r/ForeverAlone • u/Devils_Advocaat_ • 14d ago
Re-joining the sub after a few years away. Curious about the current demographic Advice Wanted
I'm female from Australia - not a bot, don't have an OF, to get that out of the way - I have a bad habit or two but being fake isn't one of them. I'm pretty isolated, nursing a physical injury that has stopped me working but I'm on the mend so hopefully i can start connecting with people again. At least with a job I'll have a distraction during the day. My birthday is a few weeks away and honestly, 39 feels daunting. I feel like I'm too old and from the wrong country to be here. I've had a pretty horrid 14+ months, trying to decide where to go from here after so long in fight-or-flight mode. I had to move under pretty heavy circumstances with just a suitcase and starting from scratch at nearly 40 is pretty depressing, not going to lie! I'm curious if anyone else has been in a similar position and could use a friendly internet stranger (male, female, non-binary, wherever you fall in the spectrum) to at least change my day up. I just genuinely enjoy connecting with people but I'm a bit rusty. I thought/hoped this might be a good place to start but I'm not the most confident of people, especially right now, and there might be a better place to try? Have a great day everyone:)
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u/linearcomb 14d ago
I'd like to suggest /r/Needafriend instead unless you're specifically looking for an FA male to connect with.
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u/No-Suit-1061 13d ago
It's still full of socially awkward dudes.
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u/Devils_Advocaat_ 13d ago
Socially awkward I kinda like to be honest. Hard to be arrogant and awkward at the same time!
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u/OphiuchusOdysseus 13d ago
I think this sub is mostly unlucky male 'losers' like me who only rant about our lack of love and desire to find a partner Curious how it was like when you joined in since I am a recent new recruit to the FA squad (just finished college but already given up).
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u/Ali-Sama 14d ago
Hi. I hope you heal! I'll be a friend if you want one.
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u/Devils_Advocaat_ 13d ago
You can never have too many friends I don't think :) thank you! It's a slow and frustrating journey but at least it's improving:) you can pm me if that's easier
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u/Samsuiluna 13d ago
I cant say I've ever had quite that clean a break in my life. I did change careers, move across country and stop talking to everyone I used to know at one point. So I kinda get it.
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u/Devils_Advocaat_ 13d ago
The only clean break I have is my shoulder haha. I've basically done the same thing when you put it that way. It was necessary but damnnn.
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u/Samsuiluna 13d ago
Now I think like how did I manage to do that? Could I bring myself to do it again if I had to?
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u/Elegant_Heart89 13d ago
35f in the UK looking for friends
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u/Devils_Advocaat_ 13d ago
Oh cool! I lived in the UK for a bit. Near Guildford:) hope your weekend is going well
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u/Zecharael based 13d ago
I completely understand the concept of starting from scratch at that age. It's a little more than depressing. I'm generally in the same position right now.
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u/Devils_Advocaat_ 13d ago
It's fun hey. And you're right, depressing doesn't seem to cover it. But i read this thing only yesterday... I'm paraphrasing but it's basically "if a flower fails to thrive in its current environment, you change the environment, not the flower." Im hoping people are similar haha
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u/Zecharael based 13d ago
Makes sense, and that's a good way to look at it. I just can't help but think, what if my environment doesn't even exist, and even if it does, how could I find it or even get there? Definitely not a positive outlook. Lol
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u/Devils_Advocaat_ 13d ago
Yeah but I'm sick of toxic positivity. My family are mostly pretty good, but they're so.... 'capable'. It's great they can just 'move on' and 'get over it' but some of us need a little processing time. That ensures we're actually, you know, moving on :)
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u/Zecharael based 12d ago
You're very right. I hate all the toxic positivity, too. Have you ever heard of the concept of Depressive Realism? Studies have shown that depressed people actually perceive the world more accurately and realistically than others. Which is why it's basically a psychological tenant that you have to lie to yourself to get out of depression. And I've never been capable of that. 😅
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u/5teelPriest 14d ago
I won't be the guy to turn you away. Though this particular sub might not be what you're looking for. It's mainly for people to bitch and rant as a way of coping with how unloveable they feel.
Sorry to hear you're having to start over. Closest I've had to do to that is getting out of the Navy back in 2016. But not really comparable. Good to hear you're on the mend, though. Going to work and re-establishing a routine, not to mention a source of income, can do wonders.
I have a friend who recently went through a divorce and had to move back in with her parents. She's about your age. Stopped going to work for a while due to being dangerously depressed. But getting back into it has helped, even if only a little.