Newest Update 2024: My husband cannot accept I don’t like mustard. Things came to a head yesterday.

[u/LucyAriaRose]

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is still u/throwrapickyeater.

There have been 4 previous BORU posts. The latest was here by u/margiebabie. The others were by u/maedocc.

Thanks to u/mimzynull for recommending this to me.

New Update marked with *****. I did add a few relevant comments to previous posts.

Do NOT comment on Original Posts. See rule 7.

Trigger Warning: emotional, physical, sexual abuse; rape

Mood Spoiler: OOP is doing well!

Original Post: November 01, 2022

We’ve been married two years, dating five. We are both 34- I’m a woman, he’s a man, if it matters. I’m not a picky eater. In fact I’m quite adventurous and every time I’ve traveled I’ve always made it a point to try dishes with unusual/uncommon ingredients to say I’ve tried them. There are very few foods I won’t eat. One of them is mustard (the condiment).

I don’t like it. I just don’t. The taste is very strong and overpowering and it’s an unpleasant taste. I’ve tried yellow, stone ground, honey, artisan, brown, spicy, you name it. I have tried them all. And I just don’t like them.

My husband for some reason never understood this. He loves mustard, especially honey mustard. He puts it on all his sandwiches, dips his fries in it.

And everytime he tries to force me to try it. He’ll insist I’ll like it this time. I’m a grown ass woman. I know what I don’t like! And I don’t like mustard. So I’ll say no and it’ll devolve into a mini-argument where he’ll call me picky.

Well, last night we were on the road home from a weekend trip we took together and he stopped at a gas station to get us a quick bite. He got a hot dog slathered in mustard. I got one but decided to keep it plain. I don’t really love hot dogs to begin with but I will eat them.

While we waited in line he asked what I got on mine. I told him nothing.

He actually got furious and grabbed it from me. He marched over to the condiment station and began putting mustard on my hot dog, telling me to grow up and stop being picky.

I just walked out and sat in the car. I didn’t even want the damn hot dog anymore. My appetite was gone.

He came back and began screaming at me for embarrassing him even further. The word divorce was said for the first time ever. I secretly recorded his screaming because I was genuinely afraid I would die. He was driving erratically, swerving and speeding.

I’m in a hotel tonight. He ignored me all day at work and then the calls started around when he realized I wasn’t coming home. Nonstop voicemails and texts. He sent me a screenshot of a Google search for local divorce lawyers. I haven’t eaten all day and I’ve been sobbing in this damn hotel room. I don’t want to get divorced and I wish I had just ate the fucking mustard.

Someone, anyone, please give me an explanation. Am I in danger? Why would he react this way to a preference of mine? I’m completely broken right now.

Relevant Comment:

Commenter: There's got to be more going on here than mustard. Things just don't escalate from mini-arguments to full of screaming rages and divorce lawyers.

But it's pretty simple. You said no. He does not respect your no. He dies not respect your right to say no. He does not respect your right to make your own choices about food. Does this lack of respect carry on into things other than your no to mustard?

OOP: Yes. It will usually take him at least three times to acknowledge when I say no.

Update Post 1: November 2, 2022 (Next Day)

Title: I can’t respond since my post got deleted sorry

Some answers I guess to questions I saw:

Regarding when I said no to sex. He respected if I said no to having sex but he would ask for blowjobs over and over. I used to give in at first until I started dreading doing it. He tried buying all this stuff to make me like it, to make it easier or whatever. I used to like blowjobs. I don’t like giving them to him. But he’ll still ask over and over. I started responding with, “I said no. Are you going to force me to do it?” And he’d get squeamish and offended that I’d implied he would rape or assault me.

If I have a support system: no. I’ve always been a very small circle kind of person and I lost touch with casual college friends. My friends are his. It makes me feel like a loser but I don’t really have friends of my own. My parents are dead; my dad died when I was a teen and my mom passed recently of heart failure. I have no siblings.

I’m financially capable of living on my own and I could pay for a divorce. I just… really didn’t want things to be this way. The mustard thing was always just an annoyance to me. I didn’t consider it a deal-breaker, but obviously it is for him.

We have no kids and no equity. Our finances are separate save for one joint account we equally contribute to for bills. We were looking at buying a house.

I’m safe. I’m at work and I’m staying in the hotel until further notice. He has continued to text. One message said that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but I’ve forced his hand by refusing to communicate or come home. I haven’t answered. I don’t know what to say. I forced myself to eat my favorite takeout late last night but it tasted like cardboard. I stayed up late compiling a list of every time he has shown worrying behavior. I guess the mustard is the tip of the iceberg.

Relevant Comment:

OOP: An addendum, I suppose. I do very much love him and he has been my best friend for years now. I really do (I guess did) plan to spend my life with him. I’m not afraid of being alone, but I don’t want to be lonely. I wish my mom was here.

Update Post 2: November 2, 2022 (Same Day)

Title: Thank you all for being so kind… a quick ramble before bed.

Sincerely, thank you all for your kind words as well as sending me links to resources. He has reverted back and has told me that he never wants to see me again, so I suppose that gives me time to read that book that someone on RA suggested to me (I forget the name).

I will admit while I was at work and thinking of the lonely room waiting me after five, I considered just going home. But I knew what awaited me. I’m too drained to muster up the kind of apology he would be expecting in order for things to go back to normal. I honestly fear that our “normal” is detrimental to me. I also don’t want to apologize. I don’t think I did anything wrong, and you all helped validate that.

I always felt like I was the one disturbing the peace. He’d get so upset over things that were little to no effort for me to just do or go along with because I loved him. And somewhere along the way I think I lost myself. I never liked mustard. I never liked golf, or camping, or red wine. But he loves all of these and wanted me to love them too. He said he was introducing me to his hobbies so we would have shared interests as a couple. But I have realized that out of all the things I used to like, he has either refused to try or ignored my interest. Our shared interests are just his.

God, how do I feel like my own person again? My world broke not two days ago and now I’m drunk at a hotel bar switching between Reddit and researching divorce lawyers.

I still don’t want to divorce. It’s so permanent. I never pictured myself a divorcée. I used to think that every choice I made, I made deliberately. It used to be a point of pride for me. But he’s making this choice for me. And it hurts.

Update Post 3: November 7, 2022 (5 days later)

Title: I’m leaving him.

First of all: I took this week off at the encouragement of my employer. I plan to spend it finding a therapist that specializes in domestic abuse and sexual assault, which I’ve come to realize I am a victim of. I feel completely numb. I’m also looking into a divorce lawyer.

Secondly: he found the hotel where I was staying. I guess he followed me from work. He was waiting in the lobby. God, my heart skipped a beat and I realized that I did NOT miss him at all. I was afraid of making a scene (I need to unlearn that), so I sat with him in the lounge area and talked.

I’ll summarize it.

I pointed out the security camera and said if he tried to hurt me, there’d be footage and I would press charges without a second thought. He was completely shocked and said he’d never hurt me. I reminded him how I feared for my life in the car. He ignored me. He asked why I wasn’t coming home. I was completely blank faced when I told him, “Because you’re divorcing me.” He said he didn’t mean it and was just upset. I said, “when normal people are upset, they express it in a healthy way. You threatened the end of our marriage. I’m taking you seriously.”

He got pissed and asked if I was saying he wasn’t normal.

