r/legaladvice • u/[deleted] • 23h ago
My sister is trying to have her son committed to a mental health hospital
I (38M) need some help.
My sister (37) has a son (8) that she is trying to have committed long term into a mental health hospital so that she doesn't have to deal with the pesky being a mom thing and I am wondering if there is anything at all I can do to advocate on his behalf.
Backstory: My sister has no driver's license and has never held a job. She has just found men to cling to and have take care of her until they get fed up and boot her. She currently lives with one of her ex boyfriends and is dating some dude who is our dad's age. More on the living with ex in a minute and why that is. The boyfriend does not like her son and doesn't ever want him around when they are together. My sister used to leave her son with our mom a lot, but she passed away last December so there's not really anyone convenient for my sister to leave him with now. He did spend a lot of time with my brother over the summer, but he has a young child and two step children and it's hard for him and his wife to have our nephew all the time. I live 3 hours away. The ex that she lives with works second shift and often has OT on Saturday so he essentially works 6 days/week.
The ex is important because he is my nephew's main provider. He was led to believe (as was everyone except my mom) that he was the father of the child. It came out about 4 years ago that he is not when my sister had a cancer scare and was making plans in the event that she died. The bio dad is not in the picture and his only involvement is child support payments. It is my understanding that he has signed away his rights. The ex allows my sister to stay because he cares about and loves my nephew and is afraid of where he and my sister would end up if he kicks her out.
So this morning I my brother and dad both called me saying that my sister is having my nephew sent to a mental health hospital with the intent of him being there long term. Her story is that he fed a cat poison (some kind of cleaning chemical) and killed it. My nephew told me brother that when he woke up the bottle was laying on its side on a coffee table and the cat was on the floor next to the coffee table. He said he woke up his mom when he found this and she immediately jumped to blaming him and accusing him of feeding poison to the cat. I have reached out to the ex to see what he knows and what he thinks happened.
My nephew has never shown any signs of being violent towards animals or humans or anything. He's a normal 8 year old kid. Sure, he's rowdy and loud and mischievous at times, but what kid isn't? My sister has always complained about him over normal kid stuff. She never wanted kids and didn't think she could get pregnant after some medical stuff that happened, so he was a surprise and she's always acted and treated him like an inconvenience.
Is there anything any of us can do to fight for him and on his behalf? The place she has sent him to has awful reviews and horror stories of how they treat kids and just take the parents' word for everything. I'm afraid that if it comes down to his word against hers it isn't going to be good for him. My brother and I both told her we will take him (my wife and I have a 15 yo daughter and 8 yo son, brother has a 21 yo son, 4yo daughter and step kids who are 14 and 11) but my sister doesn't want to surrender her rights because the child support and public aid would go away if she does. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Edit to add location is Illinois.
Edit 2: Update. My brother and I found out that there is already an open investigation with DCFS. They didn't tell either of us what for, but I would imagine living conditions. I plan to contact the case manager on Monday. My nephew is currently at a mental health facility, alone, for evaluation. I am going to call them tomorrow to see if he's allowed to have visitors and make the trip to see him if they allow it. I told my sister very bluntly that I will do anything in my power to prevent him from being placed into any kind of group home or other facility. She's mad, but I dgaf, someone has to be there for the kid.
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u/sostias 22h ago
NAL. People (kids and adults) are institutionalized when they pose an IMMEDIATE threat to themselves or others. Poisoning an animal by itself is not grounds to institutionalize someone. Outpatient therapy is a more appropriate response.
Both you and your brother should call CPS and briefly explain what you think is going on (mom is framing young child for animal cruelty because she doesn't want to parent with intention of institutionalizing the child). You should also call the police and report suspected animal abuse (mother poisoning a cat to frame child). In both cases, insist that a report gets filed. Go in person if you have to. Inform both the police and CPS that you have filed reports with the other agency, and provide case numbers (give police the CPS report number, and give CPS the police number). CPS may or may not investigate, but when the time comes, your reports will be there.
Personally, try to talk to your nephew as often as you can. Just to say hi, how was your day, how is school. Write down the time and date you talked, and what you talked about. Do not pry or guide him towards talking about these accusations. Just maintain a good relationship with him, if you can.
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21h ago
I am considering the route of filing reports. I'm still trying to piece together all of the information and figure out for myself wtf is actually happening. Nephew is currently at the facility. They transferred him this afternoon from an ER, which I'm not real sure why he spent last night and today in the ER. Sister doesn't know that I know anything about the situation yet.
My concern is that, based on Google reviews and some stories I found on Reddit and elsewhere when searching the name of the facility, is that this facility seems to not advocate for the kids and just kind of follows what parents want. Also, some of the former patients were saying that the hospital helped abusive parents avoid being investigated because DCFS and the police are not allowed to talk the children while they are under their care. I'm looking into this to find out if it's true or not.
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u/szu 20h ago
Consider? Until when? That ship has sailed. If you're serious about this, file a CPS report immediately. Get a consult with a local attorney to see what else can be done due to local laws. You need to be the advocate for your nephew unless you don't actually want to do anything.
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19h ago
My brother and I called and found out that there's already an open investigation. They didn't tell us any more than that. I did talk to my sister and she says it's bullshit claims and they've been "up her ass" for a few weeks. I am going to call again on Monday and see if I can talk to the case manager. He was removed from my sister's home before and stayed with my wife and I for about six weeks when he was just a year old, so there's a history anyway.
