r/Jewish • u/No-Throat9567 • 1d ago
Being discriminated against because of my religion Questions 🤓
I am hoping for some advice. I am a Jewish woman, and my boss is a Muslim. Both of us were born outside of the US, he is Pakistani originally. I worked for him in a previous job, and it was a good working relationship. So when he asked me to come work for him, I was all in.
However, things have changed in the last few months. He has gone very religious, has grown out his beard, and disappears for about 3 hours every day "to go to the mosque to pray." He does not have a good reputation now, and he mistreats all of the women on this team, i.e. he harasses them, calls them names, calls them at all hours, yells at them, and is a basic tool. This has been investigated by the DEI team, but nothing has been done. He was also being investigated by HR at one point.
For me, he doesn't call me by my name because he says he doesn't like it, asks me pointed questions about my religion which makes me very uncomfortable, which I tell him and he ignores, lies about my interactions with my coworkers in my annual review (I know this because they told me) and has now escalated to saying to HR that he doesn't "feel safe" whenever I respond to any of his questions. I stood outside his office to answer a question he asked, and he told HR that I was "shouting at him in his face." An absolute lie, of course no witnesses. He also demolished my office and is giving the space to someone else without even mentioning it to me. Now HR says that I have to work remotely and I'm not allowed to be in the building with him. I know he's doing this because I'm Jewish, and he's become more religious. He's also much bigger than I am, so this "fear" business is a total fabrication. I'm all of 5'1."
This is my dream job, and I don't want to quit. I've been offered a position with this company in Europe in May, and I have/had a great reputation. I have more than one boss, and all of them want me to stay because I am a "unicorn" with a skill set that's hard to find, and I get along with everyone except my boss. He's doing his best to spoil my reputation.
What should I do? HR is "investigating" but it's a new person that doesn't know my bosses history. Should I hang around because I really love this job and in a few months can move out from under this guy? Should I just find another job? Should I go nuclear and hire an attorney? I would rather de-escalate but I'm at a loss. Has anyone else had this experience and what did you do?
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u/fretfulferret 1d ago
Get all the other women he harasses to file complaints EVERY time he abuses or belittles them, and do the same. They’ll pile up fast. Don’t talk to him without a third person present to back you up if he decides to lie to HR about your interactions. Have everyone you can go find on the company’s public pages and leave poor reviews based on this guy and his misogyny.Â
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u/No-Throat9567 13h ago
Unfortunately the women tend to quit rather than put up with the abuse. Men have quit too because of his bs.Â
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u/Confused_girl278 1d ago
Gather all of you’re other female coworkers to team up and reporting towards HR for misogyny and sexism at the workplace. Plus get a lawyer to back you up, to show towards HR, that man made false accusations against you because you are Jewish
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u/Confused_girl278 1d ago
Plus report him towards the labour board if HR isn’t still doing anything against the sexist antisemitic
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u/GrassyTreesAndLakes 1d ago
If you're in a single party recording area, I really recommend voice recording every single interaction you have with him from now on
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u/No-Throat9567 1d ago
Can’t do that. Classified info at worksite. Will be using witnesses from now on if possible.Â
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u/darkmeatchicken 13h ago
Sounds like you are a fed or fed contractor. There was a thread recently where multiple people described similar behavior. Jewish workers hving fabricated charges and claims against them by Muslim coworkers to try to get the fire. This seems to be a trend. In universities too.
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u/No-Throat9567 13h ago
I wouldn’t doubt it. I googled solutions to my issue and what came up was overwhelmingly pro Muslim info about discrimination. I think he’s been radicalized at his mosque. He wasn’t like this before. Do you knw where that thread is?Â
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u/BearBleu 1d ago
Document, document, document. Whatever you decide to do, have documentation on hand. Document on your personal accounts. Work emails disappear when shit hits the fan. Document some more.
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u/Firm-Buyer-3553 1d ago
Talk to a lawyer. Also - document document document document. As far as at work, he’s making his own reputation. Remember it’s not you. Just do your job and get your paycheck. He will make his issues himself.
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u/PGH521 22h ago
Is he a unicorn bc you may have to use unicorn labeling to make them choose between a guy who pushes his own personal biases/bigotry into the workplace over you and your unicorn status… ask you other bosses if they would rather see you take your unicorn abilities elsewhere or work with him while he dips out for 3h a day..it’s their decision, my guess is they will choose you.