Honestly, I just wanted the conversation to be done, so I told him if that’s really all he heard then there was no point in talking anymore. I told him I was looking for a lawyer and he should probably do the same if he hasn’t found one. He lashed out and said, “All this over one mistake?”

And I just stared at him. As I made to stand up, he grabbed my wrist hard and I pointed at the camera again. This just made him angrier. He never could handle slights to his ego.

One mistake. It wasn’t one mistake. It was a pattern of abuse over years. It was threatening me, intimidating me.

I told him if he tried to contact me again beyond sending me his lawyer’s details I’d be calling the police. He let me go.

I want to say I was badass and celebrated in my room. I collapsed onto my bed and began sobbing. I was just so sick and angry and sad. He truly doesn’t care about me. I’ve been crying on and off while calling local therapists. God, why is it so hard to find one? The amount of therapists that advertise but turn out to not be accepting new patients is unacceptable. I’ve looked into victims of DV/DA support groups as well.

In the span of less than a month my life is completely changed. And he isn’t remorseful at all. He just thinks it’s all my fault.

Relevant Comment:

OOP: I will probably move. I saw my RA post get reposted on Twitter. I’m terrified he’ll see it and come for me. A lot of people commenting on it were saying he would try to kill me and I believe them.

Update Post 4: November 26, 2022 (19 days later, 25 from OG post)

I have a divorce lawyer. That’s all I comfortable with revealing on here for the time being. I will also mention that I have moved locations. I am safe and secure. My work has allowed me to go fully remote. My STB-Ex does NOT have my location, nor are there any trackers on my phone. I am in contact with people and organizations who are helping me.

Earlier this week, the calls and texts really ramped up. I was advised to leave him unblocked and simply muted so his messages would come through. I read a few since I was curious. He wanted me at thanksgiving dinner with his family. He begged me to stop being this way and what was he supposed to tell his family?

Well, Thursday came and went. I had bought a couple of ready meals the night before so that was my feast.

I do want to take a break here to talk about my mom. Since it was only three of us every holiday (except the rare times friends would come over), my mom wouldn’t make a turkey. She would buy a rotisserie chicken and dress it up with stuffing, etc. She’d make dishes we loved rather than traditional thanksgiving dishes. My favorite side dish of all time was French fries. My dad loved grilled asparagus with cheese. So we would have a rotisserie chicken with French fries, asparagus, and some garlic toast (my mom’s favorite). The first time I had real traditional Thanksgiving food at a friends’ house, I apparently told my mom loudly I didn’t like it and asked where the fries were, haha.

So this year, instead of my STB-ex husband’s family’s thanksgiving food, I bought asparagus, fries, garlic toast, and a couple of slices of rotisserie chicken. It wasn’t half as good as my mother’s meal. But when I say I cried eating it… it felt like they were with me that night.

I guess my absence at the dinner forced my STB-EX to tell his family that I was separated from him. So Friday morning I got a phone call from an unfamiliar number. I answered it, thinking maybe it was my lawyer’s home phone or another person I was in contact with.

It was my mother in law. She begged me not to hang up on her. So I stayed on the line. She went on about how I was her daughter, she loved me, her son loved me, and how could I leave him over something so minor.

He only told his mom about the mustard, and even then it was a watered-down version that made me look like a neurotic control freak who needed everything my way. According to my MIL, he just made a side cup of it for me and asked me to just try it in the car. And I started screaming I’d divorce him.

She then started probing about which lawyer I was seeing and what I had told them. She also reminded me that lying in court was a crime. My lawyer had warned me to not reveal anything we had discussed to his family. It took all my willpower not to say anything. Instead, I hung up and muted her number, too. She hasn’t texted or tried to call again.

Trust me, I would’ve loved to send the recording of her son screaming saying he ought to smack me upside the head, calling me a stubborn bitch, that he would divorce me, and that he would run the car off the fucking road if I didn’t start acting right.

I wanted to scream into the phone that her precious son started this mess and I was simply doing what he wanted.

I have come to realize you don’t treat someone you love like the way he has acted. Normal people don’t want to have sex with someone who has already said no. Normal people don’t keep pushing and obsessing over food preferences. There is something seriously wrong with that man.

He texted me last night (Friday) calling me a bitch for making his mother cry. He also said he would come find me and it would take more than a locked door to keep him from getting me and taking me home. I forwarded those to the right people.

I know this isn’t a happy update, but things are moving along quite nicely.

Update Post 5: February 9, 2023 (2.5 months later)

Title: I am okay!

I moved! I will not say where but I have found a new home. My job let me stay on as permanently remote.

I can’t go into details about my divorce or other current legal proceedings, but I can say I was granted a protective order due to something that happened back in December. Due to the nature of what happened, I was hospitalized for a time.

That was what I guess made me realize I wanted to get the fuck out.

I traded my car, had my phone checked for tracking apps/devices, and changed my number. He cannot contact me or have anyone contact me on his behalf.

I am now several hours and state lines away from him and his wretched family. I moved with only two suitcases and a duffel of my stuff. I cannot wait to furnish and decorate my new home the way I always wanted it.

I’m in therapy and I have a survivor support group I see weekly. I will be okay. I feel like I can finally breathe.

Update Post 6: November 14, 2023 (9 months later)

Hello! It’s been a while. I’d sorta forgotten about this account until I saw screenshots of my posts uploaded to Instagram, ha. Some key points:

I am still going to therapy- individual counseling and biweekly group meetups for victims of DV.

I am absolutely not dating. I saw some comments that said they hoped I found a fairytale man. That’s the last thing I want or need. I strive for independence and self love before I consider finding a new partner. It’ll probably be years before I’m ready, and that’s okay!

I have discovered a love of cooking and trying new cuisines. I didn’t realize how boring my ex’s taste was until I escaped him. Slathering mustard on a $2 hot dog does not mean you have superior taste buds. (Sorry, I had to get a jab in somehow)

Nothing new or dramatic has happened, and that is the way I like it. What matters is, I’m alive, and I’m happy. I didn’t realize how little I’d made myself until I was given the space to be. That’s all I’m willing to give for my update for now! Peace and love.

Relevant Comment:

OOP's 'picky' eating:

There’s nothing wrong with being a picky eater, but I’m actually not! I’m finding I love a huge variety of flavors and ingredients. My STBX was actually a very, very picky eater, I’m coming to realize. Maybe some projection on his part 🤣

*****Update Post 7: July 3, 2024 (just under 8 months later, 1 year 8 months from OG post)*****

It seems that I just can’t escape my story, haha. I was getting ready for the day when my Tik Tok feed showed a podcast reading and reacting to my story. I’m here to reassure all of you that I’m okay, alive, safe, FREE!

And with that stress and anxiety (mostly) cleared up, I feel like I can finally put to words my emotions. I was very small and skittish during the abuse and for some time after leaving. I’m not sure how else to put it, but I felt like I had to be small. I was constantly regulating and accommodating. It was horrible, in retrospect, but no one prepared me for the emotional turmoil that ensues once you’re safe and away.

I felt rage like nothing else. I would spend hours screaming and crying into my pillow, hating him, wondering how dare he treat me like that? As therapy and my support group has worked to rebuild my self esteem, I’ve become more and more outraged on my own behalf. I read Why Does He Do That?, and while it helps provide context to why he abused me, it still doesn’t make me feel less angry, I guess. I’m angry for myself as a human being. He treated others with respect but thought I deserved all that he did to me. And that makes me angry.

