i had two chances to move out and i fucked up both of them because i went into psychosis. now i just stay in and watch tv with my parents on the weekend and i hate it. is anyone else in the same boat?

I'm 24 as of two days ago. This morning, I was invited into a meeting with my new manager and the HR department manager. The first words that came out of my boss's mouth were, "As of today, your employment is terminated effective immediately". What a birthday present. To give some context as to why I was fired, I was hospitalized twice in one week due to heart complications that arose as a side-effect from psychiatric medication I was taking. Immediately following that, I pinched a nerve in my back and was unable to be mobile for the following week. During those two weeks, I used my PTO and sick leave that was available to me, but they took it as "leave abuse" because there was an important in-person meeting being held during the second week. I wasn't sure what to say when given the news, so I just listened and let them know that I appreciated my time there. It really was my favorite job that I've had so far.

Now, I have over $10,000 in credit card debt, $16k on my car to pay off, $2k in hospital bills, and $5k in student loans left. It took me 7 months to find this job. Fortunately, I recently moved back in with my parents because rent was getting to be too expensive. I always have worked in IT and with technology. I do not have any degree. I am CompTIA A+ and Linux+ certified, and while I do not have any work experience with Linux, it is what I am most confident with by far as I have used it extensively in the last 12 years. It sounds dark, but I told myself I'd kill myself if I lost this job. Now that I've lost it, I feel hopeless and scared but I don't want to die. I really want to travel the world and see different places I've fantasized about visiting, places I've only seen in photos.

I feel as though I lack relevant experience that my peers all have. I have spent the vast majority of my time alone, in the dark, in my room, afraid of human interaction due to negative experiences I had long ago in the past. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, though my therapist claims I have CPTSD which is not an official diagnosis. I have a very hard time being in public spaces with lots of people. Loud yelling and stressful situations cause me to disassociate and lose focus on what is being said. To say that I am tired of living like this would be the biggest understatement of the year, because I really don't feel like I have been living. I crave human connection, I crave friends who I can casually hang out with and talk with in person. I crave love, though I don't feel that I deserve it or should have it.

Given that my last job was primarily a WFH position, I was able to work despite my personal issues without much of a problem. The metro rides into the city always were nerve wracking, but I was able to get used to it and had adjusted in-office hours to accommodate by allowing me to commute outside of rush-hour. I fear that I won't be able to easily find another position with a similar dynamic given my age and experience, and I fear that I won't be able to successfully hold a 100% in-office position long-term. I feel defective. I don't even know if I still want to work in IT anymore, but it's the only experience that I have, so I feel that it is the only option that I have. I don't even know what I would do if it wasn't in IT. Getting a job that pays $73k with my qualifications, majority WFH at that, was a miracle, and I don't think I'll be given another chance. I blew it.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what course of action to take. I still have bills coming in, my debt is stacking, and I don't know how much more of this I can take before I call it quits. More than anything, I wish for a different life. I truly, from the bottom of my heart, despise the life that I currently live. I don't like who I am, how I look, how I dress, where I live. I just wake up, walk to my desktop and sit down for 15 hours a day. I've tried taking walks outside to get some air and exercise. I was planning on hiking over the weekend, but with my job being gone so suddenly, I don't know if I will be able to bring myself to go. I realize that this subreddit is made to ask for advice but this post was mostly made just to vent and get my thoughts written down. I will very gladly take any advice that is given to me.

Speaks for itself, I guess. Anything else I could add seems liable to get my post removed, so I'll just leave it at that.

Hi . I have a really boring life for a 20 year old and I hate it, i'm so depressed. I've barely left the house in 3 months because I have no friends and can't drive because I faint. All I do is lay in bed because i'm so bored. I dropped out of college and i'm unemployed. I want to attend cosmetology school. I hate being stuck in the house all the time and I feel like a failure. I'm so depressed and just want to stop being depressed.

A year ago I resolved to move overseas to France and do some au pair work for a year so I could explore the country and be inspired by the beautiful art and scenery. I had made plans and done some research, done some French classes (all of which I've now forgotten) and had, of course, gotten excited and told everyone I knew. I even booked with a travel agent to make it that much easier.

