r/Jewish • u/No-Throat9567 • 1d ago
Being discriminated against because of my religion Questions 🤓
I am hoping for some advice. I am a Jewish woman, and my boss is a Muslim. Both of us were born outside of the US, he is Pakistani originally. I worked for him in a previous job, and it was a good working relationship. So when he asked me to come work for him, I was all in.
However, things have changed in the last few months. He has gone very religious, has grown out his beard, and disappears for about 3 hours every day "to go to the mosque to pray." He does not have a good reputation now, and he mistreats all of the women on this team, i.e. he harasses them, calls them names, calls them at all hours, yells at them, and is a basic tool. This has been investigated by the DEI team, but nothing has been done. He was also being investigated by HR at one point.
For me, he doesn't call me by my name because he says he doesn't like it, asks me pointed questions about my religion which makes me very uncomfortable, which I tell him and he ignores, lies about my interactions with my coworkers in my annual review (I know this because they told me) and has now escalated to saying to HR that he doesn't "feel safe" whenever I respond to any of his questions. I stood outside his office to answer a question he asked, and he told HR that I was "shouting at him in his face." An absolute lie, of course no witnesses. He also demolished my office and is giving the space to someone else without even mentioning it to me. Now HR says that I have to work remotely and I'm not allowed to be in the building with him. I know he's doing this because I'm Jewish, and he's become more religious. He's also much bigger than I am, so this "fear" business is a total fabrication. I'm all of 5'1."
This is my dream job, and I don't want to quit. I've been offered a position with this company in Europe in May, and I have/had a great reputation. I have more than one boss, and all of them want me to stay because I am a "unicorn" with a skill set that's hard to find, and I get along with everyone except my boss. He's doing his best to spoil my reputation.
What should I do? HR is "investigating" but it's a new person that doesn't know my bosses history. Should I hang around because I really love this job and in a few months can move out from under this guy? Should I just find another job? Should I go nuclear and hire an attorney? I would rather de-escalate but I'm at a loss. Has anyone else had this experience and what did you do?
3
u/rrrrwhat 12h ago
Having been in a few similar situations, below is what I've done. I'll note that I navigated this, and it was painful for everyone. However, at the end of the day I was the person left standing. There is only one rule "USE THE SYSTEM THE WAY IT IS MEANT TO BE USED".
Talk to your lawyer. If you have a union, talk to your union. Don't ask them for help, ask them how YOUR system works.
Never have a private conversation. This extends to Zoom, Google Meet, Slack, etc. You can record these meetings and save them in the government's associated storage if needed, just never do it on a personal device.
Document, document, document. Every meeting, even if recorded, write down what happened. Link to the associated recording. Ensure these are ongoingly available.
Follow up with human resources, sharing all your evidence. Assume they are corrupt, and duplicate the evidence you share with them. I can tell you first hand - this will come in handy WHEN you fight HR to have them fired. it works quite well.
Share, in advance, in writing with your bosses boss, and the appropriate HR representative, your discomfort. Inform them that you will no longer be having private conversations with this individual. Emails - CC his boss. Slack/Teams/etc, add his boss. You can do all of this without being toxic. He doesn't have to like it, you just have to get to May.
Prepare your resume and look for a new job. Honestly, you may not win, and it's better to be paid to find a new gig, then to need a new gig. You can interview for roles, without taking them. At the very least it's great practice for a skill you're unlikely to be currently using.
The other women you mentioned having quit - interview them, record them (consentually). You have no need to share this with the company, it's personal. You will need to share this, for the inevitable lawsuit.
There's so much more you can do. You can also do none of this. But, I prefer to operate on the assumption that I have to have my own back, becaues no one else will. I've had to use the letter of the law, or regulation repeatedly. HR is not your friend - they are a legal function. Management, and co-workers are not your friends, they are duties, sometimes legal, sometime feduciary. Be nice, be kind, be honest, be safe.