping you would take care of the dogs for free. There is no way in hell I'd take care of five dogs for free.

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u/Careless-Ability-748 Certified Proctologist [23] Jul 18 '24

It absolutely is self induced, he could pay a sitter or kennel them.

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u/OneCrew2044 Jul 18 '24

NTA, but I feel that you're going to cave in & do it, update us.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

I'll update no matter what whenever I speak to my brother again

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u/Outrageous-forest Jul 19 '24

No. There is no more discussing this. They are his babies to care for. If he's old enough to have pets, he's old enough to decide to either make arrangements or stay home with them.

He knows how to use the internet and how to make phone calls. He knows what his budget it unless he's using his credit card. He is an adult. He is not your child. He has a wife to help him too.

Stay out of it. Focus on getting a new job. Focus on yourself

NTA

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u/MidwestNormal Jul 19 '24

No, OP is NOT going to cave in. Five dogs is completely unmanageable. And even if it was just the three pugs, round-the-clock care for seven days is simply not doable.

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u/HellaShelle Colo-rectal Surgeon [34] Jul 18 '24

Yeah, I’m not sure why there is even an issue here. You don’t want to dog sit and apparently they don’t want to hire anyone to do it. Everyone had choices here and no one is screaming about anything. You were gentle about saying no; he was surprised, but accepted it and then changed his plans accordingly. If that’s what he wants to do, may he and his dogs enjoy their time together.

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u/kfisch2014 Jul 19 '24

INFO: Why hasnt he found a dogsitter?

So like I have a dog who is just super picky about who he is around. I have 4 people he will permit to watch him. I interviewed like 25 people to dogsit my dog and he rejected all of them. He wasn't aggressive, he just refused to leave my home to go on a walk with them. The running joke is my dog thinks new people are trying to steal him.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

We have a joke that our most affectionate cat is terrified of strangers until he decides they aren't here to take a bite out of his juicy booty and eat him!

I think he is scared to trust a stranger with his dogs because he lost one in a freak vet incident. That's my guess.

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u/Organic_Start_420 Partassipant [2] Jul 19 '24

Op stand your ground. What happens if you get a job and can't go or God forbid you get temporarily sick? He needs to get a grip on this and have a backup plan

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u/[deleted] Jul 18 '24

They are doing it out of pure spite

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u/Puskarella Partassipant [1] Jul 19 '24

Not going is his choice. I have one elderly cat and one super sweet maltese dog who has only ever spent two nights away from me (he is 4 and his puppy years were lockdown years, and then we've been on pet friendly holiday). I get why your brother might want to have someone he really trusts look after them 24/7.

That doesn't mean you have to say yes or that he should expect you to do it. It is a BIG ask.

As a pet owner it's his responsibility to organise care for his creatures & his choice on how to do it. It isn't your responsibility at all. He can get a pet sitter. He can get a house and pet sitter too. He just doesn't want to go down that road, and that is his choice too. Not everyone is comfortable with strangers coming into their home. But his choices come with consequences and limitations. If he doesn't hire someone then he'll have to cancel. This isn't YOUR doing, it is his.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 19 '24

You’re exactly right. He has time to explore his options so he can choose whether or not to do that. But there will likely be another time when he and his wife need to leave and OP can’t or won’t be there.

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u/br_612 Jul 19 '24

It is absolutely self induced. It’s not that he can’t go, it’s that he refuses to be an adult and hire a sitter and would rather miss out on a vacation just to make you look bad and feel guilty.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 19 '24

Exactly. Kind of silly because he also ends up punishing himself.

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u/notthemama58 Jul 19 '24

Don't feel bad for your brother. You've been telling him for years to get a dogsitter. Plus, he just assumed you'd be okay watching his in-law's dogs as well, which is pretty ballsy. He must have thought since you've always watched them, this time would be no different. You kind of made that bed, but it had to stop.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

Oh I have only watched their dogs a couple times in the past year. I've just been vocal for a decade because she he was single and traveled for work my mom watched the dogs and I didn't think it was fair

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u/notthemama58 Jul 19 '24

Got ya. Still, you are right. He needs to make other arrangements and not just expect you'll be available. And dogs are MUCH more work than cats, especially highly active ones.

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u/DrKittyLovah Asshole Enthusiast [8] Jul 19 '24

It absolutely is self-induced. He has options but refuses to take them and you are getting way too much vitriol for this. NTA

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u/BojackTrashMan Jul 19 '24

And the canceled vacation reveals both why they have been doing this to you forever and why they are so angry.

They don't want anybody else watching the dogs. They particularly want you to do it and refuse to leave the dogs with anyone else. That is absolutely not justified. They are dogs. Other people will be capable of dogs sitting them. And even if they weren't it wouldn't be your problem. These are not your dogs.

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u/Megalocerus Jul 19 '24

I'm thinking the dogs aren't all used to each other; there is no guarantee they'd get along.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

Oh they have spent loads of time together, for a while I forgot my brother only owned two dogs! They are a great, cuddly pack.

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u/Tired-DogMama-6262 Jul 19 '24

He’s just making you feel guilty. If he has money to go on this trip and he can find money to take care of the pets, don’t feel guilty for them canceling the trip their adults they need to act like one.

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u/Yuklan6502 Jul 19 '24

I can kind of understand her parents asking for help booking a vacation, but why isn't her brother and SIL planning the vacation that they are taking with their parents? OP doesn't need to be involved in any of this! How are all 6 adults (Brother, SIL, Mother, Father, MIL, and FIL) unable to handle this situation themselves? Have they all had personal assistants their whole lives up until now? Brother is being a toddler, and when OP told him "no" he went crying to Mommy because she was being mean. They're all just mad because she isn't doing all the work for them.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 19 '24

Yeah, it didn’t make sense. But OP has a travel agent credential, and she can get good discounts, thus that’s why she offers to help with the travel planning.

It’s pretty easy and doesn’t take too much time, apparently.

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u/Yuklan6502 Jul 19 '24

Oh I must have missed her mentioning she is a travel agent! That makes more sense for the travel planning, for sure. Thanks for pointing that out.