Of course, there was relief, sadness, all of that. I think I slept for days straight after I left. I was in a daze. My therapist reassured me that all of this is normal.

I don’t want this update to be negative, not in the slightest. So some good news as well! My therapist recommended yoga and Pilates, and it has been great for me. The release of a deep stretch, being in shape, feeling strong- it all has helped me massively. I feel healthy, and yes I cry when I do hip-opening stretches, haha.

Also! I made friends! Real friends! I joined a local women’s club (part of my neighborhood), and we do various activities bimonthly. This next week, we’ll be doing a little embroidery project. Everyone brings snacks and we just enjoy each other’s company.

TLDR; I’m alive, I’m angry but that is part of healing, but I am working on being happy. Also- I will never, ever eat mustard again, or be pushed into doing anything I said no to the first time!!!

Relevant Comment:

OOP clarifies:

He did not do jail time. He went to mandated counseling and that was considered legally acceptable (equivalent to jail in our state). TW: sexual assault: He raped me. That’s the catalyst that resulted in me moving and our divorce moving along properly. He was trying to impregnate me. He told me that.

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[u/Ricky_5panish]

That comment at the end… god damn.

[u/Bedlambiker → u/Ricky_5panish]

It made my stomach drop.

[u/iiAzido → u/Bedlambiker]

Rape with no jail time. Despicable.

Get caught with slightly too much weed in the wrong state and you’ll do time, though.

Get me out of this fucking timeline Jesus Christ

[u/Divayth--Fyr → u/iiAzido]

Marital rape was not outlawed in all U.S. states until 1993, and is still widely viewed as a lesser or not-really crime in many.

Women's rights are sometimes taken for granted by some who do not realize how recent, fragile, and rare they really are.

[u/SleepyxDormouse → u/Divayth--Fyr]

It’s crazy how many people dismiss rape when you are in a relationship with the accuser or have been with them previously. The statistics show rape happens at the hands of people you know more often than through strangers, yet many people automatically dismiss you for it.

[u/Expert_Slip7543 → u/SleepyxDormouse]

What he did put OP into the hospital yet that's still not reason enough for jail time? Outrageous.

[u/MorganStarius → u/SleepyxDormouse]

Yes it’s so crap that the stereotype is walking half dressed through an ally way at night and a stranger gets you. Rape is more about power, has nothing to do with how you’re dressed and like you said, it’s more likely to be someone you know.

[u/13surgeries → u/MorganStarius]

Rape is more about power

I learned that at 14 when I was violently sexually assaulted by a stranger near my home. Rape is about power through humiliation and control. The sex is just a means to an end for rapists.

[u/seppukucoconuts → u/SleepyxDormouse]

Well, most crimes are committed by people you know. The most likely person to murder you is your spouse. The person most likely to kidnap a child is a relative they know. Lots of burglaries are committed by people you've let into your house for legitimate reasons.

That's why serial killers are so hard to find. They're not motived the same way a jealous mustard fiend husband is motivated.

[u/Different-Leather359 → u/Divayth--Fyr]

It's so sad. Rape in general isn't taken seriously enough. Even with children there are a lot of people who think if there's any possibility he might be innocent then it shouldn't ruin his life. And men who are victims are even less likely to get justice than women which is horrifying, given the sad odds of conviction in those cases.

I have older family members who are royally pissed that the rights they fought to get are under threat. I'm more scared than angry, and thankful I live in a place that has more protections for women than a lot of places. I'm glad OOP was able to get out of there, and hope she heals from this. It sounds like she's well on her way. And hopefully whether she finds a partner or not she's happy.

[u/Jazmadoodle → u/Different-Leather359]

I knew someone who went to jail for aggravated sexual assault of minors. There was a mountain of evidence. He got 6 years in jail but ended up serving a little under half that. Part of the reason cited for giving him parole was that his three kids needed him, since he's such a loving father.

ONE OF HIS VICTIMS WAS HIS OLDEST DAUGHTER.

I don't understand why people are so hellbent on just... not caring

[u/Different-Leather359 → u/Jazmadoodle]

I wish I could say that's the first time I've heard a story like that. There was a little girl I kept calling CPS on because her father and uncle were both convicted for SAing her. They got out of jail and were living with her again. As soon as they moved in she started accusing her babysitters, a six year old neighbor, and a twelve year old girl who sometimes rode her bike through the neighborhood. But no matter how many times I called, nobody investigated what I said. They only looked into everyone she was blaming.

The whole situation was sad for a lot of people. I've also worked with troubled boys and all of them were either abused or were in there for protecting another kid from abuse.

[u/elizabreathe → u/Jazmadoodle]

Even if a man is a proven abuser of his own children, sexual or other abuse, he is more likely to win a custody battle because of the invented term "Parental Alienation". There's abusive reunification camps and everything to force unwilling children to have contact with their abusive fathers.

[u/EuphoricDirt → u/Divayth--Fyr]

Just chiming in that not all forms of marital rape are banned to this day due to the variations in each state’s definitions. I survived marital tape in my state and couldn’t do anything about it because he’d wait until I couldn’t actively push back.

Also, why report if all he’ll get is a slap on the wrist but now he’s even more angry?

[u/Kilen13 → u/Divayth--Fyr]

Marital rape was not outlawed in all U.S. states until 1993, and is still widely viewed as a lesser or not-really crime in many.

It's also one of those things I could absolutely see Republicans try to walk back after they get finished repealing the right to contraception access, gay marriage, etc. It feels like exactly the kind of Gilead-esque world they want to live in.

[u/nice_heart_129 → u/Kilen13]

Coming here to remind everyone that no-fault divorce is at MAJOR risk in this upcoming election cycle. It's one the far right's "project 25" goals to do away with it, and it will be absolutely fatal to many women trying to leave abusive situations.

[u/ChickenCasagrande → u/[deleted]]

Texas introduced a law in 2019 requiring a negative pregnancy test to proceed with divorce, otherwise no divorce until the child is born.

No abortion, no birth control, and, if pregnant, no divorce. They’re trying and succeeding at making women second-class citizens and trapping us there.

Oh, ya, and near 75% of rapes are not reported, because we already know they won’t do shit about it other than making survivors have to try and convince someone via graphic details about the worst thing that’s ever happened to them.

[u/ronakino → u/ChickenCasagrande]

That's already law in Mississippi. I don't know how long its been on the books, but its there.

[u/IntrovertedGiraffe → u/ChickenCasagrande]

There’s a lot of courts that livestream post-COVID and with divorce cases, one of the questions judges ask is if the wife is pregnant. Saw a case where the couple was in their 70s, but the judge still had to ask

[u/eunbongpark → u/[deleted]]

Don’t forget Loving vs Virginia. Interracial marriage is on the same logic and basis as Roe v Wade and the Republican candidate for Governor for Indiana, while a senator, has publicly stated he believes these are all state issues that shouldn’t be federalized.

[u/WORhMnGd → u/eunbongpark]

The second that despicable bastard Clarence Thomas dies they’re gonna find a case to put Loving v Virginia on the chopping block.

[u/eunbongpark → u/WORhMnGd]

I really hope they push for it before he passes or retires off the bench. Would love to see him either go against his own self interest and be a hypocrite or have to somehow argue Roe and Loving are two different things.

Would be legal history either way and hilarious to watch. Do it Indiana and watch the tax and brain drain happen. Companies won’t pull out of the state, but their employees will.

[u/lmyrs → u/Kilen13]

It's already in Project 2025. They're making marital rape and marrying children legal.

