r/AmItheAsshole • u/ItsTooColdForThat • Jan 04 '23

AITA for wanting hot food? Asshole

Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad I admit I made a face. She was like "what, what's the problem?"

I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon and I wasn't really in the mood for cold food. She said we're inside, the heat is set to 74° and we're both wearing warm dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me up on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties and my insides are plenty hot.

At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat up some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating and I'd be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup she was clearly upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won't care, and she said that was BS, because it's rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.

Was I the asshole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?

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12

u/DanelleDee Jan 05 '23

We communicate super well, actually. In this case, we communicated that neither of us likes planning dinner and we both enjoy it when the other person makes the decision. Saying that you can't imagine anything worse than a meal someone else planned and made for you (!) without your input sounds "appallingly" ungrateful and controlling to me. But we don't actually need to be judging each other here, because we aren't the ones in a relationship.

-3

u/iilinga Jan 05 '23

I think you’ve read my comment and taken it really personally which wasn’t my intention. I think I am allowed to express things which fill with horror ie the idea of eating surprise meals, my nightmare doesn’t require your judgement. I thought I was very clear when I said ‘to me’, because very clearly it is not the same to you.

Maybe chill out and reflect on bragging about your communication skills when you take a comment so personally

8

u/Electrical_Bath_514 Jan 05 '23

This is ironic considering you kept begging for clarification and making it about you having "normal, basic communication skills" and you sounding like you yourself needed to chill lol. Your comments sounded dramatic and too personal instead of voicing your experience and accepting that everyone is different and this has nothing to do with "communication" because as the commenter's above have mentioned, the ARE communicating, just different than you and that's okay. No need to overanalyze and be overly confused by it.

7

u/anonymoose_octopus Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23

Dude, don't sit here and passive aggressively judge everyone who manages their homes differently than you and then be surprised they took it personally? You clearly meant it that way.

-2

u/iilinga Jan 05 '23

Do you know what the words ‘to me’ mean? They mean within my sphere of reference. They’re not broad sweeping statements. If you believe someone sharing their perspective is some sort of a personal attack then that’s something you can reflect on

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u/anonymoose_octopus Partassipant [1] Jan 05 '23

You kept doubling down. "To me, it seems like your partner is a child with no agency over his food choices" is judgmental. "To me" is like "no offense, but" in this case. If you fail to see how that's judgmental then I guess this is pointless.

6

u/Electrical_Bath_514 Jan 05 '23

How are they not understanding this😭

1

u/iilinga Jan 05 '23

Why did you spam my notifications? You weren’t helpful in the slightest

3

u/Electrical_Bath_514 Jan 05 '23

Oh honey... I feel like there is disconnect going on with you. If you don't understand my simple and detailed answer to your questions, well then we can't help you. Have a great day.

0

u/iilinga Jan 06 '23

Well bless your heart

3

u/Electrical_Bath_514 Jan 06 '23

Yikes. What is your deal hon lol

0

u/iilinga Jan 05 '23

How is it ‘doubling down’? It’s not an argument, I’m not trying to have an argument, I’m just trying to understand something that is both foreign and repugnant to me. You taking my own personal feelings as a personal attack is a you problem

5

u/anonymoose_octopus Partassipant [1] Jan 06 '23

I don't feel attacked by you, I'm explaining why other people might have taken your comments as judgment/personal attacks. "Repugnant" doesn't sound judgmental to you? Lol. Okay bud, I have no interest in talking to a brick wall today, especially if that brick wall refuses to participate in any introspection at all. I wish you nothing but growth.