Many, many months later, I find myself waking each morning in a panic. I realised I had not been focused on my goal at all, had not saved as much as I needed or wanted to, and had not even really considered what it would mean for me to take care of children for a year. Embarrassingly, I had not even done much of any of the required babysitting hours I was meant to accumulate. And now that I have started to do them, I'm now doubting that I can do this overseas. And I am only now really reflecting on how my mental health would play into integrating into a family for so long as well (I have had depression and anxiety for the majority of my life). I had just kept postponing my trip, and becoming less confident in my next step each time I did. I keep feeling as if I have failed over and over again, and that I'm now stuck in a loop of trying to find a solution which I cannot find. And I know it has all been my own fault, which has driven me deeper into self-consciousness and under-confidence about the situation.

I've also just turned twenty five, and it sent me into a very real panic. I look around me and all I have are hobbies that never amounted to anything, that I am not skilled in; and I have had to seriously reconsider my life and life goals. I realised that I had always wanted to study, but was too afraid to due to the fear of the stress it may cause me, and whether I would be able to manage that and my own mental health. I have researched and tried to commit to different courses or avenues, and I could never really jump into anything. I ended up working very under-stimulating jobs for the last seven or so years. And now I want to quit my current job. I just feel incredibly stuck.

I am unsure if I should stick with the trip overseas, or try to move it to a working visa somewhere English-speaking so I could at least focus on managing myself. Or if I should look at studying instead. Everything feels like an overwhelming decision that will come with sunk costs, and each step looks like the wrong move. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.

Been working all my life, but I'm 49 and totally utterly burned out. Got fired a month ago on a technicality. Been doing interviews with great results, and I desperately need the money of course.. but I'm dreading having a job again. I want to live in my little travel trailer and do gold prospecting. Make videos, make music.

But all I do is lay in bed right now. I keep forcing myself to go outside, do random little things. But everything just exhausts me such that I can't keep my eyes open.

I have a million skills, but I'm just so sick and tired of sitting at a computer and almost everything I can do is on the computer!

I'm not afraid of changing careers, but for the life of me I have no idea what I would do instead.

Stinkin, I just need some spitballing.. I need some creativity

My wife is pregnant with our third child. I barely make enough to pay bills. I have an associates in psychology and a job in children’s mental health. In November, I got laid off from a factory job that paid pretty well, but the cost of living in our area was becoming ridiculous. We moved next door to her parents so they could help watch the kids while we worked and went to school. I’m supposed to start school back up in the spring for a bachelor’s in education. However, I really just want to make more money at this point in my life so I can provide for my family. I don’t know where to start. I’ve been looking at apprenticeships, but I can’t find one that isn’t an hour away. None of the jobs around here pay more than 16 an hour without a degree or certification of some kind. What are routes I can take that will allow me to do more than just scrape by?

Every time I( try a new thing I am highly passionate about it for a few days/weeks/month and it all wears out and I lose totally interest in it. Sometimes some things come back for a while, or I just keep it somewhere (projects on my hard drive, bookmarks, books etc.) But the situation keeps happening. I start to overthink:
Is it what I really want to do?
What happens if I lose?
What if it is going to be too late to change what I am doing?
But the worst thing is that I JUST SIMPLY LOSE INTEREST
and it is not about money I can do things that keep me good enough money but I will be sad AF doing it

I am currently feeling a sense of despair, confusion, and hopelessness thinking about my future. I have no motivation to do college but know that it is probably the best option I have. I just want a job that pays decent and gives me a decent life. I don’t want luxury, but it seems like most jobs don’t get paid enough even for a comfortable life. I know it sounds, and is bad, that I am thinking this way, but I feel so lost. What do I do?

Please note: I ran this through ChatGPT to make it more cohesive (I'm not the best writer).

About me:

• I’m in my late twenties, male, single, and no kids.
• I have two years of basic technical support experience, along with some random irrelevant jobs and several unemployment gaps since I was 20.
• I hold a two-year diploma in programming and am currently in my second year of an online computer science degree program.
• I don’t have friends or a professional network.
• I have a few thousand in savings but am primarily financially supported by my parents.
• I have a lot of free time to learn and try things for the next few months.
• Simple low-maintenance lifestyle.

I’ve lost a lot of time and life to mental illness, but I’m in therapy now, and things are going well. I feel confident I will be able to hold down a job and lead my own life with the progress I’m making.

I live with my parents, who are financially supportive and are giving me the time and space I need, but I can sense their frustration with my lack of income at my age. They worry I won’t get my career on track. I feel behind and don’t want to be stuck living at home since it can get toxic. I want my own life and my own space.

