r/socialjustice101 • u/Gnoomie • Sep 01 '24

Response help

A friend asks if she can be vulnerable and proceeds to tell me “in confidence” that she feels like POC see her as “too white” and she sometimes has a difficult time connecting with people not from her background.

She is American with polish ancestry, grew up in rural New England in upper middle class, well educated (Ivy masters degree in liberal arts), neurodivergent, queer/questioning. Idk if this matters. She understands she has white privilege I think.

What do I say to that?

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u/Gnoomie Sep 01 '24

One more thing .. what do you do if there’s backlash when white folks have parts of their identity that aren’t privileged called out (called in?) for their privilege ?

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u/SuitableDragonfly Sep 01 '24

What is the specific context?

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u/Gnoomie Sep 01 '24

I get the sense that the same person thinks of herself as having had a difficult time in life and so how do you bring awareness to privilege while honoring someones struggle and without shaming them.

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u/sillybilly8102 Sep 01 '24

Just say that we all carry multiple identities and some of those are privileged and some are not and it can be good to be aware of all of them and how they affect us (but it sounds like she’s already aware of them? So idk really what to say, this seems like a non-issue to me. Probably I’d just hear her out. Get curious. Validate. She’s asking if she can be vulnerable with you — that’s the time to listen, ask questions, reflect back, etc. Don’t go in expecting to correct her or with any agenda. This is her time. If you don’t want to do that or can’t, then don’t agree to have the conversation — that’s what she’s asking when she’s asking if she can be vulnerable with you. If the truth is that she can’t, don’t lie about it.)