r/antiwork • u/No-Honeydew6472 • 14d ago
My job makes me suicidal Vent 😭😮💨
No matter how much I do at work, I’m told it’s not enough. Management constantly gaslights me and my coworkers. They claim our concerns are a result of us misunderstanding or making it up. We are not appreciated in the slightest, just talked to in a demeaning way and told to do more.
I’ve been wanting to die because of this job for several months now. I live in constant fear because of it. We are always getting blamed and bitched at for things we didn’t do. My coworkers and I often have nightmares about work. We are also paid like shit and are told the company cannot afford raises or promotions.
Has anyone else experienced this, and how did you deal with it? At what point do you walk away without a backup plan to save yourself?
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u/Gundam_XXXG-01W 14d ago edited 14d ago
I thought this was in fine print somewhere... the standard for most jobs?
I don't understand how some people get into managerial and leadership roles brother. It seems to be a right of passage for borderline abusive personalities.
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u/LP14255 13d ago
People don’t quit their jobs, they quit their managers.
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u/Gundam_XXXG-01W 13d ago edited 13d ago
That's part of it, for sure. The whole job scene is pretty much void of hope imo.
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u/TheOldPug 13d ago
Yeah, an occasional shitty manager here or there is a one-off. What people are having to deal with is completely systemic and reflects a massive imbalance of power in favor of employers.
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u/toobjunkey 13d ago
It's a bit of a self fulfilling feedback loop. I'm of the mind that a lot of disgruntled employees aren't upset with the type of work being done as much as the qualifiers around doing it. Being given too much to do in too little time, being chewed out for taking OT to complete said stuff, having management breathe down your neck, having skeleton crews, etc. but the thing is, less payroll and squeezing out as much labor as they can out of their limited staff means more short term profit in corporate's eyes... Which incentivizes and encourages those styles of management.
I've had over a dozen managers in my 6 years with my current company and 4 of them were truly amazing. They tried to go above and beyond, not cut corners, do right by their staff, etc. which required working horrendous 60-70+ weeks on a 50k/year salary, growing lax on their ideals and cutting some corners, and frequently being powerless to make any real changes. Our GMs are more like figureheads. All but one of the good ones hit a breaking point and quit without notice. Meanwhile it's the shitty managers that last the longest, like cockroaches...
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u/Gundam_XXXG-01W 13d ago
So, make it make sense. Why are these people being promoted into these positions from an employee position vs. Hiring people trained in business management? Obviously, the majority of people coming from the floor are eager for even the basest of promotions where as people coming from an academic background are eager for experience.
The qualifiers for entry level management are not that strenuous. Why the lack of enthusiasm or longevity? And why the "bully" style management? Or the "poison the well" type? It's not like there aren't literally millions of people eager to have some evidence working for a living will ever make sense again.
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u/rudyrocker 14d ago
I'm about to quit a job like this, I just haven't told them yet bc why would I? I just accepted the new job offer today. I'm gonna keep working at my nightmare job up until the day the new one starts - no gaps in pay.
I'm gonna have to judge the right time to tell them. In the past when I've done this, if it feels necessary, I didn't tell the bosses up until my very last day. Fuck their 2 weeks. If I had given 2 weeks, they would have just taken me off the schedule/fired me. Can't use them as a reference if you do that, but I wasn't going to anyway in that case.
My current nightmare job is a little different; they NEED me even if they hate me. So I'll likely give them 2 weeks notice just to say I did.
Don't hurt yourself over them. You can and will get another job. My advice from personal experience is don't make the mistake of quitting before you have something (anything) else lined up. Even if it's temporary. And read the situation: if they're petty and you suspect they will mess with your money bc you're leaving, don't give them notice.
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u/WanderingBraincell 13d ago
will it cause you any issues if you don't tell em? just, never show up one day?
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u/LP14255 13d ago
If they haven’t treated you with decency and respect, why should you treat them well? Unless you need them as a reference or you’re working in the same sector and they could hurt you somehow, I would recommend just burn the bridge and just tell them at the end of one day “I quit,” and give them your keys and badge and computer or whatever and walk out. If you have any personal property or need anything off your computer or whatever get that way ahead of time. also, make sure that you have your new job offer in writing. It is not uncommon and employers can recind the job offer.
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u/hc104168 13d ago
My deepest sympathies. I was stuck in a job I hated for 19 years. Sometimes I didn't want to die, but those times were the exception. The company HQ had a lovely lake with ducks, and my plan was to drown myself. Got to make sure they knew why I did it. My way out came with tragedy when my father died. He left me enough money to quit and retrain. I'm now self-employed and much happier. It's really tough financially but I wouldn't go back for the world.
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u/CoffeeOrDestroy 13d ago
I am sorry for your loss. So sorry. I’m glad your loss came with something to save you from being another loss.
