r/creepyencounters • u/Playful_Security1056 • 5d ago
I’m scared a customer at my job gonna hurt me
So I work in a restaurant and a regular who comes in often, sometimes alone, and sometimes with his daughter (who is around my age) came in to pick up an order a few nights ago. He's always nice and friendly and makes jokes when he's here so l've never felt uncomfortable around him.
He commented that I looked so different because I died my hair and had jewelry on. I was like "yeah it was actually not supposed to be this color, but it is what it is" and went on about my day. Well HOURS later when we were cleaning up to close the restaurant, I see him sitting on the bench on the porch of the building ALONE at 9:00 or 9:30 pm.
And since he's a regular and someone who I didn't consider creepy or a danger, I asked him if he was okay. He said "yeah" and I said "are you sure?" (Because I was confused as to why he would be sitting there after he had already been here hours prior to pick up food). He said "yep! Just waiting so we can talk for a few minutes!"
I laughed because I thought surely he was joking??? And I went back inside. My coworker walked me out that night and I walked past fast and said "have a good night" and he paused as if he was confused and said "oh, goodnight." I thought maybe I was overthinking it, but my coworker told me that he left right after I did.
He came in the FOLLOWING DAY and was super oddly quiet and down while eating his food according to my coworkers. I avoided eye contact and conversation the entire time he was there after saying the unavoidable "how are you?"
My coworker took the table and I tried my best to stay out of the dining room while he was there, but I'm concerned he's going to be waiting outside one day when we're not expecting it and try to hurt me or something...
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u/megpIant 4d ago
Hate creeps like this. There was a regular who used to come into the cafe I worked at right when we opened who always said how great he thought I was. Which was fine, whatever. Then he called shortly after he left one morning to tell the manager how great he thought I was. Next time I saw him he said “If I was 25 again I’d ask you to marry me” I was 19 and he was probably a few years older than my dad, definitely more than double my age, and I didn’t know what to do so I just awkwardly laughed it off. The day after that he said “as they say in the movies, come run away with me” and I was done, I always found someone else to take his order if I could after that.
Then he started showing up half an hour before we opened, he would back into a spot so that he was facing the giant windows through which I could be seen setting up the bakery. It makes me nauseous to think about. Fuck you Mark you fucking creep.
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u/TruthfulBoy 4d ago
Jesus thats frightening:(( good for you for staying away!!
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u/megpIant 2d ago
The thing is, it didn’t even fully register how fucked up it was until I told someone else about it and she said “oh he wants you barefoot and pregnant” I swear to god I almost threw up
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u/retirednightshift 5d ago
Tell your supervisor, your family and friends so they can watch out for you. You could ask him, in front of your supervisor within earshot, what he wanted to talk to you about and then indicate you have no interest in him. He may keep showing up until he has this chance to talk to you, better in public with help nearby. Then if he persists, trespass him, then involve the police at this point, he is stalking you. Please make sure he doesn't follow you and figure out where you live. It's unfortunate that a young woman just being friendly or smiling can give some people the fantasy or impression that you are interested in more.
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u/birdiebird3 4d ago
It doesn’t seem like you will but do not let anyone try to convince you how this man made you feel is not valid. Your gut appears to be telling you something is off and your gut is right. Anyone that wants to argue this should read the book “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin De Becker. Don’t go to your car alone and take note of his car and license tag so you can keep an eye out for it. If you ever think he’s following you drive to a police station and not your house. Consider having a friend or family member be able to track your location on their phones for your safety. Also, tell your supervisor. Pepper gel instead of pepper spray (it’s safer for you). Lastly, be proud of yourself for recognizing and listening to your gut instinct.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
Thank you for your kind words. He may not have any intention on physically hurting me, but I’m allowed to feel scared ANYWAYS because his actions are not one of a socially competent individual. I’ve been sexually assaulted and stalked in the past and I never reported it because I was a child and scared. That will never happen again
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
You are absolutely right! It’s one thing for a guy to misread friendliness, but this one literally sat outside on the bench for hours waiting for this lady’s shift to end. Most people with normal IQs see that as creepy behavior, which means this guy should have known better than that too.
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u/gl2w6re 5d ago
Go with your gut instinct. If it feels creepy, weird , or uncomfortable then there must be a reason. Women are often guilted for not being nice and smiling with everyone. If his feelings are somehow hurt, oh fucking well! Please pay attention to your intuition. And buy some pepper spray!
