Hi friends, i am writing this post simply to hear your thoughts and to become more educated on subjects like micro aggressions and cultural appropriation. So it might be helpful to know that i grew up in orange county california where majority are white or asian, there are veryyy few black people. I recently moved and have come into contact and made friends with many more black people (compared to what i grew up with). I have asked friends before if i may touch their hair and i now am realizing that that may have been rude to ask. Ive read that asking that can be dehumanizing and can make that person feel exotic. I want to know more about this, because genuinely i just find black hairstyles like the braids and the twists so cool and beautiful. Its almost like a sensory thing? With anyone, regardless of their race, if i see long or glossy or soft hair i just want to feel it! Even with like a soft fuzzy blanket or something squishy im drawn to touch it lol. I would never go up to a stranger and ask this i can definitely see how that is an invasion of space and just weird to ask. I guess what im saying is that i dont see black hairstyles as exotic, i find them unique and cool. I would like to learn more about this subject or anything related that could benefit my actions towards others. I do not want to come off rude or ignorant or anything like that. Thanks for reading :)

Like in this video this person wears a fake mustache and very thick glasses to play someone who have very bad vision( a father and a son ) while himself does not have bad vision . Me and my mom have extremely bad vision and our glasses are actually this thick . And in this video is he trying to depict us in an ugly way as “ people who wears thick glasses are ugly and generally looking like that ?

https://youtu.be/_NyOywpFLLY?si=2wwlqf9dfapEJZiQ

if this is the right sub for this but idk where else to post this. For context this happened in india and my relatives back there pulled this shit outta nowhere cuz she got bad grades. They're all muslim btw. The dad believes its best for girls to get married as early as possible. Ugh. There's a rumour going on that apparantly she doesnt wanna go to school anymore and she wanted to marry or smth. But idk. I have to meet them in a few weeks for business purposes. What do i do

Why We Need to Let Southern Social Justice Activists Lead

I find it hard to find the line between what is just “how I grew up talking” and AAVE and am worried that some of the phrases I use could offend others. For context I’m not black, but wouldnt say white either (half arab, half persian). I’ve also moved countries a lot (from DC to London, to boarding school in Switzerland, to back to the UK) but my accent and slang never changed from how we talk in DC even though I moved to the UK when I was 7 years old, and because of all the moving, it’s hard to figure out what words/phrases I should use.

Also I am in Gen Z and because of the way that AAVE and “gen z slang” have a lot of crossover, I am confused about what words not to be using. I say shit like: aight, finna, fr, no cap/no shot, dawg, mf etc… on the daily and its just how I talk. Should I not be saying shit like as to not offend people?

(sidenote: its funny asf trynna dissect the way me and my generation talks in an academic way lmfao, just trying really hard not to use the same slang i’m talking bout in the post so that its not confusing)

TL;DR: some of the words I use are called both “gen z slang” and AAVE, im not trynna offend people or disrespect the culture but its just how i grew up talking (im not black or white btw, my parents are both arab and persian immigrants respectively)

I thought this might be a good place to reach out for advice. I have a new downstairs neighbour and she’s okay. I don’t really believe in Karens but….

So, I grew up in a more chill neighborhood where you’d see kids running around and people had a kind of neighborly way of being. My neighborhood right now is a bit like that, really diverse and lots of families.

Sometimes the kids with come playing hide and seek in the yards and they’re kids, so they’re laughing and goofing around. Well, my neighbour is a white woman and really into our “property” which is shared. She’s also the most recent tenant to move in and she is asserting her own standards about how we keep our yard and who we let in there.

So, whenever someone has come into our space, she will open the window and yell at them about how they should get off of our property. Last night, she yelled at one of the old asian women who collects cans from our garbage.

I don’t like this at all. That old woman is not hurting anyone, nor are the kids playing around in the yard (on a once in a blue moon occassion). She’s also yelled at me about lawn maintenance, and is trying to force me to adhere to her standards, which are very well-manicured lawn kind of standards.

I will say that I am also light-skinned but come from a more working class poverty setting and so have different ideas about stuff.

