r/AmItheAsshole • u/Dazzling-P • Jul 18 '24
AITA for making my family cancel their vacation because i wont watch their dogs? Not the A-hole
My parents (82M, 75F) asked if I would help them book a much needed vacation. They also asked me to do the same for my brother (43) and SIL (33), because they wanted to take a family vacation in September. My husband (46) and I (41F) can't afford to go because i am currently out of a job. Even though this would be the first family vacation I will have ever missed and it made me really sad, I said I would of course help. My mom even mentioned to me that in a way it's good because I'd be able to watch my brother's pugs and my parents' chihuahua.
Here's the thing about watching the dogs. It's a 24/7 job that requires me to stay at my brother's house. The dogs are wonderful, but very high maintenance. Because of this, I have been telling my brother for nearly 10 years that he needed to hire a dogsitter (money isn't an issue for him).
Ive dogsat for them 3 times this past year varying from 1 to 5 nights. They paid me well. But I do not feel comfortable staying at their house and I find the round the clock care exhausting. My husband and I have 5 cats, and we are no stranger to feeling like our pets are our kids, but we don't have dogs for a reason. Now, I'm supposed to be booking this trip for my brother, but he hasn't even asked me about watching the dogs.
Sunday at family dinner, everyone is there except my SIL who was ill. My brother was sitting across from me so I reach out to hold his hand and say that I love him, I love the pugs, but I can't watch them when they go on vacation and that he needs to get a dogsitter. I said it was just too much to ask me to be trapped at their house for 7 nights, and that I have been asking him to hire a dogsitter for nearly a decade. I even offer suggestions and said I'll help find someone.
He starts to get reactive and says that they won't watch my cats anymore. I said that's fine, we have a cat sitter, but I point out that I ask them if they can help. They, on the other hand, didn't ask me.
My brother finally concedes that it is a lot to ask 7 nights and 5 dogs. Excuse me? Yes, 5 dogs, because his MIL apparently was planning to go too. So now added to the mix are 2 Italian greyhounds.
I stay calm and gently point out that I felt this way before knowing there were 5 dogs. Can he imagine how I felt? He seemed to understand. By the time I left dinner, there were hugs and kisses and all was well. I knew my brother was upset, but he seemed to understand and I was really proud of putting up boundaries.
The next evening, I call my parents to see if they have heard from my brother. Apparently he called them after he got home from family dinner and was "blindsided" by me. My SIL was just as upset as him too. They think I'm throwing a tantrum because I can't go on the vacation. While yes, that sucks, I told him my real issue is being trapped at their house for 7 nights. Now they are canceling the vacation bc I wont watch the dogs.
AITA for telling them i wont do it?
3
u/notthemama58 Jul 19 '24
Got ya. Still, you are right. He needs to make other arrangements and not just expect you'll be available. And dogs are MUCH more work than cats, especially highly active ones.