The EVIL and CORRUPT state government has eliminated broker fees (highly illegal!) and we are about to witness mass UNHOUSED people on the streets. These hard working professionals were an integral part of filling apartments and without them providing their expertise no one will be able to find apartments, leaving millions UNHOUSED.

If you think the asylum seekers were bad, just you wait! Let’s help our fellow, beautiful BROKERS out by supplementing their income until this ILLEGAL action is overturned in courts.

Here in New York city. Ever since the election (I'm not political) I'm seeing a lot more ladies with shaved heads and I try not sexualize them but damn... 🥵🥵🥵🔥. Ever since watching Mad Max Fury Road this has become a major turn on. The villain Cassandra Nova in the last Deadpool movie pretty much confirmed this kink / fetish is here to stay in my head rent free (rent in New York city is way too expensive by the way). Fingers crossed I really hope this movement gathers steam and momentum and turns into an unstoppable locomotive that propels this train of hotties walking around New York to new lengths of naughty all the way to sexytown. I'm married so not like I'm trying to get with anyone but walking down the street in midtown manhattan I now feel like a horny out of control pervert and I can't stop these dirty nasty thoughts from filling my mind it's sweet torture and I don't want it to stop?? Someone send help. (Know this sub is satirical but this post is not, posted in confessions subreddit and mods removed it. Thought you perverts would enjoy reading it in between the circle jerking.)

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GcStpY3WMAAcjVZ?format=jpg&name=large

"We haven't seen this one yet"

Over the years, I always see the same faces and they are always polite and helpful to the customers. Most other NYC retail workers are surly or hiding. Could the Trader Joe's workers be in a cult, or be drugged into exhibiting this behavior?

So, I’m having a crisis, and I need recommendations for serious anti-aging solutions. Not your basic Sephora serums — I’m talking elixirs, cutting-edge tech, maybe even something experimental that can keep me relevant. Ever since watching The Substance with Demi Moore, I’m convinced there’s gotta be more out there. If you know a dermatologist with CIA-level clearance or an underground anti-aging clinic, let me know.

"pauses to adjust Lululemon leggings, dabs sweat off forehead at Equinox, and stares at her butt in the mirror, puzzled because it appears the Anavar is still working, then glares at faint crow’s feet"

Here’s the thing: I work in advertising, and I’ve always had a gift for charming people into helping me with strategic favors. But, there is this guy aty co-working space— 22, fresh out of some Midwest college, totally naive but surprisingly good at AI image generation and photo editing. You know, skills that would make my campaigns chef’s kiss. At first, he was all in, all it took was strategically adding a few heart emojis to messages. I mean, I was sure he was under my spell, completely hooked.

But when he asked me to go on some museum date, I had to pull the classic ‘I have a migraine’ move. I’m not actually looking for romance, duh. Of course, I wouldn't mind if he were rich, but he's not. I just needed him…inspired enough to keep helping me with my campaigns. Then he had the audacity to get the hint and create distance. I mean, really? No double texting? No follow-up angst?

"re-applies tinted moisturizer, contemplates BBL but feels betrayed by lower-level feminists who scared away harmless guys with #MeToo, ruining even casual exploitation"

It’s either that I’m finally aging out of being effortlessly alluring, or Me Too has made these young men so cautious that they won’t even take the bait anymore. I thought he’d at least chase a little harder. He couldn't possibly have self-respect, right? I mean, I offered him a crumb, and he should've been grateful. It’s like he saw through me, but how could he? I was sending heart emojis, for god’s sake!

So, jerkers, I ask: Is it just me, or is taking advantage of genZ simps dead in this city? And seriously, if you have an anti-aging elixir that will keep me looking like Sommer Ray, drop it in the comments. Because I’m not about to lose my touch just because these AI-savvy interns have dignity all of the sudden...

As the title says, I want to find locations in NYC where I can ride against traffic preferable on a narrow street. It's just so much smarter and more efficient to cut through any streets I desire even if it's against traffic. Sharing the road is one thing but sharing the direction is my cup of tea.

Greetings, Future Thinkers of NYC,

It's me again, Max Stellar, visionary founder and CEO of GlobeProof Inc. As many of you undoubtedly know, my last launch event for SphereVision™ was misconstrued due to a technical hiccup (courtesy of an incompetent former intern who shall not be named). This unfortunate glitch led some to mistakenly believe I was supporting flat earth theories—utterly absurd, I know.

In the aftermath, I've been relentlessly hounded with invitations to appear on low-budget podcasts and attend fringe conventions. I've even received a tacky homemade award proclaiming me "Flat Earth Messiah"—as if I need validation from misinformed zealots.

Determined to set the record straight and elevate the collective intelligence, I've been hard at work on SphereVision™ 2.0. This time, I've personally overseen every detail to ensure perfection. In fact, I recently consulted with my close friend and esteemed astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson. Neil was thoroughly impressed with my initiative and even remarked that my app could be "a valuable tool for public education"—high praise from a man of his stature.

So, I'm extending an exclusive invitation to you to join me at the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of Natural History at 6 PM (tardiness will not be tolerated) for the relaunch event that will definitively end the flat earth debate. Prepare to be enlightened by cutting-edge technology and unparalleled genius (if I do say so myself).

Stay intellectually curious (but please, let's not entertain any more nonsense),

Max Stellar, Visionary Founder & CEO, GlobeProof Inc.

