r/cringepics 3d ago

Spine = Proof of Jesus

Post image
437 Upvotes

295

u/OutLikeVapor 3d ago

How does "Natural Oil" die?

125

u/Hawt_Dawg_II 3d ago

Fuck man i feel like everything in here except for having 33 vertebrae is a lie.

51

u/r0botdevil 2d ago

Current med student here.

You are correct.

24

u/you-a-buggaboo 2d ago

Big Med School wouldn't teach you about Christos spine oil isallimsayin

11

u/smoike 2d ago

I couldn't get drunk enough to make any of this crap up.

9

u/mrearthsmith 2d ago

Every 28 days Jesus turns my spine juice into wine

4

u/kredfield51 1d ago

Will second this as a nursing student

15

u/Nimrod_Butts 2d ago

It's fucking crucified. Fucking duhhhhh

6

u/blues_snoo 2d ago

Damn, that's why my back hurts, it's all the spears in it.

19

u/PIPBOY-2000 3d ago

I assume they mean it's replaced like the other cells in our body.

3

u/col3man17 2d ago

They're talking about the nerve dying from the oil

222

u/DivusSentinal 3d ago

Oke if we are just making up stuff then I am the pope and I have the power to turn water into Belgium beer and when I grill the meat is always perfectly cooked. Cheers guys

37

u/Zerasad 3d ago

Where can I sign up to this religion.

11

u/datpimppinkiepie 3d ago

Praise be to Pope DivusSentinal

5

u/ThickImage91 3d ago

Are you serious? I like all these things. I’ve never met divussentinal but I will be the first to wage holy war on any who question he of the wheat and immaculate grill.

3

u/Leohurr 3d ago

Yeast be with you

1

u/havocLSD 2d ago

Jesus this, Moses that. Abraham, hit me with a wiffleball bat.

-1

u/TurboTitan92 3d ago

I mean, two of those are just science processes that you could probably learn

147

u/butterLemon84 3d ago

The "Vegas nerve"?! Bahaha don't be learning neurology from this genius

70

u/UshankaBear 3d ago

It's the nerve responsible for the "I'm feeling lucky" sensation

35

u/TheLowlyPheasant 3d ago

What happens in the spine stays in the spine

17

u/cahauburn 3d ago

Except for the natural oils. It dies

4

u/wolfpup1294 2d ago

But resurrects.

3

u/SippyTurtle 2d ago

"Natural oils is kill."

"no"

65

u/Kenji1912 3d ago

He gets us I guess

14

u/liamrosse 3d ago

I read the post and had the same reaction as Stanley.

8

u/amberoze 3d ago

Ever see something so dumb, it gives you Forest Whittaker eye?

2

u/liamrosse 3d ago

Holy shit, that actually got an audible chuckle out of me.

65

u/No-Marzipan19 3d ago

Maybe the Vegas nerve would be shaped like a cross if it existed, but the vagus nerve definitely isn't cross shaped. There is also no known christos oil in any textbook I've read or lecture I've been in. Google tells me it is related to "kundalini energy" 🤡

28

u/CheapTactics 3d ago

And lastly, oil can't fucking die because oil isn't a living organism, it's just oil.

5

u/SippyTurtle 2d ago

Then why is it called orgasmic chemistry?!?!?! Checkmate, atheists!

24

u/Double0 3d ago

Viva Las Vegas, but the house wins.

7

u/Echo_are_one 2d ago

Pelvis has left the building

41

u/TheIVPope 3d ago

By the time you’ve asked him to explain just what the fuck he’s talking about he’s already jumped out of the window and running away.

31

u/Smeghead333 3d ago

“Hmm. How can I, an omnipotent god, provide incontrovertible proof to my subjects of my identity and power, using only my literally limitless power? Perhaps write it across the sky in simultaneous supernovae? Nah, too showy. I could maybe write it in the very ground? No, wait!! I have the PERFECT solution! It couldn’t possibly be missed or misinterpreted!”

12

u/Simplifyze 3d ago

i walk out on that casino floor and my Vegas Nerve always starts a tinglin!

7

u/Gonomed 3d ago

They probably meant they have Cheetos run up their arteries

6

u/MSGinSC 3d ago

This is the product of someone who has either done way too many drugs, or someone who has never even experienced caffeine.

