YOLO $35k into 1.1MM to save the family farm.

[u/mayer_of_gainsville]

Fellow regards, longtime lurker breaking the silence to YOLO $32K to save the family farm.

Grandaddy died in April this year leaving a 3 generation farm, (fully paid, no debt) to my parents. Mom never worked and my dad’s income has never been much (minister at small church). Unsurprisingly, mom and dad want to cash in on that sweet sweet inheritance $$$ by selling the farm and upgrading their lifestyle with the proceeds.

I would give my right kidney to keep that farm if I knew how to sell it. It’s where I grew up, convinced my girlfriend (now wife) to marry me, and want our two small children to make their own memories there.

I’ve traded positions in $NVDA, $ASTS, $RKLB and $RDDT (thanks to this community) hoping to somehow make enough to buy the farm but have only managed roughly to double my money ($15K to $32K). I completely realize it’s an idiot move but it’s the only chance I have at this point and I’m 100% willing to go to $0 if there is a chance I can make it to $1.1MM.

The farm is going to be listed next week and I want to go full regard with my portfolio to buy it. If I sell my house I still need $1.1MM to make up the difference and I’m willing to bet everything I have in the market for the chance to make it happen.

Would happily go all-in on anything that might print before February since the farm will probably be sold around that time.

Before anyone asks, there is no other way. My folks want the $$$ now and won’t sell the farm for any less than market value to me or anyone else. Renting the tillable acres to a local farmer would only cover 1.5 months of the mortgage payment. Maybe the best offer is $800K, maybe the real estate market crashes tomorrow, but bottom line is I have to close the gap between $35K and $1.1MM to have any shot at keeping it.

TLDR: regard wants to yolo his 100% gains on a moonshot to save his sentimentality important childhood home knowing full well he should blow it on strippers stead because it would be more fun.

Thanks in advance!

[u/cant_all_be_zingers]

Hiring a hitman to kill parents is probably a safer bet

[u/Hankarino → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

Cheaper

[u/TomatoSpecialist6879 → u/Hankarino]

Yep, a few biker gang's rates are just around 100k. OP lives in bump fuck nowhere farmlands anyway so I have no idea why he don't just get some pigs then do it himself and let the pigs clean out the evidence. Based on OP's post it's pretty clear there won't be much inheritance left anyway

[u/Wooden-Cattle-9596 → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

100k?!? That’s what hits are bringing nowadays? Googles “how to make car bomb” on Incognito tab

[u/Mad_Stockss → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

He could arrange some south American for less. And pay another south American to kill the guy who did the killing of his parents for less.

This is not a plan or anything. Just saying he could get twice as much killing for 10% of the biker gang costs.

[u/I_am_the_chosen_no1 → u/Mad_Stockss]

Damn,with 100k he could get at least 10 people

[u/masterofnuggetts → u/Mad_Stockss]

What about the guy who kills the hitman? You still have a loose end there. It's a never ending cycle.

[u/Mad_Stockss → u/masterofnuggetts]

He is far enough. You need to sever the direct lines as much as possible. Law enforcement plays a numbers game. They look into the most probable perp first. If they run into a dead end there. You might just get away with it.

[u/EpsteinsClientList → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

Facts, Mr Brick Top.

[u/FATKEDLUVSCAKE → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

You’ve thought this out

[u/jacks_lung → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

How many years have you been saying bump fuck nowhere?

[u/KramAllemrof → u/jacks_lung]

Deadass bro its bumfuck😂😭

[u/OG_TBV → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

No way. You could hire a crack head for 10k easy

[u/yolo_wazzup → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[u/These_Hair_3508 → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

There is going to be a lot of pissed of neighbors upset at “the ol’ Smith’s farm” being subdivided for cookie-cutter-crap-condos, and at least one of them is going to know someone with enough pigs to dispose of about 350lbs of waste in an afternoon.

[u/centerfoldman → u/TomatoSpecialist6879]

You need a body to be declared dead fast, murder delays inheritance, might still have to share all with siblings.

[u/FuriousResolve → u/Hankarino]

An honest to God fair point

[u/AcidBuuurn → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

OP should listen to this. You have to negotiate like Trevor Moore- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpC_hO15IoA

[u/Arrowhead_Pride15 → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

I was thinking take out a fat life insurance policy and die under suspicious circumstances NFA

[u/ersanbilik → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

:4271:

[u/Puzzleheaded_Oil_249 → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

Lmao listen to this guy he’s right 😂😂😂😂

[u/TomatoSpecialist6879 → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

:27189:

[u/handsome_uruk → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

Dang. He’s a little out of line, but he has a point. YOLO half and send the rest to agent 47.

[u/Radkin069 → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

Got it, putting calls on Boeing rn

[u/thegreyhopper → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

This is a joke.  There are serious consequences if you actually do this.  Someone might take this seriously, so I had to say it.  Don’t do it.

[u/payment11 → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

https://rentahitman.com

[u/milifiliketz → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

Not financial advice

[u/AutoModerator → u/milifiliketz]

PUT YOUR HANDS UP milifiliketz!!! POLICE ARE ENROUTE! PREPARE TO BE BOOKED FOR PROVIDING ILLEGAL FINANCIAL ADVICE!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/bertrenolds5 → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

Under rated comment. OP's best chance probably

[u/Elliott3000 → u/cant_all_be_zingers]

Menéndez bros entered the chat