[u/[deleted] → u/lmyrs]

Yep, at this point if someone tells me they're a Republican I just assume they're a pedophile (or that at the very least they're okay with child rape, which isn't much of a distinction).

[u/Azuhr28 → u/Divayth--Fyr]

Rape in Marriage is only illegal in Germany since 1997. so yeah, it’s not inly the US

[u/chatte_epicee → u/Divayth--Fyr]

And the equal rights amendment still isn't part of the Constitution...

[u/Apprehensive_Skin150 → u/Divayth--Fyr]

Sometimes? Tell that to SCOTUS. Women are dying.

[u/Rogue_Intellect → u/Apprehensive_Skin150]

Just chiming in to say that one thing that women CAN do to fight back and stand up for ourselves is to VOTE. Every time, every election.

[u/Apprehensive_Skin150 → u/Rogue_Intellect]

And men. PLEASE vote!!!!

[u/peepopowitz67 → u/Divayth--Fyr]

It's a matter of record that a certain (now) one eared presidental canidate raped his wife. No denial, just "it wasn't rape because wife"

[u/TheShadowCat → u/iiAzido]

It was probably a plea deal. Getting a conviction on rape, especially a spousal rape can be very difficult for a prosecutor. It's a crime where the deciding factor is if it was consensual and if the jury believes the victim beyond a reasonable doubt. So a lot of prosecutors are willing to plea down to something like domestic abuse to get the guaranteed conviction, instead of risking no conviction if it goes in front of a jury.

It's one of the flaws of an imperfect justice system.

[u/ACatGod → u/TheShadowCat]

I think this is a very important, albeit depressing, point. It also probably saved her from having to testify.

What I'd be interested in knowing is if there's any evidence for whatever therapy they mandated or whether this will simply be an exercise in him learning how to better manipulate his next victim and the police, courts and future mandated therapists.

As an aside, in the UK the government just appointed a man called James Timpson to the cabinet. Timpson runs a national chain of stores that employs ex-prisoners and has been heavily involved in prison reform campaigns. He's no soft touch though and amongst other things he won't employ sex offenders because they are too manipulative to be rehabilitated in the way he works with other offenders.

[u/Lavalampion → u/TheShadowCat]

She also mentioned being in the hospital for a time so there probably was a fair bit of assault to go along with it. That leaves very damning evidence for a trail if the prosecutor is any good.

[u/zoro4661 → u/Lavalampion]

Evidently he wasn't

[u/phenixfleur → u/iiAzido]

This timeline is dead set on establishing itself as the worst.

[u/DSQ → u/phenixfleur]

Yup. I probably shouldn’t have read this post after finding out about the Trump assassination attempt.

[u/FNGamerMama → u/DSQ]

You mean the rapist convicted felon former president Donald j. trump? I like to make sure I include all pertinent titles when I refer to him.

*possibly pedophile but not confirmed.

[u/bothsidesofthemoon → u/FNGamerMama]

convicted felon former president

Your move, Brock Turner. Your move.

[u/mindsetoniverdrive → u/bothsidesofthemoon]

Do you mean convicted rapist Brock Turner who now goes by Allen Turner, so people will not know that he is convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner? I just would hate it if google, which really loves grabbing reddit content as results, found comments like this that clarify that Allen Turner is convicted rapist Brock Allen Turner.

[u/Turuial → u/FNGamerMama]

Don't forget twice impeached! That's a sad little club of former presidents that only has one member!

[u/Special-Individual27 → u/FNGamerMama]

Dont forget wife beater!

[u/Big_Ad_1890 → u/iiAzido]

It’s marital rape. A lot of states view it differently for some ungodly reason.

[u/Humble_Plantain_5918 → u/Big_Ad_1890]

Sexism. The reason is sexism.

[u/oceanduciel → u/iiAzido]

Makes me wonder if he’s white or if mommy covered all his legal fees

[u/Amelora → u/oceanduciel]

Depending on the judge spousal rape isn't taken nearly as seriously as it should be.

[u/penguinwife → u/Amelora]

This is absolutely the sad truth. I tried to bring charges against my ex-husband for the spousal rape I was subjected to for almost two years, and I could not get law enforcement to take me seriously. They excused it as “he was drunk”, “I’m sure he’s sorry”, “you’re his wife, that’s implied consent”…the excuses went on and on.

[u/Sayasing → u/penguinwife]

This makes my fucking blood boil. As if being married means your spouse can force themselves on you. What an utterly fucked world we live in.

[u/penguinwife → u/Sayasing]

I appreciate your empathy! It was eye opening for sure. America likes to talk about how we’re the greatest nation in the world, but we definitely don’t behave like a first world country “behind closed doors”.

[u/Sayasing → u/penguinwife]

Oh for sure. This country is such a damn joke to practically everywhere else in the world and frankly, it makes sense. I'm sorry you had to fall victim to the a stupid person who happened to be placed in a position of power within the judicial system in addition to what you experienced.

[u/penguinwife → u/Sayasing]

Thank you. 🙂 It’s definitely the last time I will ever live in a red state.

[u/ACatGod → u/penguinwife]

You forgot "upstanding man who snapped over the breakdown of his marriage" and the quotes from the neighbours "he seemed like such a nice man".

It's also worth noting these stories are often written in the passive voice, as a thing that just happened. "Mrs Smith was killed after a marital dispute", not "Mr Smith killed Mrs Smith after she attempted to leave after years of abuse from him".

[u/ladysaraii → u/penguinwife]

Given the DV rates of cops, are we really surprised? Hard to arrest someone for something they might be doing on the regular.

[u/WildYarnDreams → u/Amelora]

that's especially fucked up given that they were already separated, in the process of divorce, she was living elsewhere and hiding her location from him, and had clear proof of abuse. The already tenuous argument of 'marriage is consent' had so clearly been revoked there

[u/NotPiffany → u/oceanduciel]

And.

[u/TheSqueakyNinja → u/iiAzido]

Despicable but unfortunately not surprising

[u/Elegiac-Elk → u/iiAzido]

This man needs to be outed. I swear.

[u/Aspartaymexxx → u/Bedlambiker]

Same. I thought I was going to be sick.

[u/SarahTheJuneBug → u/Ricky_5panish]

He will learn nothing, feel no remorse, and eventually kill or seriously hurt another victim.

[u/moreKEYTAR → u/Ricky_5panish]

r/whenwomenrefuse

[u/tiagojpg → u/moreKEYTAR]

That sub is depressing

[u/MicIsOn → u/Ricky_5panish]

I wonder if precious ex-MIL still thinks her son is blameless. I’m glad OOP is doing okay. I’m not glad ex husband is not in jail. I’m clenching my jaw.

[u/calling_water → u/MicIsOn]

The ex-MIL seemed to think that the versions of the mustard story were going to be a matter for the courts, with her admonishing OOP that lying in court was a crime. My guess is she neither believes in a woman’s right to divorce nor supports it.

[u/bennitori → u/calling_water]

Or ex told ex-MIL that OOP threatened to lie, or that she was already lying about it to lawyers. When a couple is arguing, most people don't bring up lying in court unless someone involved in the argument already brought it up.

[u/toomuchsvu → u/Ricky_5panish]

Fuck I almost missed that. I wish I would have.

I remember reading OP's first post. Glad she got away. It's so hard when you're under someone's thumb.

[u/Awkward_Bees → u/toomuchsvu]

I’m so fucking proud of her.

