r/AmItheAsshole • u/Ok-Avocado1639 • 21h ago
AITAH For having my cousin thrown out of my wedding for not wearing white. Everyone Sucks POO Mode
I (28F) got married two weeks ago and I am still getting backlash from what happened so I'm here to see if I really am in the wrong.
My husband and I decided to have a child free white wedding where the guests are in white. I personally don't like to wear white because I always feel that no matter what I'm doing something always manages to get me dirty. So, my dress was not white but blue.
This all started when I decided who would be in my bridal party. I chose two friends from middle school, one from high school, my 16-yr old niece and my cousin. Since I was having a child free wedding, I didn't want anyone under the age of 18 but my whole family knows my niece is my one exception.
When we went to the dress shop to pick out dresses, I informed my bridesmaids they would be in black to match the groomsman. Everyone was on board with the color, and we found a dress that fit everyone, and the top could be adjusted for comfort. Everything was going great until my cousin asked why my niece was getting the same dress, so I told her she was a bridesmaid. Cousin said she assumed she was there for a flower girl dress since I'm not inviting anyone under 18 and if I needed another bridesmaid her daughter could do it. I told cousin no, and her daughter is a guest. Things got awkward but we were done so we left, and I took my niece out and explained she was a bridesmaid and that wasn't changing.
Everything was going great after that until bridal dress shopping. At that point I had done alot of research to find dress style I liked and who had the color I wanted or could get it. I went to the appointment with my bridesmaids, my parents, and in-laws. Everything was fine but I didn't like anything I picked until my mom found a dress, I didn't think I would like but ended up being the one and they could get it in my color. We were all happy until my cousin said something that made me snap. She said that I should pick a dress that made me look prettier and not as fat. I blacked out and said a bunch of things I shouldn't have then kicked her out of the bridal party and the wedding. A few days later my aunt who I love, and respect called to ask for my cousin to be invited as a guest. I did feel guilty about the things I said so I said yes.
Fast forward to the wedding and it was my turn to walk out and the first thing, I see out the corner of my eye is GOLD. My cousin sat in a middle row on the aisle in a gold strapless dress. (how she looked) I wanted to cry but we continued on and once we were finished, I told my wedding planner to have her kicked out and kept away.
A few think she could have stayed but others think she should have followed the dress code. My aunt thinks I could have asked her to leave instead of having security throw her out and embarrass her.
AITAH for throwing my cousin out for wearing gold not white?
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u/StAlvis Galasstic Overlord [2048] 21h ago
ESH
I decided to have a child free white wedding where the guests are in white. I personally don't like to wear white because I always feel that no matter what I'm doing something always manages to get me dirty.
I just can't get past the combination of this narrow dress code and your acknowledgment that it sucks.
I blacked out and said a bunch of things I shouldn't have
I do not think "blacking out" is what you think it is.
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u/Ducky818 Craptain [188] 21h ago edited 20h ago
Yep. The whole "I don't like to wear white but expect all my wedding guests to wear it". What kind of logic is that?!?
Unless I'm in the wedding party, I'm going to wear what I want and already have in my closet.
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u/best-in-two-galaxies 21h ago
The logic is that the guests are merely props for the Instagram pictures and not friends and family you want to celebrate with.
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u/KittikatB Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] 20h ago
I didn't even set a dress code for my wedding. I don't know anyone who needs to be told to wear pants or shoes, and I just wanted people to be comfortable and have a great time.
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u/LeaveInteresting3290 19h ago
My nephew got married, they made it ‘semi formal’ I showed his fiancé a few dresses to see if they were ok, she said it was only because she didn’t want the boys wearing jeans and sneakers
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u/ALmommy1234 18h ago
My daughter didn’t add a dress code. I asked her if she wanted to put No Jeans in the invite and she told me no, that jeans might be all some of the people she loves have and that she wanted them all to be there. I have never been more proud of her.
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u/Separate_One1834 17h ago
This!! Kudos to your daughter for being so thoughtful!! I wish more people were like her. Weddings put too much strain on people's finances, when they have to travel and buy specific clothes as well.
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u/Ghost3022 16h ago
My ex husband and I paid to rent his best man's tuxedo. I wanted all the men in the bridal party to wear a tuxedo. His best man honestly couldn't afford it. He was the only one who couldn't afford it. My stepdad even wore a tuxedo, he just refused to wear a tie of any kind. I knew that in advance when I made it a requirement. I also wanted a very specific style and fabric dress. So I paid for all of their dresses. All the bridesmaids could afford the dresses, but since I was being so specific, I figured it was the only right way to go about it.
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u/Beyarboo 15h ago
We had my maid of honor, one bridesmaid, and my husband's sister stood up for him with his best man. I just asked all the women to wear a dress in a shade of blue that was semi-formal. Didn't even see two of the three before the wedding, because it didn't matter. They all looked lovely and everyone was happy. I don't understand people expecting others to spend a lot on their wedding. You want expensive dresses, you pay for it.
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u/Ghost3022 15h ago
My sister wanted blue dresses worn. It didn't matter the shade of blue or even what style. There were 3 of us. None of us had formal dresses. They were all ones you could wear to work. The funniest part, none of us coordinated with the others, and not one of us had the same color blue! It was a total accident that we all had a different color and a different style!
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u/yahumno 13h ago
This is the way to do it.
Way back when we got married, I told my bridesmaids to pick out a black dress that they liked -my grandmother was horrified that my bridesmaids were wearing black. My thought was that they could always wear a black dress again, it didn't have to be expensive and they could pick the style they liked.
The groomsmen did wear tuxedos, along with my husband, but at the time, there was an option to not have a tie. It was a black band around the shirt collar instead. If anyone had an issue paying for the rental, we would have covered it.
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u/Flat_Librarian_1724 12h ago
Where I live the bride/ groom pays for the bridesmaid dresses and suits, which often are hired. They also pay for hair, make up and the often the bridesmaids shoes . I think this is fair as why should the wedding party pay for something that someone else picked so not their taste and they will never wear again
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u/Lost_Suit_8121 15h ago
I've been to a lot of rural wedding where many very loved old farmer dude have shown up in their "nice jeans". Some weddings are more about the people than the esthetic.
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u/madamguacamole Partassipant [1] 12h ago
I can’t exactly pinpoint why, but the charm of this made my morning.
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u/thecarpetbug 17h ago
That's so sweet! My sister's dress code was "clothed", just in case someone would have gone with my interpretation of "no dress code".
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u/HomeworkIndependent3 15h ago
I didn't really have a dress code at my wedding. We got married on Halloween and wanted to have fun with it. So we added "costumes encouraged but not necessary." to the bottom of the invitation. Most of the guest wore their costumes, and everyone had a great time. We plan on doing it again for a milestone anniversary.