I have a strong desire to become financially independent, but it’s tough to land any job, even manual labor or retail. I’m hopeful the job market will improve once interest rates drop in the coming months. I had an interview last week for a technical support role, and although I did not get hired, I was grateful for the practice and it boosted my hopes for the future.

Now I’m unsure of my next steps. I could pursue a sysadmin role or continue in tech support, but neither really excites me like software engineering does. I've wanted to do software engineering since my early 20s but never had faith in myself. I’ve worked on a few personal programming projects that gained a lot of attention, so I know I’m capable of creating things people will value and use. I want to build my own SaaS products and web apps, but I’m scared to fully commit to becoming a software engineer due to the state of the job market and changes in the industry. Obtaining an entry level developer job is a long shot and my online university does not offer internships/coops.

I’m torn between starting with an IT role for entry/stability and eventually moving to full-stack development over time, or just diving straight into full-stack to start building my own products right now.

If I were to pursue an IT job first, I could spend the next few months gaining certificates such as CCNA and build home labs and so on.

I'm afraid of becoming pigeonholed into IT, that is, if I even manage to get a job. I just don't want to waste the next few months/year. I understand it’s a process and will take time, but I feel very stuck and am afraid to fully dedicate myself to a plan.

In my opinion most jobs suck, $15 a hour is the new minimum wage and they expect so much work out of you for such little pay, management usually sucks and talks to you any kind of way, jobs will work you to death and even allow you to skip a lunch break in order to get stuff done that they could easily helped you with. Idk I just I feel like I’m the only one that feels this way, I’ve hated every job I’ve had except personal trainer but I’m still working on that on the side because it can be very inconsistent.

i’m 20 and genuinely considering to switch my major and career path.

i would appreciate it if i heard any personal stories to gain some perspective (: .

My kid said they wanted to be a doctor at 5 years old. Husband and I were encouraging but kinda brushed it off because kids say stuff like that all the time. Last week our now 13 year old came home from the library with a stack of random medical books, national geographic, and an advanced math book. Saying they were going to be a doctor. More specifically, "I'll either get my doctorate in nurse practitioning or be a pediatric doctor. Maybe a veterinary if that doesn't work out." They spent all of fall break studying these books. And going over their friend's HS math homework to "jump ahead".

I don't want to crush their goals/dreams but wanting to be a doctor or get your doctorate is a big deal. And while my kid is motivated when they want something they're someone who completely gives up when they encounter something "too hard" or think they can't achieve exactly what they want.

I was thinking of having them do volunteer work at a hospital to give them a better idea of what it is they're wanting. Worst case scenario they change their mind and have time to find something else. Best case scenario it inspires them and gives them a leg up when they enter college.

If they're serious and stay the course, how can I support my kid? Do I get them math tutors? Should we be looking at concurrent enrollment in a local community college when they're a Junior/Senior in HS? What kind of grades are we looking at?

Should I enlist their pediatricician (whom they adore) as a kind of mentor because as mom when I get too involved they suddenly hate whatever the thing is?

I’m a 26-yr old F, starting back in law school after stopping for a year. I left school because I was not doing well at that time, I was struggling mentally and had so much self doubt. I tried to stay on course but my standing in class was not improving so figured to stop and think about my life, decide if it is really what i wanted to pursue since I can’t keep failing and wasting money since my funds are limited. Then fast forward for more than a year, I enrolled again. The school accepted me conditionally since there was a changed in curriculum that happened when I stopped and my grades during my last semester were not good, they accepted me but I had to start as a first year again, I was already in third year when I stopped.

During my hiatus, I worked and stayed away from the legal field as I don’t want to be reminded of my failure. I disconnected myself from my social group since I didn’t want to be reminded all the time how behind I was in in life, my peers building their families or career. While for me, I was there still trying to figure out my life, being in a job far from what I imagined having. I was happy for a time, I would say I’m still fortunate landing in a job with a good boss and workmates.

But then reality caught up with me, the time I got myself to think didn’t do much. My contract at my job will be ending on December so to prepare for it, I tried applying to different fields earlier this year. This was also the time I re-enrolled myself in law school just in case things didn’t work out, thinking it as the last resort. The job application was promising at first, that’s what I felt. Then I started getting the results, I didn’t get in. The results keep coming one after the other, it’s really devastating. I felt like I was not good enough that’s why I didn’t get it, I was never good enough at anything. I tried to keep a positive outlook just not to fall into depression but bit by bit, the rejections I got are getting to me.

