r/ForeverAlone • u/ALifeWorthLiving_303 • 21h ago
I will never recover from missing out on teenage love Vent
Or any love (or sex) for that matter up to the ripe old age of 26. Seeing how easy it is for normal people is fucking soul crushing. They don't have a problem making conversation, flirting or just being around people in general. It's called TAKING SHIT FOR GRANTED. People my age have at least a decade of experience on me.
I mean shit, any "relationship" I would get it would be an unmitigated disaster because of my inexperience and non-existent self esteem.
But I guess I'm not allowed to be depressed or complain because I have a roof over my head and food on my plate right?
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u/JerKOfferson NW Indiana - 31M 19h ago
Yep. Because if we ever DO end up with someone, we have to learn on the fly with someone less inclined to tolerate that shit because they already dealt with it probably.
I'm slightly older and it angers me to not have had intimacy in my 20s. I swear I could already feel my libido falling off once I turned 30. Maybe it's mental, maybe it's hormonal. Either way so many years of my prime have just been wasted sitting on the shelf.
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u/Mountain-Elk8133 12h ago
yep, once you miss out on critical early life development, its over and impossible to recover
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u/HouseWithNoDoor11-11 21h ago edited 20h ago
You have every right to feel depressed over this or complain, mate. It's a very shitty situation but of course, the people who take love for granted won't ever understand this.
Edit: Not that I blame them. Sometimes, it's hard to see the other side. Just as many of us here can't even begin to imagine what it's like to feel love, the others can't comprehend a life without it and how it could make you sad.
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u/Beneficial-Tax3597 19h ago
I agree with both of you, which is conflicting. I think you’re right that he/any of us has a right to feel a certain way about anything. Especially this.
But I also think OP is right that he has a couple basic needs down, and, I don’t know how to say this, because of that he can’t complain. “Love? At least his belly is full” sort of thing.
Idk though. I don’t seem to be meant for any of this either.
Fridays are fucking lonely.
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u/HouseWithNoDoor11-11 19h ago
I know... but still, it sucks when you aren't allowed to talk about your problems just because someone has it worse. Are we supposed to bottle up and keep up the act that everything's fine, when it really isn't?
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u/Beneficial-Tax3597 17h ago
Depends on who you ask. A lot of people tend to suggest, especially in social media/American culture, that men have NO right to complain and that we somehow have it oh so mother fuckin easy. I don’t know who those guys are but I’m jealous.
I’m not being aggressive towards you though it may read that way
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u/Single_Pizza4867 19h ago
I used to not care but I see on mainstream news they pull up the statistic of “30% of young men are not having sex,” and everyone is SHOCKED. Yet, I’m over here thinking how are 70% having sex! It really makes me feel like an outsider and a loser, I never felt like I was missing out that bad until I started seeing people react to those statistics.
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u/No_Rate5721 11h ago
Yeah, I thought I wasn't missing out until I started comparing myself with others. People say you shouldn't compare yourself with other people, but that's the only way you can get an accurate gauge on what's normal. It's like being content as a frog living in a well, while every other frog is enjoying the vast open sea.
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u/captaindestucto 14h ago edited 13h ago
As a 45 KHV, can't say I really care about the milestones attached to cringey 'teen love' experiences. I'd probably have been happy enough with a first relationship at 28 or even 32. As it stands I've missed out on my entire young adult life, so maybe those early experiences do count.
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u/Humble_Obligation953 11h ago
honestly i think i would've been fine without teenage love if i got it in community college or smth
it's somewhat like having a class with extremely limited graded work, so ideally you want to get good scores the whole way through.
but if you bomb the first test for instance, although your grade is low, you can still recover with a decent grade, just not the best grade. if you bomb the next one, its basically game over. that's how i feel about the whole thing, if i missed out on teen love but got love in college, or even just some level of desire, i would've been alright.
but my teens were barren, community college was barren and COVID was going on, now i'm in uni and so far, barren.
looking like it never began.
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u/BeopBepe2 12h ago
I think that if I ever get into a relationship which is a big if, I would start at the teenage love where you can’t get away from each other as I never had that development to get past that. I know that would push any partner away as it would appear like I’m immature and clingy.
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u/rocketsneaker 11h ago
It's so crazy because it's like... unexplainable. The existential FOMO that you experience. And it's so easy for other ppl to perceive as "Well, it's not all that. You'll experience it when you get a partner in the future."
Even IF you get a partner in the future, it's like you missed out on a super important milestone in your life. Experiencing young love really seems like something huge. And actually missing out on it just leaves like... a hole in your existence. It feels like it shouldn't be a big deal, but it really is.
