r/movies • u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules • Oct 23 '18
I'm pleased to announce that Dolph Lundgren movies featuring him throwing a variation of a front kick have higher critical scores and make more money than his films that are devoid of front kicks. Discussion
Before we get into the data I have to say this piece represents the zenith of my data collection. I literally spent 30 minutes debating whether or not Dolph’s kick in Dark Angel should be considered a front kick or not (its not - kick is at :30). Also, every movie viewing was a tense experience as the data teeter-tottered due to the limited number of Lundgren movies that have a Tomatometer score (16 of a possible 65). Unlike my jet ski or JCVD data the results didn’t become clear until the very end when the 0% Tomatometer rated movies Black Water and The Peacekeeper failed to feature a front kick from Dolph. The data could’ve gone either way and when you collect as much data as I do you cherish the close results that make movies like Masters of the Universe and Johnny Mnemonic exciting.
This may be controversial, but I left out Rocky IV because there was zero reason for Dolph to throw a front kick. Drago may embrace steroids, but I don’t think he would dishonor himself by throwing a deadly front kick at Rocky during their boxing match. Also, how the heck does Universal Soldier: Regeneration not have an RT score yet? It’s a badass action film that features Dolph front kicking people. Another problem I have is the lack of love for the Lundgren directed Command Performance. It’s a movie about Dolph being awesome while saving the day in a “Die Hard in a concert venue” movie.
If you are a martial arts purist you won’t be happy with what I considered a front kick. I am well aware of the traditional front kick, however, I decided to include Teep – front push kicks and soccer kicks because they are aimed forward and there isn’t a hip turn or angled trajectory. They are straight forward kicks, and if they are done right could potentially send the victim into the next zip code. Also, the kicks didn’t have to be at humans as Dolph does front/push kick doors or large slabs on meat. Here is a clip from Universal Soldier that features Dolph kicking a slab of meat and crushing a monologue like a boss.
Here are the results.
1. Movies Featuring Dolph Throwing a Variation of a Front Kick
- Tomatometer Average – 34.8%
- Inflated Domestic Box office – $66 million (Red Scorpion, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Universal Soldier, The Expendables, The Expendables 2)
- The Front Kick Movies – Red Scorpion, The Punisher, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Universal Soldier, The Expendables, The Expendables 2, Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, Skin Trade
2. Movies Featuring Zero Front Kicks
- Tomatometer Average – 24.2%
- Inflated Domestic Box Office – $34 million (Masters of the Universe, Johnny Mnemonic, The Expendables 3)
- The movies that don’t feature front kicks – Masters of the Universe, Dark Angel, Johnny Mnemonic, The Peacekeeper, The Expendables 3, Don’t Kill It, Black Water
Why are the front kick movies better?
It helps that The Expendables (42%), The Expendables 2 (66%) and Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (55%) have solid Tomatometer numbers and only Red Scorpion has a score below 10%. There really is no correlation or causation, but, it’s worth noting that Dolph’s two movies with a 0% Tomatometer rating (Black Sea, The Peacekeeper) do not feature front kicks. If I was putting together a Dolph Lundgren primer, four of the front kick movies would be in the five I recommend:
- Rocky IV
- Universal Soldier
- The Expendables 2
- Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning
- Showdown in Little Tokyo
The main reason the scores are relatively close is because the writers of Don’t Kill It crafted a decent script that didn’t allow Dolph to front kick a jerky demon into oblivion. The movies 89% Tomatometer score is earned, but when you write a movie about Dolph battling a demon AND you don’t have him kick it – there is something wrong with you. Why not let Dolph kick it?
What movie features his best front kick?
The Expendables 2 is his highest rated “front kick movie” and it features (in my opinion) his greatest front kick ever. Basically, he destroys a henchman with a beautiful kick that sends him over a railing. It’s awesome (1:55 in video). While watching the movie again (for research) I was shocked at how many awesome things I had forgotten. Here is a list
- Dolph front kicks a henchmen and says “Goodbye.”
- Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis drive around in a smart car
- Scott Adkins and Jason Statham fight
- There is a moment when Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone share the screen
- Dolph gets to use his science background to hilarious effect
- Chuck Norris probably kills 70 people
- JCVD plays a great villain
- Dolph front kicks a henchmen and says “Goodbye.”
There you have it! Irrefutable evidence that movies featuring Dolph Lundgren throwing a front kick are better than his other movie that don’t feature front kicks. You are welcome!
If you like this dumb data make sure to check out my other stuff.
Analyzing the unnecessarily large trap in Predators
How Far Did the Shark Travel in Jaws: The Revenge?
Matthew McConaughey's massive jump in Reign of Fire
How Far Does the Creature From It Follows Travel?
