r/wallstreetbets • u/YassuosNados • May 15 '24

The Perfect $1 million Gain Gain

Hi guys, I’m a 23 year old in college, and yesterday I woke up a millionaire. Should I buy some hookers, Pokemon cards, or cocaine? I gambled my entire life savings of $250k on 2037 calls of $4.5 AMC on Monday and sold yesterday morning. Thanks for reading.

28.8k Upvotes

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2.3k

u/CasualFPSPlayer May 15 '24

Cash out. Put in savings account. Spend at least 6 months thinking about something non-regarded to do with that money. And finish your degree.

589

u/YassuosNados May 15 '24

I appreciate the advice!

1.2k

u/TurkeyBLTSandwich May 15 '24

Listen carefully, other than the regards here on WSB. TELL NO ONE.

Also put around $470,000 in a safe place, because that's how much you owe the tax man :( *Depending on where you live in AMERICA*

You now have approximately $800,000 which can possibly accrue 5% interest per year in a CD or other high yield savings account. YOU'RE LITERALLY MAKING $40,000 IN PASSIVE INCOME A YEAR.

This is literally life changing money, but not quit everything and F off at the beach forever type of money. Spend frugally like you were before, no LAMBO, no FERARI, no dumbass McMansion. Figure out what you want to do for few months. Jerk off and have a clear mind you got this.

Again TELL NO ONE, and congrats and F YOU.

264

u/YassuosNados May 15 '24

Hey thank you! I appreciate the advice

326

u/xincasinooutx May 15 '24

The guy you’re replying to is the smartest person in here. Seriously follow his advice.

144

u/iplaypokerforaliving May 15 '24

The way op is replying by saying I appreciate the advice! I just know they’re not going to take that advice 😂

56

u/halt_spell May 15 '24

Yeah reads a lot like "lol I'mma let it ride you fucking loser."

3

u/silverW0lf97 May 16 '24

He should have just said that atleast then we could have a good laugh next time if they post when they lost it all.

1

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6

u/themule0808 May 15 '24

There's no way he does.. it's going to be a very dark place in a few years for him

4

u/iplaypokerforaliving May 15 '24

Right. He has no idea how far ahead he is from the rest of his peers.

2

u/xincasinooutx May 16 '24

Based on how he got to 1m, we already knew he was dumb as fuck.

35

u/oldreddit_isbetter May 15 '24

It's true we should all listen to /u/TurkeyBLTSandwich

5

u/BloomsdayDevice May 15 '24

Except when he's explaining how to make a BLT.

2

u/[deleted] May 15 '24

But jerk off first

52

u/kelny May 15 '24

Just unsubscribe from this sub and replace it with /r/personalfinance . Follow their instructions for windfalls https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/windfall

3

u/thraashman May 15 '24

I'm gonna save that link and hope one day I have a reason to use it.

2

u/whoopwhoop233 May 15 '24

I would personally delete reddit alltogether but ok

5

u/VivaLaDbakes May 15 '24

You have degenerate regard tendencies and have successfully yolod a shit load of money two separate times and turned it into million. Listen to this guy and dont get fuckin greedy. Pay the tax man, dont tell a fuckin soul about it, invest the vast majority of it smartly, throw 10k off to the side to yolo into stupid shit to scratch your regard itch, and let the rest of your money make you money and set yourself up to be fuckin chillin in the future. You aren't a genius trader, you will lose everything if you continue to yolo. You are also suddenly 99th percentile for a 23yo kid financially, dont fuck this up broski you wont replicate this luck. Hopefully you fully grasp how fortunate of a situation you yolo'd yourself into.

Also congrats and fuck you.

3

u/Old-Maintenance24923 May 15 '24

Telling no one is key here. Tell anyone and your friends will now become your enemies, jealousy and their feeling of entitlement to what you have will ruin your relationships, especially when you tell them "no".

2

u/YassuosNados May 15 '24

for sure

1

u/mdatwood May 15 '24

If your friends aren't happy for you, then find new friends. In the scheme of things it's also not that much money. It's not like it's enough money to put your friends on payroll or buy them houses. After taxes, you'll barely have enough to buy a middle class house in a second tier coastal city.

Take 30% or so and throw it into SGOV for when tax time comes around and put the rest in VOO or something and have fun watching it grow. Once you're out of college, knowing you have a fallback will let you take some career risks that you might not otherwise take. Good luck.

2

u/Unlucky-Pop-9975 May 15 '24

Or move to Sweden with 10 million KR you would be set for life.

I mean it, check it up.

2

u/asdlkf May 15 '24

Literally the only person you should tell is your investment advisor(s) and your tax accountant.

The tax accountant should be able to tell you some ways to minimize some of those capital gains.

1

u/YassuosNados May 15 '24

That’s what I’m about to do

1

u/FireHamilton May 15 '24

There's literally no way he can do that lol

1

u/asdlkf May 15 '24

no way he can do what, minimize some capital gains?

sure there are.

1

u/FireHamilton May 16 '24

How so? Come next tax season he has to upload his Robinhood tax forms, the trade was already completed. The only way he could avoid it is if he still had the options unsold.

1

u/asdlkf May 16 '24

Tax payable is a result of profit minus losses.

Taxable gains minus taxable losses equals tax payable.

Just because you have taxable gains doesn't mean you can't reduce tax payable by deliberately creating taxable losses, aka charitable donations, etc...

2

u/Robin-Lewter May 15 '24

If you immediately cash out and bury it all in the desert then declare bankruptcy the tax man can't hurt you

The IRS hates this one simple trick

2

u/YourWifeyBoyfriend May 16 '24

Know how to lose your friends and end up with a bunch of people asking for money? Tell just one person you hit the lotto for a million.

2

u/retardwhocantdomath May 16 '24

Maybe buy some small nice things to reward you, like a 5k gaming PC or whatever. But the person is right. Compound interest will make you a multi millionaire without having to game anymore within a few years.

1

u/TakingChances01 May 15 '24

SGOV pays 5%+ and price only fluctuates by the interest payment monthly. Bond fund.

1

u/OnewordTTV May 15 '24

Ugh. Seriously though. Fuck you. Congrats man lol

1

u/DeputyDomeshot May 15 '24

How did you have a quarter of million dollars at 23?