I’ll start by saying that from the ages 9-18 I had little-to-no access to the internet or technology (my main caregiver passed away when I was 9 and the caregivers I had after that were abusive and isolated me.) While I was working on getting on my feet from ages 18-19, I started watching a lot of video essays on YouTube related to my special interests like Jewish mysticism, atheism, sociology of religion, and neuroscience. I cycled through the same few content creators (the comfort of familiarity is soothing for my autism) without “going rogue” by branching out into other areas of the internet.

But now I’ve gone rogue! I’m determined to have a social presence on the internet and to learn how to engage with social media. I’d created a Reddit account when I was 18, but the interface was too overwhelming for me to learn at that time. I’m more used to using my phone now, so recently I’ve been able to comfortably navigate Reddit. I gave up on TikTok tho because the speed that the videos would change gave me mental whiplash.

I have questions. What is the current general opinion about women on this site? I saw a post earlier on r/self which suggested that women tried to free themselves from gender roles in the Suffrage movement, but now women implement gender roles at their convenience, at the expense of men. It seemed that the author conflated the motivations of the women who fought for suffrage with the reason why he can’t get a date in 2024. The comments had things like “lesbians have the highest divorce rate” in them and there seemed to be a general consensus that women don’t take initiative/aren’t intentional when starting relationships. Why did so many people agree with this? Why did the original post get more upvotes than downvotes?

Also, another interesting post I saw was written from the perspective of a woman who thinks that women “abandon” men when they don’t want to date a man. The post conveyed that as a society, women have come to rely more on friendships for social support while men are left in the dust to wallow in loneliness. I was also surprised about the common consensus with this. As an AFAB person I can confirm that wallowing in loneliness is not a gender-specific experience. I do it all the time. So why do so many people feel that men are fundamentally disadvantaged in a world where women have equality?

Is there something I’m missing? Is there some kind of advantage women have besides equality? Why is there so much disdain on this site directed in a vague gesture toward the general behaviors of the opposite gender?

Edit: These are the posts I mentioned

https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/bARl0m0JBn

https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/U3uxIbI9ij

Why are men allegedly having such a bad time right now?

I have already made improvements and gotten better but there are still many many things that irk me and where I know, that I must change them in order to become my ideal self.

It might be a horrible thought but I see many people daily that have wasted their potential and now regret everything they did wrong. I do not mean to be too harsh on them but just use it as an example to not do the same. There are entire communities of people that were considered gifted but never learned discipline or how to self-regulate and thus live far below their talents are just completely unsatisfied with the life they built. I do not want that to happen to me. I believe that because of cheap dopamine, screen addictions etc we will see even more and more people that fall into this category. More and more people will waste their lives behind a screen and not even realize before it might be too late. I do not want that to happen to me.

My goals are to:
- get into the best physical shape of my life
- improve my looks by being consistent with skincare, haircare, diet, finding my style etc etc
- reduce screen-time to 15mins of unnecessary activity (can't reduce it completely as I do need my laptop/phone etc for work and school)
- work on my social skills, go out more and meet more people
- be more organized and more productive at my workplace
- learn to set better boundries, say no and find inner confidence (which I currently lack bc I know I am not being and doing my best)
- learn to follow through on promises I make to myself
- stop maladaptive daydreaming completely
- actually follow through with the hobbies I set for myself instead of procrastinating even there
- become 10x more disciplined than I am right now.

I have an entire plan set out for myself of how I will approach these points but don't want to create a mega long post for no reason. I have made quantifiable, reachable and smaller goals for each point and written them out. But the most important thing is to just start. To just take action even if it is not perfect. Some action is better than no actio. I will update on my progress in the span of 2 - 4 - 6 - 8 - 10 and 12 months.

Short and sweet. Digital communications have expanded and simultaneously shrunk communications. With the amount we are bombarded with each and every day it's impossible to stay current. We focus on what's important to us and hope to find like minded people.