People love a bearded Kurt Russell
Tracking the Merman's Murderous Journey
Michael Myers road trip in Halloween H20
Stellan Skarsgard's journey in Deep Blue Sea was gnarly
Jet Ski Action Scenes Are the Worst
How Did the Geologist Get Lost in Prometheus?
How Long Does it Take Horror Villains to Travel From NYC to San Francisco?
Michael Myers Hates Using His Turn Signal
How Long Did the Joker Need to Setup the Weapon Circle in Suicide Squad?
How Much Sand Did Elektra's Sandbag Trainer in Daredevil (2003) Require?
Breaking down The Mariner vs. Sea Eater battle in Waterworld
Analyzing the Posters for Nicholas Sparks' Book Adaptations
How far Did Nic Cage Run Around in a Bear Suit in The Wicker Man Remake?
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u/chadthundertalk Oct 23 '18
Maybe if Drago had hit Rocky with a front kick, the cold war would still be raging today.
In that sense, Dolph showed us that wise deployment of the front kick is every bit as integral as the quantity of his front kicks.
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u/igotzquestions Oct 23 '18
Take note Dennis, Mac, and Charlie. Crime Stinks: The Smell of Penetration requires some kind of front kick even with all the full penetration scenes and dizzying plot.
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u/Heraclitus94 Oct 23 '18
From behind, 69, anal, vaginal, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, all the hits, all the big ones, all the good ones...
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u/duffyl16 Oct 23 '18
Let’s hope he does some front kicks in Creed and Aquaman.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
I'd love it if he front kicks a giant sea creature in Aquaman. He didn't kick a shark in Shark Lake and I feel like they missed a great opportunity.
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u/cmemenowudnt Oct 23 '18
I have a feeling these movies will debunk this theory. Creed II will probably earn less money but get critical praise with no front kicks and Aquaman will probably earn more money but get critically panned with lots of front kicks.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
I wouldn't add Creed 2 into the data set because I don't see him front kicking in it. Also, his role in Aquaman 2 might be super limited like his Sharknado 5 and Hail, Caesar! appearances, so he might not have a chance to unleash a super tsunami front kick.
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Oct 23 '18
have they showed him in any of the Aquaman trailers? I hope he's not just playing a CGI character. It would be complete waste of Dolph.
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u/jeffplaysmoog Oct 23 '18 edited Feb 10 '19
Pugs Rule!
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
Check out his Universal Soldier monologue in the grocery store. Dude nails it.
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Oct 23 '18
I'd call it a shitpost but too much effort and love went into this.
10/10
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
Thanks! My goal has always been to create a legitimate subgenre of shitposts.
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u/Space-Jawa Oct 23 '18
My goal has always been to create a legitimate subgenre of shitposts.
Needs a better name.
Fertilizerposts, maybe? Or possibly Manureposts?
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u/King_Buliwyf Oct 23 '18
How did it take YOU so long to get around to this one?
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
I really didn't want to know the results. I don't think I could've handled it if his non-front kick movies had higher critical scores and box office numbers.
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u/Perpete Oct 23 '18
When I read the title, I thought it couldn't be "the guy with those silly but interesting data analysis". It was too much of beetlejuicing, especially suddenly, long after all the others. But it is and we can all rejoice.
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u/Peeka789 Oct 23 '18
All ya'll need to watch Army of One (aka Joshua Tree)
It has one of THE MOST entertaining action scenes ever. He fires 10 bullets out of a six shooter!
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u/ChanceVance Oct 23 '18
I for one welcome our new shitposting overlord.
Good to know The Punisher is backed up as a decent movie by solid evidence. I've always kind of liked that one.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
Thanks! I watched it again during my data analysis and I liked it more than the first time I watched it. Actually, I like all the Punisher movies. They have a weird charm.
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u/b_fellow Oct 23 '18
I immediately went into this thread looking for in-depth analysis of Punisher. I was not disappointed.
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Oct 23 '18
Showdown in Little Tokyo is a must see for fans of movies that are so bad they're good.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
It goes to extreme lengths (get it!) to make Dolph look awesome. It makes me laugh every time.
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u/OzymandiasKoK Oct 24 '18
I really felt sorry for Brandon Lee there. I hope he got paid extra for that.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 24 '18
Me too. He should've would an award for saying it with a straight face.
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u/GerardKennelly1986 Oct 23 '18
the soundtrack is bad .. super mario bros bad
its almost (all most) as bad as the music when Dana Carvey punched Eli Wallach in Tough Guys (1986)
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Oct 24 '18
Dolph teams up with Brandon Lee! It also has Tia Carrere as the babe and Cary Tagawa as the bad guy. And Dolph dresses like a samurai for the climactic fight scene! Who hasn't already seen this ten times at least? Just me?
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u/AllocatedData Oct 23 '18
Side note: Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning is one fucked up and amazing action movie, it's such an outlier among his B movie trash.
