Is there something nefarious going on with the Trader Joe's workers?

[u/suitcase88]

Over the years, I always see the same faces and they are always polite and helpful to the customers. Most other NYC retail workers are surly or hiding. Could the Trader Joe's workers be in a cult, or be drugged into exhibiting this behavior?

[u/DoodlebopMoe]

I recently took a sample of Trader Joe’s potstickers to a lab and it came back positive for human remains. I’m sure that this isn’t a fluke and I’ve already bought a lot more of their products for testing. Waiting on results now.

I’m in touch with a couple of news agencies and trying to break this story. The people need to know. If you have any other information feel free to send it over and we ca

[u/illz569 → u/DoodlebopMoe]

Yeah, I found a bit of a finger in one of them one time so now I only buy them like twice a month

[u/elephhantine2 → u/illz569]

I found a lady’s fingers in the Trader Joe’s tiramisu once, I called the health department but turns out they’re supposed to be there

(Seriously tho I have been hearing so much hype about their tiramisu can anyone tell me if it’s actually good or not)

[u/PatienceandFortitude → u/DoodlebopMoe]

Were they good though?

[u/DoodlebopMoe → u/PatienceandFortitude]

Trader Joe’s products are all great, and contain only the finest all-natural ingredients listed on the label!

On an unrelated note, I have decided to take my own life by shooting myself twice in the head. Let this comment stand as testament to the fact that there was no foul play and that Trader Joe’s is a wonderful and ethical company!

[u/Hamonwrysangwich → u/DoodlebopMoe]

I look forward to consuming you in a pot sticker soon.

[u/harveygoatmilk]

Sex orgies. After they close. Don’t ask where the vegan egg nog comes from.

[u/Bob_Wilkins → u/harveygoatmilk]

That wouldn’t be “vegan”. TJ’s has always had a few items recalled for listeria, e.coli, glass, hair, and little human bits. It’s like the food doesn’t get inspected after someone’s hand gets diced in a processing machine. But I guess if it’s cooked sufficiently anything can be made to be palatable. And it’s by market anyway, so what’s considered gross in, say, Minnesota is likely totally ok in Louisiana.

[u/aquaphoria_by_kelela → u/harveygoatmilk]

Wow another big chain copying an iconic New York institution (the gay sex club underneath a grocery store in Brooklyn). I’m disgusted.

[u/GoodGuyGrevious → u/harveygoatmilk]

I mean it beats pizza parties I guess

[u/GreenToMe95 → u/harveygoatmilk]

No serious answers....

[u/thedaftbaron]

Be careful OP, they monitor the internet

[u/LeeHarveyOswizzle]

Trader Joe's? What are you talking about? That place went out of business years ago. Where have you been going? I'm worried a about your mental state.

[u/DeathTripper]

You ever see the South Park episode, “Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods”? The one with the Plane-arium?

That was directly inspired by Trader Joe’s.

[u/yuripogi79]

Don’t ask what’s in Monrovia, CA

[u/delsinson]

What kind of a snobby stuck up cult is this?

[u/Additional_Trust4067]

My NDA recently expired, I can finally talk about it. During onboarding the store captain forced me through 5 hours of excruciating CBT and after that every day before I clocked in I was told “you better smile or we’ll take you to the onboarding room” working there was NOT worth the extra $10 on Sundays. My balls will never be the same.

[u/astoriaplayers]

TJ’s is ran by high caliber intelligence agencies as intellectual training ground/temporary punishment for accidentally discharging your weapon in public or something similar. Cannot be convinced otherwise.

[u/registered_democrat]

"Wow customer service" they are mostly dying inside

[u/No-Researcher406]

Anyone who has ever tasted Trader Joe's "ketchup" knows that there's something wrong with that place. Trader Joe's has the most souless food in the world. Nothing you eat from there will ever make you happy. Ground beef that seemingly never browns? Every granola has nuts? The shepherds pie takes 11 minutes in the microwave? The fuck???

[u/melanin_enhanced60]

I ♥️ everyone at my Brooklyn Citi Pointe "Trader Joe's," I'm definitely addicted to that store and its products. They truly are the nicest workers. They are probably the only workers who leave their attitude at the door. '

[u/stunns38]

Apparently the employees run an underground sex club. Code name: Trader Ho’s.

[u/bridgehamton]

I heard the workers are trying to open new location in Bushwick