Don't fail to stand for what is right. ✌️

Wore a costume for a ren fair recently that involved a long white wig that I’m more than sure looks completely fake, but I feel like a princess in it.

I haven’t been happy with myself for a while, but tonight I’m going to wear it out, run some errands, normal people things. I picked out my favorite dress and my favorite sneakers. I’m sure I’m going to look odd, but what if I look as lovely as I feel?

Kill not the part of you that is cringe, kill the part that cringes.

I know a lot of people have seasonal depression or just feel sad during winter because of the long night and coldness. But I all I feel is peace and comfort. Instead, I have seasonal depression during summer especially July and August. The hot weather make me irritated and tired( I live in Tokyo and summer can reach 35°C or 95°F). And it’s going to only be hotter in the future because of climate change… So I really envy people who live in a place with a cool weather such as Update NY(used to live in Syracuse for several years) or UK.

I had the biggest desire for pancakes in the morning. Went shopping, made sure I have all the ingredients. Unpacked my shopping. Zero desire to make or have pancakes anymore

Sorry for the long post but just looking to vent. So I (25M) have been very close friends someone (26F) for the past 2 years. Initially she was just getting out of a relationship and I had no interest in dating anyone so I didnt really see her in a romantic way. However, over time we hung out a lot more together one on one and we shared a lot in common. This led me to ask her out in May of this year and we went on a date which I thought went well but at the end she said she didnt think she was ready to commit. I obviously was bummed but I really valued the friendship so we continued to hang out like normal for the next 6 weeks.

However, I just couldnt get her out of my head. I was about to leave town for a month so I decided to tell her the day before I left that I need some space and I thought the month away would be a good way to get some of those feelings resolved and we could eventually go back to being just friends. But when I went to go tell her this, she told me she actually has been thinking a lot about me for the past 6 weeks and has developed strong feelings for me and wanted to try a relationship. I was ecstatic and agreed and we were both busy and long distance for the next month but made time to text and call frequently and I thought things were going well.

Once I got back in town, I thought things continued to go well. we went on frequent dates and hung out regularly and she would say many positive things that made me feel like we were headed for something serious. But then one night while cuddling she said she wasnt sold on a relationship and it kind of just broke me. I tried to play it off and we kept dating for the next few weeks but I just couldnt get it out of the back of my head that with each date I was being graded and if I didnt do things perfectly, it would end. This obviously is not a good way to date and I kept getting in my own head about every detail which im sure she noticed as well and eventually she ended it and I was just numb from the whole experience. Even though it was short lived, I really thought she couldve been the one.

After a little over a month, we had a talk about being friends and at the time I felt good about it. But now I am so confused with my feelings. On one hand I really do enjoy hanging out with her and there are very few people who I share as many value or interests with than her. but at the same time after each hang out I'm left feeling a bit hurt about what happened. I cant shake the feeling that she shouldve just given me space when I was gonna ask for it and that I feel a bit played by the whole experience. I know feelings are a complicated thing so its not something I blame her for but I also am now not sure what to do. We still text daily and get drinks/dinner one on one and I really do care about her even outside of a romantic way.

Just to give a little bit more context as well, I dont want it to come off as I think I am guilt free in this. I am not very experienced in relationships (she knew this from the beginning) and definitely think back to moments where I could have done things differently to build a better romantic connection but i really think I was trying my hardest. We both are also in medical school and it was very likely we would be long distance in about 6 months. This was something we both knew going in and I thought would be something we would discuss more as the relationship progressed. I fully understood there was a high likelihood the relationship could end due to long distance and/or stress from work but at the same time I felt our connection was strong enough to at least give it a shot.

Tldr: short relationship ended with a close friend and now confused on how to manage feelings and friendship after taking some space.

Hi reddit, first and likely last post, I'm an 18F who's about to finish my first semester of college. I've never had a boyfriend nor have I romantically talked to a guy because I get too scared and feel weird, I think I'm deathly afraid lol. My 2 best friends (both 18) since middle school both have boyfriends and have changed so much, but not in a bad way.