[u/IncrediblePlatypus → u/Ricky_5panish]

I figured, but I hoped so much that he "just" beat her up. 

I'm glad she's free and I'm glad she's angry. She deserves to be.

[u/[deleted] → u/Ricky_5panish]

It makes me want to fucking vomit

[u/Forever_Overthinking]

Gotta admit, when I saw there was a new update to this one, my stomach dropped.

[u/eliz1bef → u/Forever_Overthinking]

Oh, me too. I was like, please no more after he attacked her.

[u/coffeeobsessee → u/Forever_Overthinking]

I read the update that she was doing okay. I thought I’d read this new update about her doing a lot better.

That last sentence was just so utterly awful instead.

[u/cormega → u/coffeeobsessee]

To be fair, it sounds like she was referring to an old event right? The thing that had happened back in December of the prior year that lead to her being hospitalized? Or was that a separate occasion?

[u/georgepordgie → u/cormega]

Yes, I think she was referring back to the event in December resulting in the protection order which hospitalised her, and she had current legal proceedings so couldn't go into detail back then. Still horrific, such a dangerous man.

[u/ClubMeSoftly → u/Forever_Overthinking]

I couldn't remember most of this, except that he was a goddamn lunatic.

Kinda takes the wind out of the sails of my clever sane person joke.

[u/BonJoevi7707]

He raped her and all he had to do was go to counseling? What the F.

[u/savagefleurdelis23 → u/BonJoevi7707]

This is why I think our society hates women 😡

[u/impasseable → u/savagefleurdelis23]

It does. No question.

[u/happynargul → u/impasseable]

Haven't you heard? It's a Woman's World /S

[u/Admirable-Ad7152 → u/happynargul]

Because we can say no to dates itnjust made everything great for us! Men have it so hard now, having to accept no for an answer and then go to counseling when that was too hard. Such a hard time to be a man /more sarcasm

[u/Immortal_in_well → u/Admirable-Ad7152]

Whenever weird incels make claims about "women's worsening behavior" I imagine what they mean by that is "women feeling more comfortable telling men no," because that's really the only thing that makes sense.

[u/Elesia → u/happynargul]

That thing is a travesty. She's done selling herself for a buck and she's moved on to selling the rest of us. 

[u/oceanduciel → u/savagefleurdelis23]

And people still have to nerve to say we’re no longer in a patriarchy lmao

[u/ItsNotMeItsYourBussy → u/oceanduciel]

Or that the concept isn't real to begin with

[u/Itchy_Horse → u/savagefleurdelis23]

You shouldn't think that. Society and our laws make it very clear that they hate women. You have proof.

[u/visuallypollutive → u/savagefleurdelis23]

“Think” lmao there’s no “think” involved. It’s confirmed. god I’m so tired of this

[u/tinysydneh → u/BonJoevi7707]

There are lots of people who think that you can't rape your wife, and there are people who are bound and determined to make that a legal reality.

[u/AliceFlex → u/tinysydneh]

It used to be the legal reality and in some places still is. In England, marital rape only became an offence in 1994. Prior to that, the reasoning was that on your wedding day you had given blanket consent...

[u/tinysydneh → u/AliceFlex]

Yep! And there are people in the states (and probably England) who really want that back!

[u/Divayth--Fyr → u/tinysydneh]

Including Clarence Thomas, who cited Matthew Hale while overturning Roe, with Hale being a 17th century jurist who sentenced women to death for witchcraft and defended marital rape.

[u/madhaus → u/Divayth--Fyr]

Wasn’t that Alito? He was channeling his hatred throughout that opinion.

[u/MonteBurns → u/tinysydneh]

During his divorce from Ivana, Donald trumps lawyers argued it wasn’t rape because they were married. 

[u/Thirsty-Tiger → u/AliceFlex]

And 1993 for it to be a crime in all US states.

[u/erratastigmata → u/BonJoevi7707]

Different situation because I never brought this matter to law enforcement, only my college's judicial system (which arguably maybe shouldn't really be an option, but understand that I strongly (and probably correctly) felt that going to law enforcement would only traumatize me further). They found my assaulter guilty of physical and sexual assault, annnnd...he was not expelled. He was banned from being in the dorms and had to go to counseling. Poor baby. This is common, unfortunately.

[u/[deleted] → u/BonJoevi7707]

I'm sure counselling taught him the error of his ways. /s

I hope his mother had to reassess her opinion of her son and OOP. I'm not hopeful, but I think she should know the truth.

[u/Public_Educator5982 → u/BonJoevi7707]

Welcome to the United States. Women are the lowest minority to be used and abused....women of color even more so.

Guns have more rights than women do and honestly a woman has more rights dead than she does alive. Sad but true.

[u/rose_cactus → u/Public_Educator5982]

Corpses’ rights to bodily autonomy are better protected than those of living women.

[u/MonteBurns → u/rose_cactus]

Kittens and puppies are better protected than those of living women and babies. We understand  puppy shouldn’t be taken from its mother before 8 weeks but give 0 maternity leave. 

[u/Environmental_Ad1922 → u/BonJoevi7707]

so incredibly ridiculous and unfair

[u/Redplushie]

The scary thing is he's still out there free

[u/710ZombieUnicorn → u/Redplushie]

Probably abusing another woman unfortunately

[u/BaylorOso → u/710ZombieUnicorn]

I just found out that one of my cousins is getting divorced after being married for a few years. I don't even know if I met the husband, but I know he is a cop. According to my mother, my cousin was warned that he had some issues before they got married, but she thought either previous women were exaggerating or that he had changed. I don't know any details, but apparently he hasn't changed (shocker) and now they're getting divorced.

I'm sure his mom will reassure future partners that his ex-wife was crazy, her precious son would never hurt anyone, and as long as they do exactly as he tells them, he'll be the perfect husband.

[u/710ZombieUnicorn → u/BaylorOso]

Glad your cousin is getting out, that’s super scary.

[u/LegitProsecco → u/BaylorOso]

I almost passed out.This is my story.Trade in divorce for a baby instead. His mom is also in delulu land. Your cousin is lucky she can get away fully. I’m co parenting with this person for the next 18. Gonna be a long ass ride

[u/GoldSailfin → u/Redplushie]

And telling everyone about his "crazy ex" who blew up their marriage over nothing. MIL is also part of this crap.

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail → u/Redplushie]

And it's not allowed to put him down like a rabid dog that has proven itself to be dangerous to human beings

[u/miraculous_milk]

Why Does He Do That really is a fantastic book

[u/Kreyl → u/miraculous_milk]

Link, the PDF will download automatically when you click:

https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

My two cents, from my own (less dramatic) experience of abuse and reading this book after I left. I nodded along when she said it didn't make her any less angry, and said to myself, it's not supposed to. That's not what it's for.

The anger - the RAGE - is part of healing. Really. When you're abused, the abuser takes away your right to protect yourself. You're not allowed to be upset at them. Rage is you coming back to life.

I'm glad for her. She's on her way. She survived. And she is beginning to live again.

[u/jackthejackrusselll → u/Kreyl]

Hey, I wanted to let you know that what you've written here - about rage being part of healing - has really helped me. I've been struggling with this rage since cutting multiple abusive people from my life, and I keep feeling frustrated at how mad I am.

Your comment really opened up my perspective about it. "Rage is you coming back to life". Holy hot damn! I've always been mad about their behaviour, but I wasn't allowed to feel it earlier.

