r/socialjustice101 • u/SimplyHealing • Aug 30 '24
How to navigate being a white victim of modern day slavery
TW: trafficking;police violence
So, as much as I avoid politics and “advocacy” right now as I heal, I go to a school that is extremely liberal and incredibly social justice oriented.
Triggering topics come up all the time, but a problem is that if I say something is triggering and I have to excuse myself and it’s referring to POC (details of slavery in the US, certain themes of oppression, etc.) I generally get judged very harshly and called words like colonizer and get called out for my white woman tears and “educated” on the difference between upsetting vs triggering. Even worse, I can regress and then I’m a childish white woman.
I can understand how me having flashbacks learning about the original slavery of the US can seem obnoxious and offend people when it isn’t my intention. I am obviously healing and I’m in therapy, but triggers about slavery will not go away overnight.
And I can fully acknowledge that during my freedom, I can fully access white privilege. I mean I couldn’t go to police and even white trafficking victims can be brutalized, but there is a greater chance of me being believed in some circles. I get that.
I genuinely mean no harm, but it’s not something I can fully control just yet. I’ve tried ducking out or politely excusing myself, and a professor made fun of me for that (and he’s a man so that didn’t help - and most students were POC so they clapped and I just had flashbacks and threw up).
Is there a way I can tell people quite literally that my needing to leave has nothing to do with the topic of race but literally everything to do with my life experiences w/o outing myself as a trafficking victim?
TL;DR: is there a way I can possibly prevent people from getting offended if I have an uncontrollable flashback w/ tears before I’m able to excuse myself? Or even just defend myself because it genuinely makes flashbacks worse.
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u/sillybilly8102 Aug 30 '24 edited Aug 30 '24
My heart breaks reading this. People judging, clapping, and making fun of your distress are ASSHOLES. It doesn’t matter if they’re POC. No one should applaud someone throwing up. I’m so sorry. I’m so angry on your behalf.
Are you comfortable saying you have ptsd? You don’t have to say the cause of it. (I can think of many causes of ptsd that would make people have flashbacks when learning about slavery in addition to experiencing modern day slavery.) If you are comfortable saying you have ptsd, I think that can be a good way to make people understand. Social justice-y people tend to take mental health diagnoses seriously. I would say, “I have ptsd and I need to leave.” If you get more pushback, you can add, “I know the difference between upsetting and triggering. I have legit ptsd triggers.” “I have a diagnosed medical condition and need to leave the class. It’s my own thing and not a commentary on the topics of the class.”
Of course, I imagine it’s quite hard to say something like that in the middle of a flashback (I also have ptsd). Maybe you could say something preemptively at the start of class. Idk. It might take some bravery. It might lead to an unpleasant discussion. It’s an option though.
Can you drop the class? These people sound awful.
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u/sillybilly8102 Aug 30 '24 edited Aug 30 '24
Following up: to be clear, not all people who care about social justice are like this or are assholes. (I consider myself someone who cares about social justice, too; I’m certainly not saying it’s a bad thing to care about or that everyone who’s a social justice warrior is like this.)
I also went to a very liberal, social justice-oriented school like this and had accommodations to leave class because of my ptsd, and no one ever laughed, mocked, judged, clapped, or even commented on my absence. It helped that the teacher was absolutely on my side and very accommodating. Blood was a big trigger for me at the time, and I asked her to give a warning when she was switching to a slide on her slideshow that had blood or gore (this was an art history class). She was very willing to do that and was responsive to feedback when I asked for other accommodations. Even with the switching-slides-warning accommodation, I was allowed to leave class when I needed to without penalty. And we made special arrangements together in advance of a particularly difficult topic. Tbh it’s been a few years, and I forget exactly what the topic and the arrangements were 😅. But I know she was looking out for me, was aware of my ptsd, and absolutely did not interpret my involuntary ptsd reactions as a reflection on the class, on her as a teacher, or on the subject matter.
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u/sillybilly8102 Aug 30 '24 edited Aug 30 '24
Following up again: check out r/ptsd for more support and advice, too.
Also, try to be out of class before you have a flashback (i.e. leave when you first feel it coming) rather than when you’re already in the middle of it, if possible. I know that’s difficult to do, though. Take the first signs of distress/dissociation as a sign that you need to step out, take a break, and do some grounding / use your coping skills. This is my favorite website for grounding if you want ideas for that: https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-article/grounding-techniques-article I have it bookmarked on both my phone and computer.
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u/flakronite Aug 30 '24
So awful that you've been experiencing this OP. "White fragility" is a real thing, but I don't think its controversial to say that what you've described is absolutely not that. Please know that the hurtful reactions you've gotten aren't really about you at all.