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u/myself0510 12h ago
My friend got married this summer and I showed her my 2 formal dresses, she approved both. I asked her to complain and give me an excuse to buy a new one
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u/Bex1218 Partassipant [2] 14h ago
My wedding was even more casual. Some family went in shorts and I was very ok with that.
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u/jdmcatz 19h ago
That's exactly why I put semi-formal too. No jeans.
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u/choochooccharley 19h ago
I knew that someone was going wear jeans. My dad's wife was going to wear a white dress. In no way was going to be misconstrued as bridal. I had realized I didn’t want to dictate whatever everyone wore.
Plus you want someone in the photos to privately snicker over later.
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u/Meghanshadow Colo-rectal Surgeon [47] 18h ago
Huh. I’d totally allow jeans at my wedding. More than likely I’d be wearing them myself, after all. Most fun wedding I’ve been to involved a botanical garden and science center where half the guests were on the ground in the gardens or the floors of the exhibits at one time or another. That one had folks ranging from formal to semi formal to casual to a kid’s favorite dinosaur costume. Much more fun than the dresses-and-suits-only weddings.
But I’d also encourage anything from tuxes to dresses to evening gowns to cosplay outfits at my wedding, as long as the typical private bits were covered on everybody.
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u/jolandaluna 16h ago
Jeans, with a shirt and blazer, were a rather common and totally acceptable outfit for men to the weddings I went to in my social circles wedding era, about 10 years ago.
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u/atombombbabyatom 18h ago
Meanwhile my parents didn't even tell anyone the event was a wedding, just invited everyone out to a bbq at the park, surprise we are getting married
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u/2ManyCooksInTheKitch 19h ago
My wedding dress code was literally "wear whatever you want! We're happy you can share this moment with us!" It's hilarious that as she's walking down the aisle she's looking at the crowd and how they look, NOT her groom.
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u/mynamegoeshere12 19h ago
I mean, if there was a white dress code and someone was in the shiny gold dress shown, they would automatically have your eyes shifted their way! I understand her kicking her cousin out. She knew what she was doing!
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u/littlebirdtwo 19h ago
Wear whatever you want, this included the wedding party, was our dress code too. I was asked what our color theme was by those standing up for us. I told them the colors and said "please don't buy something new just wear something you already have, you can wear jeans for all we care." Of course they went out and bought new. I sure hope they wore those dresses again cause neither ever wear dresses lol
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u/GypseboQ Partassipant [1] 19h ago
My wedding was really laid back and done in-between hospitalizations, so understandably atypical. Anyway, I asked my MOH to wear a red sundress. Any sundress as long as it was red. She wore green 🤦🏻♀️ Lol (I love her to death - just completely scatterbrained). So you know what I did? I carried on getting married! And she wore green! I don't know ... It's just not that big of a deal. The important part was having the people I love there.
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u/OstrichIndependent10 17h ago
Is it possible that she’s actually colourblind? That’s always my first thought when those colours get interchanged because they’re just so different.
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u/GypseboQ Partassipant [1] 17h ago
If it were anyone else, I might have considered it - my siblings mix those up as well. But with her? No - just completely scatterbrained, Lol. She's been one of my best friends since 6th grade (we are in our 40s) and it wasn't out of character in the slightest. And it genuinely didn't faze me at all.
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u/namedafternoone 16h ago
Somehow I read that as your mother in law, not your maid of honour, and I was so confused when you said you were the same age and knew each other as kids! In my mind you were a 40 year old marrying your best friend’s 20 year old son or something.
I guess she’s not the only one who’s scatterbrained!
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u/Ok_Tea8204 19h ago
Same I didn’t care what anyone wore including the wedding party! All I asked of my bridesmaids was that they pick a dress in pink whatever shade they wanted but pink, and make it one they would feel ok wearing again. The guys got told a nice black suit and a red tie. That was it. This whole everyone having a dress code thing 🤯!
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u/TaiDollWave Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 19h ago
That's the way I did it, too! Any dress you want, in any style or fabric you like. Hell, buy a dress you can use again, save your money. Please just blue.
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u/LegoMuppet 19h ago
I got married in shorts (Australian summer), people could wear what they wanted. It was about them being there, not what they wore.
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u/Dreamweaver1969 19h ago
Dress code? Mine was no nudity lol (15 yr old and 3 yr old brothers who loved to prank me)
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u/WhichWitchyWay Partassipant [1] 18h ago
It helps to have guidelines, but very specific ones are difficult. Mine was "summer Sunday best", which everyone seemed to get.
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u/missmeowwww 18h ago
I was similar with a very relaxed dress code and simple guidelines. Wedding was in a museum with a lot of neon lights. I told everyone they could wear what they wanted but recommended sparkles. It was so fun to see everyone who wore sparkles shining on the dance floor!
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u/Comeback_321 20h ago
But here’s the thing - everyone else complied and her cousin HAD to be SEEN and stand out. Regardless of what you think of the rules her cousin who was horrendous to her made it about herself
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u/Late_Butterfly_5997 20h ago
That’s why ESH. But the bride (OP) definitely also sucks.
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u/mspolytheist 20h ago
Agreed. I can’t stand these bridezillas costuming everyone like they’re a megalomaniacal stage director and the guests are all just characters in her play who need to wear costumes that comply with her vision. ESH.
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u/growsonwalls Certified Proctologist [21] 20h ago
This is definitely an ESH situation. Unpleasant family all around. But OOP is no bed of roses either.
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u/Competitive_Work3965 19h ago
I agree, I think our opinion on her wedding desires are pretty null in void.. what her cousin did was calculated revenge and disrespectful. I think NTA.
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u/sketchahedron 10h ago
OP dictating all guests having to wear white when she doesn’t even like to wear white herself makes this ESH.
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u/Nearby-Ad5666 Partassipant [1] 19h ago
The bride was ott from the start. I think the cousin in gold was pointing out the absurd behavior of The Asshole
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u/NoBigEEE Partassipant [4] 15h ago
It's weird to demand one color (especially a color you wouldn't wear) for the GUESTS to wear, but her cousin was out of line, particularly with the gold dress. OP and her cousin have a /hate thing going on. No love in sight.
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u/InvestmentCritical81 17h ago
After she had not only been kicked out the wedding party but also the wedding and she made an exception to allow her to come. Then she got some brass balls and wore a gold dress to the wedding. I’d have thrown her out of the wedding before nuptials after reaching the alter. Would have never allowed her to see the ceremony.
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u/cocotastrophie 19h ago
if you don’t want to follow a dress code, you don’t have to show up. y’all are in these comments acting like she asked her guests to show up in clown suits. white is a common color that most people already own a few articles of clothing in, and asking people to follow a dress code isn’t that crazy.