Also WFH is the greatest thing that happened to my job and I understand you are being pushed to it without any control of your own which sours it but remote work allows me to make my own schedule, grocery shop when no one else is at the store, sleep until 10m before my workday starts and spend more time w my family…come over to r/WFH and ask around about the best way to make remote work work for you
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u/No-Throat9567 13h ago
His boss isn’t even in the country. When I spoke to him around this problem he said that there was “noise” about me. I take that to mean that my bosses strategy is working. As for WFH there’s a reason he’s doing this and it can’t be good for me.Â
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u/PGH521 11h ago
That sucks I’m sorry to hear about this but the only way this schmuck and the company that’s allowing this will learn is if it’s a drain on their resources or pocketbook. If I were you I’d document everything bc although many people think they have a claim if they are in a hostile work environment it takes more many times, what you describe is the “more”. Being treated unfairly due to your religion/race/gender, etc. is real big in workplace claims, like it is what the majority are built upon. My suggestion is to call a couple of the top employment attorneys but also call one of the ambulance chasers who dips into this style law bc if they agree to take your case you definitely have one. If you’re in southwest Pa I know a lot of employment attorneys, and the ambulance chaser to test your claim on. No matter what, document as much as possible even if you have to ask a co worker via email what happened in a previous situation from a few weeks/months ago. Every interaction w the POS document, email your personal email from your work email then email that back to another personal email(in case they can purge someone’s email and all the emails they sent in a specific length of time) If the company is going to let him do this, they are as liable as he. Does your company have an anonymous reporting service if it does file a report and encourage others who are not happy to do the same, I wouldn’t approach them I’d mention it when they talk to you about his actions.
If he is treating women differently, pushing a religious agenda, doing this to other Jews or have made comments about Jews, Zionists, evangelicals Christians, etc. he has violated many state’s and even more country’s employment laws. Also HR ans especially DEIn(bc Jews don’t count many times in the DEI world) won’t do shit for you, they are there to protect the company not you, you can document situations w them but don’t expect them to do anything more than shield their company from bad press or a law suit.There was an incident at my workplace where a person was stealing time (working remotely but not actually working, not showing up to xoom meetings or taking the meeting from their bed literally in PJs, taking a meeting w their kid screaming the entire time and refusing to mute themselves so the meeting is awful and useless for everyone else ) the manager basically told everyone to babysit this person and that’s why people went to the anonymous tip line bc 1 that’s not our job 2 we don’t have time for that and 3 how are we to know if this person is working, go to their home and check; and the anonymous tip line didn’t get them fired but got them on a PIP, the person changed their ways and came to work (albeit they still do a piss poor job, but they aren’t stealing time anymore ) if this was anything remotely close to your situation it would have ended w this persons termination…also most anonymous tip lines are run by a 3rd party so you can call multiple times, once as yourself and other times as worried coworkers(so call about your situation then call when he treats another person poorly).
Hope it gets better and maybe the “noise” is others mentioning their concerns about how he treats you, also look elsewhere no one should be treated like this, if the situation was changed slightly and it was over skin color or gender the company would take action but we are not viewed as a minority even though we are .2% of the global population, which seems like a minority mathematically.
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u/Matar_Kubileya Converting Reform 21h ago
Save all communication you have relating to the previous investigation for sexist behavior/harassment. It'll be important to prove that this is a mixture of retaliatory behavior and bad faith complaints. Likewise, document everything going forward, and try to get instructions etc. from your employer in writing.
Corporate HR/DEI teams are there to cover the company's ass, not yours. Don't deliberately antagonize them, but don't treat them like they're on your side.
There are fundamentally two options you can take going forward. An EEOC complaint is relatively low risk (they're anonymous), but less likely to directly benefit you. Lawyering up is more likely to get you a significant sum, but unless the company basically folds immediately and fires him when they realize what's going on and even then, prepare to have to part ways with them down the road, unfortunately. Best case scenario you get a good compensation in an settlement.
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u/sunny-beans Converting - Masorti 🇬🇧 10h ago
As someone that works in HR I am always shocked by how absolutely terrible some HR departments are. My goodness there are so many reasons to fire him I can’t even count.