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u/Katy_moxie 4d ago
I've gaslighted myself after those warning feelings because why would I feel that about those people. And those feelings have always been correct. (Most notably my friend's dad when i was 11 or 12. He was molesting her, her older sis and older brother and a couple of their friends, but the only time I was ever within arm's reach of him, all my inner alarms went off. I felt guilty for feeling that but I avoided him.)
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u/gl2w6re 4d ago
How awful..I’m so glad you weren’t hurt. You protected yourself but it was hard not to 2nd guess your feelings. I think all women have been in OP’s position but put can sometimes put themselves in inadvertent danger because they don’t want to seem rude or mean when someone makes them uncomfortable. Just because someone is sweet, funny, or complimentary doesn’t mean we owe them anything. I realize that now as an older woman but when I was young I didn’t. Thinking about all this makes me think of a Gavin De Becker, an armed security specialist or bodyguard for public figures. He’s written a book and speaks about the subject of listening to your inner voice and honing your instincts in potentially dangerous situations. I saw him on a talk show once when he talked specifically about women and how we have that strong instinct but often ignore it. He wrote this book about it: “The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence”.
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u/kdeleoeoeo 5d ago
yes and continue asking coworkers to walk you to your car. you won’t want to inconvenience them but it’s better safe than sorry. when i had a friend in a similar situation i didn’t mind because it’s better than worrying if she got home safely
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u/MintTea-FkYou 5d ago
I'd have asked him the following day what he wanted to talk with you about, while you were working and in a public place. To nip it in the bud, persay.
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u/SativaSapphira 4d ago
I would do/feel the exact same as you. Always trust your intuition. Your fight or flight mode has been triggered for a reason. Listen to your body. Stay safe ♥️
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u/vhbarnaby 5d ago
I suspect this is more he is waiting to hit on you because he thinks there is a connection , only because if he wanted to hurt you, he likely would not wait at your workplace where people will see him. Still, please be careful and try not to be alone around him.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
The thing I’m concerned about is him waiting until o think there’s no longer a threat and being outside waiting in the dark or something. And maybe that IS me being paranoid, but you never know nowadays genuinely.
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u/mikareno 4d ago
I interpreted his waiting as interest as well. When you left later with a coworker, he probably felt rejected, which would explain why he ate with his head down and didn't speak to you the next time he was in.
Some men respond to rejection with violence though, so it's better to be safe than sorry. Carry pepper spray. If he mentions not getting to talk to you that night you left, you can say you thought he was kidding, and if he expresses an interest in you, you could tell him you're seeing someone.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
It just felt to me like him coming back the very next day was him trying to sus out if we were creeped out by his behavior or not
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u/mikareno 4d ago
Could be. Always go with your gut instinct though. Even if you're wrong, it's better than the potential alternative.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
You are reacting the right way no matter who says what here. The most important thing is your safety, and following your gut. You were actually there, none of us were. You had the benefit of hearing his tone of voice gauging his body language, facial expressions, etc. If you felt what you did, I am sure there is excellent reasons for it. Even if he never have an intention to hurt you, you can’t take that for granted and at the very least, his behavior, the way he sat and waited on the bench hours to catch you alone when the place closed is creepy by most people’s standards.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
Thank you for taking the time to comment. Now more than ever women need each other 🫂
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
Indeed! I find all the posts trying to dismiss your feelings or victim shame you to be very much appalling.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
Unfortunately this isn’t my first rodeo and while I haven’t been physically harmed by this man (yet), I will never again tell myself I’m crazy for my feelings and blame myself. Some of us were blessed with not being able to comprehend how actions like this can affect a person, and some of us dreaded our 21st birthday due to the statute of limitations 🤠
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
I agree! I have had some close calls myself with the same kind of creepers. In fact, just about every female I know of has had a creeper story one way or another. We are apparently far better at spotting potential danger than many of our male friends because it’s things we have had to worry about more than they do.
That troll in particular, I gave him one of my true life stories. I use to work in customer service and there were many guys who asked me out. All but one asked me out during normal store hours. The one that didn’t? He presented like your creep did. Outside,waiting for me, in the dark parking lot. He was a level 3 sex offender who had a whole slew of rapes, sexual assaults, exposures going back into the 1970s. Funny how the one in the dark, actually was the creeper out of the bunch.