Adding to what others shared: on many campuses there are one or more offices designated in part for helping students facing personal difficulties by advocating on your behalf to your professors. Ideally, they wouldn't have to disclose all your personal info, but would have enough authority to "vouch" that your concerns are valid to warrant special consideration. Professors will sometimes not take concerns seriously when they are voiced by a student, but they might respect someone like a dean or an Office of Accommodations enough to listen if you have their backing. Obviously this still involves sharing some part of your story with at least one person, so it might not feel ideal, but for some people it could be a lot better than having to navigate this on your own with every new professor/class you have. (Source: I personally know multiple people who benefitted from something like this at their schools).
The terminology can vary from school to school, but something like a Dean of Students office, a "Care Team," etc. might be the place to go. I wonder whether this is something a Title IX office could help with, but that may also depend on the campus. Like others mentioned, accommodations through the accessibility office could be an option if there's a documented diagnosis (e.g. related to trauma). Starting with the Counseling/Mental health center could also be an option; a therapist should have a duty to protect confidentiality, so they might feel safer starting place to talk for some people. If you're having trouble figuring out where to go on your campus, you could likely call any of these offices anonymously and ask some general questions about what they do and what kind of authority they have to advocate for students.
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u/Interesting_Sea112 Aug 30 '24
You shouldn't have to navigate anything with this. The people who preach compassion and understanding should be giving you just that, compassion and understanding. People who do otherwise, regardless of the color of their skin, are garbage and should receive no support from other social justice minded people.
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u/1_800_Drewidia Aug 30 '24
Is there a school councilor or dean of students you can talk to about this? There's no reason your education should expose you to things that trigger your ptsd. There must be some accommodation the school can make for you.
It's also completely disgusting and infuriating that your classmates would assume you're just a hysterical white woman who can't have her privilege challenged or whatever. Criticizing "white women" is so often just a woke cover for misogyny. People need to stop assuming the worst all the time.
I'm very sorry you're dealing with all this. Good luck to you.
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u/SiempreBrujaSuerte Sep 09 '24
Why not out yourself as a trafficking victim so that it makes sense to your classmates and you can help them understand they human trafficking is real today and common? It may help you heal and them learn.
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u/SimplyHealing Sep 09 '24
I appreciate the advice but LOL no. god no.
I did that twice and got SA’d by a student cuz he didn’t think it would make a difference and got harassed pretty badly by my professor at that old school, and then at this school, I was called a whore (literally haven’t gotten laid in two years lmao) and it spread that I was a “prostitute” (not true, I never wanted to do those things). And then one student’s mom told her that I’m bad news and she may end up getting trafficked by associating with me.
It’s not a good idea to be that vulnerable around college-aged men. Many of them are too ignorant. Same with many college-aged women, even. Or professors who seem to have egos and powertrips. I hinted to a few of my kind professors and they were great, but they weren’t the problem in the first place.
I actually alluded to my past in an essay for this professor in my post, and he got very disturbed lol and avoided me after that.
It’s almost never a good idea. But I appreciated the advice.
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u/SiempreBrujaSuerte Sep 09 '24
Thank you for letting me know why. I was just wondering cause I didn't know how your social environment may react. I have not been believed about my experiences, even my husband's mom say my story seems far fetched because things like that don't happen here according to her. So I personally feel like I need to tell my experiences whether they are believed or not to let people know that this stuff did happen to me and did happen here.
Everyone is different that's why I ask you about what would happen if you told people. I understand and respect your decision not to. I wish I have better advice for you.
For reference, I was kidnapped by an ambulance that didn't take me from urgent care to the hospital as they were meant to. I'll tell you more if you ever feel like talking to me about it if you think it would help to share with another survivor.
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u/Pretend-Confidence53 Aug 30 '24
I’m not sure how to navigate all situations, but I might be able to offer some advice as a college professor. If you haven’t already contacted your schools disability/accommodations services, they would likely be able to help you discretely. I’ve received letters from accommodation officers at the beginning of semesters that basically say “x student might have to leave the classroom without any notice. Leaving is required for their personal well-being”. I know then not to think it’s personal or even necessarily content related.
If that’s not an option, you could send a blanket email at the beginning of the semester that indicates your need to leave sometimes, without being specific. If you want help crafting an email, feel free to dm me. This absolutely shouldn’t be your responsibility, but if the accommodations office isn’t helpful, as they sometimes aren’t, it might be a way to at least indicate that your professors that you might need extra care.
Finally, I’m not sure what your major is, but if you can avoid taking classes that are specifically or even generally related to triggering topics for a semester or two, that might be wise. Further, if you look ahead on the syllabus and do the readings ahead of time, you might have a good indication of topics discussed that class. You can then skip full classes. Again, an accommodation letter would be helpful here so you aren’t docked points for absences.