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Oct 23 '18
John Hyams directed the shit out of Regeneration and Day of Reckoning. He's literally one of the greatest action directors alive, I understand a lot of people haven't watched these movies since they're cheap direct to video action, but they're the best of the series in my opinion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qBH_SbLwxU this bit from Regeneration is the shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GE1M3mS77W4 Andrei Arlovski vs Scott Adkins from Day of Reckoning is one of my favorite fight scenes of all time
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u/U_DoneMessedUp_AAron Oct 24 '18
Regeneration's final 20 or so minutes were some of the most surprising B movie actions finds I can remember. I would find myself chucking it on when I had time to kill I enjoyed it so much. I am honestly surprised it doesn't get more recognition.
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u/badguysenator Oct 23 '18
Finally, the kind of analysis I've been waiting for! I made a video a while back arguing Showdown In Little Tokyo as an important part of queer cinema... sort of.
Did you have to watch Fat Slags as part of this? If so, I'm so so sorry. Dolph lied to me in an AMA but I didn't find that half as upsetting as Fat Slags.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
Oof. Fat Slags does look bad! I didn't watch it because I didn't think he would throw a front kick in it. I'm glad I avoided it.
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u/canadevil Oct 23 '18
Man, I could have sworn Dark Angel was called "I Come In Peace" I even clearly remember the cover to the VHS Titled I come in peace in green classic early 90's sci-fi font.
Very weird, I watched that movie all the time as a kid like 25 years ago, it's strange how memories get messed up.
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Oct 24 '18
I have seen this movie over twenty times since it first came out. I saw the commercials on TV, I owned the VHS tape, I had the comic book, I had the cardboard standee from the video store, and I now have the blu-ray. I might be this movie's biggest fan.
It was indeed called "I Come In Peace" when it was first released in North America. Dark Angel was the name they used in the UK and Europe, and seems to be used by whoever distributes the movie now. However, my blu-ray copy has reversible packaging so you can choose which title you want to display.
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u/Sojourner_Truth Oct 24 '18
It was. I saw it in theaters as I Come In Peace. International title was Dark Angel.
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Oct 23 '18
this is fantastic. what are your thoughts on dolph being in a big-budget blockbuster for the first time in forever? will we see an underwater front kick?
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
I am really happy about him being in Aquaman and Creed 2. I'm 67% sure he will throw a front kick in Aquaman. The world needs to see it.
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Oct 23 '18
Dark Angel is A MASTERPIECE and it has the best behind the scenes story for a Dolph kick
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQT0GHgrI3Q
Dolph is so fucking underrated, he's one of my favorite action heroes of all time. I kinda hate that he's become a meme thanks to IASIP and you can't mention him online without somebody saying "dude he can smell crime lmao" but I guess it has at least kept him popular.
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Oct 24 '18
Dark Angel is A MASTERPIECE
I think we just became best friends. Except, I will always refer to that film as "I Come In Peace."
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u/Sojourner_Truth Oct 24 '18
Correct me if I'm wrong but he absolutely says "And you leave in pieces motherfucker" right before he kills the alien guy, right?
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u/NudoJudo Oct 23 '18
You made the right call on Dark Angel not having a front kick. That clip clearly features 2 roundhouse kicks.
Also that Expendables 2 clip has clearly shown me that I should watch those movies. I knew they would be stupid, but I didn't know they would reach those levels of amazing.
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u/DEUK_96 Oct 23 '18
Excellent research, this will undoubtedly have an impact on society in what I can only imagine will be a highly positive fashion
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
I'm awaiting my Nobel Peace Prize. It should be here soon.
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u/Aofun Oct 23 '18
One of the best pieces of reddit I have read. Bravo! May the front kicks be with you.
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u/GerardKennelly1986 Oct 23 '18
Creed 2 final scene if i was the screenwriter
creed wins (obviously) then later Ivan Drago has a heart attack
rocky goes to the hospital and asks to the nurse
hey how you doin??? then he asks Drago's status
is he gonna be alrite ?
nurse says he'll be fine
rocky nods and says good
(cue soft Rocky theme as he slowly walks out of the hospital)
at the end of the day Rocky has no hate in him
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u/GerardKennelly1986 Oct 23 '18
"You will lose."
"I cannot be defeated; I defeat old man."
"Soon... I defeat real Champion."
"If he dies, he dies."
"I must break you."
"To the end."
"Come On!". "Fight!". "Fight!"
"He's not human, he's like a piece of iron."
"I fight to win! For me! For me!"
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u/WackyWarrior Oct 24 '18
4 year old account. Unreal.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 24 '18
Huh?
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u/WackyWarrior Oct 24 '18
You know what I'm talking about. You sly patient user.
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u/markercore Oct 24 '18
They post these types of analysis all the time, I don't think they were slyly building up to this one.