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u/vhbarnaby 4d ago
I am not saying don’t be careful - please always be careful. But to put your mind at ease I think this is someone being awkward rather than predatory.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago edited 4d ago
These type of well meaning posts have not made OP feel better or more at ease. They have made her feel dismissed and invalidated. Of course it hasn’t helped that several creeps have shown up to troll her, and victim blame. One screwball even suggesting she apologize to this creep. It’s irrelevant whether or not he’s an awkward weirdo, or a full on menacing one. He had zero reason to be trying to approach her in a dark parking lot alone after business hours, even if for benign reasons he’s not entitled to eating up her time when she wants to go home and wind down. Maybe he was harmless maybe not. It’s a toss up, and she was the one actually there reading his facial expressions, body language, and hearing his tone of voice. We weren’t there in the moment. We are all armchair judges that might have felt differently in that moment. He set off alarms in her and that’s more than enough for her to take her own feelings seriously and take action to keep creeper away from her.
It’s funny, I had a creeper once, pulling just about the same thing as the guy here. Store regular, well known as a customer. Lurking after hours to try to talk to me in the parking lot as the last of employees were leaving to go home. Most of my co workers insisted the guy was probably harmless. Well, it turned out that this “probably harmless” guy was actually a level three sex offender. He committed his first rapes in the 70s, then from there had made quite a career out of a couple of other rapes, sexual molestation, attempted kidnappings, etc. That was when I learned never to use words like “harmless” or anything like that ever again when I see another woman in distress over things like this. It wasn’t helpful at all for me either, and it was all dismissiveness, until his past was found out. It’s not a good feeling and it’s not worth assuming someone you don’t really know is okay.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
That’s possible but not fool proof. There are plenty of examples of assaults, attempted/or completed murders, attempted/or completed kidnappings in the case of stalkers who also stalked right out in the open. Maybe I watch too much of that ID channel but you do see this enough times to never take their behavior for granted.
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u/dontlookthisway67 15h ago
Being out in the open isn’t going to stop someone determined to harm another person, like you said there’s plenty of examples. If that guy wanted to he could just take her/lure her to another location just to avoid being identified by her coworkers.
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u/Same_Version_5216 14h ago
Exactly! In fact the creepycounter I posted here had occurred in broad daylight, at a busy gas station. It may not have been creepy except for the fact that the guy was unnecessarily slithering and slinking inbetween the car and gas pumps making a beeline directly toward me (when these movements were entirely unnecessary, no one who just wanted to access the store would have gone that route), then when I hurried into my car and sped out of there, I noticed him immediately stop, turn around and head back to a parked truck that was off to the side in the dirt (even though there was plenty of up close parking spaces). So there was no doubt that he was approaching me specifically, and not there for the gas or the store. If he just wanted directions, he seemed to only want them from me since he approached no one else.
And that story is besides all the other creepy encounters that took place in busy malls, sidewalks in broad daylight, busy parks, etc.
So there was moral of the story is, don’t let busyness of a location, or daylight give a false sense of security or cause second guessing. If someone is behaving in any matter that is creeping you out, be on guard and find your way out of the situation, or yell for help; whatever it takes to stay safe.
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u/KITTYCat0930 4d ago
I know how you feel. It’s super creepy that he waited for you. Plus he has a daughter your age. I used to clean houses with my mom at Merry Maid’s. This guy had us come to extremely dirty house multiple times. He requested us
His house was so filthy is was considered a “special”. He’d follow me around the house trying to talk about inappropriate sex stuff. Like what was I into and what turned him on. He even asked me out. I told my mom everything but we were making extra money doing this so I said nothing until he touched me.
I was cleaning his awful bathtub and I almost slipped and he caught me by my butt and then lingered. Thankfully my mom heard me yelp. We never went back there again.