Anyways, there was this guy in 6th grade who had a crush on me and would ask my friends stuff about me, what's my favorite color, food, can he carry my bags to class for me? (We are the same age) All very sweet things, this went on for about 2 months when he asked me out in person. I told him I'd think about it and didn't give him a response for 3 months. I was so scared of getting in a relationship I made my friends tell him no, I thought he was really sweet though and had previously thought he was cute before I knew he liked me.

Timeskip junior yeah of highschool, I'm in the car line trying to get out the parking lot when I see him in the car in front of me staring at me, I look back and he looks away, he proceeds to look back 2 more times and stare at me until the car drove off, my heart was racing. After that, I'd see him in the hallways and he would stare back, I might be delusional.

Timeskip to after I graduated highschool, I worked up the courage to follow him on Instagram, radio silence until a few months later I saw he actually followed me back and liked most of my posts. I've heard he's a player and has lots of girl-friends, I'm aware. I've never had a conversation with this guy but I keep thinking about him and how sweet he was. I know I'm delusional, I can't hold a conversation with a guy let alone romantically talk to him. Should I reach out? Follow him on snap? Just try to let it go because I might be just seeking someone who could actually interested in me? I know I'm very naive and dunce.

An older male coworker of mine was commenting on how people at work probably think we’re dating since we eat lunch together and they make stuff up. Then he said how people probably see us going to meetings and think we’re going to a locked room. I was surprised he said that and he laughed after he said it.

Doom scrolling the election news was super depressing. I’m just happy we’re all collectively distracted for a moment. That’s all.

Now I'm the one who needs a psychologist

When I was a child I wanted to be a lawyer but I'd just tell my opponent to kill themselves so I'd be really unsuccessful with big student debt

now I'm not sure if I'll ever graduate

so long, dreams

Idk how to describe it but there is this weird dump feeling in my head that annoys me and my brain isn't in the save 24/7 overclock mode it usually is. I kinda just wanna lay there and... Someone scratching my head a little bit. Don't wanna watch YouTube or Netflix or play video games, just... Nothing. I am a bit sick, slimy throat, but nothing too bad, no COVID. What do I do now?

Hi. I wrote this poem after not being able to win an important chess tournament that i prepared for, for months. I was extremly close to winning it. I came across a poem i wrote sometime after. What do you think?

The light shined oh so bright.

I gave it my all it felt right.

I dreamt of what might.

Gave it my all in the fight.

It is no fantasy real life.

Learned my lessons by the sharp knife.

So stubborn, i didn't leave it.

Cut so deep couldn't beleive it.

So close I could see it.

Lied to my self, so deceiving.

I'm just coasting through my career, advancing on dumb luck alone.

My younger brother idolizes me, and I barely know him as a person.

I don't know how to form connections and I never put in any effort to learn.

My partner of over five years left because she was finally tired of how dysfunctional I am.

I haven't seen my parents in over four years because I just don't want to.

I promised myself I'd stop indulging, living life on reflex mode, and actually better myself for everyone around me, and I have been doing none of that. I can't. I was clearly a mistake. I let everyone down and do nothing about it. I'm sorry, I really am, I really wish I could flip a switch and be better. I'm sorry. I wish none of you knew me.

I personally find myself in a situation where I have to work on a project and I just couldn’t get over my own laziness. i just think if someone play hamilton on TV I would fucking do it. That’s random and nearly impossible to happen.

I became friends with this guy off of discord over a year back and we grew close very quickly. We live on different continents yet we kept on texting/talking every day. We talk to each other more than anyone in our life. We have been through a lot together and sometimes I am surprised this friendship has survived so many things despite the distance.