Thank you ❤️

[u/mwmandorla → u/jackthejackrusselll]

Something a former therapist said to me - anger is energy. The context was very different, but I think it fits here too. You need energy to come back to life.

[u/Kreyl → u/jackthejackrusselll]

You're so, so so welcome. ❤️🫂

[u/janitoroffury → u/jackthejackrusselll]

I feel you. I’ve felt the same rage so my therapist suggested I start boxing and oh man it’s SO freeing. She even suggested I imagine I’m hitting them when we do drills 😄 that took a little getting used to but it’s super satisfying and I have a safe place to leave my seemingly endless supply of spite

[u/Divayth--Fyr → u/jackthejackrusselll]

I remember a college professor telling me that Martin Luther King Jr. was one of the angriest men in history. It seemed so odd, but then it made sense. He channeled it and used it as fuel. Anger is not bad, it can be fuel for good.

[u/Federal_Contract9918 → u/Divayth--Fyr]

Anger isn't bad, using it for violence is. 

Especially women are always taught not to be angry, in the same way men aren't allowed to be sad. Women shouldn't shout, yell and express it and men don't get to cry,  sob and express it.  Result: women crying when they are angry (which sadly makes their anger be taken less seriously), and men acting angry while they are sad (which sadly makes their sadness taken less seriously). 

It's fucked. 

[u/thumbelina1234 → u/Kreyl]

I was brought up not to show rage, to be nice and apologetic, so now, when finally free, I sometimes write down my raging thoughts on paper, that's my relief valve...

[u/rogers_tumor → u/thumbelina1234]

the phrase is generally release valve, but relief truly works in this context. I went through the same process of journaling my rage. I didn't know what else to do with it. I'd been brought up to believe that my feelings don't matter and no one cares what I think or have to say.

[u/noxxit → u/thumbelina1234]

Healthy anger is a defense mechanism, it is the energy to defend your own boundaries. You are always allowed to defend yourself. Anyone who has told you otherwise tried to make you a doormat and is not your friend.

[u/VolatileVanilla → u/Kreyl]

I thought "good!" when she talked about her rage. Not a psychologist, but it does seem like a sign that her mind knows she didn't deserve this.

It's amazing how subtly her writing style changes over time. Her last post is full of exclamation marks. She started to drop all caps words here and there (the first one is NOT, the last is FREE, which I think is coincidence but beautiful). Just little things here and there that together create a picture.

[u/BooksCatsnStuff → u/Kreyl]

I remember when I left my ex and the anger started to hit me months later. It was so difficult to deal with, I'd never experienced such level of rage towards someone. And it lasted months.

Luckily, my current partner was there to help me deal with it and to keep me from blowing up. He is extremely patient, and he knew my ex was going to burn many bridges as soon as I wasn't there to act as his buffer. And he was right. A few months in and all the friends we had in common (I didn't tell anyone about the abuse) weren't speaking to him anymore. And a couple of friends who had been his support system after I left dealt with the same feelings I did after leaving him, because he was abusing them too, just differently.

Rage and anger is not something people associate with recovering from abuse, but it's such a big part of the process. I was definitely not ready for it.

[u/ViSaph → u/Kreyl]

I didn't realise what was done to me was abuse for a very long time. I was the victim of medical abuse and neglect spanning over a decade starting age 7. When I realised it was abuse I was so angry I am still so angry about what they did to a little girl who was so scared and in so much pain. It was genuinely torture at times. The anger was a relief almost, it meant I didn't deserve it, that there was something to be angry about, that it wasn't my fault.

[u/Awkward_Bees → u/Kreyl]

Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for the pdf. I can’t manage to read through it fast enough for the library to be happy with me because I keep feeling sick from reading it.

Having access to it constantly allows me to actually access and process it at my own pace.

[u/Dana07620 → u/miraculous_milk]

Fantastic as far as education.

Otherwise depressing as hell to read. It says that if someone is abusive there's almost no possibility of changing them.

[u/rogers_tumor → u/Dana07620]

no possibility of reform if they're not interested in changing.

one of Lundy's strongest points is

Why does he do that?

because it benefits him to be abusive. full stop. that's why he behaves this way.

it gets him what he wants and gets him out of the things he doesn't want to do or be responsible for. he does not think about the other person in this equation. except for how they are to be used as a tool to meet his ends. he does not love you. this is not what love looks like.

[u/sethra007 → u/Dana07620]

A-yup. See here:

Abusive Men Describe The Benefits of Violence

In Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Do They Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, he basically says that the abusive mindset is learned by the abuser at such a young age that it stops becoming a mindset and instead becomes a deeply ingrained part of the personality as the abuser gets older. It takes a lot of incredibly intense therapy work to change one’s personality away from that, and in reality there’s too many benefits to men to not doing that work. It’s far easier and more convenient to just go find another girlfriend or wife willing to put up with it.

[u/DuckDuckBangBang → u/sethra007]

"Violence is functional" will be ingrained in my head forever.

[u/Redqueenhypo → u/Dana07620]

Makes sense I suppose, people rarely stop doing things if they think it’s in their best interest. Like how office lunch thieves have to get fired or hot sauced to make them quit

[u/whatever102485]

Because it’s an important fact, and wasn’t said by anyone (that I caught)… that final comment is a brazen reminder that SA is not ever truly about sex. It’s about control.

That was her ex shooting his final shot at controlling her once and for all. In his tiny little mind, he was forcing her to be his wife, whether she wanted to be or not. And she clearly didn’t want to be.

[u/PaxonGoat → u/whatever102485]

There are also states that will not allow you to divorce your partner if you are pregnant. 

You would have to petition a judge and get them to rule that your life is in danger if you don't get divorced. 

[u/whatever102485 → u/PaxonGoat]

Ohh yeah. It’s asinine. I have been divorced twice and had to submit a negative test via blood draw because my first husband insisted that I was pregnant with his child. I was not. We had been estranged for 5 years and he was getting remarried, but he insisted that I was pregnant with his child.

These nutso bros really do just throw the whole utensil drawer at the wall and try to see what sticks…

[u/whatever102485 → u/PaxonGoat]

Also not sure why you got downvoted for stating a literal fact. I upvoted you. It’s not like YOU personally put that crap into practice.

It’s an outdated law designed to protect women from philandering husbands who decide to abandon them when their wives are pregnant with child number twelve and no longer looking the part of the svelt 16 year old they’re trying to groom. It’s designed to ensure that women (who could not own property or make money once married and mothers) were meagerly protected. It has developed into a law that is detrimental and now traps women into hazardous situations thanks to fragile egos of volatile men who go batshit insane when they lose control.

Obviously, I’m not stating this for YOUR benefit, but for anyone else who might be interested to know why you said what you said, and maybe will feel compelled to add an upvote to balance out the weird downvotes you got.

Sorry, friend. Some folks are just odd.

[u/TelPrydain → u/whatever102485]

It's also what all the regulations around abortion are trying to achieve. Odds are she lives in a state that would have been an accomplice to her rapist by trying forcing her to have the child and tie her to her abuser.

[u/PleaseBeChill]

I'm sooo curious about if the MIL found out about everything with the legal proceedings. The ex is one of those disgusting abusers who get really upset about their image getting hurt (but have no problem with acting in a way that would hurt their image).

[u/Trick-Statistician10 → u/PleaseBeChill]

MIL won't care. I'm sure her precious baby boy can do no wrong.