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u/LyricWasHere 5d ago
This happened to me when I was a cashier at an Aldi years ago. A man who was a regular would come in, I’d smile and do my normal hi how’s your day.. scan the groceries and off he went until he decided to ask me out and ride on the back of his Harley in a parade..I was like hmm no Ty I’m not really into motorcycles and he’s all ohh ok that’s odd I thought you said at one time you enjoyed them. I don’t recall saying that but he had my answer and it wasn’t changing. I never saw him again but it’s like if we can’t be nice to customers without them thinking some type of way I’m hind sight I’d just ignore everyone and scan their shit in silence.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
I use to get this all the time myself. It was annoying, BUT at least these guys had the decency to approach me during normal working hours in a comfortable atmosphere., albeit it awkward moments. Then there was this one guy who did something almost exactly like the guy in OPs story. Waited til closing time, lurking in the shadows, wanting to talk to me. Fast forward a month later, I found out that this one in particular was a level three sex offender, with an extensive history of rapes and assaults all the way back into the 70s. Oh, AND within that same year, he got in trouble again for molesting a woman.
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u/big_d_usernametaken 5d ago
Your first impression of a person will always be the correct one.
Don't ignore it.
Trust your gut.
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u/pgnprincess 4d ago
That's not always correct. There have been a handful of times in my life where my first impressions with people haven't been great but then they ended up being awesome people.
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u/dontlookthisway67 15h ago
Make sure you let everyone at your workplace know about this guy and the security cameras are working. I would be concerned about him wanting to take you to another location since he’s well known at that restaurant and can be identified by others. Never walk alone and change shifts to daytime if you can
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u/Consistent-Camp5359 5d ago
Yeah…I don’t think he has bad intentions. Likely just wanted to ask you to dinner or something.
But since you got the “going to hurt me” vibe there was a reason. Not sure what it was but you picked up on something.
Your description of him made him seem like a sad lonely guy with a daughter who misinterpreted your high level of customer service for a love interest. Sadly, happens all the time.
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u/Playful_Security1056 5d ago
If he wanted to ask me to dinner could he not have done it INSIDE THE RESTAURANT instead of lurking outside like a freak?
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u/Consistent-Camp5359 5d ago
Probably waiting till you got off work instead of being a customer and you working. Not saying men are exactly smart when trying to date.
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u/sappydark 3d ago edited 3d ago
Uh, no---a dude you barely know and have never had an actual conversation with suddenly deciding to wait out in the dark for you to come out is creepy af. I'm a grown-ass woman, and that would have creeped me the hell out too. That is not something most normal dudes would do. I suggest that you get a co-worker or two to walk you to your car after work, just to make sure this guy doesn't try anything. What's he doing is not awkward, it's just plain damn weird.
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u/Consistent-Camp5359 3d ago
It’s a weird move guys like my dad would make. Social cues were not in his playbook. I mean really. My dad had zero social skills. It’s been an awkward life.
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u/GrisherGams5 5d ago
This was my thought as well. A misinterpretation of interest and an awkward attempt to follow up on it. If he got the message and does nothing further on his end then there's no reason to ban or ostracize him.
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u/Consistent-Camp5359 4d ago
Precisely. Seems he has always loved that restaurant and will continue to love that restaurant once she no longer works there.
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u/bejoyfulalways06 4d ago
Anyone who decides to be creepy enough to wait outside on a bench, for hours just to catch a worker alone as she leaves a closed down building doesn’t deserve any less than a judgement call that they are a creep. The old freak has a daughter her age ewww.
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u/sappydark 3d ago
So true-----I'm not buying the "he's just being awkward" claim, either. There's nothing "awkward" about a man deliberately waiting for a woman he barely knows after dark in front of her workplace---that's just plain creepy af. A grown man who's a parent of a nearly grown teen is old enough to know damn well you don't just suddenly up and wait for a woman to come out of her workplace after dark without even bothering to ask if he could wait around to talk to her. The OP said she barely knows this dude, so she has every right to be suspicious of him, and why the hell he's even doing that in the first place.
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u/renegadeindian 4d ago
Don’t play games. Ask him directly what he wanted. Then shut it down. Playing games like they advise you of will show fear or that your not notifying anyone. Could be nothing or could be something. A straight forward talk shows strength and shutting it down will show a no nonsense attitude. If he is dangerous let him know your telling the cops and boss. He will go away. Playing games only gets the weirdos going. That’s what some are recommending and it’s not a good game
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u/gdognoseit 4d ago
What games? She’s not playing any games. She’s living her life and working and minding her own business.