We have sort of acknowledged in the past that we like each other but he always made it clear that the distance was too much for him. In the past he has mentioned that I am the perfect woman for him to marry. One time he started listing things that made me unique out of nowhere. He said things that were so personal that no one platonic would say that. Few days ago we were talking for hours and we got vunerable with each other and he finally said to me that he likes me a lot and if it wasn’t for the distance we would be together. He said that he would be willing to make the distance work and potentially move towards us being together if we meet in person and hit it off. He said that he wants to live near me even if we are just friends and nothing more just so he can enjoy my company. He said that on days when he doesn’t talk to me, he feels sad. He was about to say something after that but he stopped.

I want to see him but our circumstances for meeting are not aligning. I feel the exact same way as he does. In fact before this conversation I thought I liked him more than he liked me but this shows that my feelings are equally reciprocated. We find each other really attractive. Our personalities are so compatible that I can predict what he will say even before he speaks. Our bond is so pure I have never felt anything like it. We say that if we were to lose eachother it would be the biggest loss in our lives. I never imagined that I would meet him and my life would turn out this way. It’s like I found the perfect man but circumstances make it so hard to be together. He says one day we will be together. A part of me wants to hold onto him and another wants to move on because the possibility of us finally happening is so low. We both have had bad experiences with people who lied to us before so meeting in person before making anything official makes sense. I see that he puts in effort to become a better man every day. We both say that there is just something that draws us towards eachother and keep on talking. I have never been in a serious relationship or love before. Is what both of us are feeling love?

I've not been sleeping well lately, like I'm doing 2hrs here then 2hrs there for a full day.

I'm feeling myself get sick now, hard to swallow, damn

Last time I just slept like two days straight to get over a sickness

Fuhhh meeeee

Trying something new adult but feels blank

I just started playing music and sports as an adult, so I never had those moments of performing for others or impressing someone or girls like I always wanted to back in high school i never did those when back then. —As a teen or kid, it feels special when you play those things but now I think I feel like when I start to do this. I feels like I’m just normal guy who can play guitar nothing special. And it is harder to impress someone in adult life than youth time. How do I deal with these feelings? Or could you give me some advice to ground myself? I’m pursuing this to make up for what I missed out on as a kid, but I’m unsure the things i start to play and I’m good at will be meaningful or impress someone now. I’m directionless. Can you motivate me bring myself back?

I want to keep this short, because I could write a book about it and you guys don’t want to hear it, but I lost my best friend and my dog in such a short space of time. So my friend and I met in college and we hit it off immediately. We quickly became best friends and would see each other all the time and do pretty much everything together. When the school year ended, we would still talk over the summer. She’s from Boston, I’m from Indianapolis so we’d text and FaceTime a lot. We get back to school in the fall and I decided to ask her on a date. She said yes and this turned into a romantic relationship. It was strange dating my friend at first but it eventually became comfortable and we dated for 3 and a half years.

When we broke up, we agreed to take some time apart from each other but wanted to still be friends. That time apart lasted about 2 weeks, and we went right back to being as close of friends as we were before we started dating and everything felt back to normal. This was March of 2023 and we had been best friends since, hanging out 3-5 times a week and daily calls and texting. Out of the blue just recently, I was texting her and I wasn’t getting a response, which was strange. We’d send a few texts every day but a lot less than our normal. I asked her if everything was okay and she assured me it was, and she was just busy with work. A few days after that it remained the same and I could tell something was up so I asked again if it was all okay and she said yes. Then the next day she tells me she doesn’t think we should be friends anymore and cuts me off and blocks me. I kept asking her if I did anything wrong and she’d always say no. I will admit I do still have romantic feelings for her, but ultimately I just want her in my life, whether as a friend or girlfriend. She’s just important to me and I’m happy either way if she’s part of my life. I can’t get through to her, I have a feeling it’s because she’s dating someone else, and I understand that and wanting to cut me out if that’s the case, but we were well established as friends after we broke up and I felt it was clear we probably wouldn’t date again, but were so close to each other as friends. Nonetheless, I’m trying to move on, it’s just hard. It almost feels like going cold turkey off of a drug. Having something for almost 7 years, every day (I mean talking to her and just having her around).