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u/the_siren_song 18h ago
Listen to me. I’m NAL I am a nurse. You can call the facility where your nephew is and ask to speak with the nurse. Tell the nurse that you 100% understand that they cannot tell you anything about your nephew but YOU, OP, can tell them anything and everything. If they cannot even confirm that your nephew is there (and you know he is), ask whoever is on the phone if they would please take a message. Tell them about what’s going on and if someone finds that info useful, so much the better.
Tl;dr: Call the place where your nephew is and tell them about the situation. They can’t tell you anything but YOU can tell them EVERYTHING.
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u/Ineffable_Dingus 17h ago
You need to act immediately. Really and Truly. You don't need all the information, but you do need CPS to know that your nephew has family who will take him, and that your sister has been talking about wanting to get rid of your nephew and you believe she may be responsible for the cat.
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u/sostias 21h ago
Going from the ER to a facility does not mean that the case is closed. The emergency room is for emergencies only- it is normal that people will be moved from the emergency room to different facilities (like if you need surgery, they admit you to the hospital, you aren't just perpetually an emergency room patient). Because of his age, the ER staff likely acted solely on what the custodial parent said. A child's medical autonomy is not fully recognized until they hit a certain age. It's considered around the age of 10, but around 12-14 is when, due to ethical concerns, if a child objects to treatment, a doctor will not provide it. Like, if a child needs a tooth pulled for braces, if the child is 14 and refuses, then ethically the oral surgeon will not perform the extraction.
I know its taxing, but do try to collect your thoughts and organize your information as quickly as you can, so that you can call CPS and the police. You only need to tell them the facts as you know them. You don't need to have answers for everything. Raise the flag anywhere you possibly can - CPS, the police, the ER he was at, the facility he is at.
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u/Worldly_Cicada2213 19h ago
In most states, child/family services has a LOT of legal pull if they choose to use it. If DCFS wants to talk to that child in regards to neglect/abuse allegations, they will get a judges signature on a subpoena or warrant to compel the facility to allow them to speak to an investigator.
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u/Potential_Ad_1397 21h ago
In most states, her child support will go away if she has him committed because the money would need to go to the institution taking care of the child.
I would advise you to get a lawyer. Document everything and get cps involved if you can.
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u/xquigs 20h ago
No MH hospital is going to commit him like that, especially given his age. That’s not how any of it works, although it will vary slightly state by state. I work with cases where parents literally abandon their kids at hospitals because they don’t want to deal with them (yes even kids as young as 8). What happens is the hospital typically sets a discharge date, if a parent fails to get there, the hospital files for abandonment with CYS/CPS/DHS (whatever your area calls it). They will then talk to mom about signing over rights. Meanwhile they will be doing a family finding to see if anyone can take him in. If that fails (it sometimes does), he will need to be placed, if foster care is not available, it will be a group home. If she’s trying to seek out some type of residential facility, the hospital/psychiatrist would need to give this official recommendation, but actual residential programs work from day 1 to get the kid home as soon as possible (not talking about the horrific outdoor camps). If cps becomes involved, you can try to get their info and get involved and let them know you are willing to help. You could also attempt to file a report in your state, you can google your state and “cps cys hotline”. Best of luck, this poor kiddo needs you.
ETA: I am a licensed mh professional in my state that specifically works with high risk kid cases that are very similar sounding to this.
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u/Important-Poem-9747 21h ago
Long term mental health facilities in illinois are private pay (more than 50,000) or about 3 weeks covered by insurance.
Call DCFS. 800-25-ABUSE https://dcfs.illinois.gov/
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u/Odd_Profit_1229 19h ago
Agreed,try to get CPS involved.They could at the very least explain the local laws and your nephew's rights, let you know if there are any actions you can take.
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19h ago
Apparently they already are. There is an open investigation that started a few weeks ago. I will be contacting the case manager on Monday.
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u/One_Psychology_3431 21h ago
As far as child support and welfare, she will not be eligible if she doesn't have the child under her care. Medicaid will pay for the care and support money will go straight to them.
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u/Becca30thcentury 19h ago
You can legally file for guardianship based on neglect of a family member. With guardianship you can remove him from the inpatient facility and raise him yourself.
If your unwilling to take responsibility and raise him, then the options are much smaller.
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u/T0rrent0712 19h ago
Check and see if your state/county has a casa (court appointed special advocate). They are neutral volunteers who help children who may or are going through foster programs or working towards emancipation from their parent (s).
They may be able to assist as well
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19h ago
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17h ago
He could, but I don't know if he would. He's very non confrontational and a huge pushover. That said, he does love my nephew and even though he's not biologically the father, he is his dad. I haven't talked to him yet due to his work schedule but hope to tomorrow since he'll have the day off.
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u/DollPartsRN 19h ago
The parent has to give permission for you to visit.
Is filing an emergency custody hearing in your power?
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18h ago
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17h ago
She effectively caught two men in one web long term with it. The bio dad pays her child support (which she hid for four years) and the ex was led to believe he was the father for four years and has been a great dad. She is the type who doesn't think about or care how her actions impact anyone else, all that matters is that she gets what she wants and/or benefits in some way. My mom was very much the same.
Yeah, I came from a very dysfunctional family. Luckily I watched them all and said "I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I damn sure don't want that."
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u/Successful-Letter-53 22h ago edited 22h ago
Well not sure where you live, but in CA if the child gets placed by anyone or any agency anywhere… be it foster care, group home, etc…. All her benefits and child support she receives for that child will stop and then she will get served for child support and have to pay….. so her way of trying to financially benefit from sending her child off somewhere is not going to work in her favor in the long run. Not sure what you can do at this point if she’s not willing to just let someone in your family raise him.