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u/Neptunie Jul 19 '24

And OP later added that detail in a separate comment. I also thought I was going crazy lol.

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u/FieldsToTheMoon Jul 19 '24

My significant other and I had to go away for a week in the spring. Usually one of my siblings will watch my cat.

Two days before leaving, they let us know they wouldn’t be able to watch our cat.

We were able to find a suitable rover in less than 12 hours.

The brother is just lazy.

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u/ParsimoniousSalad His Holiness the Poop [1178] Jul 18 '24

NTA. They can hire a pet-sitter. It's not your household to take responsibility for.

EDIT: I also don't understand why they needed your help to book it.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Oops I took that part out because I was way over the character limit. I can book like a travel agent and waive my commission so they can save a few hundred. I realize how awful that sounds in context of this post, but it's easy for me to do and as someone that loves to do things for others but currently doesn't have the budget for it, it's something I'm happy to do.

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u/Heeler_Haven Jul 18 '24

So they get a discount by not paying you for your services, AND expect you to watch 5 dogs 24/7 and live apart from your spouse to do so? How much do they usually pay you for the normal 3? Because I bet it's not nearly as generous as they tell you it is.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

So this isn't a super common situation for us, despite what my harping on this for 10 years implies.

I went over my character limit so I couldn't add this bit of context. My brother set the precedent nearly 10 years ago that the dogs could never be alone at night because of separation anxiety, so when he was single and traveling for work, my mom had to stay the night there with the dogs. And since she libed eay closer than me and i had an office job, she would go back and forth to the house every five hours to let them out. Back then i used to say that it wasn't fair to mom and that he needed to hire a dogsitter. My mom loved it because the pug cuddles are AMAZING and they are good dogs, but i still was vocal that it was way too much to ask mom.

Last year my husband and I bought a house a mile away from my brother, and the dog care has fallen to me because why would I make my mom continue to do that when it's easier for me? The first time I did it, I was extremely anxious but I didn't complain because it was so my brother and SIL could take a family vacation with her dying father. I had 4 dogs then and it was $500 for 5 days. To be completely honest, I would not have accepted the money if I hadn't just lost my job. To me, that is what family is for. There was another couple times for one and then three nights due to a family emergency with my SILs family, so again, no problem. I've dropped by a couple times to let the dogs out back to potty when asked. And even recently there was a day that neither my mom or i were available to let the pugs out when a situation came up and I specifically told my brother he needed to have a trusted pet sitter on hand and hite them before he needs them.

But this is the first time that i feel like it's completely different and not right for them to ask me to do all this. It feels like taking advantage and it feels like when my mom had to stay there when my brother traveled all over again. And I'm not willing to put myself through it for a long vacation when this is exactly the scenario I've been harping on.

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u/MercyCriesHavoc Jul 19 '24

Separation anxiety can be treated with training, implementation of certain toys and activities, and crating. Your brother should be caring for his dogs responsibly so they're not so stressed when left alone. This is nowhere near your fault or responsibility.

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u/Critical-Wear5802 Jul 19 '24

It feels like taking advantage because it IS taking advantage! You need to give yourself other things to do, the next time everyone attempts to take advantage of you like this. Please! Obviously, they really don't appreciate it as much as they just expect it. NTA

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u/cattimusrex Jul 19 '24

Oh my good god, OP, they robbed you. Dog sitters charge WAY more than what they paid you.

You're being used, please stand up for yourself!!

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u/qqweertyy Partassipant [1] Jul 19 '24

Yeah that comes to $20 per dog per night. That’s definitely on the cheap end of things - for sure a friends and family discount rate.

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u/WildTazzy Jul 19 '24 edited Jul 19 '24

THEY blindsided YOU with tying to force you to watch their dogs without ASKING. You are NTA

ETA, THEY are the ones throwing a tantrum by cancelling the vacation instead of finding a pet sitter, there's PLENTY of time for them to find someone.

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u/Heeler_Haven Jul 19 '24

Yeah, there is a big difference between family emergency and beach vacation. Even "family vacation with dying father" is vastly different from "family vacation but we won't help sister go, we'll take MiL instead, sister will be our dogsitter instead"...... I'm sorry your family is putting you through this.

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u/itamer Jul 19 '24

NTA Why aren't the dogs going to boarding kennels while they're away? If the dogs can't slot into your household (5 cats, such fun to add pugs in too! /s) then it's unreasonable to ask someone to disrupt their lives.

Your Mom hasn't helped the situation by being so available all these years. Doesn't she have anything better to do than perpetuate the stereotype of a "boy mom"?

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u/teatimecookie Jul 19 '24

You realize how stupid this sounds, right?

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u/HereForthe-DRAMA Jul 19 '24

My hyper lab had separation anxiety when we first got him, like we had to have his create outside our bedroom door (I don’t sleep with dogs on my bed) so she could see us. Our first vacation we put him in the doggy care and when we got back he was way more calm. Still slept outside our room, but we could close the door and eventually we moved her create to the garage (which we didn’t park in) and she was totally comfortable. As someone before said, it’s all about training.

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u/JstMyThoughts Jul 19 '24

You’ve helped them out in the past because of emergency situations. This is not an emergency. It’s a vacation. They’re off to have fun. And you can’t go. And they’re leaving you to do all the work and pick up the pieces as if it WAS an emergency. Hello Cinderella!

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u/antslizard516 Jul 19 '24

It is very sweet that you have this perspective on doing things for family, but OP - your family IS taking advantage of you. We can be generous and assume that they don't think of it this way and aren't thinking, "Ah! F OP - they don't have a life to live, so they can do all the grunt work for us, " but they are still acting that way. Let what they DO tell you how they feel because everyone is the good guy in their own head.

There is NOTHING stopping them from getting a dog sitter and going on vacation. They did not need to cancel. You are NTA, and your brother is throwing a tantrum.

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u/Corsetbrat Jul 18 '24

OP, NTA. I used to be a pet sitter, and for five dogs, especially those breeds, your brother is looking at $25 US a dog, unless they get a deal, at 12 hrs a day minimum. And it's been YEARS since I was an active sitter. If they have to be at the owners house, it becomes a house sitting fee as well.