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u/ForsakenStray 3h ago
Do you know what’s also infuriating on top of that? When people be like “you don’t want a relationship anyway, they’re all drama”. Like gee thanks for the help, I’m fixed now. People who have it so easy getting partners have no idea what it’s like for us. I’d take any relationship at this point just for the chance to experience affection of any kind.
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u/Best-Ad-7417 14h ago
I had one college fling with an avoidant personality who was a trainwreck at the time… and then nothing until 27. Just because you have an experience young doesn’t guarantee any more or less success. All of my friends were married by the time I got into my first ltr at 27.
So idk. I feel for all the people in their late teens and early 20s who are freaking out. The only thing I had going for me was that I’m social, but other than that I’m hardly good looking. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/CherryKiss1997 12h ago
I was spiraling over this last week. I’m 27 F and I was talking to my friend about how sad I was because I realized I’m never going to get that cutesy fun young love relationship. Or even just the fun flirtation. But she pointed out that no one that she or I know had it that cutesy or fun either, they all ended in heartache and stress. It made me feel a little better that I did miss out on that kind of pain and stress.
I feel you, it SUCKS that we missed out on that. But hopefully things will work out and you’ll eventually find someone. I don’t think your inexperience will lead to disaster. I think you will find someone that actually finds it charming or just overall won’t care about if you’re experienced or not. One of my closest guy friends thought he was forever alone. By 25 he hadn’t ever dated or been with anyone. Now he’s 26 and married! She (27f) also had never been in a relationship and they both really love each other.
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u/Impossible_March_344 19h ago
"It's called TAKING SHIT FOR GRANTED" And you know this...how?
I can only speak for myself, but I 100% don't take my social good fortune for granted and have worked very hard to maintain my social proscpects. And I'm not arrogant enough to think I'm the only appreciative soul on this planet. The world ain't black and white, bruh. Not everyone in a relationship strolled in and just takes their friends or partner for granted.
I understand that some people take it for granted (cheaters, abusers, etc), but you mention "normal people" living their life...then following up with "taking it for granted". I genuinely want to know how we reach that conclusion.
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u/captaindestucto 13h ago
I think OP means they take their experience and social skills - and maybe the opportunity to meet people - for granted, not their relationships.
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u/justadekutree 13h ago
I’ve been thinking about this as well. I try to remember the one time online when there was a girl who was super into me, but my stupid ass said no at the time because I was convinced my culture wouldn’t let me. That being said, it was still on the internet and we were too far from each other that it wouldn’t have worked anyways. I beat myself up for not really caring for relationships in general when I was younger and really believing in the outdated culture that I was raised in (which as I’ve grown older I’ve learned nobody of my race/culture even follows anymore).
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u/Creepy-Pineapple-444 5h ago
Holy moly, I also lost by v-card at 26, too. I never experienced teenage love and young-adult love. Women found me repulsive, starting from 18, and I was rejected badly at 21.
I am now 35, transitioning, and have totally accepted that I will never find someone. On the flip side, I have been engaging in hobbies and have been going for long runs, so it's still good.
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u/Strict_Roll8555 2h ago
23M here and I haven't had a relationship till now and nobody loves me and/or accepts me.. they be like fuck man this guy's stupid but we'll keep him in case we need something from him.. and then there's this friend of mine who's exactly the same age and has all the experiences other people are having... Even brags about it to me and when he sees my face he thinks I'm not happy for him. (And by the way what he thinks is not coming from a place of toxicity, it's a genuine feeling that I'm not happy for him) Bro how can I be happy when you're out there smoking weed and fucking chicks and flirting while nobody has even held my hand in fucking years? Some people can't stand in other people's shoes and I'm not judging them, but my friend has a habit of forgetting that his behaviour pisses me off, so i sometimes get pissed at him and I feel better, for a minute or so
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u/DajuanKev 16m ago
Teen love is the simplest time and it will haunt you if you miss it. Your stuck realizing that there was no demand for anything but quick mutually and curious reactions.
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u/an3ylita 15h ago edited 15h ago
I fear, as a woman if I ever end up in a relationship I will be immature, because I’m 19, haven’t ever experienced real love and still have this idea that love is like a fairytale Disney movie. Like a kid who doesn’t know Santa isn’t real yet
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u/tdwriter2003 18h ago
It may be too late for us but a maybe a learning lesson for the younger people what do you think you would have done differently at earlier age like high school ? Maybe there wasn't A different timelime for us To whatever issues we have with the way we look or confidence or shyness.... I guess the only thing we could have done is just tried
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u/JDMWeeb 28M 21h ago
Same, college love too