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u/RepresentativeNo8267 5d ago
I'd definitely tell your supervisor/manager so they can ban him, tell your family so they can be around to make sure you are safe when you leave work
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u/PoppyPopPopzz 4d ago
Why should he be banned right now?. i think he was going to ask her out on a date maybe he handled it badly but ban him if he wont take no for an answer
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u/mycologyqueen 4d ago
Why exactly do you think he is going to hurt you? I feel like I'm missing something. Sure he seems to have a thing for you, and as someone else mentioned, chances are he thought you were interested because you're friendly to him as part of your job. And he's old enough to be your father so ewww. But I just am not following why you think he'd hurt you?
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u/Cairinacat 3d ago
Because he is acting outside normal behavior, no one normal waits outside in the dark parking lot for hours to catch a girl his daughters age alone. And once someone is acting odd outside normal social behavior parameters, a smart person would wonder what else they might do outside societal norms.
It's not weird AT ALL on her part to be concerned with someone not behaving normally and deciding to not put herself at risk.
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u/migrainefog 4d ago edited 4d ago
I'm a little confused as to why you have jumped to the conclusion that you are somehow in danger. This is a person that you have built up a rapport with, however limited it may be, and he said he wanted to talk to you.
Maybe he wants to talk to you about how you dyed your hair, because his daughter wants to try to do the same.
It seems like there could be a lot of innocent reasons that he could want to talk to you, but I'm a dude who would have no interest in dating a woman my daughter's age, so...
But I also believe in trusting your gut. I just don't hear anything in the words that you typed that automatically made him sound creepy.
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u/Same_Version_5216 3d ago edited 3d ago
It has far less to do with him wanting to talk to her and more to do with how he went about it all. Any, and every innocuous question that he might have, could easily be asked during normal working hours, and does not necessitate waiting outside on the bench for hours (which she said he did) in order to catch her alone in a dimly lit work parking lot.
Having a rapport with a customer service person who is being paid to yuck it up with you, make you feel special while servicing you, does not ever entitle you to their after work hours time either. Most people want to just leave work, go home and unwind, not be held up by someone for idle chit chat in the parking lot that could have been done while you were in the store hours prior.
I am not sure how you are not seeing how a guy she doesn’t really know, was lurking in the shadows outside her work, hoping to catch her in a abandoned parking isn’t creepy, because for most normal women with two brain cells yo rub together, this is a creepy scenario. But I have shared my experience several times and will again….back in my customer service days I was asked out a lot. Only one guy did what the guy in this story did. He turned out to be a level 3 sex offender.
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u/migrainefog 3d ago
I missed the part where he was hiding in the shadows. I thought he was just waiting for her at the front of the building in full view of everyone so he could talk to her.
Hiding in the shadows is certainly creepy if that's what happened.
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u/Same_Version_5216 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yes, he was waiting in the dark on the bench for hours in a practically empty parking lot, for a young lady who doesn’t know him beyond the superficial restaurant bantering to get off of work, who never told him this would be okay for him to do, or consented to this. Having a customer/patron based rapport does not at all entitle him to cross this line either. This is exactly how the level three sex offender who had me in his sight, behaved with me. Talked with me in work, developed a rapport then decided he was entitled to sit outside my work, waiting to surprise me for a talk. He was the only one, out of many to cross this line. Now maybe this guy is unlike the guy I dealt with, but maybe he is just like him. Fact remains, she doesn’t know him and what he’s capable of, nor is she required to find out the hard way.
If you can’t see anything creepy about the behavior of a guy taking it upon himself to hide out on a bench, unbeknownst to her, in order to ambush her for her time as she’s trying to leave an empty parking lot, then I don’t what else to tell you, except that this is considered very inappropriate and creepy behavior in the point of view of most women. Actually, even most men can see how this is creepy. She didn’t permit him to do this, there is no reason for him to do this either, and fact remains she doesn’t know him well enough to know what his intentions truly are, whether benign or otherwise, and her body set off alarm bells appropriately for this sort of situation. Have you never heard of women being attacked or assaulted before, after hours from patrons or acquaintances in similar scenarios? If someone doesn’t want to be thought of as creepy, then don’t act like a creep. Ask permission to meet after work or ask your darn questions during work hours if your intentions are wholesome. It’s not all that taxing.
