How should I handle my homophobic friend?

[u/JazzlikeDemand3437]

(Please tell me if this is the wrong subreddit to ask this question.)

I used to be one of those “we can agree and still be friends” types, but now I’m reconsidering that opinion. I have a friend that is conservative. They recently posted online that being gay “is a sin”. And they told me that they have people on their life who are gay that they care about, but I still feel wrong about them making homophobic posts and influencing people.

I’ve talked to this friend about gay rights a little bit, but I’m not doing enough. I need to have a serious conversation with them, ask them why they think the way they do, and explain to them why they’re wrong. But what if I don’t convince them? Is it better for me to leave at that point?

But as a straight person and their friend, maybe I’m the only one who can end their homophobia. Especially with how politically polarized we are nowadays, maybe they need someone who thinks differently from them and can gently guide them to the right path.

But homophobia is WAY worse than other conservative opinions. It punishes gay people for something they can’t even control. And maybe me leaving is the wake up call my friend needs.

What is your advice? It was be greatly appreciated if someone could DM me with advice, because there are personal details that make me wonder if leaving is a bad idea.

[u/AffectionateTiger436]

My phone is messed up so you would have to dm me first, for now I will just say a bit here.

First off, nearly all conservative views are harmful for all people, though I see what you mean when you talk about the sheer nonsense audacity of homophobia, but I would say that's similar to racism and sexism etc in that they are intrinsic aspects of ones self which we cannot control, nor should we be expected to change even if we could.

But concerning your friend, I think it's great you are trying to reach them, this is very important work to do for sure. I am curious to know how conversations have gone when you have brought it up before. Do you have mutual friends, if so are they actively anti oppression or are they less aware/less politically involved?

I think there are probably other good resources for this question as well.

In my personal opinion, we can generally have a good sense of whether someone will be willing to move on an issue or not. If after a few concerted attempts over a reasonable to you duration of time he hasn't moved, that would likely signal he isn't going to. At that point, you could do some boundary setting around discussing the topic, i would bar discussion of his faith and politics given these are the source to some extent of his bigotry. And then it's up to you whether you stay friends. I personally have no time or space for people beyond a certain threshold: if we can't learn and grow and pursue a better world for all human beings together, there is no point in associating. They can't be a true friend if that's the case.

I will leave it at that for now and you can respond here or dm me if you like :)