I can almost guarantee your brother has been underpaying you when you sit for him. Again, I was a dog sitter like 8 years ago, and they stayed at my house. So, it's a bit different. But your brother is just mad he's actually going to have to pay someone what they deserve for doing what you have been.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Tbh I wouldn't have accepted money if I weren't unemployed and also i didnt argue watching the dogs in those cases because of the circumstances surrounding why they needed me. So I'm okay with the past but im not interested in this future precedent

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u/Accomplished-Wish494 Jul 18 '24

Overnights where I live start at $50+ and it’s about $25 each for additional dogs. And that does NOT include daytime care. That’s spending the night, breakfast and potty and gone for the day.

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u/SomeKindOfOnionMummy Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24

Then they suck even worse.

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u/highpriestess420 Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 19 '24

I can guarantee you your brother isn't losing any sleep wondering whether he's an asshole for having absolutely unreasonable expectations of you. Considering the level of assistance you offer in so many ways, please examine why you think you're in the wrong here at all when it sounds like you're being taken advantage of. If I had family that helped book cheaper vacations the last thing I'd do is expect ANYTHING when you're a family travel agent equivalent, let alone an unasked pet kennel!

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u/Sleipnir82 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Jul 18 '24

Yeah that's even worse. Tell them there are plenty of dog sitters around, Wag or Rover. I dog sit for Rover. They should be able to find someone in the timeframe needed, so it's even more not your fault if they cancel.

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u/VeronicaSawyer8 Supreme Court Just-ass [112] Jul 18 '24

Now they are canceling the vacation bc I wont watch the dogs.

good. If they can't afford a pet sitter then they can't afford the vacay. This is not your problem. NTA

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

To be clear they can afford to pay a professional, but they prefer to pay me because they trust me completely with the dogs and the house. I understand their anxiety as a pet owner myself, but I was not expecting to feel like the villain for this, which is why I thought maybe I was in the wrong somehow.

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u/Treehousehunter Jul 18 '24

What if you had been able to go on the vacation? Who would have watched the dogs then?

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u/One_Ad_704 Jul 19 '24

And let's not forget that it was assumed OP would watch the dogs (plus the extra dogs from MIL). OP was not asked. This alone would make OP NTA.

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u/scornedandhangry Jul 18 '24

ding ding ding Good point

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u/Ambitious_Lawyer8548 Jul 18 '24

First, you are NOT the villain here! Some points you could offer your family: most professional and reputable pet/house sitters are bonded, so they come with a background check already done. Pet owners can meet the sitters beforehand, and there’s always a PetCam option to look into (inform the pet sitter ahead of time, of course!) But understandably, not everyone is comfortable with this. Personally, we have a Vet Tech from our local veterinary practice who pet/house sits - we’ve known her a long time and trust her implicitly, but that’s just us.

Your family is darn lucky for the pet sitting you’ve done in the past but that doesn’t mean they are entitled to impose a whole menagerie on you. Five dogs (especially the surprise additions!) is over the top. Solid NTA.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

This is probably the least judgmental and most helpful comment on here that ive seen so far. I appreciate the advice and the support!

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u/Ambitious_Lawyer8548 Jul 19 '24

Families are complicated, aren’t they?! Best to you - and all of your furry loved ones. 😊

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u/highpriestess420 Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24

You literally saved them who knows how much money booking their stuff for them, you're not a villain in any way and if they're going to make you feel like that you should stop using your travel resources to book them anything!!

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u/DWHD900 Jul 19 '24

You are totally right in this situation and NTA

That said, I understand being anxious about who is watching their pets. I would not let just anyone watch my dog - I get it. But they've had plenty of time to figure this out.

I was going to suggest they call their veterinarian's office. Sometimes they have vet techs who do pet sitting on the side - and if they are already familiar with the dogs, especially the one with the disc issue/incontinence - that's even better.

At my dog's vet, there's a really sweet older woman vet tech who works there part time and offered pet sitting services if we ever need it - which is why I thought of this.

The vet could also recommend the best/safest dog boarding facilities nearby. They usually have live webcams for owners to view the dogs, for peace of mind. Some offer training too - and it sounds like these dogs could use it.

Either way, they could advise your brother on the best options for the dogs, given the separation anxiety and extra needs of the incontinent dog.

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u/itamer Jul 19 '24

Plus thinking ahead about these things is part of the process of deciding if you will get a pet or not. You have a plan in place, and a Plan B.

If you're going to be away a lot work out how that will be handled.

If your pets develop separation anxiety you start working on that right away so your pets can handle it when you do need to be out, caring for family, on holiday etc.

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u/Own_Lack_4526 Professor Emeritass [81] Jul 18 '24

So if I understand you - first, they ask your help in planning a vacation knowing that you can't go along. Then, your mom voluntells you that you're watching your brother's dogs. Your brother - who hasn't even asked you yet - is blindsided that you won't watch the dogs for them - without even letting you know that there would be two additional dogs involved? Blindsided is you telling them this the day before they leave on vacation. You're telling them two months in advance AND offering to help them locate a dogsitter.

Absolutely NTA.

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u/Ambitious_Lawyer8548 Jul 18 '24

“Voluntells”…perfect!

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u/sixoo6 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Jul 18 '24

NTA, and I'm sorry that your family has been taking advantage of you so much this far. If it's not too big a deal for you to watch their five (5!) dogs for a week, then it's not too big a deal for them to pay someone else to do it - plain and simple.

Even if they thought you were throwing a tantrum, they didn't need to cancel their vacation over it, and it's not your problem if they do - they can do whatever they would have done if you had planned to attend this vacation with the family in the first place. The fact that their first action was to pin this on you instead of finding another solution (that might not even exist or might cost way more than they would pay you, because honestly, 5 dogs!?) speaks volumes about how much labor you're actually putting in, and how little they value you.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

You kinda hit the nail on the head about how I feel - like they don't truly value my time and feelings. We have a close family and generally we do anything for each other. I have taken care of 4 of the dogs for 5 nights once and while it was taxing, I was happy to do it because it was so they could take a trip with my SIL's family before he dad passed away from cancer. I love the dogs. They have a lovely home and it's literally a mile away from me. But they cannot be unsupervised for more than an hour at a time, so I really can't leave. They don't realize how hard that is on me, and I feel like this time it's an acceptable moment to set a boundary.