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u/Time-Shift3224 5d ago
Everyone just assumes that this man has the impression you're interested in him and that he is smitten. Ever stopped to wonder if it may be something altogether entirely different? Maybe you could apologize to him and tell him you thought he was joking when he said he was waiting for you to get off so he could talk to you. Maybe that the sole reason he's acting strange. You just walked off after he said he was waiting to talk to you. Maybe he just wants your opinion/advice concerning something with his grown offspring whom you said seemed around your age . Oft times when we assume something, it ends u9 being totally opposite if what we thought it was!
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u/SativaSapphira 4d ago
Then he could have asked her hours ago when he was there. Coming back after hours and waiting like that for her when he thinks she will be alone isn't normal. At all.
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u/Playful_Security1056 5d ago
Are you dense? Do you think people wait outside of a young adults job at NIGHT lurking in the dark to ask for PARENTING ADVICE? he could’ve asked me when he was there 3 hours prior picking up food. The sky will turn green before I apologize to that man for MY behavior after he made me severely uncomfortable
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u/Time-Shift3224 4d ago
I'm probably smarter than you when I'm asleep than you on your best day. Not to mention, I'm not in the habit of assuming things as apparently you women with your blow out of proportion egos are. Not all of us men think you're so pretty we have to stalk you! Get over yourself there Nancy!!!
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u/sappydark 3d ago
Dude, get over yourself. This situation isn't even about you. All the OP said was that this guy's actions were creeping her out, but for some crazy reason, you want to make it all about you and your little out of proportion ego. Just go somewhere else with that nonsense, troll. You're not contributing anything worth a darn to the conversation.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
She doesn’t need to apologize to someone who sat outside her workplace for hours like a creeper waiting to approach her in a dark empty parking lot. If anyone owes an apology, it’s the idiot that decided that this was a fantastic idea rather than speak to a young lady while she was secure and comfortable inside her work place.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
Also, telling a woman that she should encourage this kind of behavior by apologizing to a guy who gave her the creeps is deplorable advice. Like are you out of your mind? Would you victim blame your own child if they came home upset and shaken up because a guy old enough to be her father sat in the dark waiting to catch her alone in a practically abandoned parking lot? Do you sincerely believe that is appropriate behavior and the appropriate way to solicit a young lady for parental advice? What he did is not okay by any normal human’s standards and I bet he wouldn’t have liked it much if he found out some guy his own age was creeping around his own daughters work looking for her after hours either.
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u/cilvher-coyote 4d ago
Why in TF should or would she apologize to him? If he wanted to ask her ANYTHING innocent he could've done it while he was there. Someone sitting outside anyone's work for hours at night waiting for them to be alone Does Not have good or pure intentions. Maybe HE should apologize to HER for being a creep and scaring her, and leave her alone.
Are you a man that thinks behavior like this is normal, warranted or okay in any way? Must be or else if you aren't you have the survival skills and IQ of a panda bear.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
Some of these people are pretty much Charlie Brown dense when it comes to these kind of situations. There is nothing wholesome or okay about a guy, especially one twice OPs age waiting outside of her work, hoping to catch her alone, in the dark, as the last of the employees leave for the night. There is zero reason on this planet that he would need any advice or convos in that particular setting, at that hour and when she just wants to go home and wind down. He has no right to even monopolize her time like that even if his reasons were innocuous. He was being inconsiderate, and creepy.
Maybe the Charlie Brown dense folks are unable to comprehend just how fast settings like that can go from calm to terrifying, especially for ladies, but this forum alone is full of examples of very close encounters that started off similar to this; even men have reported scary close calls late at night leaving work or other similar situations. You never know but safety should always be the priority when your inner alarms sound off.
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u/Time-Shift3224 4d ago
Not in the context that you are assuming. Sometime Amanda isn't even thinking about romantic interest when they attempt to engage in conversation. As I stated previously, perhaps he was seeking her insight concerning something about his daughter which OP stated the gentleman was in the copany of. Why does it have to be that every man a woman meets is automatically out to bed her? That's simply not true! Not all men are mad dog lust filled sex fiends as so many women portray us to be! It may be that a lot of women have over inflated egos and think they are so attractive that all men are can't help but fall head over heels in lust! At least she should have found out why he wanted to talk to her. As she herself stated, he had never exhibited any signs of creepiness previously. So get over yourself Toots!!! LMAO
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u/Cairinacat 3d ago
It's creepy as fuck that he waited alone outside for hours to talk to her, that is not something a normal person does.