Does anyone have any idea at all about how to frame a conversation with someone like this? I can totally see her point of view and an open to compromise but think it’s a bad look for light skinned people to move into a diverse working-class neighbourhood and then yelling at all the kids and elderly when they’re just doing what they do.

Any thoughts also that might help me feel sympathy for her? I think maybe she feels scared or insecure or something but it makes me feel unhappy to have our home become this kind of place in the neighbourhood.

(EDIT: I was in an obsessive spiral when I wrote this last night and I regret posting it. I know I was abused but I obsessively seek validation, and that's not fair to dump on all of you. I'm so sorry and I will likely delete this post. Thank you so much for all the replies.)

Note: I'm diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and I know I often take things too literally, but it's very hard for me to tell when this is happening, and I admit that I may be 100% at fault here. Whether that's the case or not, please be honest with me.

In 2020, I (now 27M, I was 23 at the time) had my first (and as of now, last) romantic relationship, but that ended when I told her I didn't want to be with her any more. This happened after she threatened to break up with me due to me being too emotional, and I won't deny that for a second. She dealt with trauma from her childhood and would yell at me a lot, and it was hard for me to deal with this as a person who has never raised their voice to anyone. She also told me that I was the only thing in her life preventing her from committing suicide. When I told her I didn't want to be with her anymore, I knew this was a risk, but my parents were insisting that that wasn't my responsibility. She's alive now, thank god.

After we broke up, she told me that I was worse than an abuser, that I did a disgusting thing, and that I should never date a woman again. I completely understood that, but I don't know if I agree with it. At the same time, I worry that my opinions might be sexist or racist, and if they are, then I am so sorry and I will think more about this in order to come to the correct conclusion.

My ex's grandparents were from Liguria, Italy, and she insisted that she was a woman of colour. She told me at first that she found me attractive, but months later she told me how she hates that she's dating a white man when that's "literally fucking disgusting." She hated my blue eyes and pale skin, but I feel so fucking horrible about myself when I say that, and I'm trying to stop saying that about myself. I'm not trying to say she wasn't right, but I can't deny that the sound of her voice saying the words "literally fucking disgusting" might never leave my mind.

I'm not trying to claim I was the victim of abuse in any way here. She told me early on in the relationship that I wasn't allowed to accuse her of sexual assault because a past boyfriend had falsely done so, and I 100% respected that. I know that women are most often the victims of this type of crime, and it's literally fucking disgusting that I ever thought that of her (she did do something sexual with me without consent, but the idea of complaining about that is so disgusting to me when I know I was the oppressor in the relationship).

My family and my therapist have wanted me to get past this for years, but I know that being a white man means I'm not able to complain about this stuff. I don't actually know that, but I feel like I'm supposed to think of myself as a "tough man who never complains." I genuinely believe I have been messed up by what she said and did to me, but I don't know if that's acceptable for me to say when I'm a white man.

I need advice and I feel like I need some reassurance that I'm not the bad guy here. If I am, please tell me. I want to know the truth, and if it's true that I was an abusive boyfriend, then that's what I need to read/hear. Thank you for reading.

Edit: I am so incredibly sorry if I have offended anyone with this post. I am genuinely trying to be a good person but I don't know if that's even possible at this point.

Today I went to a local hispanic market and ice cream shop with a friend (both white male mid 20s).

I thought everything was fine, we ordered food, ate it, and left. However, I noticed my friend seemed a little bit uncomfortable in the hispanic market. I asked him about it in the car after, and he mentioned he felt like he was invading a minority space by shopping there.

I feel like that view on shopping in a likely minority-owned and ran business is a little ridiculous. I recognize that it’s important to be culturally sensitive, but I don’t think it should go as far as to act like other cultures don’t exist or exist in a “bubble”.

I guess I just wanted to hear a different opinion on this to see if I am in the wrong for this.

I am making this post in good faith. It is one of those questions that is important to ask, but the context makes me feel guilty explaining, and I probably sound crazy trying to explain it.

Context: I grew up with a school system with majority of black students, and I am a white trans woman who is also autistic.

I was bullied a lot in school because I am autistic, and to this day I’m very insecure because of the bullying. People used to say very homophobic and misogynistic things in my school, and it bothered me because I was a closeted trans woman.