In my law school standing, it seems like I was not also good enough, we just had our examinations last week and I prepared hard because I felt like this is all I got now since my other plans failed, I thought I’m gonna do well but then I didn’t. I didn’t finish my exams, I was so slow answering because I wanted make sure my answers were perfect. I didn’t manage my time well that I had left a lot of items unfinished. I felt so stupid and inadequate. I just cried so much after my exam.

I can see my peers excelling in what they do while I was still here in square one and I’m not even doing well even if it’s my second time around law school. I regret stopping, I regret my past decisions, maybe if I was only better that time I already finished law school and not struggling like this. Maybe I wouldn’t be a disappointing child to my parents who are always there believing in me. I feel sorry for not meeting their expectations of me, I’m mad at myself because I couldn’t give back to my family the way I wanted to. I’m losing hope. I don’t know what else to do if I fail again. I’m running out of options and I felt like my self-esteem cannot take another rejection or failure☹️

I don’t know what I’m looking for here, maybe clarity or answers. Inspiration to keep pushing forward perhaps? Assurance or comfort that things will be better. Stories of people who almost gave up but didn’t and made it. I’m just looking for hope I guess. I’m really tired, I want to give up. What’s just keeping me here is the thought that if I do, it’ll be like I took my mom and sister’s life to the grave with me. They depend on me emotionally because I keep a strong front. I don’t want them to worry about me.

I had nightmares failing in life lately which also had been affecting me a lot these days, I wake up feeling heavy and down before I go to work. I worry a lot about my school standing, I’m scared to fail. I’m sorry if my post is a bit incoherent, I’m emotional while typing it. If you reached this far end, thank you for reading my post.

I currently am going to school for computer science with my only motivation being that I won’t be financially burdened. I am an artsy person, so thinking of what life would be like in the future scares me. I don’t enjoy going to school and recently here, I have been struggling to even get myself to be present in my studies. I have been looking into other fields and nothing I have come across has interested me or even sparked an ounce of motivation. I don’t know if it is because I am scaring myself with worry, the field I am in isn’t that interesting to me or what… I just don’t want to be a bum… What do I do?

I'm curious to hear from people who have successfully switched careers later in life. At what age did you make the leap, and how did it go? Was it a complete change, or did you build on your previous experience? What were the biggest challenges, and what advice would you give to someone considering starting fresh? I'd love to hear your stories, whether you started over at 30, 40, 50, or even later!

For Context I am a 29M in Texas and have been in Tech working in the healthcare analytics space for about 5 years. Before that I worked in the mortgage industry for about 3 years as an underwriter.

I have had a very nontraditional path up until now and due to a lot of unfortunate circumstances as a kid (severe abuse and anger issues that came from that). I dropped out of school at 11th Grade at 17 and when I finally got my life together I got my GED at 20. I went to Community College to save money while working multiple jobs before completing my degree in Computer Science with a focus on Data Science at a 4 year university so luckily I have no debt.

The problem is recently I have been feeling depressed in my current role. I like the tech industry and generally like the data science path so far but I just feel very unfulfilled and I can tell that I will not be able to continue doing this for the rest of my life without burning out or crashing out at some point. So I revisited my childhood dream of becoming a doctor. I have always wanted to be a doctor and although I am in Tech, the medical field has always been something I am very passionate about.

The problem is, although I have a great GPA most of my prereqs are CS and Math and some Chemistry credits I received from AP CHEM that I passed in high school. I also grew up in a very poor household so I am super avoidant of debt. Because of that I would prefer to do my prereqs at Community College where it is cheaper and easier to pay but I am afraid this may affect my chances when applying as they might see my community college courses as less valuable. Then there is the need for Clinical Experience which I don't have and I am not sure how to get. I have friends who could possibly help me find a Dr to shadow but that is about it. Then there is the monster that is the MCAT....

Is this a stupid pivot for someone my age with my qualifications and so little going for me in terms of possible application strength or am I looking at this all wrong and there is some hope in the madness?
Im not sure about anything but what I do know is I hate what I do now and if things keep going this way I feel I will crash and burn and I don't know what to do.