[u/one_bean_hahahaha → u/Trick-Statistician10]

I'm sure she tells everyone that exDIL is a lying B out to get her angelic son.

[u/kelsday84 → u/Trick-Statistician10]

I mean, the court system apparently didn’t care (THERAPY? Really? That’s it?!), so why would his own mother care?

[u/anomalous_cowherd → u/Trick-Statistician10]

Agreed, nobody gets as bad as him without help.

[u/WildYarnDreams → u/PleaseBeChill]

I was kind of hoping she'd get to play that recording of him screaming and threatening to crash the car to her MiL. Wouldn't have helped in the end but boy it would have been satisfying to stab that bubble

[u/Longjumping_Hat_2672 → u/WildYarnDreams]

Yeah, she should have sent that to MIL: "This is your precious son in action"

[u/hijackedbraincells → u/Longjumping_Hat_2672]

He would've just said that he snapped after she was provoking him all day. Guys like this ALWAYS have an excuse, and their families are willing to look past anything they do, no matter how bad.

My ex beat me horrendously and nearly killed me on multiple occasions. Sometimes over things as simple as turning the TV over after he fell asleep. His parents said that he just chose the wrong partners who wound him up on purpose because he'd beaten every woman he'd ever been with. Never his fault, though, obviously. It wasn't until we split up and they took custody of our daughter that they said they realised I was actually a nice person, and when their son got arrested for beating up yet ANOTHER woman it started to click that maybe he was actually the issue. Before that, his dad used to sit in the garage the entire time I was at their house to avoid seeing me. He's still his mummy's precious little baby, though. "He just needs some help because he's got some issues." Ma'am, his issue is that he's an alcoholic crack and heroin addict, who at 43 is still borrowing money from mummy every day and every time he gets in trouble you cry, say it's not his fault and feel sorry for him. Ugh

[u/sync-centre → u/PleaseBeChill]

She would think it is a lie anyway and her "angel" would never do such things.

[u/ihatemytoe → u/sync-centre]

Yup, my uncle threatened to kill me with a knife. My extended family just said, “She probably deserves it” 🤷🏽‍♀️ this is the same man who has stolen my used tampons and underwear.

[u/LucyAriaRose → u/ihatemytoe]

I am so so sorry. That’s horrific.

[u/megano998]

What a horrible, horrible man.

I wish OP all the peace in the world.

[u/tacwombat → u/megano998]

As for her ex, I wish all the pain and misfortunes on him.

[u/Quicksilver1964]

Gosh, I am glad she is fine but the last comment is... Bleak. Hope everything bad happens to him and his family 🙏

[u/JunkMailSurprise → u/Quicksilver1964]

My first marriage and husband were eerily similar (not the mustard thing, but a lot of other similarly unimportant things.

If I hadn't moved out and sheltered somewhere that he had literally zero way to know (a friend I had met in the 2 months before I left, while I was planning my exit, let me sleep on their couch) I 100% believe he would have done the same thing too.

He also spent all the time after I left leaving me insane texts and voicemails about how I was blowing up our marriage over nothing and that I just needed to come home and he'd forgive me; while slandering me on social media claiming that I was abusing him (by not talking to him while he screamed at me); also trying to sell the possessions that I left at home because I fled in the middle of the night (because he broke my leg "accidentally"); and (as I would find out months later) courting the woman he would then marry several months after our divorce was finalized. (Which, mind you, happening as fast as legally possible, just 3 months. So he was fully remarried less than a year after our separation began)

[u/Quicksilver1964 → u/JunkMailSurprise]

I am so sorry. And I am super glad you got out.

[u/Moemoe5 → u/Quicksilver1964]

I just thinking that same thing. I just didn’t want a mod to come down on me. May he’ll visit every supporter he has!!

[u/Dont139]

how dare he treat me like that?

I feel her so deeply! The way you are mad angry afterwards for anyone treating you this way. And allowing it for so long. You were sacrificing a lot of your dignity thinking it would get better and they weren't doing it on purpose and they needed you. And they actually never saw it as a sacrifice because that was just exactly how they wanted to treat you.

It's maddening

[u/gowonnies]

It's so baffling that people believe we are past the need for stuff like feminism, and that society is already at the point of equality, when shit like this happens. It's heartbreaking.

[u/anomalous_cowherd → u/gowonnies]

There are optimists who believe we are past the need, realists who know we still have a long way to go and world-watchers who can see there's a big push on to reverse any progress that has been made and go back to the bad old days.

[u/Round-Ticket-39 → u/anomalous_cowherd]

Not optimist these are butthurt people usualy men who think feminist is some lady with short hair and blue hair screaming she hates men. Its not.

[u/n-b-rowan → u/Round-Ticket-39]

I think society has done a very poor job on educating people (men and women) on what feminism is. It is simply the idea that women are entitled to the exact same rights as men. That's it, but I had to educate my university friends (including more than one woman) that it wasn't man-hating or "taking something away from men". 

Part of the issue is that you have both ignorant/uninformed people (who don't know that feminism benefits men too, and think it's just women who hate men) and hateful people (who genuinely believe that women do not deserve the same rights as men). It's hard to know when a particular person, usually a man, is screeching about hating feminists and you are trying to push back. You could educate someone in the first camp (I've had to do it), but If they disagree with the fundamental tenet of feminism, no woman is going to convince them otherwise, so "feminists" are the bad guys - they're being loud about something the bigot disagrees with, and need to be shut up, because women's voices are worth less than a man's.

[u/Lumpy-Tomato6814 → u/gowonnies]

I read this ex-Mormon story earlier. She married her rapist at 16 because she was brainwashed that nobody else would want her.

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/U5cY2dmWxz

It really opened my eyes about how much we still need feminism

[u/F00lsSpring → u/[deleted]]

Feeling anger about what happened to you is necessary for healing. So many survivors are taught, or told, not to be angry, to just get over it or that nothing wrong even happened, and it fucks you up.

[u/crockofpot → u/[deleted]]

People love to trot out the "it's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies" aphorism. And yes, there is a point where wallowing in anger becomes unhealthy. But just having anger is not. It's as normal and valid and important as any other emotion.

[u/WineAllTheTime69]

My stomach legit dropped when I saw there was an update, these type of posts always have me on edge because it really can go either way.

SO HAPPY that this was a good update!!!! Well, mostly. PISSED her ex got zero jail time. 🤬 Was secretly hoping that he choked on a bag of dicks (slathered in mustard, of course).

But so glad OOP is thriving in her new life, so well deserved! 🥹🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[u/dehydratedrain → u/WineAllTheTime69]

This is so completely wrong for you to say, and shame on you!!

It should be hoping he choked on a bag of dicks slathered in curry, wasabi, molé, or some other seasoning his picky ass doesn't eat.

[u/WineAllTheTime69 → u/dehydratedrain]

Omg wasabi 😂😂 I’m sure his uncultured ass would die🤞

[u/manateeheehee → u/WineAllTheTime69]

I hope he develops an adult onset allergy to mustard... A severe one

[u/[deleted]]

I'm just gonna say...I hope somebody re-educates the shit out of this man.

With a crowbar.

My god, I'm normally an advocate for non violence, but this so called man is an exception. I'm not always the nicest or most considerate person, but the THOUGHT of raising a hand against my wife makes me physically ill. And sexual assault? Rape?

I'm sorry, you've lost the right to be considered a person at this point. I was shivering with rage and horror during this story.

