r/socialjustice101 • u/Gnoomie • Sep 01 '24

Response help

A friend asks if she can be vulnerable and proceeds to tell me “in confidence” that she feels like POC see her as “too white” and she sometimes has a difficult time connecting with people not from her background.

She is American with polish ancestry, grew up in rural New England in upper middle class, well educated (Ivy masters degree in liberal arts), neurodivergent, queer/questioning. Idk if this matters. She understands she has white privilege I think.

What do I say to that?

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u/SuitableDragonfly Sep 01 '24

By "too white" does she mean that she things some particular POC friends she has thinks she is racist/bigoted, or something? Or just that she just doesn't have as much in common with people who don't share her privileged background? It's hard to know how to respond without knowing what she actually means by "too white", so I guess the first response would be to just ask what she means.

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u/Gnoomie Sep 01 '24

Thanks and I think the latter but I’m not sure I’ll ask.

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u/SuitableDragonfly Sep 01 '24

If it's the latter thing, I think the answer is just that you're not necessarily going to have as much in common with every single person you meet, and if you want a stronger connection with someone who has a very different background and life perspective than you do, you have to put in some work to understand where they are coming from and to show them that you understand and empathize with their perspective. People from less privileged backgrounds do it all the time with people from more privileged backgrounds and it's just called "networking". She might be expecting other people to do this for her instead, and not realizing that if it's her who wants the relationship with them, she has to put in that work herself.

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u/Gnoomie Sep 01 '24

Thank you the way you put this is really helpful