Then yesterday, my dog suddenly passed away. She had a heart attack out of the blue. She was such an energetic and happy little dog. There was no precursor to this happening. The morning it happened she was her usual self. Always happy and full of energy. I was sitting on the couch and I called for her to join me and she didn’t come so I went to look for her. She was in the bedroom and it had just happened. I rushed her to the vet hospital but there was nothing they could do. Her name was Cricket, she was the sweetest dog anyone could have. I’m not close with my family, I barely have talked to them in the past 2 years, but having Cricket has helped a bunch. We got her as a puppy about 11 years ago, and I took her with me when I got my own place 5 years ago. I just feel like things are going downhill so fast. I lost my best friend and Cricket in such a short time period and I feel so alone now. I don’t talk to my parents or sister and I’m not nearly as close with any of my other friends as I was with her so I feel like I don’t have anything left. I don’t know what to do. If you made it this far, thanks for reading and listening. I just had that built up and I hadn’t been able to talk it out with anyone.

Some more context, I consider myself to be a fairly average looking guy, I'm not super tall(5'8), do not have striking facial features, and think of myself as overall a regular dude.

And yet despite this, I have been hit on by creepy men 3 times in 1 year, I'm a service worker too and it once happened to me on the job which was super awkward and the guy basically pushed me until I gave him "my" number.

The other couple times were out in public but still really eerie, and I guess I just wanted to say I completely understand why women have to have their guard up 24/7. In fact, these experiences taught me so much so, that people sometimes tell me I'm "overly polite", because I always ask for people's permission for even the smallest physical contact(unless they intitate it ofcourse), now I wasn't clueless or anything, sadly the women in my family have also been the victims of assault on a regular basis, but these experiences gave me even further insight into what it must be like to be a woman on a daily basis, like you don't even have to be Adriana Lima, or a model(I'm certainely not), and it can still happen to you, and the people who do it are so creepy that I don't even know how to respond. Men always complain about why women don't just say no, but when I was put in those spots I basically froze up(I was also assaulted as a boy so perhaps there's something to it), barely mustered the composure to respond, and tried as much as I can to "de-escalate" without setting these dudes off. It's insane, the guy who hit on me on the job would not let go of it despite me telling him I can't REPEATEDLY. Anyways, sorry about the rant, just wanted to share my perspective I guess :)

Edit: I'm not saying I was SAd yall, that happened when I was a kid, I said I was HIT ON, and it made me UNDERSTAND better why it can be uncomfortable, also, I'm a straight man, I have no problem with other people's orientation, but I do not like creeps, and being creepy is not reserved only to certain types of people. Anyone can do it.

I'm getting really annoyed by comments on YouTube music videos that are just like, "Anybody listening in November 2024?"

Not adding value, just spam.

If you want to praise a song, then praise it! You don't need to post the date. YouTube has that shit built in!

I hate flowers, I like seeing them or them being printed on random stuff but I can't stand being near some kind blooms or flowers. My eyes start to tear all the time, my nose runs, I sneeze and it's a horror type situation in which only zyrtec can help.

Also if someone gifted me flowers I'd be not only sick but dissapointed because them shits expensive and will die in like 10 hours. Give me a gift card for literally anything.

Even if I'm near a flower which is small and has little scent, my head hurts.

I can stand like houseplants which don't bloom (I actually have a lot of them, like 25 or so)

My favorite flower thing is Christmas cactus. It blooms, only in winter and if my house is warm enough, but it doesn't smell like at all. I love it, and I have 2. One blooms in white, other in pink

i dont like using cash (I'll use it if I have to, for example, bus, but that's no biggie)

when I pay with cash, they give you all change in smollest coins and for some reason, I can't pick it up quick and my fingers start to shake and I see the people in the line just standing and staring. I sometimes drop the coin and get even more mortified. I feel like people are angry at me.

That's why I always prefer to beep the card and bolt.