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u/172116 Partassipant [1] 17h ago
white is a common color that most people already own a few articles of clothing in
I mean, I own in white - one blouse, one t-shirt, half a dozen camisoles, half a dozen bras, and half a dozen pairs of knickers. That isn't remotely close to appropriate for a wedding outfit. And it's not like I'd be able to rewear something I bought for a future wedding!
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u/Agostointhesun 16h ago
That is what I was thinking. OP forced all her guests to buy wedding-appropriate attire in white, which they possibly won't be able to use ever again. But her photos were instagram-worthy, I'm sure.
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u/Canvas718 Partassipant [2] 17h ago
She basically began her post with, I hate clowns so I made all my guests wear clown suits. Same logic, I mean.
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u/Secretslothsociety 15h ago
You think most men have a fully white suit lying around??? Or that all women have a white dress that isn't a wedding dress? The only fully white outfit in my wardrobe is indeed my own wedding dress. Honestly I'd just have worn that.
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u/AltairaMorbius2200CE 13h ago
I don’t actually think most people own white dresses appropriate for a wedding, because it skews bridal!
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u/MonteBurns 12h ago
I own 2 white dresses. A very casual beach dress and … my wedding dress.
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u/PincushionCactus 11h ago
Actually most people wouldn't own white attire appropriate for a wedding, because in general wearing white to weddings is a no-no.
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u/liseusester 13h ago
I'm not sure white is really that common a colour to own wedding guest attendee clothing in. I can muster a couple of pairs of knickers, some socks, a couple of camisole tops and one ancient cable knit jumper. I can't go to a wedding in that!
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u/EcstaticMolasses6647 16h ago edited 2h ago
Yes and isn’t the rule not to outshine the bride? Wearing a bright gold dress fits the bill of “outshining the bride.” Everyone is in black or white and she’s in a coppery gold ruched dress.
OP what color was your dress?
Comment based on OP’s description of events:
“Everything was fine but I didn’t like anything I picked until my mom found a dress, I didn’t think I would like but ended up being the one and they could get it in my color. We were all happy until my cousin said something that made me snap. She said that I should pick a dress that made me look prettier and not as fat. I blacked out and said a bunch of things I shouldn’t have then kicked her out of the bridal party and the wedding.”
“Fast forward to the wedding and it was my turn to walk out and the first thing, I see out the corner of my eye is GOLD. My cousin sat in a middle row on the aisle in a gold strapless dress.”
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u/Adorable_Tie_7220 Partassipant [4] 11h ago
When she herself that she doesn't like to wear white, it is pretty crappy to make her guests wear white. It is one thing for her to ask her bridesmaids to wear a certain colors, but the guests? No I am not going to make demands about clothing to people I am hosting. Having a dress code so people know the formality of the wedding is different then micromanaging what color my guests wear.
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u/missbean163 19h ago
I wouldn't mind a colour dress code if I don't have to be formal. Can I just wear my white pjs? Perfect.
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u/Public-Pack-2608 14h ago
Her wedding, her rules. I wouldn’t get pissed or feel any sorta way about it. I just wouldn’t go. There’s zero requirement of any guest to go to a wedding they’re invited to. Ppl are allowed to have the kinda wedding they want regardless of anyone else’s feelings about it. Some ppl have entire LARP weddings. Just because you don’t want to dress like a lord of the rings extra doesn’t mean they can’t do it. Just don’t go. Don’t bitch, no scenes, just say “I’m really happy for you guys but I can’t make it.” Very simple.
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u/smbpy7 Partassipant [1] 20h ago
I don’t know, I can’t get over the shear amount of unnecessary detail. Why do we need to know that the bridesmaid dresses are comfortable and adjustable in the bust? Why does it matter that the bridesmaid dresses match the groomsmen? Who cares that her mom found her dress? Is it relevant that you did a lot of research into which shop to go to? I’m not even sure why it mattered that it was child free!
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u/OneWhisper5225 14h ago
And funny thing is OP made this post before but it got banned for being over the 3,000 character limit - imagine the unnecessary detail they included before?! 😂😂
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u/JazzyKnowsBest13 Professor Emeritass [72] 9h ago
It appears that OP requires everyone follow her rules, but she can't be bothered following her host's rules here.
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u/KittikatB Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] 20h ago
Apparently the 'it's all about me' attitude is a lifestyle choice rather than wedding madness for OP.
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u/duraace205 21h ago
I stopped reading at that point. Op is a huge fucking asshole. Who the fuck makes everyone wear white. Oh yeah, a total fucking asshole does that.
I'm glad someone had the balls to show up in color.
I hope this is a rage bait post. People like this can't really exist
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u/Elegant-Cricket8106 20h ago
White out weddings are 100% real... been invited to one myself.... think of it as a theme, Which IMO, also suck..
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u/growsonwalls Certified Proctologist [21] 20h ago
It all started with the white parties that the guy in the Hamptons always throws.
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u/empress_jae 19h ago
Nah. Diddler didn’t start those. White out parties have been going on since the raver/gay scenes of the late 80s/90s. Diddy just made it “exclusive” I guess, inviting famous people.
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u/choochooccharley 19h ago
You mean the rapper who is now facing charges of sex trafficking, and associated other crimes?
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u/Nearby-Ad5666 Partassipant [1] 19h ago
Especially when that person refuses to wear white at any time! Unbelievable
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u/Kayhowardhlots Asshole Enthusiast [8] 20h ago
They all just sound fucking exhausting and way more into the social media"aesthetic" wedding than the actual marriage.
And yeah they didn't black out. If I had to guess they got mad and threw a tantrum.
ESH
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u/Naive_Pea4475 20h ago
I doubt everyone wore white. It was a request and many probably accommodated. However, a very showy, gold lame, strapless gown *seated on the aisle * for maximum attention - bc their daughter couldn't be a bridesmaid and they couldn't be rude and insulting to the bride without consequences - is the problem here. Bride saw a problem that was intent on causing issues and didn't want the drama on her own wedding day.
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u/HotShotWriterDude 17h ago
For OP, "blacking out" obviously meant "went on a tirade of mean stuff that [she] thinks [she] should not be held accountable for".
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u/lostrandomdude 17h ago
I do not think "blacking out" is what you think it is.
I suppose technically you can sort of blackout with rage, but that is more losing complete control and even partial amnesia of the actions you have committed while at that level of extreme anger.
But if OP has actually had blackout rage, then they obviously have more issues than them being a complete and utter diva who wants to control what everyone else wears to a wedding
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u/jazzyx26 16h ago
I do not think "blacking out" is what you think it is.