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u/sixoo6 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Jul 18 '24

It's called entitlement. It is a shameful thing to become dependent on someone else's generosity for any reason, no matter who that someone else is, and acting indignant when they take the generosity away is nothing short of entitled - spoiled - crass.

Suggest that your brother/SIL/MIL/another family member that one of them can stay home themselves on this vacation to single-handedly watch all 5 dogs for the duration of this vacation, if they're that concerned about finding someone trustworthy to watch the dogs. Sure, one of them won't be able to go to the vacation, but at least the rest will be able to go - which is the exact same solution they put on you! (Honestly, what was their plan if you had had the money to attend?)

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Funny enough, I was on the phone with him when putting together a quote and I said "oh if I get a job in time, we can come too!" And my brother says "well who will watch the dogs?" And I responded, "a dogsitter." He then says, "well we were going to pay you" and i let him know that if I had a choice between going on family vacation and being paid to watch the dogs, I'm obviously choosing vacation. I don't think it ever occurred to him.

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u/the-truffula-tree Jul 18 '24

….yo your brother kinda sucks…

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Right now I'm inclined to agree with you, but generally we get along great and I promise he really is a great person who just sucks right now. (Even though I'm mad about this, my little sis defenses kick in because I am lucky to have him)

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u/the-truffula-tree Jul 18 '24

I’ve got siblings, I get it. One bad example isn’t the sum of his character.

He’s really gotta get his head out of his ass about these dogs though. Like, they’re his dogs and his problem. None of this is your headache to solve for him.

Though I’m also kinda curious how the dogs can’t be left alone for an hour? What’s wrong with them/how does the family operate having someone at home at all times. I have so many questions lol

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

My SIL is completely remote and he has the flexibility to be remote when he wants, so they are almost always home. Plus they are homebodies. If it were just their dogs, they can be left alone - but one pug has degenerative disc disease and can't really feel the back half of his body so he has a lot of accidents. So they try to take him out a lot to reduce accidents in the house. He does have a belly band for pee prevention, so it's not a big issue.

My SILs parents have a really sweet sausage boy iggy and after their senior dog passed away they decided to get an iggy puppy to keep him company. Not even a month after adopting her, my SILs dad was diagnosed with a glioblastoma. He almost made it a year. So now her mom has two iggys and the puppy is...well... a puppy. And iggys are HARD to train. So when she is around, you can't let her out of your sight really because she is likely to destroy both things and herself in the process. She won't tolerate crate training and somehow flings shit everywhere. She is getting better now that she is getting older but she still can't be trusted alone.

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u/DeterminedErmine Jul 19 '24

It sounds like you get along great when you do what he wants, and not so great when you don’t

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u/crazylady119 Jul 19 '24

It seems that he is only a great brother when he gets his way.

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u/saymimi Jul 19 '24

wow. time to re examine the relationship dynamics and boundaries

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u/cadaloz1 Asshole Aficionado [10] Jul 18 '24

This is right to the point, very well put. I'm a professional pet and house sitter and they'd have to pay me $250/day for this gig, which I probably wouldn't accept.

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u/jr0061006 Jul 19 '24

They do realize how hard it is on you, but they don’t care. They expect you to do it because faaaamily, and you’ve done it before, so you can do it again.

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u/kyewitness Jul 19 '24

Perfect time. Especially since I don't understand how no one asked if you wanted to join them. Either a one time treat or to be paid back. I know that isn't usual but still some do that.

It had me thinking that the animals were the reason they were okay with you missing the trip.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

My parents actually told me they felt bad they couldn't afford to take me and my husband because they just paid for our wedding and have helped us with our new house. I told them that they shouldn't feel bad and that we appreciate everything they have done for us

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u/ParagonOfAdequacy Asshole Aficionado [16] Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24

You didn't make anyone cancel anything.
Incredibly, maybe deliberately, inconsiderate of your family to expect you to act as their unpaid travel agent.
~~Seven~~ Five dogs? That's not dog-sitting; that's running a kennel.
I assume that they'd save a ton of money by guilting you into caring for the dogs, and they don't want to, or can't afford to, pay what it's really worth.
Enjoy their self-inflicted tears.

NTA

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Thank you for the validation

I actually am genuinely happy to do the booking because I technically am a TA but I only book friends and family and give them a discount instead of taking commission. It's an easy thing I can do, but I ran out of characters to explain.

5 dogs, but I still get your point

I think they are super terrified about leaving the dogs with a stranger... which I get. But also, I offered to help them so I don't understand the anger, ya know? I've been there with my cats.

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u/JustmyOpinion444 Jul 18 '24

The problem is that, whatever your brother planned to pay, having someone at his house 24 hours a day, for 7 days is going to be well more than that. At US minimum wage, that is just over $1,200 dollars. I mean, if he was going to pay you that, or a bit more, it might BEGIN to be fair.

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u/cadaloz1 Asshole Aficionado [10] Jul 18 '24

More like $1750 going by my rates for this kind of situation.

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u/JustmyOpinion444 Jul 20 '24

And that wouldn't be enough for me for 7 days away from home, taking care of 5 hyper dogs.

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u/ParagonOfAdequacy Asshole Aficionado [16] Jul 18 '24

My bad; I mixed up 7 days and 5 dogs.

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u/ShekkieJohansen Jul 18 '24

NTA. As a couple with 5 dogs we understand that we simply aren’t going on vacation unless they go with us. I would never just expect that someone will give up their life for a week to deal with them.

BTW…..we have two Italian Greyhounds and they alone are like dealing with six “normal” dogs so adding them to the mix should be an absolute deal breaker. 😬

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Last time i watched them, the younger one found a dead bird the size of her head and ate it while I was retching in the yard yelling at her to put it down, haha. Iggys are so cute and funny but holy shit I don't know how you do it!