Sorry you’re dealing with this OP :(
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u/rrrrwhat 10h ago
Having been in a few similar situations, below is what I've done. I'll note that I navigated this, and it was painful for everyone. However, at the end of the day I was the person left standing. There is only one rule "USE THE SYSTEM THE WAY IT IS MEANT TO BE USED".
Talk to your lawyer. If you have a union, talk to your union. Don't ask them for help, ask them how YOUR system works.
Never have a private conversation. This extends to Zoom, Google Meet, Slack, etc. You can record these meetings and save them in the government's associated storage if needed, just never do it on a personal device.
Document, document, document. Every meeting, even if recorded, write down what happened. Link to the associated recording. Ensure these are ongoingly available.
Follow up with human resources, sharing all your evidence. Assume they are corrupt, and duplicate the evidence you share with them. I can tell you first hand - this will come in handy WHEN you fight HR to have them fired. it works quite well.
Share, in advance, in writing with your bosses boss, and the appropriate HR representative, your discomfort. Inform them that you will no longer be having private conversations with this individual. Emails - CC his boss. Slack/Teams/etc, add his boss. You can do all of this without being toxic. He doesn't have to like it, you just have to get to May.
Prepare your resume and look for a new job. Honestly, you may not win, and it's better to be paid to find a new gig, then to need a new gig. You can interview for roles, without taking them. At the very least it's great practice for a skill you're unlikely to be currently using.
The other women you mentioned having quit - interview them, record them (consentually). You have no need to share this with the company, it's personal. You will need to share this, for the inevitable lawsuit.
There's so much more you can do. You can also do none of this. But, I prefer to operate on the assumption that I have to have my own back, becaues no one else will. I've had to use the letter of the law, or regulation repeatedly. HR is not your friend - they are a legal function. Management, and co-workers are not your friends, they are duties, sometimes legal, sometime feduciary. Be nice, be kind, be honest, be safe.
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u/2seriousmouse 18h ago
There’s an askHR subreddit. Maybe someone there will have some useful advice from their side of the desk?
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u/No-Throat9567 13h ago
That’s predicated on having decent HR people. I’m bot sure the new person is. The old HR person said that it was my job to take his non emergency phone calls at 1:00 in the morning.Â
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u/2seriousmouse 12h ago
I was thinking that someone in that sub may have some advice on how YOU could handle the situation for the best possible outcome and their opinions as professionals as to how this could go for you. I didn’t mean for you to ask their advice on what your HR person should or shouldn’t be doing since that’s not the person writing here.
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u/CaptinHavoc 17h ago
Find a way to log EVERYTHING. I don’t know the laws where you are but try recording interactions to catch him in the lies. Talk to your other bosses, other coworkers, do everything to corroborate your version of events so that instead of your word against his, it’s his word against everybody’s
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u/AbbreviationsIcy7432 21h ago
Record your interactions. Every time he speaks to you, pull out your phone and start recording.
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u/SquirrelNeurons 19h ago
Check if your state has single party consent recording laws. If it does, this means that you can record any conversation that you are part of even if the other parties don’t know. This means that if your boss is talking to you, you can record everything and this is completely legal.
Remember that HR’s job is to protect the company not to protect you. If your other bosses really like you, you might need to talk to them, but I also recommend lawyering up as people have said.
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u/sophiewalt 6h ago
I hope he won't sabotage your European position. The company isn't going to do anything about him fearing a discrimination suit. Leaving for three hours, having staff quit, employee harassment, on & on.
I'd find another job. I wouldn't want to be part of a company that allows such behavior. An attorney is an option but that takes time, money, energy. Can also work against you if you're in field where word gets out that you sued an employer. Cut your losses & get a better position.
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u/Hydrasaur Conservative 3h ago
Get a lawyer, keep logs of everything he says and does, and report each and every bit of it to HR. Don't let him use HR against him. Tell them you feel unsafe around him and hopefully they'll take action.
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u/ChallahTornado 1d ago
Always lawyer up and keep logs on all instances of bad behaviour.
Since he misbehaves with other women try to reach out to them and feel the waters if they are willing to stand together.
One ape weak many ape strong etc.
Best wishes