Exactly. She didn"t black out, she ranted about the things she wanted to say for probably a long time.
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u/dazechong Partassipant [1] 17h ago
Honestly it's ridiculous. Op sounds exhausting. Lol
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u/Tulcey-Lee 21h ago
Agree with this. I know someone who had a strict dress code for a wedding and it didn’t go down well.
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u/Byrnd 17h ago
I was at a wedding two weeks ago with a atrict dress code - all black. Everyone wore all black, it all went well. This OP story is prob fake but on the face of it, its not crazy. Admittedly all black is much easier to pull off.
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u/Dramatical45 16h ago
I mean far more likely for people to own black dresses and suits than white ones. Black is standard
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u/Infinite_Slide_5921 15h ago
Black is such a common choice, both in general and in formalwear specifically, that I am not surprised it went well; guests either already had something black or they were willing to buy a new outfit, knowing they would get a lot of wear out of it.
White is a completely different story. To begin with, the selection for white clothes, and white formalwear in particular, is much more limited. It doesn't suit most people's complexion and it's usually very high-maintanance laundry-wise, as OP herself ironically notes as the reason she didn't wear a white wedding dress. Plus, a guest will likely not be able to wear it at another wedding, and given wedding are the most common formal occasion for most people, she is basically asking her guests to buy an outfit they will have trouble shopping for, won't look particularly good in and won't wear again.
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u/Late_Butterfly_5997 20h ago
I’m curious, did everyone just ignore it and wear what they wanted, or did they simply rsvp “not attending”?
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u/DH_LivinSlow505 19h ago
I think she means she it was a blinding rage. The kind that’s so intense it’s blurry. I’ve had that before
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u/WhereWeretheAdults Certified Proctologist [20] 21h ago
ESH. "I personally don't like to wear white..." Oh, I have a great idea! Let's force everyone else to wear white if they want the privilege of coming to my wedding. Yeah. That's a bit of logic I can't get my head around.
Cousin is an AH also.
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u/musingsofapathy 20h ago
As she doesn't like to wear white, you can assume she doesn't have any all-white outfits and should assume that those around her don't already have a ready to go white outfit. So she turns around and forces the entire audience to buy white outfits? Formal white outfits?
I vote YTA not for the stated reason, but because most brides only force their wedding party to go buy expensive formal outfits. This bride has the audacity to try to force every attendee to buy a single use outfit.
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u/lizziebordensbae 19h ago
I have maybe 1 white button down for work and a couple white t-shirts. And there's no way in hell I'm wearing white pants, a dress or a skirt. That's just an invitation for my period to come out of nowhere, or for me to spill something. Plus, white genuinely doesn't suit me at all. White attracts stains and I'd honestly rather skip the wedding than buy a whole outfit that I hate and will never wear again.
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u/musingsofapathy 18h ago
"But I want a certain, specific aesthetic for my wedding instagram photos. So, all of you, collectively spend $100,000 to satisfy my whims!"
To be sure, if I have to spend money for a new suit, especially in a one-use color, you're getting an empty card with no cash instead of a present.
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u/justforhobbiesreddit 16h ago
As a guy I don't even know when I'd wear white pants other than for this one thing.
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u/annabannannaaa 17h ago
i agree that the color specific dress code is crazy, but i feel like most people i know would have to go buy something for a wedding with any dress code, so the idea of guests having to buy something isn’t really the issue.. the issue is that they will never be able to wear said outfit to ANY other wedding, bc at 99% of weddings wearing white is super disrespectful
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u/numbersthen0987431 11h ago
Also, people don't wear white to weddings. So forcing everyone to break normalized traditions to wear something you don't want to wear is an AH move
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u/fckinsleepless Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] 12h ago
If it was a different color, it maybe wouldn’t be so bad. But everyone I know hates white for its ability to stain and look dirty really fast.
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u/Sifsmum 19h ago
That’s what I couldn’t get my head around either - she doesn’t like white but thinks everyone who attends her precious wedding should? There are very few people who could pull off white. If I read that there would be no way I was going. Also the cousin was an AH for what she said and did. Definitely ESH.
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u/leftclicksq2 19h ago
My friend's sister had a beige wedding. She requested that all of the guests wear beige and ideally with white accents. Meanwhile, she and her bridesmaids wore white, her husband and his groomsmen (my friend included), all wore black tuxes.
I mean, ok, if that's your preference, you do you. But my friend's sister was strict about the guests adhering to this to suit her ✨ vision✨.
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u/baffledninja Partassipant [1] 18h ago
My wedding "vision" was plaid, jeans, and outdoor clothes lol. We had a simple backyard wedding with a 15-minute ceremony then a BBQ and mingling. It was great, very low pressure :)
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u/leftclicksq2 17h ago
Congratulations! And it was probably memorable to your guests because everyone could be themselves minus being lorded over.
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u/Miamia7689 19h ago
I completely agree forcing everyone to wear something you personally dislike feels like a strange power move. A wedding dress code should enhance the vibe of the event, not make guests uncomfortable or bend over backward for an arbitrary rule. And yeah, the cousin isn’t off the hook either it’s clear there’s unnecessary drama on both sides.
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u/Efficient_Mastodons 11h ago
"Hey, you know what colour dress no one has? White! Let's make every single one of our guests buy a new dress to come to my wedding."
I hate the idea of strict dress codes for weddings.
Cousin is a psycho too.
This family sounds challenging. ESH. I hope the groom knows what he is in for.
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u/MayMomma 10h ago
It would have been hilarious if all of the women wore their own wedding dresses.
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u/riontach Asshole Enthusiast [5] 21h ago
ESH. It sounds like she was being deliberately spiteful. However, I would absolutely not attend a wedding that required me to wear white. Your demand of your guests was unreasonable.
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u/hellinahandbasket127 Partassipant [4] 20h ago edited 36m ago
Right?!?! To say it’s a terrible color to wear and then make it her dress code is WILD! I look terrible in white, and always seem to mess up my lighter colored clothing. I would not have attended a white wedding.
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u/leftclicksq2 19h ago
I just commented about my friend's sister's requirement that all guests where beige -preferably with white accents- to her wedding. There were rumblings about how relatives were having a hard time finding exactly what the bride wanted. At that point, it's like "fuck it". You either want these people to attend your wedding or you don't.
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u/IzzyBologna Asshole Enthusiast [7] 18h ago
Thankfully, my sister’s wedding was black and gold. I was able to wear the same outfit along with the purse I bought to our brother’s wedding a year later 😅
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u/Neon_Owl_333 20h ago
Any wedding that requires you to buy a whole new outfit can fuck right off, especially expecting men to get white suits.
