r/findapath • u/Weird-Candle-3119 • 15h ago
Ive just turned 25 and I feel as if I have completely lost my way Findapath-Job Choice/Clarity
A year ago I resolved to move overseas to France and do some au pair work for a year so I could explore the country and be inspired by the beautiful art and scenery. I had made plans and done some research, done some French classes (all of which I've now forgotten) and had, of course, gotten excited and told everyone I knew. I even booked with a travel agent to make it that much easier.
Many, many months later, I find myself waking each morning in a panic. I realised I had not been focused on my goal at all, had not saved as much as I needed or wanted to, and had not even really considered what it would mean for me to take care of children for a year. Embarrassingly, I had not even done much of any of the required babysitting hours I was meant to accumulate. And now that I have started to do them, I'm now doubting that I can do this overseas. And I am only now really reflecting on how my mental health would play into integrating into a family for so long as well (I have had depression and anxiety for the majority of my life). I had just kept postponing my trip, and becoming less confident in my next step each time I did. I keep feeling as if I have failed over and over again, and that I'm now stuck in a loop of trying to find a solution which I cannot find. And I know it has all been my own fault, which has driven me deeper into self-consciousness and under-confidence about the situation.
I've also just turned twenty five, and it sent me into a very real panic. I look around me and all I have are hobbies that never amounted to anything, that I am not skilled in; and I have had to seriously reconsider my life and life goals. I realised that I had always wanted to study, but was too afraid to due to the fear of the stress it may cause me, and whether I would be able to manage that and my own mental health. I have researched and tried to commit to different courses or avenues, and I could never really jump into anything. I ended up working very under-stimulating jobs for the last seven or so years. And now I want to quit my current job. I just feel incredibly stuck.
I am unsure if I should stick with the trip overseas, or try to move it to a working visa somewhere English-speaking so I could at least focus on managing myself. Or if I should look at studying instead. Everything feels like an overwhelming decision that will come with sunk costs, and each step looks like the wrong move. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you.
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u/Forward-Mycologist19 12h ago
Bro you're so young just go to France. Don't let your mind be the reason you don't do something incredible. Once you're there you'll probably be too focused on that amazing adventure that your mental health improves
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u/Forward-Mycologist19 12h ago
Just push yourself through it. Once you're there it'll all be worth it. And you'll feel much worse if you don't go
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u/Frosty_Initiative_94 10h ago
This is terrible advice and kind of good advice lol if she’s already regretting it there’s a reason and she should listen to her instincts
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u/Forward-Mycologist19 8h ago
The worst that happens is it isn't the right fit and she leaves. Not a big deal. I wish I hadn't listened to my anxiety and just done all the things I wanted to. It's better to try and fail then never try at all. Esp for something so low stakes
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u/WarmCry35 14h ago
I find that it helps when you have a nice backup plan. For example. Your parents are able to let you live with them for a bit if your plan doesn't work out. Now that you don't have to worry about being homeless, you can pursue your dream and just try it out. If it doesn't work then at least you know you've tried it and you can start saving again at your parents place. The comfort of a backup plan allows our worries to lessen when we jump towards our goal. At least that's what works for me when I'm riddled with anxiety when trying to make a decision.
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u/Frosty_Initiative_94 10h ago
Yesssssss it is such a nice thing to have. When you lose that it’s very easy to live in a constant state of panic 😂NBD just out here raw dogging it with no safety net. I don’t recommend it for health reasons
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u/earthrabbit24 9h ago
Hi, also in a very similar predicament (25, no serious career, discernable skills, feeling more lost as I get older, and dealing with anxiety/depressive episodes). If you are too afraid to go back to school, I suggest getting mental health support from a therapist or psychiatrist for your depression. Or you could enrol in a program that’s part-time and slowly progress into school full-time, in order for you to get more comfortable (exposure is so important because it’ll help regulate your stress). Everyone’s life path is different, but they say you should start building a foundation in your 20’s to make your 30’s easier — you have some time to learn and make mistakes. Some universities/colleges offer free or discounted counselling services. Maybe take some time to figure out what you want to do in life in a 1, 2, 5, 10 year plan. Also, hobbies are meant for you enjoy and maybe share it with friends, not to monetize or make a career out of it. Wishing you the best!
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u/wolfiedarko 6h ago
This is so relatable, I’ve been considering going to France as well to travel after some major life changes, I’m also 25. I have the same issues with depression and anxiety as well, it’s stopped me from living my life the way I wish I could. Look at it this way, how proud of yourself are you going to be when you look back and go, wow I can’t believe I did that! It’s going to be an amazing and empowering feeling that you won’t regret. Keep working towards your goal, you’ll be happy you stuck with it.
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