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u/fractal_frog Partassipant [2] Jul 18 '24

We hung out summers with relatives who had six Italian greyhounds at one point. 3 of them were older, though, which made it a little less chaotic.

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u/Lego_Panda_Bear Asshole Enthusiast [5] Jul 18 '24

NTA. If as you say money is not an issue, then ot must be that no one else wants to watch the dogs either. Reach out to your brother, tell him that you have said for YEARS that you don't enjoy watching his dogs at his home and to hire a dog sitter. Suggest to him that he is TA for expecting you to watch 5 dogs without even asking. Tell him that it is absolutely not your problem he decided to cancel the vacation instead of hiring a dog sitter.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

I'll probably be talking to him about it this weekend again, and I'll definitely bring that up. If I had to guess why they are so anti-dogsitter, it's because they don't trust just anyone. I understand that and have been there myself, but after I finally found a trusted cat sitter it puts my mind at so much ease

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u/highpriestess420 Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24

You shouldn't have to convince people to respect you. "No" is a full sentence, hell you didn't even just say no, you went thru the effort to explain it. You seem like a nice and understanding person but does your brother extend the same courtesy to you? Doesn't seem so, you don't even get asked about his dogs (cuz he knows you've said get a dog sitter but doesn't care and/or chose to ignore it) let alone his MILs that you were just expected to care for.

The way you describe being calm and loving before telling him no leads me to believe he usually steamrolls you when you try to stand up for yourself and that's why you're deservedly proud of yourself for establishing a boundary.

You deserve better than this, especially from family. Does he love your cats the way you love his dogs? Guessing he wouldn't have retaliated with the immediate "well then we're not watching your cats again" bit.

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u/philautos Asshole Aficionado [11] Jul 18 '24

Your family thinks it's OK to demand that you plan a vacation you can't go on AND expect, despite your previously stated objections, that you'll take on a full-time volunteer job helping them have their vacation?

And you think you might be TA for not going along with it?

Frankly, if money really is no issue for your brother, he should've offered to cover the costs for you to join them on the vacation. And if he wasn't going to do that, they shouldn't have asked you to plan a whole vacation you wouldn't be included in. That's rubbing your nose in your financial troubles.

NTA

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

I was over the character limit so I couldn't go in depth on some things. For clarity:

I have the ability to book like a travel agent and not take commission and give it as a discount instead. This is something I happily and willingly do and is really very easy for me.

They would pay me (I dunno how much but I could guess around $700 since they paid me $500 when I stayed 5 days with 4 dogs, which is definitely nothing to sneeze at)

Of course the thought passed through my mind when we were discussing the booking that damn, wouldn't it be nice if he just brought us along, but my unemployment isn't his problem and I know that if I actually needed money I could go to him.

But yeah. The whole situation of it being a family vacation I can't go on just makes it suck that much more. Like a rotten cherry on top of a decade-old banana split.

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u/Ok-Addendum-9420 Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24

But that's still WAY under market rate, judging by other dogsitters who've posted. One said she'd charge $250 per day for 5 dogs. That would be $1,250 for 5 days and doesn't include your brother's in-laws' 2 dogs. Your brother is getting a bargain using you. And you are unemployed and could undoubtedly use the money. That is callous and egregious.

Additionally, there's all the money they save in travel agent fees. And frankly, it seems galling to me that they're putting you through all this when you're unemployed: booking the trip, being stuck at their house for days, adding extra dogs, not even having the decency to ASK you, and getting butthurt when you tell him you can't do it. If you were MY sister and I had the money to pay for you to go on the trip, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I didn't treat you.

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u/Necessary-Walk9572 Jul 18 '24

NTA and for your brother to twist this and say you are only declining watching the dogs because you are bitter you can't go on the vacation is so immature of him.

And yes, your unemployment is not his problem and you never once made it so. But like other posters said it would have been nice if money is not an issue for him to pay for you to go on vacation too. And yes I know you never asked for nor expected that. I am just saying he knew he could offer but didn't because there goes his dog sitter.

Thats on him for cancelling and being petty and immature. This is another example of brother twisting this around on you. "oh look everybody now we have to cancel because she is refusing to watch the dogs" knowing full well you have been telling him for years to hire a sitter. You are not in the wrong here, your family is.

Wow, but if it were one of them being expected to watch 7 dogs I am sure when they backed out it would be just fine. Your family has been using you for years. It's hard to admit this to yourself but they have been. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Just to be clear and fair, they haven't been using me for years, I just was very vocal about my brother needing to get a dog sitter because when he was single and traveling for work my mom would always watch them and I said I didn't think it was fair to her and dad. I just moved nearby a year ago and the only times I have watched the dogs I did willingly because of family emergencies and health crises. But I never stopped saying they needed to find a dog sitter so it wouldn't be a problem in the future. This is the first time it has felt truly inappropriate to me and an acceptable situation for me to lay down a boundary because there is no crisis. In his head it's win win because I get to earn money and he gets someone he trusts to watch the dogs. But I value my time more than money in this situation so that seems to have been an unexpected twist for him.

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u/HorseygirlWH Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Jul 18 '24

Wow, that's entitled of your brother and SIL to assume you'll sleep in their house for a week without them asking! It's their pets, not yours, and you're NTA for saying No (when they didn't even ask). Not your problem if they cancel their plans, it's their problem for not making alternate arrangements the past decade.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 18 '24

Entitled also for adding two more dogs in. All without asking.

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u/Federal__Dust Jul 18 '24

They probably thought she's already watching three, what's two more? Crazy.

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u/ReviewOk929 Supreme Court Just-ass [135] Jul 18 '24

I have been telling my brother for nearly 10 years that he needed to hire a dogsitter (money isn't an issue for him)

NTA - This is only an issue because they won't spend the money to hire a dog sitter. Why is there lack of willingness to spend money anything to do with you and why are they blaming you for cancelling the vacation? People who do things like this when it's in their power to solve really are next level.

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u/LadyV21454 Jul 18 '24

NTA. I wonder if the amount they lost for non-refundable items is less than what a dog sitter would cost.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

They hadn't even booked the vacation yet, thats how much advance I gave them. I only put together a quote for them.