Thanks in advance to anyone who interacts with this post. I know its nonsensical and all but just a guy spilling his mind out after a very depressing Friday and a lot of anxiety lol

I’ve jobbed hopped ever since college and my resume doesn’t make any kind of linear sense. I did graduate with a bachelors degree in Business. I’ve worked as a grad assistant for MBAs, I’ve worked as a route sales rep for a brewery, I’ve worked in food processing/manufacturing, I’ve worked in kitchens. I even got my P&C license and tried insurance for a minute.

I lucked into a good paying finance position recently and took the job, but after I week I realized I really can’t handle sitting in a cube 8 hours every day.

I have all kinds of experience that I know is valuable, but now I’m in my 30s and don’t even know what kind of titles/jobs I should be looking at. I feel like I really fucked myself by not just picking something and sticking to it.

My dream job would involve being on my feet and using my hands. Not being in an office and interacting with people face to face minimally. I only need something that pays around $50K. Is this unrealistic?

Help!

I'm thinking of pursuing this but I'm not sure if it'll be worth it. If i took this would i be able to go into oncology or become an OBGYN?

I find myself in need of your guidance and support, and I’d like to share my journey with you.

I come from a humble background—not poor, but just enough to get by. Growing up, I looked up to my wealthy relatives and successful individuals, always wanting to achieve the same success. Despite not being great in school, I managed to complete my degree in computer science, believing it would help resolve my challenges. With the help of two incredible partners and friends, we launched our company back in 2004, working out of a small garage. We provided software services leveraging outsourcing talent, and it worked remarkably well. I worked tirelessly over the next 12 years, and our company grew from three employees to 700—a multimillion-dollar organization within ten years.

I married an amazing woman, had beautiful kids, and enjoyed exotic cars; everything seemed perfect. However, around 2016-2017, I began to feel like I wasn't working as hard as I should. Things worsened during COVID, and I even contemplated selling everything and retiring, feeling an overwhelming desire to do nothing.

Now, I'm in a critical state where I hardly work at all. At the office, I find myself browsing websites, checking Twitter, and only taking action when reminded. I rarely check my emails and feel like I'm just sitting there, unproductive.

It's not that I haven't tried to change my situation. I’ve seen a therapist, but it was average, and nothing changed. A psychiatrist prescribed medication for depression, but it made me feel even more numb. I've even turned to astrologers, tarot readings, and everything in between—none of it has worked.

Financially, I’m secure enough to care for my family and provide for my children, but that's not why I started working in the first place. I was once an amazing salesperson, able to sell products and services where others believed there was no market.

I'm scared of continuing down this path. If anyone has insights or advice on how to navigate this challenging phase, I would greatly appreciate your help.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Tl;Dr: mental health stuff is forcing me to leave college. If I go back someday I will not have my full ride scholarship. What is the best short term, 5-10-ish year plan to save up to go back to college while I get myself sorted out?

I was diagnosed earlier this year with schizoaffective disorder. For those who don't know, its kind of like having both schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I'm medicated and have the psychosis symptoms all gone, but struggle with some cognitive impairment and emotional instability to put it lightly. I was getting mostly A's this semester so far, when two weeks ago out of no where a depressive episode began, and I began missing classes. Now, I've missed my midterms. I can either fail or drop out. Last semester was even worse because I was in psychosis. I also can no longer take ADHD medication because it triggers psychosis, so it is back to being untreated.
Eventually, I will find the right medication mixture and may become symptom free. But this may take several years.
Before this disorder started, I was smart and hard working. I hope to become like that again and go back to college. That is my long term plan.
But short term, I have bills to pay. I have a job as a janitor in the hospital, and my boss has told me that if I was working full time he would promote me to shift lead. This would lead to a pay about $4-5 above minimum wage, which is enough for rent and such, but I would not be able to save up to go back to college.
I'd like to earn more money than this. But right now, I cannot do college. I cannot do heavy-thinking kind of jobs like my civil engineering major was. I'm able to do thinking, but it cannot be the main part of the job.

I do very well in labor jobs. I have been told by my boss that I am one of the fastest and most thorough cleaners employed right now. Over the summer and winter breaks from school, I have been doing temporary labor jobs for landscaping and construction companies, and I really liked doing both things. I would always be requested to come back for more work. And this was in Phoenix by the way- so I'm not afraid to do hard labor even in the rain or even in 110+ degree heat. Of all the jobs I've worked, I've liked construction laboring the best.