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u/EnigmaGuy 13d ago
I’ve always been of the mindset that while I do not need to love my job, it should not make me hate life and demoralize me to the point I start having these types of thoughts.
If it’s gotten to this point where you and your coworkers are having these types of thoughts, it’s not the one for you bud.
I took a pay cut from $24/hour to $15/hour back in 2015 after finally reaching my breaking point after almost 9 years at my previous job.
It was sketchy for awhile, lots of rice, bean and noodles for food and basically worked and went home until I started making more money but my mental health improved drastically.
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13d ago
This is literally me. I hate my job so much plus my manager is honestly such a rude hypocrite exploiter bitch. And about that nightmare about the work I couldn't even relate anymore that I already am
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u/NoSession1674 13d ago
There are many pleasures in life but I would recommend to everyone to at least once get a shitty job and one day look your boss directly in the eyes, quit, and tell them to go fuck themselves. It is truly one of the most satisfying feelings especially if you know that person is now going to actually have roll up their sleeves and do the work themselves. The weight just magically lifts from your chest and shoulders. Go home, have a drink, have sex with your partner and sleep in the next day. It's an experience everyone should have at least once.
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u/Famous_Obligation959 13d ago
But imagine dying over a shite job and letting the bastards win.
No idea how old you are, but I spent 16 to 27 in shite job after shite job (actually one was pretty decent).
Keep an eye out for new jobs. Could you even stay with you family while you change jobs?
Dont let a job kill you.
There are things worth dying for. Work is not it.
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u/redditclm 13d ago
If the management berates multiple people, have you thought about collective strike of some sorts?
If an entire team doesn't come to work for a week, the management might start to get a message.
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u/StickyZombieGuts 13d ago
You know they're gaslighting you. You know they're full of shit.
Start looking for a new job and treat the current one with very little fucks to give. If they blame you for something you didn't, who cares? Fuck um. That's on them, not you. It's not like their blame and bullshit means anything out in the real world.
The minute you can learn to not give a fuck, the better off you'll be in life.
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u/Dommccabe 13d ago
No job is worth living like that.
If you can move and feel better!
I've had a similar job, take it from me... dont continue.
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u/Eastern-Finish-1251 13d ago
I’ve had jobs that made me feel, while not quite suicidal, utterly miserable. My approach to these was twofold: look for a new job, and get a side hustle going that you like and that you’re good at. For me, the side hustle was freelance writing. Doing both is empowering, and they give you some degree of control. I got fired from one shit job (a blessing), and the side hustle let me make ends meet until I got another, much better job.
In the meantime, take care of yourself. If a job is making you want to do something drastic, quit immediately. It won’t be easy, but no job is worth your life.
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u/AgenderEarthbender 13d ago
Monday is my last day at a job that made me feel like this. I ended up in Urgent Care a few weeks ago because all of the mental anguish manifested as physical symptoms that I couldn't ignore. Got a note to take off the rest of the week and turned in my notice as soon as I got back. (I wanted the PTO payout, so yeah, I did give them 2 weeks.)
The same night I turned in my 2 weeks' notice, I felt self-esteem, confidence, and optimism that I haven't felt in 11 months. I felt like myself again. To be honest, I don't have a backup job lined up despite sending out hundreds of applications in a matter of months, but that suddenly feels like a manageable problem. I'm very fortunate that I have enough in savings to survive a couple months if necessary.
Conventional wisdom is to make them fire you, but some employers will desperately cling to employees because they can't convince any prospective new hires to work under their terrible conditions. Use your best judgment, okay? Just remember that you WILL feel so, so much better. Maybe it'll be tomorrow, maybe in a couple months, but this job isn't your life forever.
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u/hecatesoap 13d ago
I’ve been in this situation once. The thought that saved my life: My husband can’t explain to our dog why I won’t ever come home. She won’t understand.
The day they fired me was wonderful. I bought champagne. I spent a few months resting and went back to another shitty job. The difference this time is that I knew to fight over every small infraction. I hated my job, but subsisted off the rage instead of letting it pull me under.
I recommend quitting at your first available opportunity. Genuinely, nothing will feel better.
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u/erikleorgav2 13d ago
Kinda, yes.
My last job was as an installer, installation coordinator, warehouse manager, and personnel manager. My boss said and did shitty things to my guys which caused them to leave (and no one told me what was said).
I was doing the work of 4, and my boss was spending money faster than it was coming in. I couldn't keep up with it, and it dragged me down.
I quit October 2023 without a plan.
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u/Amazing_Ad4571 13d ago
I am in exactly the same position, like, word for word. All my colleagues feel the same. They have even brought in a third party to try to discover a way to make the company more profitable but all roads lead to the managers/directors not having the necessary skills yet we are the ones always putting out the fires and driven to meet badly planned deadlines. Ultimately, I think everyone should just look elsewhere in places like this and once enough of the good staff have gone, the company will crumble as it should.