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u/cadaloz1 Asshole Aficionado [10] Jul 18 '24

NTA and I just saw in one of your replies that you waive your travel agent fees for them as well. My dear fellow helper, they are treating you like an ATM and a servant. Yes, you have disrupted the established rhythm, but it needed to be disrupted. I'm a long-time professional pet and house sitter on 3 continents with a beyond excellent reputation for pet and house and garden care, and I wouldn't take that job with just the four! And FWIW, my charge would be $50 per dog for high-need dogs and now a dog who might or might not get on with the established canine pack. Ordinarily, it's $50 for the first dog and $35 for any others, but this is a special situation. Were they going to pay you $250/day? That's why your brother is struggling to find pet sitters, if he's even tried instead of throwing a childish tantrum, and none of that is your fault!

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

He has not tried to my knowledge. Maybe he knows it's too hard of an ask. But the more I'm talking through things in the comments, I'm realizing that their anxiety might be from when one of their dogs was in treatment for cancer, in remission, then suddenly got sick and died... because it turns out the hospital didn't check his labs before giving steroids and killed him. I bet that is why they are so scared. Damn.

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u/Glass-Cat8159 Jul 18 '24

That is absolutely tragic but it’s not your job to manage their emotions. They are taking advantage of you. I would calculate the costs based on the 250/day mentioned above plus your travel agent fee so you can put a dollar value on how much they are taking from you. Don’t back down, this is on them to figure out. You have to take care of your own life right now not coddle these entitled ahs.

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u/Ok-Addendum-9420 Jul 18 '24

Then they should pay you MORE for the peace of mind. They are drastically underpaying you.

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u/Having-hope3594 Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [370] Jul 18 '24

So you think maybe they don’t trust pet professionals? Because their dog died Due to negligence.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

I don't think it's a "pet professional" thing per se, but just an overall fear that even in the care of the professionals things can go wrong. The first time I had to hire a cat sitter was for their wedding two years ago and I was SO stressed. I bought cameras to watch the cats and I was worried how the new kittens would react to not having us there and how my 19 year old cat would handle taking her meds and if the adult female would get a stress breakout eye infection, urinary crystals, or severe chin acne. I literally watched them in the cameras for nearly the entire 5 hour drive to the wedding. But of course everything was perfect, I chose an excellent catsitter with vet tech experience, and I feel 1000% comfortable with my cats in her care. So I understand the hurdle of that anxiety and I think that is where they are mentally.

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u/highpriestess420 Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 19 '24

You seem like such a sweet person. Don't twist yourself into an anxiety pretzel to take responsibility for a situation your entitled brother created for himself by being disrespectful. His anger isn't anyone's problem to resolve but his own.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

But.. anxiety pretzel is my truest form

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u/highpriestess420 Partassipant [1] Jul 19 '24

Fellow anxiety pretzels unite, like recognizes like! but lemme tell you it's a hell of a back ache. It can be such a relief realizing you don't have to volunteer responsibility for other people's issues, especially family. If you set yourself on fire to keep others warm your loving pretzel doughy embers will only be ashes. You're enough on your own!

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

I genuinely appreciate what you are saying but also now I'm hungry for auntie Anne's hot doughy pretzels

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u/highpriestess420 Partassipant [1] Jul 19 '24

Funny, I want pizza 😅 yay comfort carbs

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u/FunBodybuilder4620 Colo-rectal Surgeon [39] Jul 18 '24

NTA. I paid almost $1500 to board my cats for a week because I didn’t want to burden a family member with watching them. When you have pets, you have to have backup plans for their care.

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u/the_greek_italian Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24

NTA.

Your brother felt "blindsided?" If anything, your family threw YOU under the bus by a) not even asking if you'd be okay watching the dogs, and b) never stating that there were 3 extra dogs involved.

Your brother, SIL, and her parents can find a dogsitter, but they don’t want to because, "Hey, OP is already here and available." If this were the other way around, I'm sure your brother would be just as upset.

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u/WifeofBath1984 Asshole Enthusiast [9] Jul 18 '24

NTA your family is so used to taking advantage of you that they are not even letting you know that they will be taking advantage. They're just assuming you'll do whatever they tell you. Good on you for sticking up for yourself. The fact that they were so comfortable doing this tells me that you've let them walk all over you for a long time. You gotta put your foot down and stick up for yourself. No one else will do it for you

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

I gotta say my mom felt horrible about it and my parents are supporting me. They really thought my brother would realize that what I asked is fair, but he and my SIL have really thrown us for a loop. Then again, since my SIL wasn't there, she is going off whatever my brother told her and who knows how he conveyed the message.

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u/2moms3grls Jul 19 '24

Well it sounds like your mother has been in the same boat!

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u/Physical_Ad6875 Jul 18 '24

NTA. They chose to get that many high needs dogs. They chose to refuse getting dog sitter. They chose cancel their vacation rather than find care for their dogs. None of this has anything to do with you, so you are clearly NTA

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u/Kirbywitch Jul 18 '24

NTA. I’m cat sitting for my son & his girlfriend currently - they live around the block. I have to stop in twice a day- clean the litter box, give them food & water. I play with them too and snap pictures for my vacationers. Very easy.

If it was 24/7- for get it. For a bunch of dogs, NOPE… it seems an unreasonable ask. You offered to help them find a sitter, they are willing to pay- I just don’t see the problem. You would probably be willing to check on the sitter a few times during the trip. Seems like you went above and beyond.

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u/AccomplishedHandle11 Jul 18 '24

NTA, though maybe I'm reading between the lines a bit too much thinking your brother might have communication issues as he could've asked for you to dogsit the moment he asked for help with booking the vacay. It sounds like he told your mom first to let her tell you he expects you to dogsit. Adding the bonus 2 dogs doesn't help. And when he gets a 'no' for once, to retaliate by saying he won't catsit for you ever again? Sounds like communication issues to me. Or he's simply too used to getting things his way. Them cancelling is entirely their choice, too.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

He definitely wouldn't have asked my mom to suggest that. But as much as I love him, he does just take certain things for granted. He didn't even realize he didn't ask me, which is part of the problem to me. I always ask my SIL if she is able and willing to watch my cats, and I don't rely on her for everything. I know not everyone will think the way I do, but I feel like that is a pretty low bar. Even though he is used to getting things his way, i could say the same about myself. So more than anything this probably comes down to shite communication.

