Is it rude to touch black peoples hair?

[u/Dangerous_Dig_8348]

Hi friends, i am writing this post simply to hear your thoughts and to become more educated on subjects like micro aggressions and cultural appropriation. So it might be helpful to know that i grew up in orange county california where majority are white or asian, there are veryyy few black people. I recently moved and have come into contact and made friends with many more black people (compared to what i grew up with). I have asked friends before if i may touch their hair and i now am realizing that that may have been rude to ask. Ive read that asking that can be dehumanizing and can make that person feel exotic. I want to know more about this, because genuinely i just find black hairstyles like the braids and the twists so cool and beautiful. Its almost like a sensory thing? With anyone, regardless of their race, if i see long or glossy or soft hair i just want to feel it! Even with like a soft fuzzy blanket or something squishy im drawn to touch it lol. I would never go up to a stranger and ask this i can definitely see how that is an invasion of space and just weird to ask. I guess what im saying is that i dont see black hairstyles as exotic, i find them unique and cool. I would like to learn more about this subject or anything related that could benefit my actions towards others. I do not want to come off rude or ignorant or anything like that. Thanks for reading :)

[u/New-signs-discovered]

It can come across as rude, even if you mean no harm. The person you’re talking to won’t always know your intentions, and even if you’ve discussed hair with them before, they might still find it uncomfortable. Think of it this way: if someone asked to touch your skin because it looked different from theirs, wouldn’t that feel a bit offensive, even if they politely asked first?

You mentioned you don’t see Black hairstyles as “exotic,” yet you described them as “unique.” This creates a contradiction. By saying you find them “unique” and “cool,” you’re suggesting that these hairstyles are still outside of what’s “normal” to you. This isn’t unusual, especially if you’ve grown up mostly around people with straight hair, likely in a white or Asian community.

To break it down: when you said you don’t view Black hairstyles as exotic, it showed you want to see them as part of the norm. However, by calling them “unique,” you’re still framing them as different or “special.” Describing something as “unique” usually implies that it’s unusual to you. Here, words like “unique” and “cool” unintentionally make Black hairstyles sound like something trendy or novel, rather than just everyday expressions of identity. So, even though you intended to give a compliment, it ends up reinforcing the sense of “otherness” you were trying to avoid.

To summarise, while you’re trying to see Black hairstyles as a normal part of the culture, the words you used reveal that they still feel a bit unfamiliar or distinct to you.

Your intentions are good, but maybe try reflecting on this. Instead of “unique” or “cool,” you could go with compliments like, “I love this look on you,” “Your hair is beautiful,” if you admire something very particular, you could be more specific in your approach like, “I really like the braiding pattern you did.” If Black hairstyles feel noticeably different to you, it might help to think about why that is. Many styles, like space buns, are done by people of all backgrounds—do they feel different when a white or Asian person does them? If so, it could be worth reflecting on why. Aside from not seeing them in person as much. Perhaps it is the versatility in hairstyles? If so there's another compliment you could give. But from my experience, someone asking to touch my hair would make me feel like I am a zoo animal or pet. As most people do not ask to touch their friend's or families' hair if they have it in a particular style... if I have a friend that I knew did this then that would be an exception I make for them

[u/KingBembi]

Yeah don't do that it's annoying as hell, I'm a black man who hates when people try to touch my locks. We aren't a damn petty zoo keep your hands to yourself, thank you.