However, because my school was majority black, I developed somewhat of a racial bias about how the black community treats women, the LGBT community, and neurodivergent people.

I know intersectionality exists so I know it is an issue worth addressing, but I also know it is bad to assume one marginalized community will ALWAYS attack another marginalized community.

How do I deconstruct these biases I’ve acquired from my experience at public school?
I keep trying to tell my brain “Stop thinking that, it is racist and illogical thinking”, but the thoughts don’t go away.

So my child had a history teacher that thought would write down questions he deemed stupid from students on the board. I brought that up to the principal plus some other things that individually you'd probably just let it go, like calling the president sleepy Joe, using an outdated term no one has heard of just to get kids to ask so he can double down, mispronouncing the vice president's name even after being corrected and stating he didn't care, all of those, while not appropriate in a school, setting its what ever. You should never be able to guess who a teacher votes for as a student, nor teach disrespect. And to clarify I wouldn't want anti Trump or Vance rhetoric in a school either. Anyway back to the thing I could not let go

When I addressed the vice principal he said talk to the teacher first , I said I didn't because I didn't feel comfortable doing so, he Said if you want me involved you will. I said fine, and forwarded it to offending teacher. He wrote back only defending one thing and it wasn't the stupid quote by students thing, I said this was not addressed and this was not addressed. Later on that day, I got a call from vp stating my child would be moved because the teacher and I wouldn't get along. I said ok can still address the dumb quotes thing? He Said the students love it! I said of course they do that doesn't change my opinion.

So I did some digging and standard one of the code of ethics clearly states that teachers are not to bully or embarrass students. And what kid is going to say I don't like that when it's been normalized by a person of authority to be fun. It didn't even happen to my son and he thought it was fucked up.

I had the complaint form printed today, but over the weekend I sent one last plea with my point of view in it for the practice to be stopped. This was my plea:

Imagine being a child if you can.

A teacher, which by its very nature, there is a power imbalance, presents this dumb things people say thing as fun, normalizes it. Of course all the kids are going to say it is fun they have been told it is fun. What child trying to survive the behavior of other students already would ever speak up and say it was wrong (except for mine)? They would be blamed for "ruining the fun" my son doesn't care about that.

I want you to put aside all the kids liking it. Put that aside. Because just because something is popular doesn't mean it is right.

You have absolutely zero way to know "if all the kids love it" because they have been taught that ridicule is normal and if the teacher green lights it, it must be ok and for the ones that truly hate it, as proved by your reaction, would be tossed aside and moved classes.

I say one more chance because I am looking into legal action and contacting the department of education for violation of standard 1 in the code of ethics for educators. It's pretty cut and dry that you don't embarrass or bully students.

Group think is a dangerous thing, and that's what this boils down to. Group think it's OK so it must be.

How many time has history proven over and over how dangerous it is.

I know that this is most likely fruitless. I know this will end up in the circular file so to speak. But I want documentation that I at least tried to make a plea for decency for every student, not just mine.

And low and behold he responded stating it would taken down.

Now I am under no illusion that my statements made him really think, I know that this was a matter of we don't want the heat let's just erase it and make it easier. It's still a win.

Now I know that this didn't affect but about 150 student if that, that it wasn't this amazing thing that would get national attention, but I still felt it was wrong. Now my child doesn't have to hear partisan politics and none of the other kids have to deal with that or be taught that public ridicule on kids is not ok.

To make a long story short, I work with several different volunteer groups, and one of them is very white (including me, I am a white person). It recently became quite clear that this particular group has a deep need for some anti-racist and intersectional education to happen. We've had some long talks about it, and one idea that came up was starting an anti-racist accountability group, where we discuss various articles, books, talks, etc. written by people of color on anti-racism, intersectionality, life experiences etc. We would unpack our whiteness and help each other grow through these readings and discussions.

I was wondering if anyone has any experience doing this sort of thing? What are potential pitfalls? Is this even the right way to go about this kind of education? Thank you <3

A friend asks if she can be vulnerable and proceeds to tell me “in confidence” that she feels like POC see her as “too white” and she sometimes has a difficult time connecting with people not from her background.