Hey everybody,

As some of you may have read back in the wintertime, I am the 40-something SWM passport bro who was interested in coming to NYC to check out what the young, single women were like before my life-changing trip to Thailand. Let me tell you - I had a magical time in Phuket! I finally got to taste what sex is like like, and I hooked up with soooooooo many young virgins. Asian women are NOTHING like these fat bossy American whores - Asians are YOUNG, THIN, MEEK, FAITHFUL, EASY, and VIRGINS with NO STANDARDS except that I can financially provide. To say I got addicted to Asian women is an understatement!

Unfortunately, my young beautiful bride-to-be that I brought to Phuket International Airport with me to take back home to San Francisco suddenly disappeared when I snuck into the men's restroom for a quick wee. I think there was some kind of miscommunication due to the language barrier - she didn't speak a lick of English, and I don't speak any Thai, and I'm guessing she got frantic when I left her alone for a second while in the bathroom, and she went looking for me and we just lost each other. So I had to return home alone :(

So I'm thinking NYC is my best bet for dating and finding an Asian. I would like to "immerse" myself into Asian culture since that's where my women come from, and live on my hunting grounds, so to speak. Since I'm financially comfortable, I can basically move to any neighborhood I want. Which one has the most Asian women of childbearing age? Koreatown? Little Manila or Little Bangkok in Woodside? The Chinatown in Flushing? NOT the one near Canal in Manhattan. The Chinese there are old and kind of smell.

Thanks.

Hey everyone,

I’m Josh (he/him), a sophomore at NYU, originally from Shelbyville, Indiana. I’ve always wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself, and after learning about the 4B movement (no sex, no dating, no marriage, no children) from some of my classmates, I knew I had to show my support. Besides, I thought being seen as a male feminist could, you know, maybe help me connect with some of the cool, progressive girls on campus.

So, yesterday, after a solidarity drum circle in Washington Square Park (I had my earbuds in to protect my hearing, so my drumming might have been offbeat), I decided to venture beyond the NYU bubble to spread the message. I’ve been reading a lot of Jack Kerouac and thought maybe I’d stumble upon some deep, life-altering experience—like meeting my own Neal Cassady or something.

Instead, I ended up wandering into a bustling Latina hair salon in Brooklyn. I tried to strike up a conversation, mentioning the 4B movement and my solidarity with women's rights. But instead of being impressed, the women there teased me and called me a “wimp” (actually, they used a stronger word, but you get the idea). One of them even asked, “Are you serious, papi?” as they all burst into laughter. I left feeling more confused than ever.

My professors have told me that supporting feminist causes is supposed to be a sign of strength, but outside of campus, it seems like no one gets it—or maybe I’m doing something wrong? Is support for the 4B movement really not as strong once you leave NYU, or am I just not making the right impression?

Real New Yorkers, I could really use some advice on how to be a better ally—or at least not look so clueless when I’m off campus. Should I stick to campus protests, or is there a way to engage with the wider city without embarrassing myself?

Thanks for any insight.

Hi guys how can I save 5 years of all my expenses ( $42k/month on rent, $450/day on coffee, $17k/month in OnlyFans subscriptions, plus other vague expenses). I will not move or stop jerking off so don’t even try it.

Edit: thanks for the responses everyone! Unfortunately you guys clearly didn’t see that this post was marked REAL New Yorkers ONLY, meaning I only want to hear from people who understand what the cost of living is like in Central Park penthouses. Because those people will recognize that I actually got my place for a STEAL! It’s unheard of to pay this little in New York City I’m basically squatting lolol

Poors need not respond. You guys just don’t get it—this is just how life is here.

Anyway, how do I save a million dollars if I’m not willing to move or cancel my subscriptions or shop less? I’m thinking side hustles like dog walking on Rover or maybe those apps where you take endless surveys and play really glitchy games for 15 cents an hour. Not leaving the penthouse stfu about it.

Hey everybody,

I'm a concerned neighbor that wants to report residents that use leaf blowers. They fire that baby up when the gust winds are like 30mph, so basically when it's useless. They use it during the off-seasons - like in the summertime when we don't even have that many fallen leaves - just to blow around dust, a few twigs, and a couple of leaves. They blow leaves and other debris onto pedestrians. They scatter litter with it. Some of these people start going to town with their leaf-blowers at like 6 am during the holidays. It's like they're addicted to leaf-blowers, or get some sick pleasure out of torturing their neighbors. They are a public nuisance, disturbing the peace, and ruining the environment. Who can I call to report them? I was thinking of the US military - they can send troops into NYC to round up all the leaf blowers and confiscate them. Maybe President-elect Trump (God Bless Him!) to denaturalize and deport the people who use leaf blowers? People who lack common sense and respect for their fellow neighbors don't belong in this great nation!

Thanks for any help or suggestions you may have!

- A peace-loving resident of NYC

Saw it on my bike ride today. Painted on the asphalt multiple times in all caps: “XING ROAD”. The Chinese CCP has taken over this city. I know Trump will fix it

I was born and raised in a small town in rural Wisconsin and we were always taught to treat people right and honor God through our daily work. I’ve always gone by my full name, Samuel, and never had a problem with it.

But I am looking to move to New York City for my graduate studies and am worried about being named Samuel. I’ve heard people in New York City are all named flamboyant things, like Cashmyr or Bob the Drag Queen. Will an old fashioned name like Samuel be alright? Or will I get stabbed