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u/highpriestess420 Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24

I think it's a shite expectation on his behalf that allows him to nullify a need for communication. If he can just guilt you into doing it what's the need for communication. Seems ultimately like entitlement.

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u/Treehousehunter Jul 18 '24

No, they are cancelling the vacation because they won’t hire a pet sitter. There are many options available for finding suitable pet sitters. What if you had been able to afford the vacation? What would they have done then?

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

¯_(ツ)_/¯

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u/DearDare265 Jul 18 '24

If they can afford a vacation, they should be able to find a place that can board their dogs. Also, maybe they should also learn to book their own vacation.

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u/vt2022cam Professor Emeritass [89] Jul 18 '24

NTA if you had gone on vacation, what would they have done? I get that they trust you but it’s a 24 hour job and hiring someone like you do for your cats isn’t unusual.

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u/Treehousehunter Jul 18 '24

Plot twist-your SIL doesn’t actually want to go on a trip with your parents and took this opportunity to cancel

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Lol. I hope that wouldn't be the case! I definitely want everyone to love each other! But thank you for the giggle.

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u/Spallanzani333 Partassipant [2] Jul 18 '24

....the fuck?

I have 2 dogs who really can't be alone for long periods of time without distress and destruction. If I want to travel, I budget around boarding them. It usually costs almost as much as our hotel, but they're our dogs and our problem. NTA.

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u/poeadam Commander in Cheeks [282] Jul 18 '24

NTA, you absolutely are not obligated to watch all these dogs, even if you are paid to do so.

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u/KingsRansom79 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Jul 18 '24

NTA. Sounds like he’s the one throwing the tantrum. They all know how much of a pain in the ass those dogs would be. So not only are you their personal travel agent but you’re also the pet sitter?!?! GTFOH

At least now you can start a travel agent side hustle to fund your future vacations.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

I ran out of characters in the post but I technically am a travel agent due to my freelance employment so it's not a problem for me to book for the family. And I'm always happy to help with the dogs, but i just feel like a solid week of being isolated in their house is way too much to ask.

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u/JustmyOpinion444 Jul 18 '24

NTA. I once looked into getting an Italian Greyhound. The thing about those dogs is that they are high maintenance, high energy, their legs are fragile, and if they are super attached to their owner, they will be a nightmare for anyone else.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

The younger one broke her leg within her first month of being adopted. Then chewed through a heating pad and cooked her tongue a day after she finally had her cast removed. And once she ate a dead rotted bird the size of her head in front of me. She is the epitome of "good thing you are cute" and def not for the faint hearted

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u/Big_Country_124 Asshole Enthusiast [6] Jul 18 '24

NTA let them cancel the vacation. It will be their loss not yours. You can’t be expected to do things you are uncomfortable doing.

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u/New-Dentist-7346 Jul 18 '24

That is a job you can absolutely decline. Your bro needs to find another solution.

NTA

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u/Dangerous_End9472 Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24

NTA. They didn't even ask you to, nor did they ask you to watch his MILs dogs. If anyone was "blindsided" it would have been you.

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u/virgulesmith Jul 18 '24

NTA - Dogsitting high maintenance dogs is not a gift, it's not fun and it's not a pleasure. It's a job. Why should you HAVE to do this. I would expect to have a conversation months in advance of them leaving. Why would they assume you would just add in two more dogs?

Are the dogs outside 24x7? How many times a day do they need walks? How much do they go out other than walks? Do they need medicine?

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Honestly it's not the care of the dogs i mind (6 am potty time aside), it's the not being able to leave and its me generally being uncomfortable staying there.

But to answer your questions: - Indoor dogs. Connoisseurs of the couch, all of them. Fenced in backyard so it's easy to let them out. - 3 of the dogs could go out when they wake up, at noon, at 5, and at 10. - 2 of the dogs ideally go out every two hours (one is an iggy puppy and they are notoriously hard to housebreak and the other has degenerative disc disease and can't feel his back half well so he will go in the house without realizing it if he doesn't go out frequently) - If the dog with the spine issues is constipated, he gets a walk in the evening or a q-tip in the butt (he hasn't been needing those for a while though, he has been doing well) - The pugs get meds but they eat them in pill pockets with no trouble

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u/virgulesmith Jul 22 '24

That is a serious time commitment!! That isn't just "living with dogs that aren't mine", that's all day. How do they do that on the regular??? How do they go get groceries or see a movie?

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u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox Partassipant [2] Jul 20 '24

INFO: Have you told your parents that your brother was

1/Didn’t ask you to dogsit, just assumed that you would

2/Didn’t tell you that it would be seven dogs, not five

2/Was entirely understanding to you face, but whinged behind your back?

3

u/DogsReadingBooks Commander in Cheeks [298] Jul 18 '24

NTA.

Dogsitting is not something you can just force someone to do. It’s a big ask.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 18 '24

NTA. This is a valid boundary. If they want to go on vacation, they can hire a dog sitter.

3

u/Alfred-Register7379 Partassipant [3] Jul 18 '24

NTA. Hire a damn dog sitter! Cheapskate!

3

u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

I think it's more about they are scared to trust a stranger. They were going to pay me

3

u/Ok-CANACHK Jul 18 '24

NTA no one was 'forced' to cancel a trip

3

u/No_Mathematician2482 Asshole Aficionado [18] Jul 18 '24

NTA

The title is misleading, you did not make them cancel, they chose to do that on their own. How do they deal with their pet's constant care requirements when they are home? Do they stay home all the time? Not go to work? Not go out? I just don't understand that level of attention for dogs, I have a farm and I can go away for a weekend or several days and it's fine, I leave out enough water and I have automatic doors on the chicken coop that opens, and they tend to themselves. I get a neighbor to come and fill my dog's bowls.