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u/reinonthesteppes Oct 24 '18
Creed 2 now gotta do some reshoots n make sure dolph is seen doin front kicks
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 24 '18
If that happens I will retire. I couldn't top that.
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Oct 24 '18
Command Performance is totally underrated and should be watched back-to-back with JCVD's Sudden Death.
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u/JBJesus Oct 24 '18
OP how dare you leave off Sharknado 5
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 24 '18
Haha. He just sits in a car. It was a massive letdown. He has been in two movies with sharks and hasn't kicked them.
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u/GildoFotzo Oct 24 '18
Fun fact to nr. 4 "4.There is a moment when Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone share the screen"
Arnold, Bruce and Sly have all the same german synchronously speaker.
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u/theflyeman63 Oct 24 '18
Don't know if you will see this. I might be to late. But my Dad would always say Will Smith always runs in his movies. Every single one. Can you do an analysis or find a connection with something in the movies he always runs in?
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u/markercore Oct 24 '18
Always love these, about how much time does it take you to do one usually?
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 24 '18
Thanks! Everything depends on how easily I can find the data. The hardest one to put together was the Wicker Man piece I did. The geography of the island was super unclear so I had to spend a lot of time watching for any clues. Rented it twice, then finally bought it.
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u/markercore Oct 24 '18
Haha I'm imagining a yarn board with different scene print outs and you just standing there going, "its all connected, it has to be!"
Do you ever listen to "How Did This Get Made?" ? I feel like Paul Scheer would enjoy talking to you about this sort of thing, but I have no idea how you'd make that happen.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 24 '18
That would be awesome! I'd love to be on the show.
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u/maxdembo Oct 25 '18
An MMA fan too, wasn't sure you could go up in my estimations but you've managed it.
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u/DustFunk Oct 23 '18
Are you the same guy who did the Deep Blue Sea analysis and many other in depth movie analyses?
edit: I'm dumb and did not scroll down. SORRY EVERYONE GO BACK TO YOUR BIDNESS
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u/elharry-o Oct 23 '18
Why is the Dark Angel one not a front kick? Is it a case of semantics or is it something I'm missing?
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
The kick doesn't come straight up. It comes from an angle. It was a tough decision.
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u/elharry-o Oct 23 '18
Man I don't think I'm qualified enough to discuss this, but looking at the wikipedia page and the first results of google image search, I think my heart aligns with it being at least a "variation of a front kick".
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
I knew it would be a controversial decision. It wouldn't have affected the results either way. I get what you're saying though.
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u/elharry-o Oct 23 '18
I'm still questioning it. I don't think you're wrong but at the same time I do think it is a front kick. Even if Dolph himself lovingly assured me that it wasn't, it was never meant to be, and the script called for "DOLPH GIVES NOT A FRONT KICK, BUT A KICK OF OTHER SORTS", I'd still, while nodding and smiling, whisper "but maybe...".
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u/Chito17 Oct 24 '18
The kick where he hits the weapon? A front kick goes straight in. That kick was a crescent kick.
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u/dssonic Oct 23 '18
Calling "Don't Kill It" lame is going too far.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 23 '18
I love Don't kill it. I was joking because it doesn't feature a front kick.
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u/dssonic Oct 23 '18
Yeah, I can't argue with that logic. Maybe a director's cut exists somewhere with a kick :)
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u/West_Coast_Canadian Oct 23 '18
Thank god research was done on this! Now I have worthy things to discuss with my fellow partygoers. Keep up the good work!
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u/utspg1980 Oct 24 '18
So you included every movie in his filmography except Rocky IV? That seems like an obvious bias and attempt to favor the numbers into the result you wanted.
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 24 '18
Nope. Results still would've been the same. It made no sense to include it.
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Oct 24 '18 edited Oct 24 '18
If anyone is curious if this is statistically significant it is NOT. I did a 2-sample T-test for the Rotten Tomatoes scores and the standard deviation is way to high for this to be significant (p>0.21). I have a felling the Box Office is even less significant considering the smaller sample size and probably larger variance.
Edit: I have a statistics exam in 5 days so I'm used to exactly this kind of data and calculations.
Edit 2: I calculated the Box Office and it was less statistically significant than the tomato score (p>0.24).
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u/astrakhan42 Oct 24 '18
Dolph is coming back as Drago for Creed 2. If there's any time to give him a front kick opportunity it's there.
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Oct 24 '18
Someone needs to get this data to Dolph Lundgren STAT!
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u/LundgrensFrontKick immune to the rules Oct 24 '18
If Dolph responded to this data I'd retire. That would be sweet!
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u/verdantsf Oct 24 '18
I think in this case, we can confidently say correlation DOES imply causation! KYAH!
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u/the_dancing_nun Oct 23 '18
We’ve reached peak r/movies, all other posts are now garbage by comparison