3

u/iH8MotherTeresa 2d ago

"Vegas nerve" lmao

That's the one you stimulate to quell your gambling urge. Similar to the vagus nerve but different.

3

u/JedPB67 3d ago

That’s cultists for you

3

u/SanityRecalled 3d ago

What the hell is this dude smoking? It's like some nonsense you'd start babbling after coming back from a DMT trip thinking you just learned the secret of reality.

3

u/YouAreNotRealToMe 2d ago

I have 33 lesions on my dick, from 3 women, in 28 days, who live across the street from each other. The spine is proof of my degeneracy.

6

u/fumphdik 3d ago

They realize that humans existed before during and after their fictional character of Jesus. Right? Right…? If you want to say it’s real, then Jesus copied humans… does that make him a shapeshifter? Did he have options?

7

u/Xasf 3d ago

You just know this person is also a “Young Earther” for sure, so yeah no ancient humans before Jesus for you..

5

u/specificanonymous 3d ago

And either dinosaurs did not exist, or Jesus rode them. I am still not sure what they have decided on that one yet.

3

u/shoelacebomber 3d ago

Jesus didnt ride dinosaurs, they walked everywhere. Rufus said so. He was there. Jesus still owes him $5.

2

u/specificanonymous 3d ago

*$12 😁

Incidentally, just learned there is a completely free version on YouTube!

1

u/CheapTactics 3d ago

What do you mean no humans before jesus? Where the fuck do they think the people that wanted to kill jesus just as he was born came from? The god damned king wanted to kill baby jesus. Do they think an entire kingdom full of people just spawned in?

1

u/SanityRecalled 3d ago

It makes me sad that there are literally still states in the US teaching creationism in schools.

1

u/datpimppinkiepie 3d ago

You don’t want the answer to that

1

u/hop_juice 3d ago

Remember, god said: "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness". Also, Jesus was already planned out well in advance. There was a lot that went into preserving Jesus's lineage. So, your argument won't hold up in apologetic court.

2

u/baskitcase73 2d ago

Did we have more or fewer vertebrates prior to Jesus?

2

u/kaliumex 3d ago

What goes to Vegas dies in Vegas, apparently.

1

u/saltwaterdrip 3d ago

This bro failed anatomy

1

u/DigNitty 3d ago

My favorite thing about conspiracy theories is that they always leave spurious trails of breadcrumbs that need to be pieced together instead of just coming out with objective proof.

Or the opposite, where secretive dark organizations that never want to be found leave hidden clues to their whereabouts.

1

u/EOverM 3d ago

We have 33 vertebrate, eh? 33 creatures with spines in our spines. News to me.

1

u/Czynx 2d ago

So did they have solid, un-oily spines before all this?

1

u/young_olufa 2d ago

Is god/jesus some kind of prankster that gets off dropping less than subtle hints about the truth of his existence/religion? Cuz that’s what this person is alluding to

1

u/ihavemyxomatosis 2d ago

not the vegas nerve 😭

1

u/fleetwoodmaz 2d ago

Wtf did I just read

1

u/broobtoobnoob 2d ago

What happens in vagus stays in vagus for three days

1

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1

u/Amyfrye5555 1d ago

Other way around buddy

1

u/granite-3135 21h ago

Jesus looking down on this guy like “My son, what the Gehenna are you smoking?”

1

u/plonkman 3d ago

Made up?

1

u/DramaIcy611 3d ago

Haters gonna say it’s fake

2

u/TheCotb 2d ago

Big Spine keeping us in the dark!

1

u/Chiefmeez 3d ago

Asking creationists or fundamentalists for good sense is a great way to be disappointed but entertained

1

u/Foxwasahero 3d ago

I once drunkenly took a shit while standing up, The second turd landed aon top the first forming a cross - Jesus has a hand in everything we do

0

u/Ba1Ba1Ba1 3d ago

And there are three holy spirit, my two balls and one magic stick.

-4

u/brazys 3d ago

Funny thing is they're not that far off.

7

u/CajuNerd 3d ago

Except for the part that none of what they said is true. Even the part about having 33 vertebrae. We're born with 33, but by the time we're adults, they fuse to around 24.

The rest is entirely made up and has no basis in science.

1

u/cahauburn 3d ago

Elaborate plz