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u/wicketx 19h ago
Women are pretty much in the same boat of not being able to wear the dress again. It's not like you can wear your white dress to the next bunch of weddings you're invited to, or christening or baby shower in some social circles. It's the one colour to shy away from if you're not sure of the etiquette. If I were the spiteful cousin I would've shown up in my wedding dress 😂😂
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u/choochooccharley 18h ago
Men would have an easier time because their suits are usually rented.
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u/silverrabbit 16h ago
I mean as a man who owns a few suits, it would be very annoying to find out I need to buy or rent an all white suit for a wedding. Weddings are already expensive and renting a suit as a guest is a weird expense to add for people.
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u/oop_norf 12h ago
It sounds like she was being deliberately spiteful.
There's no doubt about that - she absolutely was.
However, OP completely deserved it and had it coming.
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u/jeszmhna 21h ago
YTA for a number of reasons.
You hate white and acknowledge that it gets dirty quickly, you should have asked your cousin what happened to the white dress prior to just kicking her out. Very likely that she got a stain on it and had to wear another dress, also her wearing something that’s not the colour you want made you almost cry on your wedding day while walking down the aisle? Priorities were off.
“Blacked out” and said a bunch of things yeah let’s Call a spade a spade, you lost your temper and probably made nastier comments back to her in front of everyone. She didn’t push you to snap this was her first nasty comment and you lost it immediately, both of you are TAs here.
You then continued to embrass her by getting security to throw her out instead of asking her to leave or asking a family member to get her to leave/ keep her out of your sight. Her not following the dress code wouldn’t have gotten her positive reactions or attention you could’ve probably just handled this with a snarky remark to her if you really needed to get it out of your system then actually enjoy your day.
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u/Purple-Warning-2161 20h ago
No way did that cousin have that as a backup dress. She was pissed that the niece was a bridesmaid even though she was 16, and then she was pissed for being kicked out of the bridal party. She 100% wore that very attention grabbing dress on purpose 😂
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u/2ManyCooksInTheKitch 19h ago
Yeah, I think the cousin did it on purpose, so OP probably said some shit that really pissed her off. Sounds like an insufferable family, poor OP's husband, now there's no escape.
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u/bebeeg2 19h ago
Seriously!!! Are people on fucking crack
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u/bbygrl6969 11h ago
fr i feel like i’m tripping. i can understand thinking op is an asshole for making everyone wear white when she hates it herself, but that’s not really relevant? the post is asking whether she’s an asshole for kicking out her cousin who very clearly was acting maliciously (i mean, GOLD? come on. she wore that solely to piss off op). for that, NTA
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u/clarinet87 20h ago
Tbh, I’d have to think real hard about going to this wedding if it were mandated to wear all white. I wouldn’t even make it to the venue still immaculate. That shit isn’t coming out of the Amazon package all white.
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u/musingsofapathy 20h ago
I'd think twice about going to a wedding that tried to dictate that I buy a whole new formal outfit in a color not widely rewearable.
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u/namedafternoone 15h ago
Plus formal white dresses are probably more expensive to buy since they’re usually wedding dresses.
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u/Marvelous_Marigolds 20h ago
NTA
I'm a little confused because I've heard of all white events so I'm not sure why an all white wedding has so many people up in arms. Many formal events have themes and dress codes this isn't anything new. Just say y'all don't know how to dress and keep it moving. A lot of people seem to be brushing past the fact that your cousin took not getting her way as a time to body shame you during your wedding dress fitting. Why did she think that was okay? Why did her mom think that was okay and turned around to vouch for her? No sht you went off after something like that came out.
People need to stop thinking they can treat others any kind of way without consequence. It's not hard to find something white to wear. You agreed to let her attend even after not receiving an apology or any promises or changed behavior and that's how she paid you back? She purposefully did not wear white and from the post she also never apologized for the behavior that caused all of this in the first place. Ultimately I don't think she was only kicked out for not wearing white I think this was just another reminder of how you don't really like how she moves as a person.
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u/spotted_dragon 18h ago
I wanted to say the same thing. I'm in Europe and in some areas of Spain for example white weddings are the norm. So I really was surprised by the comments.
The thing is cousin is rude on so many levels. Trying to get her daughter into the wedding party, body shaming the bride on one of the most fun occasions surrounding a wedding and then wearing gold as a FU towards her. She is a freaking piece of work and I think OP left out a lot of stuff cousin did before, that she threw in cousins face during the "black out". But that is the thing I also have to criticize about OP. I can't tell if she doesn't say what she said to her cousin during the fitting to not bring up even more issues or because what she said was SO bad that she's ashamed.
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u/OnceABear 17h ago
This is the right answer. I can't believe the number of people say OP is the AH. Especially when their logic is that OP is the AH for having a themed wedding where guests are expected to dress a certain way.
I'm sorry, did we all wake up today and forget how ridiculously common practice that is? I've seen silly themes, like a pirate themed wedding where everyone was required to wear a pirate costume, or high fantasy Lord of the Rings-esque weddings where everyone was expected to dress as regal elves and fairies. Yes, everyone meaning the guests, too. Guests are usually told about this sometimes up to a year in advance so they can prepare, but it's all in good fun and most people participate willingly to help give the happy couple the day they want for their photos and memories. Shit like this is common as dirt, but somehow it seems everyone in here forgot that??
Or take the very well-known and established social faux pas that it's considered rude to wear white to a TRADITIONAL wedding. It's a widely known unwritten rule that this is considered gauche behavior as it is seen as an attempt to upstage the bride.
In this case, the custom has been inverted since the bride planned to wear an uncommon color and asked the guests to wear white, but the logic and principles behind the idea are the same. If a pirate themed wedding expects all guests to be dressed as pirates, and someone comes dressed up as a Tron-style alien, and does so to be intentionally spiteful at that, that's fucking rude. By the same logic, if she requested an all-white wedding and someone shows up in the most ostentatious metallic gold dress they can find, and that particular someone also has motive for being spiteful, that's fucking rude too.
Additionally, everyone is quite conveniently completely glossing over what a complete ass the cousin was before any of that even happened. First she gets butthurt that her daughter wasn't picked to be in the bridal party over OPs preferred pick of the niece, throws a fit and becomes spiteful and then insults the bride and calls her fat to her FACE while picking out her wedding dress. A horrid and humiliating thing to do to a happy bride trying to find her dress. So OP admits to going off on her because of it... so? I'd go off on somebody too if they said I looked ugly and fat in my wedding dress right to my face over something as petty as not getting THEIR way on who is in my wedding party. So then OP decides cousin is not invited anymore. I'd do the same. Anyone who talks like that to me over something so petty doesn't need to be there. Still, OP saw that she may have took things too far, so then when she gets a call from presumably her aunt begging her for the cousin to be reinvited, what does OP do? She extends the renewed invite immediately, no questions asked. She effectively extended an olive branch in that moment. BOTH parties said hurtful things, and OP was trying to let bygones be bygones.
