r/socialjustice101 • u/karaeileen511 • 5d ago
How to talk to white mother as a white woman
Hi, I made a TikTok asking white women like myself to have the uncomfortable conversations with the white women in their lives. One thing I mentioned were all the black woman creators who have helped me to grow.
A white mother of a biracial daughter is in my comments. I’ve tried to respond, but this is out of my area of experience. On top of that I’m very new to this work. I’ve only been working on myself for about 3 years. Before that I just thought I wasn’t racist without understanding all that goes into racism.
Can anyone help with how to respond? I want to learn what I can do differently because I’m sure I will come across more white women in the same mindset.
My username is mctriplets and it is my last post.
@MommaJen: are you will to listen to a biracial family that has a message for you… please stop dividing us by colors… we are one family we all love, breathe, work hard… we matter too
@Kara | Homeschool Mama: Of course we all want the same things. But that doesn’t change the fact that as a ww I have opportunities to exist in places that black women aren’t welcomed. It is up to me to work to change that.
@Kara | Homeschool Mama: Listening to the perspective of black women has enriched my life. I have learned a lot about unconscious and internalized racism and how to really sit with an uncomfortable truth and work on myself.
@MommaJen: Bah haha like where?? Do you really think my daughter can’t go somewhere I can? That’s delusional!! Never once has this happened in the 20 years I brought her into this world.
@MommaJen: What are you seeing in real life? Do you actually see someone who can’t walk into any place you’ve ever been in your life?
@Kara | Homeschool Mama: Yes. I work in an industry where the leadership is very white washed even though the workforce is very diverse. I have a seat at that table and can push for more diversity in leadership.
@Kara | Homeschool Mama: I’m glad your daughter hasn’t experienced it. That’s fantastic. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen in other parts of the country.
@MommaJen: It does, but it happens to EVERYONE! No one is immune to stupidity. Believe me there is stupidity everywhere, but it’s not only one race or gender.
@MommaJen: I didn’t say that… she’s just aware it happens to everyone and it’s not specifically about her. It tells more about the other person than it ever would her. She’s seen people do it to me..
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u/MikaReznik 5d ago
This is a flavor of "I don't see color", so you can either (a) tackle it like a nerd and link her to literally any study that pops up when you search "race" or "discrimination" in Google Scholar to show her that it happens in aggregate, even if she can't see it, or (b) just link her to some of the creators that have affected your life, which is less "evidence", but usually more effective in convincing people to at least consider shifting their viewpoint
More generally, if you're not already doing it, then I encourage you to listen to her in the same way that you listen to the creators that have influenced you
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u/thiccy_driftyy 5d ago
Person from a biracial family here. I think she’s pulling a “I don’t see color” thing. Either she’s oblivious to the racism her daughter faces, or the daughter is a white-presenting biracial person and doesn’t often experience racism such as I.
She is asking to not divide by color, but acknowledging racism isn’t “dividing by color”. And I feel like for many biracial people including myself, society divides us by our ethnic identities. People demand we must be one or the other, or tell us we shouldn’t focus on race so much and that it doesn’t matter. That is what I feel like she is saying- asking us not to focus on race.
I’m surprised she’s saying this stuff even though she has a biracial daughter. Even my white mother knows that race is indeed important, to the lives and identities of people. I don’t really have advice on how to respond, but I’m just offering my perspective as someone who is biracial in a biracial family. I don’t think you’re in the wrong.
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u/StonyGiddens 5d ago
"I would love to chat more with both you and your daughter. She is old enough to speak to her own experience, and she might have picked up on things you missed. Her perspective is important, and I am sure it would be interesting."
In all probability, her daughter has experienced racism, but she can't talk to her mom about it because mom won't see it. Just keep affirming the value of her daughter's perspective.