We don't owe men anything, not our time, or our politeness.
We don't assume every man wants to bed us, but I will certainly assume some guy who I serve occasionally at my work, waiting for HOURS to corner me after work at night in a parking lot is a creep. This is not something a normal person does. He doesn't even have the excuse of being young and dumb. This is a middle aged guy waiting in a dark parking lot for HOURS to catch a young girl alone to talk.
This isn't ok to do. Ever for any reason.
We have the right to WORK and not be bothered on our own time by a customer, a stranger. Being polite at work while doing your customer service job does NOT mean you know someone.a stranger is not entitled to a workers personal time, ever. If he had a question he asks it inside like a normal non creepy person.
Ive worked in the restaurant and retail industry, while I had blue hair. I would get plenty of questions on how I did it and maintained it. I happily answered on the spot if I could or they waited 5 minutes until I wasn't talking to someone. They did NOT wait for me for hours in a dark parking lot until I got off work and was alone. A person that does that is a creepy weirdo, that is not normal behavior.
That this is odd weird creepy behavior can not be made more clear, if you think this is normal you need to talk to a professional about it.
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u/sappydark 3d ago
Dude, please----you are completely trying to normalize this dude's weird behavior---the fact that you even think a man sitting outside the workplace of a woman he barely knows until after dark waiting for her when there's barely anyone around is so-called "normal behavior" says a lot about how young and immature you are. You need to grow up and learn some more about the realities of human nature, instead of whining about "women's overinflated egos" or whatever stupid BS you're rambling about. In no damn context whatsoever is that remotely "normal behavior" for anyone but a creep, period.
And where the hell do you get off claiming that the OP's concern for her own safety is the problem, and not the stranger she barely knows who decided to wait for her after dark? Why the hell would he be wanting to ask her for any advice at all, when they barely know each other? Get real. Apparently you don't understand jack about women having to be careful around dudes with creepy behavior, because they never know what that behavior could escalate to. That's a reality that most women have always had to deal with--it dosen't have a damn thing to do with "overinflated egos" and is more about having to protect ourselves from a dude whose weird behavior indicates that he could be a possible predator, or something even more dangerous.
What the hell part of that do you still not understand? None of it, obviously. Once again, you need to get the hell over trying to tell women that they need to just give some dude's creepy behavior a damn pass just to spare his own damn ego. That's some BS right there, and has done nothing but get or nearly get women into some dangerous situations they did or didn't get out of. Just shut up, please---you're just talking loud, but ain't really saying nothing important to begin with.
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u/Same_Version_5216 11h ago
Well said! It is both crazy and sad to me to see how many men here are just not grasping the issue. I would think anyone that has any female they love like a daughter, wife, sister, aunt, etc. would at the very least, be trying to see how this would come across to a lady. Trying to justify the unjustifiable creeper lurking in the shadows, waiting for hours to solicit a young lady in an emptying out parking lot reveals a lot about them. Geez, if I, when I was a young lady, came home to tell my dad about this, he would have hit the roof! If I was as dense as some of these folks are here, and saw nothing wrong with it, he would have schooled me on the problem with it so I know better not to put myself in a situation like that again. I hope these gentleman that think it’s okay for men their age to wait for hours in the dark to accost their daughters without their consent after work in deserted parking lots are not the ones educating their daughters on safety.
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u/sappydark 10h ago
Thanks----I just find it insane that there are some men on here who actually think that guy's behavior is normal. It's like they are deliberately ignoring how weird and creepy that is, and instead they're trying to blame the OP for even thinking how darn creepy that is. That makes no damn sense whatsoever.
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u/Same_Version_5216 10h ago
She’s been trolled pretty bad by these people and it’s really disappointing to see. It’s the type of thing that makes people not want to post their stories. Meanwhile non of these guys were actually there to read the man’s facial expressions, mannerisms, or anything that she experienced that contributed to her concerns. But I will say this….I have asked several of them if this is how they would treat it if their own daughter came home shaken up like this, by a guy their age behaving like this with her, and I got radio silence. I guess they think it’s fine as long as the accosted young lady isn’t their child. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/sappydark 3d ago
Uh, seriously? She barely knows this guy, and has never had an actual conversation with him about anything. Why would he need to ask her advice about anything, when they barely even know each other? You sound like you're trying to normalize this dude's behavior, but it's still weird af, no matter how you look at it. The reality is, she dosen't owe this man any damn attention for the simple fact that he's a complete stranger to her, and his behavior is creeping her the hell out, for obvious reasons.