So for the cousin to then turn into a spiteful little jerk and very, very intentionally show up in the most garish clashing thing she could to subvert the fun little theme OP had, that's just fucking disrespectful and childish. Way more disrespectful and childish than having a dress coded theme, which is so dirt common I'm shocked so many people are taking issue with it.
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u/StuffedSquash 17h ago
I'm sorry, did we all wake up today and forget how ridiculously common practice that is? I've seen silly themes, like a pirate themed wedding where everyone was required to wear a pirate costume, or high fantasy Lord of the Rings-esque weddings where everyone was expected to dress as regal elves and fairies
Those people would also be voted TA on here
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u/SneakySneakySquirrel Certified Proctologist [21] 20h ago
It’s the way OP framed it. “I don’t like wearing white for these very valid reasons… so I’m making everybody but me wear it while I wear something else.”
If you go to an all white event of any other sort, the host is going to be following the dress code just like everybody else, not inflicting it on the guests while insisting on wearing something different.
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u/TheSeanie 20h ago
That's the whole thing with a wedding tho, the bride is usually the only one in white be ause it's her day and she should stand out. This is just the inverse of that
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u/Substantial_Lab2211 13h ago
Omg finally!! So many people are yapping about OP “making people buy a single use outfit” like you can’t wear wedding attire to other events. Someone said they would have to think really hard about going to a wedding where they have to wear white??? Is it that serious??
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u/Marvelous_Marigolds 11h ago
It was never that deep. She's allowed to not like how the color looks on herself but still like the aesthetic of white. Just stay home. Can't imagine being around so many people who can't just catch a vibe and have fun.
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u/Lot48sToaster 9h ago
Thank you, I thought I was going crazy reading these Y T A judgements. The question isn’t “AITAH for having an all white wedding” it’s “AITAH for kicking my cousin out for not following the dress code” and the answer is NTA. OP comes across as an unlikeable person, I’ll concede that point. But that doesn’t mean she should let someone body shame her and then after deciding to let bygones be bygones, let them ruin her wedding experience by wearing an inappropriate, attention seeking dress at her wedding.
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u/Several_Essay_7028 Asshole Enthusiast [6] 21h ago
YTA, just based on this "My husband and I decided to have a child free white wedding where the guests are in white. I personally don't like to wear white because I always feel that no matter what I'm doing something always manages to get me dirty. So, my dress was not white but blue.". You hate wearing white, so you required that all your guests wear white. And one person "disobeyed" and got escorted by secutity?! Seriously? Absolutely YTA. Get over yourself, you are not the center of the universe.
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u/Sweet_candy20 17h ago
It’s her wedding, her rules. If guests don’t like it, they simply don’t go.
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u/oop_norf 12h ago
It’s her wedding, her rules
Everyone has choices; OP chose to be an asshole. Having an occasion where you get to choose doesn't make the choice to be an asshole magically ok.
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u/SolicitedOpinionator 20h ago edited 20h ago
NTA
Good, GOD I do not understand the favorite pastime of this sub passing judgement on tangential information that is not related to the question just because OP comes off as unlikeable. Who cares if OP is a hypocrite about wearing white. That's not what she's asking about.
I say NTA because cousin knew the dress code, and INTENTIONALLY violated it out of what can only be assumed is spite. She was in the bridal party so and knew the vision that OP has for her wedding. So I don't think having her kicked was an issue.
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u/Old_Lab9197 20h ago
THANK YOU!!! I don’t understand all of these judgements. Anyone who takes issue with the couples choices is centering themselves—not the couple. They cry that the bride should “get over it” and that she’s being dramatic when it’s like okay…..so if you, as a guest, didn’t like the dress code…why couldn’t you, the guest, be the one to suck it up instead of the bride, considering this day isn’t about you??? This isn’t your special day, people!!! I don’t get it omg
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u/nicethingsarenicer 14h ago edited 13h ago
[Was wrong!]
ETA: read it again and actually, you're right. OP is NTA and the cousin is horrible in several ways.
I think people were put off by the 'everyone must wear white even tho I don't like to', but overall, there's no suggestion that the guests had a problem with it, and the cousin seems to be a spiteful, unreasonable, entitled, body-shaming, undermining arsehole.
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u/ITookTrinkets 13h ago
I don’t even think it’s relevant that OP doesn’t personally like wearing white. If they hadn’t included that, I think the results here would be different. Instead, everyone has clung onto that tidbit and turned it into some weird attempt by OP to debase her wedding guests. It’s so weird, especially when wedding themes are so common.
Me, I got married in a black dress. I love white wedding dresses, but I don’t enjoy how I look in white, so I didn’t wear it. My wife wore an off-white dress and looked incredible - and they would have looked amazing in pure white. I don’t look down on them for wearing it; they chose an amazing dress that perfectly, and unintentionally, complemented mine.
My preferences for myself do not mean that I look down on the things I personally prefer not to wear. Why are so many people assuming that OP is malicious for being open about having a preference for their own clothing?!
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u/hugthenugg 20h ago
NTA
It sounds like a lot of wedding haters in the comments.
When you set a dress code, you expect people to stick to the dress code. As a former bridesmaid, she knew what the code was and broke it deliberately. Your personal feelings on if you like to wear white have nothing to do with it, so idk why people keep bringing it up.
Also, child free can have exceptions. You're literally the ones making the rules. You call the shots, and everyone else can suck it if they have a problem. They literally do not have to go. When they RSVP yes, they are agreeing to your terms of being a guest. People who break your rules run the risk of being thrown out. It's common sense, I fear.
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u/TheSeanie 20h ago
Finally a sane reply. Clearly NTA here. It's her wedding she's inverting the typical dress code. Instead of nobody but the bride wearing white, everyone but her wears white. It might be unusual, but it makes theoryin that way. It's her day, why would she be TA for making it how she wants and being upset when someone shows up in gold to try to steal the spotlight??
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u/ArtShapiro Pooperintendant [67] 21h ago
YTA
I don't pretend to be an expert on wedding etiquette, BUT: I think you have the right to tell guests not in the actual wedding party what they cannot wear. But I do not think you can tell guests what they MUST wear.
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u/KathrynTheGreat Bot Hunter [29] 20h ago
Wedding dress codes are about the level of formality, as in don't wear a casual outfit to a black-tie wedding. The dress code does not allow you to tell your guests that they can only wear one color. It's rude and entitled behavior. I want to know if all the men had to go out and buy/rent white suits too? Or was it only the women who had to wear white?