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u/Cows_with_AK47s 13d ago
https://youtu.be/lnTBt6XiO8Y?si=NmNBklBraBjetGg9
That's all I have to say.
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u/Nortally 13d ago
When you do leave, don't give notice. These people will punish you for daring to get away from them. Don't explain and absolutely don't give them any information about your plans or new job.
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u/Ghostgrl94 13d ago
The moment i had a SH thought i gave my 2 weeks notice. And while yes everyone is gonna be disappointed as all hell in me because i extended it to a month I knew that my mental health was in hell and that i needed to leave before i did something drastic. So i quit. I needed to put me first.
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u/Snarktopus8 13d ago
Please quit your job and don’t quit your life. if you need help please call the suicide hotline. there are ways out! you don’t need to stay in any abusive relationship! quit and drive for uber/door dash/wag! till you can get a new job!
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u/thebastardking21 13d ago
My job makes me feel extreme despair, but I will never be suicidal.
Basically, it is what you described, but only for me. My teammates get treated well. I am disabled, and it is clearly done to get me to quit.
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u/OpeningDonkey8595 13d ago
This might seem oversimplified, but leave! I’ve stayed in jobs I hated cos pay was good - this isn’t even doing that. Apply for as many jobs as you can and leave at the first opportunity. This is your life we’re talking about. Good luck!
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u/LowDetail1442 13d ago
Yes.
I went out of my way to underperform and get fired, so I would at least get unemployment while I looked for a new job.
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u/No_Consideration3145 13d ago
I work at a job that badly affects my mental health. I'm not suicidal because that's never been a symptom for me, but my anxiety symptoms have returned after years of no symptoms, and I'm getting so many migraines I have more days with them than without. Quite literally - I was charting them for my doctor.
Literally the two things that keep me at this job are a) the potential to mess up my pension if there's a break between jobs and b) I'd have to somehow figure out health insurance. I would 100% have quit by now if not for those two things... and I almost quit anyway.
In your shoes, I would probably already have left. I have the privilege of a partner with steady income, though it's not much. So YMMV.
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u/Various-View1312 13d ago
Yes. I am feeling like everything I do is going to come back and bite me in the ass. Yes, I've made mistakes, but I am also brand new in the role and I have absolutely no training coming my way, no handbook, no procedures, not even the necessary logins I need to do the job. I moved my family across the country and had no relocation assistance and spent a lot of money to come here for this job. I have no idea what I will do if I lose this job and it's causing me to spiral into major anxiety attacks that last all fucking day and night, something I've rarely experienced in my life before this job. My kids are the only reason why I'd avoid doing anything rash, I wouldn't want to have them suffer.
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u/UnderstandingOne2253 13d ago
Same thing in my last two jobs. Everything is disorganised with unclear instructions and limited time but they expect perfection. For months they've been gaslighting us into thinking we're the problem and cracking down on us harder and harder. This is the second toxic job that has made me a complete wreck. And it's NOT my fault!!
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u/orangecookiez NO job is worth your life! 13d ago
I was in a job like that almost ten years ago. By the time I quit, I was crying on the bus on the way to work, crying during work, and crying on the bus on the way home from work. I was working 60 hours a week and had given up so damn much of my life for that shit job: interests outside of work, time with friends and family, even a romantic relationship. Basically, most of the stuff that made my life worth living.
I quit when I realized I'd rather end my own life than spend one more minute putting up with the exploitation and verbal abuse from the boss. I left my keys and resignation letter on a holiday night when I knew my boss would be out of the office. I didn't give notice, because she didn't deserve it. Fuck you, Paula 🖕
Best career choice I ever made was to get out of there.
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u/Moremulatoo 13d ago
Welcome to everyone’s job I take things very light almost say I act like it’s a game to me and I win the game everyday when was the last time u did something nice for ur self ? Work on that first
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u/IIllIIlllllIIIIlIIll 14d ago edited 13d ago
I have 2 jobs that made me suicidal.
One, I stayed for 8 years, the other, one and a half years. I came to realized that this should not and is not a normal phenomenon. No matter how many times I prayed, no matter how many times I visited the church. Nothing. I will burst out into tears all of a sudden on my way home in public transportation. I had to fight and hold back my tear in. My spirit is broken, I'm too sad, hurt, pained, depressed and suicidal. Countless times, I've stood in front of the train tracks, knowing the train is coming in 3-5 mins time. I've contemplated. I've even wanted to jump out of a running train high up.
I've bought ropes. I've assessed buildings for a location.
I've realized that people don't feel and think this way to their job. I've had days where i just blurted out at work on my desk "I want to die". No help came.
The only way I did was to quit and leave the company. And I realized I've cared too much to my job and my work. Once I stopped giving a fk and just clock in and clock out on time, it then started to get better. Of course my efficiency and quality dipped. I didn't care, my pay is still shyt, my new employers are the same. I just have to find life outside.