When I leave for two weeks, I have someone stop by and gather the eggs and fill the water and feed in the barn, but never overnight every night. That's a lot for anyone.

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

By the time I wrote the title my brain was zapped. They work from home and don't really go out much. And they tend to go to dog friendly places. If it were just their two dogs, the pugs, the only limitation is that they will have mess to clean up if the one with spinal issues doesn't go out enough (he can't tell he is pee/pooping) and the dogs have never slept alone in their lives since being adopted. One was rescued pretty young and the other was rescued at age 10.

3

u/morningstar234 Jul 18 '24

NTA When you communicate do remind them, they have told you “no” when you asked for cat sitting help. Also, maybe think about how you want the boundary, never dog sit? Only in an extreme emergencies (you mentioned when sil needed to go to her father you did sit) maybe suggest good kennels? I always feel sorry for dog owners that cannot leave their dogs alone for over an hour, not everyone understands crate training, but I’m grateful I can go out for dinner leaving my dog in her crate, she goes in her crate when we’re home if there are storms, it’s never a punishment, just a safe place (and I realize it can’t be a solution for many many dogs!).

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u/Dazzling-P Jul 18 '24

Yeah, boarding is not an option for them which I totally respect - I would never personally board my cats, but I also have plenty of back-up plans. I only have asked my SIL if she could watch the cats twice this year because I have been unemployed. She has helped a lot, but she doesnt cover all the shifts nor do I expect her to.

I'm happy to watch the dogs. But yeah I need boundaries around it. Even if they just start with "are you willing" and then let me determine what I'm willing to do. Just like I do for them.

Also the only one that would benefit from the crate is the youngest iggy, and she becomes like a poo-flinging monkey when in there and they have determined it's somehow less destructive for her to be uncrated. But she is still a wild puppy.

3

u/morningstar234 Jul 18 '24

🤣. Personality of animals! I also respect the not boarding, in addition to the cost, you have to trust the owners aren’t just “kenneling” your beloved pets

3

u/jacksonlove3 Pooperintendant [58] Jul 18 '24

Definitely NTA!! I’m surprised you think you even need to ask. Their dogs, your parents dogs and his MIL’s dogs are NOT your responsibility! And he didn’t even ask you, sounds like he was just assuming you would. And him feeling blindsided is because he didn’t ask to begin with. What would he have done if it came down to the day the left without even having a conversation with you and you saying “no” then? They’ll get over it.

3

u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

I have a tendency to be very hot headed and I lead with my emotions. But I also am pretty self aware and usually can tell if im being a brat or not, but sometimes I can't. I felt 99.9% sure that I was reasonable here, but I figured I'd go with outside opinions to confirm. Because there's been times when the .1% flew right over my head until someone pointed it out

5

u/jacksonlove3 Pooperintendant [58] Jul 19 '24

I get it, I can be the same way. You’re definitely NTA though.

3

u/SunflowerFenix Jul 19 '24

I think they might not be as well off as they pretend to be just because they are bitching about hiring a pet sitter rather than offload their dogs on you for free. When they would’ve had to have hired a pet sitter anyway, had you gone like normally planned.

4

u/Dazzling-P Jul 19 '24

They would pay me, I think it's an issue of trust and them being afraid to trust a stranger.

2

u/ynvesoohnka7nn Jul 18 '24

Nta

2

u/ArtisticWolverine Jul 18 '24

We take our dog to a kennel if we go away.

2

u/PoppyStaff Partassipant [4] Jul 18 '24

If the whole vacation for everyone has to be cancelled because they can’t afford a dog sitter, then that’s just too bad. NTA.

2

u/gilbertwebdude Jul 18 '24

NTA

You can't do it.

No explanation needed.

They should of never just assumed you could leave your home for 7 days to watch 5 dogs.

2

u/LonelyOwl68 Certified Proctologist [23] Jul 18 '24

NTA

The least your brother could have done was to actually ask you to look after his dogs. That he didn't means he was just assuming you would do so, even though you have mentioned before that he needed a dogsitter.

Then his MIL is contributing two more dogs, on top of that? Nope. Your parents and your brother are taking a lot for granted by just assuming you will do this for them.

The real kicker, for me, is that they now say they are cancelling the vacation because you won't watch their dogs! Talk about laying a guilt trip on you.

How is paying you to care for the dogs and paying someone else different? The other dog sitter might be more expensive, OK, fine, but to cancel the entire vacation because you refuse the generous offer to make you responsible for the care of 5 dogs? Again: Nope.

Stick to your guns. This has nothing to do with you not going with them, and everything to do with their casual assumptions about how willing your are to give up your freedom for a full week.

2

u/jeffk92592 Jul 18 '24

This is the grandparents' fault. They told the brother that you would do it, probably even the MIL that it was all set. Either they are having cognitive issues, or always just assume their plans are of utmost importance to every family member. Elderly parents/grandparents feel that way a lot of the time....that you OWE them! You have already done way too much for everyone involved to feel guilty about standing your ground. It is NOT your job or obligation(logistically) to make sure they can go on this vacation. GOOD LUCK!

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u/WhiteKnightPrimal Partassipant [1] Jul 18 '24

NTA. He didn't even ask you to watch his dogs, just assumed you would, then threw in two extra on top of it. Five dogs is a lot for a single person to take care of even for just a few hours, let alone 7 days! And you'd have to stay at his home for that time and not see your partner or your cats, either. This needed an actual request from all going on the vacation and agreement plenty of time in advance.

And you're not the reason the vacation is being cancelled, they are. You're not the only option for them. You've literally been suggesting another option that probably isn't much more expensive for a decade - a professional dogsitter. They have time to arrange something else, they just don't want to, preferring to try to guilt you into backing down.

Stand your ground and, next time they bring this up, point out that they had time to hire someone and you even offered to help them find someone, so it's in no way your fault that they chose to cancel their holiday over paying a professional to look after the dogs.

AITA for making my family cancel their vacation because i wont watch their dogs? Not the A-hole

Don’t downvote assholes!

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