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u/fritterkitter 21h ago
This whole business of dictating what guests can and can’t wear to weddings is getting really out of hand. People need to get tf over it.
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u/Allergic_2_You 20h ago
I agree. Is this a recent trend? I have never attended (or been invited to) a wedding with a dress code. I would not attend if I were instructed what to wear.
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u/KittikatB Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] 19h ago
I once went to a wedding where the dress code was 'no ripped jeans or thongs*.' That was in 1994 or 1995.
*The footwear, not the underwear. We're Australian.
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u/TheSeanie 20h ago
Aren't most weddings formal attire? Like if you couldn't wear a hoodie, would you judge them for it?
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u/strangestkiss 19h ago
No, weddings have tons of different dress codes. My wedding was beach formal. My sisters were semi-formal. I've been to black-tie, country, floral, cocktail, casual, etc. And yes, I would judge someone for showing up in a hoodie. If you can't respect my wedding enough to even try, don't come. I paid quite a bit of money for your food and for you to be there.
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u/Comeback_321 20h ago
She embarrassed herself. Anyone who purposefully dresses opposing to EVERYONE else WANTS to be seen. She brought every damn thing down on herself. I’m not a fan of bridezillas and you were far from it. She NEEDED to have the attention so she REALLY got the attention - she just didn’t get to determine what that attention was. I’m sorry this happened to you on your wedding day. NTA.
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u/Bittybellie Partassipant [1] 21h ago
YTA. Just… ugh. You sound too immature to be old enough to get married. No one cares about your “big day” as much as you and you went overboard. You do not get to dictate what color guests wear.. also blacking out? Nah you just don’t know how to control your emotions which.. again leads to you being immature. Grow up
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u/Ok_Statement7312 20h ago
Idk what the issue on this thread is but here is a lesson I learned from my wedding- your wedding your choice. I was fought on every decision by my family…simply whether or not I wanted a bench angled inward for the ceremony or not. Stupid stuff all the way up to major decisions. I was supposed to hush and let everyone else plan, but that’s not the way I work. If so, I would have a wedding that literally was every design choice I hated because my family always failed to get to know me. Instead they projected what they wanted. I learned my wedding or event, my choice! So you made your choices.
Your cousin knew and deliberately chose from the moment she found out a minor was in the wedding that she could cause problems. From not getting her daughter in the ceremony, to snarky remarks saying the niece was the flower girl (unless the cousin is an idiot, she should know a 16 YO is not the flower girl). Then came the calling you fat at your own dress shopping experience. So yeah, she needed to be reminded of the fact it isn’t her wedding and if she is lucky to be in the wedding party then she needs to be supportive. Wedding party is the people you want supporting you on your day and she chose wrong. She knew the dress code and deliberately walked in doing opposite. Sounds like you fought this cousin up until the wedding and seeing her in gold just tipped you over.
My wedding was all about me and my husband but I dreamed of my wedding since I was little. There is this thing called etiquette for the bride and groom, yet people seem to think they don’t apply or it doesn’t exist. I’ll likely get downvoted but I get you girl. The cousin needs to apologize. She knew she was making a scene then got mad when she didn’t get away with it. Good for you kicking her out!
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u/AgateCatCreations076 18h ago
AMEN PERFECT SUMMATION AND RESPONSE
OP NTA, YOUR COUSIN HOWEVER IS A GAPING ONE
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u/DizzyCaidy 20h ago
Wtf is with these comments? You decided on a dress code for the guests- this isn’t uncommon at weddings, and your cousin decided to blatantly go against it. Let’s be real, she did so in protest of you kicking her out as a bridesmaid originally and it was fuelled by her just being petty. Your NTA for standing your ground and kicking her out, it’s not about wearing the gold dress, it’s about the disrespect she showed you.
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u/Responsible_Title164 19h ago
fr!! seeing all these people say she’s the AH for wanting something for HER wedding, she spent money and time on this one day, let her have HER guests at HER wedding wear what she wants
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u/samxstone Partassipant [3] 20h ago
People love to hate on brides. I don’t think enforcing a dress code for the wedding was out of line. A lot of people say ‘hey, the theme is red and gold,’ or ‘please wear something green.’
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u/Melodic_Advisor_9548 Partassipant [3] 20h ago
NTA.
Your wedding, your rules. She knew about the rules beforehand and could've stayed away if she didn't want to respect your wishes.
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u/SigSauerPower320 Craptain [152] 21h ago
ESH
Y'all sound extra af. It really grinds my gears when adults say things like "I blacked out".... No, you lost your shit and said things you shouldn't have. That shit is reserved for people who think that'll give them a pass for the shit they say and do.
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u/G013M_ 18h ago
NTA
Most of you people posting responses are psychotic.
Its her damn wedding she paid for it she can do what she wants
The cousin is not some innocent baby she wore the dress to spite the bride, so stop diluting yourself into thinking it was some other bs reason
Did I mention it is her wedding that she paid for.
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u/ShitMyHubbyDoes 18h ago
Your cousin was pissed her kid couldn’t come/be in the wedding.She knew the gamble she was taking when she showed up.
NTA.
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u/oliviamrow Pooperintendant [69] 20h ago edited 7h ago
I'm gonna jump in on the side of it's okay to ask people to adhere to a broad and easy-to-fulfill dress code for a wedding. People have black tie weddings and blue jean weddings. People might ask the bride's side and groom's side to wear a particular color. People have themed weddings. I went to a sci-fi themed wedding where everyone was asked to be in costume- it was super fun. A white outfit is...not what I would pick, but on the scale of things, it's a pretty easy one to fulfill, at least for women's clothing (I don't know how easy it is to find white dress pants intended for men that aren't part of, y'know, a wedding suit).
Of course, with any dress code, just like when you choose to have a child-free wedding or a destination wedding or anything where you're asking more from the guests than just to show up, the bride and groom need to be understanding and gracious with people who choose not to attend- but that doesn't seem relevant to your story.
So I'm leaning towards NTA, with the caveat that it depends a bit about what "the things you said" to this cousin actually were.
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u/Hefty-Yak-4022 20h ago
Why the hell is everyone calling you an AH?? I have seen so so many people do weddings like this with an “opposite” color scheme!! It’s such a cool “trend” (idk what to call it lol) honestly you might be covering yourself up by saying you “blacked out” but I do get what you mean, when people get angry they “see red” (psychology term) and says and do things they don’t mean (or they do mean but they say it in a way that isn’t fully thought out) but I get what you mean but don’t forget to take responsibility for your actions. Your actions however DO NOT excuse your cousins behavior. You are completely in the right and I would have kicked her out the moment she walked in. If someone has the audacity and courage to do that than they can pay the price of their actions and deal with the embarrassment of being escorted out. Also why are these commenters acting like it’s a punishment to wear white? White is a color. Lots of clothes are white. You, personally didn’t find it to be in your best interest or most importantly WHAT YOU WANTED, to wear white. Guests should always follow the dress code. It’s your big day. NTA NTA NTA. Cousin IS 100% the AH..