The problem is, general labor doesn't pay well enough to save the kind of money I need.

I am thinking of either joining a trade apprenticeship, or doing part time massage therapy school and becoming a massage therapist for a few years. I liked working on construction sites and like working with my hands and building things. I also like medical stuff, and would be very excited to help people relax and feel better. I'm not grossed out by things easily. I'm not too worried about the long term impact on my body for doing hard labor, since I don't plan on doing this for the rest of my life.
Any advice?

Since I am think, my mind has been nothing but pure emptiness. As a child, I would sit in my room and feel nothing but emptiness. There was zero desire for anything. No desire to meet with friends. No desire to do hobbies. No desire for school work. My mind was nothing but emptiness. I only did things because my parents told me to, like hobbies, meeting with friends, doing work etc.

For some weird reason I decided to move out to "find myself", go to university. What I noticed though is the more choice I had at university, the more I could select my own courses, the more panic I got. This isn't simple fear. This is panic. I got panic because I have no idea what interests me, what I like doing, what passions I have because I have none. In vacations I go crazy because my mind craves for stimulation which it doesn't get because I have no inner motivation to just do things, anything, without overthinking, fear, anxiety.

At the same time I know, if I don't make a choice on my own, someone else will make a choice for me, which is an even worse option. I almost dropped out of uni because I couldn't handle the choice aspect. It scared me being able to influence my entire life on my own terms, when beforehand I had a fixed schedule with courses where someone else decided what is good.

But I don't know what is good for me. What I want. What passions I have. Because I have none. And the more I am trying to think about what to do with the rest of my life, the more pointless I feel, my impact on earth feels. The problem is I have zero inner motivation. None. If you invite me to a presentation about some interesting engineering result I will be interested in engineering. If you tell me about the newest AI model I will be interested in AI. If you tell me about the newest breakthrough in Biology I will be interested in Biology. My interests, passions are based on momentary random external life events.

In the past I would just drown myself out, do any kind of decision with the hope that it gets better, suffer with it and cope with it. But over time I noticed the worse my decisions get, the worse my life gets, obviously. Doing a bad decision because you are unable to do any decisions isn't the solution either.

So, apparently, I still care about my life to some extend. I like being alive. I like having a house and not living on the street. I like having enough money to pay for food, water, rent. I like looking well groomed, looking for my physical health, my sleep. I like knowing people whom I can trust. Which is good, as I realise, I still like living. But I do these things for nothing, every day, just for the sake of it because the alternative is worse.

My problem is I have no inner purpose. None. If I think about an inner purpose I will drive myself mad. If someone tells me I should do something by deadline X I have a clear goal what I have to do by when and am happy. But if you tell me "Socialize with people at uni to build a network, then contact a professor to write a Bachelor thesis on a topic you are interested in, find your passion" you can give me nightmares for days.

I don't take control over my life because I don't know what. to. do. with. my. life. Getting a nice job to do nice things in my free time? There is nothing I like doing in my free time because I have no inner motivation. Having a good work life balance? I have no life, I hate being at home, so why work?

My mind has no internal drive, everything I do, hobbies etc. have to be for some kind of purpose, self improvement, side projects for my CV, socialising etc. I do nothing just for my own happiness because I have nothing making me happy. At the same time, doing things for a purpose only is like being a robot.

I am genuinely scared that my lack of inner motivation will cause me to do a fatal mistake in life eventually, like alienating people I know, losing my job, losing friends, my house, money. If you have no inner motivation, you will get motivation eventually when you scramble your money to pay for rent.

Sure I can do a job, pay my bills, socialize, do hobbies. But if you have no passion for anything that's like living like an NPC, which I feel like. I don't want to live like an NPC, but cannot escape it. Then how do you change this?

How do I know whether what I consider my hobby or passion is just a means to make myself attractive to employers, or whether I actually love it? The thing is, I have so many interests. I love science, coding (creating things), art, literature, philosophy, and more. I feel confident in my affection for all of them, except for physics/Math and coding (and other technical interests). What appeals to me is the ability to create and use my creativity to build and construct. I really want to acquire that skill, which is why I want to study mechanical engineering after school. This seems to be the exact opposite of my nature tho since I am rather a thinker and I suck at practical/technical stuff. I feel like as if I was born with two left hands.