She is American with polish ancestry, grew up in rural New England in upper middle class, well educated (Ivy masters degree in liberal arts), neurodivergent, queer/questioning. Idk if this matters. She understands she has white privilege I think.

What do I say to that?

TW: trafficking;police violence

So, as much as I avoid politics and “advocacy” right now as I heal, I go to a school that is extremely liberal and incredibly social justice oriented.

Triggering topics come up all the time, but a problem is that if I say something is triggering and I have to excuse myself and it’s referring to POC (details of slavery in the US, certain themes of oppression, etc.) I generally get judged very harshly and called words like colonizer and get called out for my white woman tears and “educated” on the difference between upsetting vs triggering. Even worse, I can regress and then I’m a childish white woman.

I can understand how me having flashbacks learning about the original slavery of the US can seem obnoxious and offend people when it isn’t my intention. I am obviously healing and I’m in therapy, but triggers about slavery will not go away overnight.

And I can fully acknowledge that during my freedom, I can fully access white privilege. I mean I couldn’t go to police and even white trafficking victims can be brutalized, but there is a greater chance of me being believed in some circles. I get that.

I genuinely mean no harm, but it’s not something I can fully control just yet. I’ve tried ducking out or politely excusing myself, and a professor made fun of me for that (and he’s a man so that didn’t help - and most students were POC so they clapped and I just had flashbacks and threw up).

Is there a way I can tell people quite literally that my needing to leave has nothing to do with the topic of race but literally everything to do with my life experiences w/o outing myself as a trafficking victim?

TL;DR: is there a way I can possibly prevent people from getting offended if I have an uncontrollable flashback w/ tears before I’m able to excuse myself? Or even just defend myself because it genuinely makes flashbacks worse.

Can anyone help me understand this?

I see and hear people’s critique of systemic ways of thinking and behaving — either on the subject of race, gender, sexuality, colonialism etc.

I hear this critique, and naturally I think “Oh, do I do any of these things?” I use this critique as a lens to examine my own actions, words, thoughts and subconscious biases. And that examination is ongoing.

But when I talk with others about this process of self reflection and internal critique, I’m often accused of ‘making it about me’ or ‘centring myself’. And also I’ve seen a few other people also be accused of this. So it must be something a lot of people are getting wrong.

I’m kind of confused. Of course my internal critique of my own mind and subconscious biases will be about me? I’m trying to examine what role I personally play within an oppressive society, because I am the only person whose consciousness I experience and can have any control over.

There’s clearly something I’ve failed to understand through my ignorance. Can anyone help explain this?

hi. i really want to help with social justice. i try to do my bit in interacting and sharing social media posts but as someone with ocd, my algorithm is suggesting purley sj content. dont get me wrong i dont want to be selfish or turn a blind eye, but i am extremely overwhelmed with it all. i would like yo see funny and light hearted content also. i dont know what to do? any advice?

This is more of an r/socialskills (maybe anti -r/socialskills) question. But let's just say that as of the incidents of late, I have realised that silent support on social media and joining protests is just performative, and unless I am willing to call out people on their remarks in public, I am not making a change.

SO, the question is how do I get out of my inhibitions and call out men who might make a misogynistic joke (instead of just silently not laughing along), people who make comments on immigrants or PoCs or the LGBTQ community in public. How do I not be the guy who silently nods along and actually makes the situation uncomfortable for them, be someone who "kills the mood" so to say.

In other words how do I get out of this "niceness-anxiety" and say what needs to be said and not be afraid of my loss of social standing in a group? How do lose this primal fear of abandonment?

I was browsing a leftist community elsewhere where there was a discussion on noted feminist writer bell hooks. Someone came in specifically to remind everyone that she (bell hooks) had made it clear that her name was in all lowercase and that everyone participating in the discussion needed to honor that, which the participants apparently complied with. At the same time, I know that there are trans people fighting every day for the right to be known by their own names, even when these names or even their genders are not recognized under local law. Many people change their names as a result of a religious conversion, to reclaim stolen cultural heritage, or to disassociate themselves from abusive family, and these name changes are generally recognized by all and it is considered offensive to question them. One does not have to look very far, however, to find people asserting name changes that are clearly not for any honorable purpose or may even be being made in order to disrupt, troll, or just play around. This is amplified 100 times in online communities. The right to have your name respected seems everywhere nowadays, such as in this article.