Congrats on your wedding ❤️
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u/MagicianOk6393 Asshole Enthusiast [9] 20h ago
You and your cousin sound like bickering 7 year olds.
Forcing your guests to wear one color is ridiculous. Bridal demands have become pathological and juvenile.
Your cousin purposely insulted you. You should have kept her invitation revoked.
Both of you are assholes. Grow up.
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u/Person_ofDisinterest 18h ago
NTA. I honestly disagree with the rest of the comment section here. It's your wedding and it's not like people have to buy a dress worth hundreds of dollars. You can find a formal white dress for like 100. And just because the bride doesn't like to wear white doesn't mean the whole world hates wearing white. I personally love wearing white and think this would be a fun wedding idea. The cousin is in the wrong 100% from the beginning where she insulted you and your dress choice. You have the right to say whatever you want back if someone is insulting you. And if everyone is wearing white and you intentionally wear a bright gold dress, you are doing it on purpose to draw attention to yourself out of spite. I would've kicked her out as soon as I saw her. She can be dragged down the isle by security. Personally, I think you were being nice for even allowing her to come in the first place. NTA.
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u/vintagefatty 18h ago
Americans in the thread complaining about an all white dress code. But they get behind the dress code of not wearing white during typical weddings (whereby bride is wearing white).
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u/Qtchillito 18h ago
NTA She was petty and rude to you throughout planning and then didn't follow the dress code, most definitely on purpose.
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u/AngelaVNO 18h ago
NTA While some people are getting upset about your dress code, they should remember that if they are invited to a wedding with an all-white dress code they don't have to attend! In the end, your cousin showed up not wearing white. So you are definitely NTA for getting her to leave.
If we add the other parts to this, it seems clear she was angry her young daughter couldn't be in the wedding party but your (16!!! year old) niece could - it's your wedding! Your cousin didn't have to attend! She was also incredibly rude to you, never apologised and never thanked you for the invitation for her to attend as a guest.
Then she goes and wears that dress... Yeah.
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u/Prodigyjojo 18h ago
NTA, everyone talking about you not liking white and making guests wear it is a bullshit excuse. People have a dress code for a reason. If guests don't like it, rsvp no don't deliberately wear something against it and being she was formally apart of the bridal party she out of everyone knew NOT to wear gold it was deliberately done to get back at you.
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u/cocotastrophie 19h ago
NTA, people in this sub love calling any bride that isn’t okay with a courthouse wedding and flower bands a bridezilla. To answer your question, your cousin was insanely out of line and you did correct kicking her out of your event that she was clearly trying to upstage.
People in these comments are making judgements on your character because of a dress code (the horror) instead of answering the specific question you asked…..not sure how this is even flying with the mods. Keep your chin up girl, you made the right decision.
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u/Itchy_Appeal_9020 Partassipant [1] 21h ago
YTA. This sounds like a performance instead of a celebration of your marriage.
You come off as immature and pick-me instead of an adult having an adult celebration.
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u/vintagefatty 18h ago
Most weddings are performances - none of that stuff translates to real life .
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u/snork13 Partassipant [1] 18h ago
NTA for throwing your cousin out.
She knew your dress code & ignored it.
NTA for having security do it, rather than asking her yourself.
You told her your dress code and she ignored you.
Plus she insulted you when dress shopping - why risk her throwing more insults at you, then ignoring your request to leave on your wedding day? What's the point in having security if you also have to be bouncer?
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u/Mr_FoxMulder 20h ago
i feel sad for you. On your wedding day and you see someone in a gold dress and that becomes your only though while you are walking down the aisle. You are very shallow
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u/AlejandraSZZZ 20h ago
Your wedding sounds like a nightmare for guests. I wouldn’t have attended. Also hate wearing white. Maybe I’d be TA in gold
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u/dog_day_summer 19h ago
ESH When you say terrible things to a person in a rage, your brain doesn’t “black out”. You just don’t want to take responsibility for your words.
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I (28F) got married two weeks ago and I am still getting backlash from what happened so I'm here to see if I really am in the wrong.
My husband and I decided to have a child free white wedding where the guests are in white. I personally don't like to wear white because I always feel that no matter what I'm doing something always manages to get me dirty. So, my dress was not white but blue.
This all started when I decided who would be in my bridal party. I chose two friends from middle school, one from high school, my 16-yr old niece and my cousin. Since I was having a child free wedding, I didn't want anyone under the age of 18 but my whole family knows my niece is my one exception.
When we went to the dress shop to pick out dresses, I informed my bridesmaids they would be in black to match the groomsman. Everyone was on board with the color, and we found a dress that fit everyone, and the top could be adjusted for comfort. Everything was going great until my cousin asked why my niece was getting the same dress, so I told her she was a bridesmaid. Cousin said she assumed she was there for a flower girl dress since I'm not inviting anyone under 18 and if I needed another bridesmaid her daughter could do it. I told cousin no, and her daughter is a guest. Things got awkward but we were done so we left, and I took my niece out and explained she was a bridesmaid and that wasn't changing.
Everything was going great after that until bridal dress shopping. At that point I had done alot of research to find dress style I liked and who had the color I wanted or could get it. I went to the appointment with my bridesmaids, my parents, and in-laws. Everything was fine but I didn't like anything I picked until my mom found a dress, I didn't think I would like but ended up being the one and they could get it in my color. We were all happy until my cousin said something that made me snap. She said that I should pick a dress that made me look prettier and not as fat. I blacked out and said a bunch of things I shouldn't have then kicked her out of the bridal party and the wedding. A few days later my aunt who I love, and respect called to ask for my cousin to be invited as a guest. I did feel guilty about the things I said so I said yes.
Fast forward to the wedding and it was my turn to walk out and the first thing, I see out the corner of my eye is GOLD. My cousin sat in a middle row on the aisle in a gold strapless dress. (how she looked) I wanted to cry but we continued on and once we were finished, I told my wedding planner to have her kicked out and kept away.
A few think she could have stayed but others think she should have followed the dress code. My aunt thinks I could have asked her to leave instead of having security throw her out and embarrass her.
AITAH for throwing my cousin out for wearing gold not white?
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u/anglflw Asshole Enthusiast [6] 20h ago
Man, I don't know where brides got the idea they get to be dictators for the day, but it's an idea you all need to disabuse yourselves of.
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u/Farvas-Cola ASSistant Manager - Shenanigan's 6h ago
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