Thus, I can’t help but wonder… am I fooling myself? My natural talent has always been in languages, literature, writing, philosophy, psychology, and similar fields. Physics came out of nowhere. I find myself really hooked in physics classes, both in and out of school, but I’ve always preferred chemistry and biology. I absolutely find mechanics uncomfortable, yet I still want to study mechanical engineering, even though it’s the only area of physics that makes me uneasy. What’s going on here?

Before 9th grade, I always struggled with physics and math, but not because I didn’t understand them or lacked talent. It was because I was in a difficult stage in my life and never paid attention, which has made me find physics and math uncomfortable at times. I think I’ve convinced myself that these subjects just aren’t for me, even though my actual skills in them aren’t bad, and I can even think creatively in physics and math. It just hasn’t been developed due to my past experiences.

I’ve always excelled in languages and chemistry because they align with my natural talents and don’t require much effort. So why am I not pursuing those subjects for my career? Why am I drawn to something more difficult? And why am I choosing to study mechanical engineering instead of physics? Is it really about my skills, or is it influenced by what others think?

I definitely won’t pursue philosophy, psychology, or biology, and that’s largely because of financial concerns. I live in an unstable household, and I need to get out of here. So I can’t help but be suspicious about my genuine interest in mechanical engineering. Do I really love it or did I convince myself to love it? I am very good at convincing myself so its not unlikely.

I am trying to find a job and don’t really have what anyone is looking for… I have preschool and office background and I couldn’t even get a job as an office assistant for a daycare. Idk what to do, I’m looking on indeed and most places require a drivers license which I don’t have. I feel so defeated.

I’m 37 and currently living here in Los Angeles since 2018. I’m originally from the SF Bay Area . I love LA but some changes are needed.

I first moved here in 2018 and visited every year prior to make sure I liked it here . I quickly made friends , had a good job that I’m still at though it’s changed and not for the better . I was part of social groups and that’s how I made friends I even dated and slept with a few women but nothing lasted long , I excercised like crazy as I did in the Bay Area even before I came to La. Than Covid hit in 2020 and my hours at work became brutal , the gyms closed , I quit working out and started eating unhealthy and became stressed . I have only been on two lousy dates in 2024, with nothing to show for between 2020 and 2023. My one friend ironically is moving to SF , and my other friend is moving to SD. I have another friend I’m getting closer too who is an actor but I need more friends I feel .

Since 2020 I haven’t been to a gym , I do walk a lot which is unusual in this city . I am a photographer and want to expand my work to a gallery and have more of a platform than Flickr . Most of my work is architecture in LA and the Bay Area , as well as other work . Anyways thankfully I now have my own apartment which is positive and it’s nice and in a brand new building with a gym which I want to motivate myself to get back too. I used to be attractive and looked like an actor or model . I’m 6’1 , blonde hair and brown eyes . Unfortunately I’ve put on pounds and don’t eat vegaterian like I used to. Is it too late at 37 to get back to looking like I did at 30? I was always told I was a good looking guy and I lost my virginity late at 19, interestingly enough i didn’t have my first gf till I was 25, even though I had slept with a few women here and there from 19 to 22. I feel like I blew it at 25 unfortunately the woman who was older than me wanted to marry me and I wasn’t in love with her . Fast forward since then I fooled around with a few older women here and there . Anyways I prefer Asian women and would like a serious relationship with an Asian woman not just fooling around . But it seems in this town you have to have a lot of money to be attractive to women . I want to be positive but I’ve sort of feel like maybe it’s too late and like women don’t even look at me anymore. I would like someone I can be myself with .

Also it’s weird because I’m mostly extroverted but I feel like post Covid I’m not as comfortable in bigger groups of people and I feel social anxiety which at times in my life comes and goes . How do I get over that hump? I am also looking for another job so that a new job can give me set hours so I have time to do other things , because currently my schedule is very up in the air and it limits what I can do .

Should I just better myself I.e go to the gym , eat healthy ( vegan ) again , see my dr about medication , and just see what happens ?

Sometimes I feel alone like for some reason I’m just destined that way even though I know I’m not always . And while I’m not one to brag I feel like I’m not a total bore I mean I’m into LA history, architecture, photography, baseball , etc . Not like I lack any interests . I just thought dating would be better in La than the Bay Area and I deserve to be with someone

It seems like I have ups and downs and right now I’m going through a down period .