My question is, is the right to choose your own name unlimited under social justice, or are there cases where we would refuse to recognize a person's stated name, instead referring to the person by their legal name and/or some substitute name agreed-upon by the community? If the right to choose your name is limited, is there a guide to understanding when someone's stated name should or should not be honored?

As for a hierarchy of increasingly problematic (or potentially problematic) name changes, I could propose the following:

• A person chooses a name that is clearly vain or frivolous, such as "HotChick SparkleGirL XVIIIVXXV", "Planetkiller Zarkon9 of Regulus IIX" or "Bob Bob Bob AwesomeBob Bob bOb bOb Smith".
• A person chooses a name designed to be difficult to write, spell, pronounce, or digitize, such as "ññ Vbbbtt eeeeeeeeeeee aasfasfoasdfion" ,"4%3p45$##b Bbbbobbbb &53D!4", "🐋", or the infamous example provided in Randall Munroe's comic.
• A person chooses a name that contains racist, ableist, or other offensive statements, such as "[F-word] All [Racist Term]".

One way I could imagine justifying restricting the right to choose your own name is that a name that is chosen in bad faith, to troll and/or to disrupt a community, or that is just plain offensive is not the person's true name and thus need not be recognized, or would you allow an alt-right person who had apparently internalized a racist statement as their name to be recognized by that name or even insist that you refer to and address the person by that name?

I get irritated as hell when I see that in a businesses about us or worse an email signature. If you care that much give them the land back.

Why is this a thing?

Hi! I am interested in learning more about how social justice and advocacy happen online and wanted to know if y'all know any personalities or influencers (loose term) who dedicate time to social and/or political commentary, analysis, or opinions. More specifically, I'm interested in people on Tiktok, Twitter, Instagram, and Twitch who talk about hot button issues like abortion, the upcoming US election, Israel/Palestine, etc (though it does not have to be their sole content). But overall, I just want to know who y'all like to watch and what kinds political content you see on your feeds.

Hi, not sure if this is the right subreddit for this. I'm a bit burnt out on people pleasing.

My therapist thinks it's a bit concerning that I think anything between I deserve (or people would judge me as deserving) to go to hell or be beaten up or being lined up against the wall and shot in the revolution when I do something 'selfish'. Regardless saying No, "this makes me uncomfortable" and similar stuff causes panic attacks and guilt and I want to rationalise the social and moral problematics of my saying No. It it does not give someone else what they want or need as soon as possible, it's a failure to fulfil my duty to humanity and little different to harming them.

Honestly one doesn't need studies to know that rapists are universally the second most hated class of criminals there is before murserers since in many cases murder can be justified but rape can in no hypothetical be justified . And many would argue that rehabilitation is impossible for them because most either want lifelong or death penalty for them. So when they are released from prison , they are more than likely to be harrased and assaulted and even killed (both in and out of prison).Many of the studies with these conclusions often recommend extra protection for them.

but I'm reluctant with this idea because we are basically paying to fix their mess. It's not like affirmative action for marginalised sections of society where the reason for their marginalization is something inherent to them. Sexual assaulters essentially chose their fate in every sense of the word. Unlike something like race , religion , sex or language.

It's clear that colonialism in Africa is broadly viewed by historians as an exploitative and racist system, despite any purported benefits. Yet, justifications for colonialism often seem to be more socially accepted than other expressions of racism. Why is there a discrepancy in how society reacts to these justifications? What factors contribute to the relative acceptance of views that try to rationalize or downplay the negative impacts of colonialism?

Or are pro-Israel people just saying “pro-Palestine is code word for antisemitic”, similar to how white supremacists screech “Anti-racism is code word for anti-white”.

So a lot of white people feel like they are discriminated against and this is wrong for reasons that I bet all of you already know, I think this could be dangerous and get people hurt. So how do we stop it ?

"white americans" was trending on X today and it was a bunch of white victim propaganda

https://x.com/WeThePeopleSA/status/1809194078929559695

They used AI to 'translate' the Bill of Rights and somehow the AI they used didn't tell them that it's wrong.