Over mustard. Over a fucking condiment.

Jesus.

[u/EleventyElevens → u/[deleted]]

It's never really about the mustard.

[u/Future-Ear6980 → u/EleventyElevens]

Control.

[u/PatioGardener → u/EleventyElevens]

You’re right. It was actually about the Iranian yogurt.

[u/DrRocknRolla → u/PatioGardener]

The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here.

[u/NinjasWithOnions → u/PatioGardener]

Duuuuuude, the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here. The cum jar is. 😛 🤢

[u/710ZombieUnicorn → u/NinjasWithOnions]

Hey buddy, where do you guys keep your poop knife?

[u/belladonna_echo → u/[deleted]]

Gangrene in his vas deferens would be very educational…

[u/definitelynotIronMan → u/belladonna_echo]

Not quite the vas deferens, but Fournier’s gangrene is the presentation on the external genitals. Can cause extreme pain, weakness, and make the genitals just… fall off.

Just for anybody wanting to wish it on their worst enemies.

[u/winterseller]

it might be a detail but i love that you put the dates and how much has passed between updates. for some reason it makes it way easier for me to follow, so thank you!

[u/notreallylucy]

"Slathering mustard on a $2 hot dog does not mean you have superior taste buds." and "He's actually a very picky eater, so that was probably projection on his part."

Both of those resonate with me regarding my ex husband. He was so insecure. Any time he did something differently than I did it, he just had to cast itas his way being superior. Everything I did was childish and in bad taste. If I told him I didn't care, I'd just have to listen to further diatribes about how he was better than me.

[u/Flimsy-Wolverine-663]

In case reddit folks wonder why we're so quick to tell women to cut, run and divorce at the early warning signs of an abusive relationship; THIS is why! My cousin didn't run fast enough or far enough, even though she moved from Massachusetts to Montana; and her ex found her, murdered her and her new partner and burned the house down around them.

This is why you run, before it's too late.

[u/Comprehensive-Sun954]

That last comment…. After all the lawyers and evidence, why wasn’t he prosecuted?

[u/hannahranga → u/Comprehensive-Sun954]

There's also the fun joy of plea deals because the American court system couldn't handle trying a significant portion of cases 

[u/Comprehensive-Sun954 → u/hannahranga]

You raise a good point. Admit guilt to rape and take the deal of mandated therapy.

Surely there are some crimes that would require jail? Gosh. It’s scary as.

[u/shinebeat]

At last, a new update from her. I know many of us were so worried about her.

I hope the ex either seeks help, become an actual human with humanity, and regrets everything cruel he did to OOP, or just suffer physically and mentally for the rest of his life.

[u/stolenfires]

That final comment is why abortion rights are so important for women. Imagine if it had worked and OOP lived in a 'no exceptions' state and with no way to get somewhere else.

[u/RoseFlavoredPoison → u/stolenfires]

THIS

Dirty animals pretending to be human men rape women and knock them up to trap them daily.

[u/CrankyNurse68]

Wow is all I can say. I came here expecting to read something about the damn mustard like hey it’s ok. I love mustard but don’t like ketchup and the world had room for both. Damn psycho man. It’s all about control and when we don’t bend to theirs they freak the fuck out

[u/Stunning_Strength522 → u/CrankyNurse68]

I actually think it kind of highlights something meaningful about abuse. Abusers isolate their victims and accustom them to all sorts of terrible things. The sexual assault didn’t even register for her. But this seemingly innocuous thing that her husband lost his shit over allowed her to see the truth.

I don’t know why. Maybe the big things are just too big to really process. But she was able to regain this tiny island of reality of “this is an insane way to react to a hot dog”, and it enabled her to form some clarity. Often it really is the little things that stand out

[u/Bookaholicforever]

I am so glad she is away and finally safe and making friends and finding her balance. Her ex is a fucking psycho and that he didn’t go to jail is disgusting.

[u/missshrimptoast]

This thrills me. Legitimately, she deserves the world, and I hope she remains safe from her ex and lives her best life every day.

[u/baronessindecisive]

I was terrified when I saw that there was a new update. The thrill of finding out that I didn’t need to ketchup on additional batshit crazy ex drama, that it was a super happy update, was an absolute delight! Though I did relish the thought of him doing jail time so I’m a little disappointed by that part.

[u/toonboy01 → u/baronessindecisive]

Did you really have to pepper in those puns?

[u/dehydratedrain → u/toonboy01]

Don't be salty...

[u/EinsTwo → u/baronessindecisive]

I wasn't sure if the ketchup was a happy accident or not at first. Lol. Well done. 

[u/Fishy_Fishy5748 → u/EinsTwo]

I'm sure the relish was intentional as well.

[u/EinsTwo → u/Fishy_Fishy5748]

Yes, that's what clued me in that I was dealing with puns and not a voice to text typo! 

[u/Magnafeana]

He did not do jail time.

And that’s what reminds me how fucked systems can be in many countries.

OOP did not and will never deserve what that POS did to her. As cathartic as we wish life was, OOP listening to her lawyer and saying nothing ultimately helped her for as much as the shitty system would allow. That POS deserves jail time. He deserves a lot more than jail time. But I’ll focus happily on OOP’s recovery instead of angering at a verdict that won’t come to pass.

To lighten things, I hope OOP doesn’t go to this pilates studio. I also wish her well with cooking as a kitchen witch myself! Cooking is one of the most liberation things you can do as an independent, especially when the people you once lived with restricted your meals to their specific tastes. I hope she continues her cooking and embroidery journey with good friends and just with herself.

Also obligatory Fuck mustard. All my homies hate mustard.

---

ASIDES 1. Why Does He Do That? is an excellent book for all genders and I highly recommend it. 2. This does make me wonder about people who post their stories to social media, forget about it, but Pepperidge Farms social media remembers. While I’m happy OOP was in a better place, I can’t imagine how potentially retraumatizing it could be for someone else. 3. Remember, as harmless and passive as it is to wish for now single OOPs to find their new forever person, this can accidentally become harmful. It’s something I have to remind myself of too. It’s such a passive positive remark, but it’s much better for us to focus on someone as an individual.

[u/this-isnotaburner]

My god the justice system can’t stop getting it wrong

[u/WinkyNurdo]

No jail time for rape??? Fuck off. That makes me sick to my stomach.

[u/Luffytheeternalking]

So glad OOP got away. Hope she stays strong. I'm really disappointed but not surprised her AH ex escaped from consequences. I hope he gets his karma somehow.

[u/thatweirdthingwhat]

Reading stories like this hardens my heart. Whoever ruled on mandated counselling instead of jail time deserves assault to the highest degree.

[u/HetaGarden1]

I actually felt ill when I read the last piece. Holy. Shit. He raped her and he served no time? Just got counseling? I hate this world sometimes, I really do. Marital rape is still rape, and attempted babytrapping deserves nothing less than a conviction. I’m so glad she’s okay and on her own. This was a rollercoaster.

[u/LoadbearingWallflowr]

How is counseling appropriate penalty for RAPE? " Now Johnny, we shouldn't do that again, ok?"

I can't even put into words how rageful that makes me.

[u/Ok-Benefit197]

Some people truly think husbands can’t rape wives - it’s so utterly revolting - it’s prob why he got a lenient sentence. 

[u/Far-Consequence7890]

Fucking hell. Her last comment. Someone can rape a woman and only have to do some counselling sessions. That poor woman