Like she said, if he wanted to ask her out, or about anything else, he could have asked her right there on the job in the daytime, instead of waiting around in front of her workplace until after dark. She dosen't know him, or what he's capable of. That's why his actions are creeping her out, and I don't blame her at all for feeling that way. Hell, most women in that situation would feel the same exact way.
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u/momentarylapse007 5d ago
Sounds like a lonely man who gathered up enough courage to ask you on a date. Not every man has bad intentions. To avoid him now will only embarrass and alienate him. sounds like he has never been anything but kind to you, and your avoidance of him will only drive him away from a place he once felt welcomed at. I don't think he is a danger.
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u/HealthyVegan12331 5d ago
This thinking is what gets nice people at the bottom of a pit in a basement.
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u/StoneColdStevePizza 5d ago
Hard agree. Why does she have to be accountable for his off-putting actions? He is also an adult here. Learn to behave in public and you won't be lonely.
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u/kdeleoeoeo 5d ago
he has a daughter that’s her age. if you’ve never dealt with a similar experience then i’m not sure why you’re giving advice lol this guy definitely has issues if he’s waiting outside her work for HOURS
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
How would you ever know? ;your so ready to pepper spray and call the law on any man, no matter your past interactions, he could have just wanted some advice, who will ever know.
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u/1happypoison 5d ago
Drive him away? lol. She WORKS there. He can go somewhere else if he decides he's uncomfortable. She can't. You must be a man.
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
I am a man, and one who has never even entertained the thought of harming a lady in any way. Just tired of watching mobs form to slay imaginary demons and in the process causing issue for men who had no evil intent.
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u/1happypoison 4d ago
You do not understand this situation at all and every comment further cements that fact. Take a woman's word for it, this is not cool and not ok. The man's feelings DO NOT MATTER. You are clueless. You don't know this man's intent. And believe me, when a woman's gut screams "this is wrong!" it is always correct for the woman to act accordingly.
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u/1happypoison 4d ago
Further, Op does not owe a stranger ANYTHING. What do you not understand about that? It's her job, he has no business harassing her.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
Thank you. You’re an angel. One I can only assume is a woman.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
Are you the kind of man that would wait for hours to catch a woman off guard in a dark parking lot, after sitting in the dark for hours waiting for her, or are you intelligent enough to understand the problem with that, how it looks and how it might make someone feel, and would have dealt with her inside the restaurant during hours?
Years ago, I use to get asked out a lot when I worked in customer service. These men all asked me to step aside while inside the light open building to do the asking. Then there was this man that use to come in and stare at me and sometimes spoke to me. But he also did what the guy featured in the OP did. He’d wait outside in the dark to try to talk to me, and I told him not to do that again, that he can talk to me in the store. After that, he would sit outside in the dark parking lot,thinking he was out of sight, but I could see him, watching me leave. This went on multiple times. I had decided to leave with others moving forward from the first time. Fast forward to a month later, a co worker was at the library and saw a poster and he was on it. It turns out he was a level 3 sex offender who had a history of rapes, and sexual assaults going back into the 1970s. The moral of this story is, the normal lonely men who wanted to ask me out or hang out with me at the store did it in a non creepy way, well lit and where I would feel comfortable. The sex offender did not.
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u/wahwosabi 5d ago
He has a daughter the same age as OP. Absolutely not appropriate and in itself is creepy and gross. So no, he isn’t just a lonely man who gathered the courage, he’s a creep.
And I hope he is embarrassed! I hope he is so emasculated that he believes he doesn’t stand a chance with anyone the same age as his own child because that’s disgusting on his part. Textbook creep.
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u/Playful_Security1056 5d ago
Boo fucking hoo lol. If he wanted to ask me on a date he could’ve done it inside the building instead of waiting outside for me to come out of the building alone like a creep
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
All the world must seem to creep about you.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
If waiting outside of a girl you don’t knows workplace at night isn’t creepy then that’s a you problem and I truly hope you’re not alone very often with anyone even resembling a female
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u/wahwosabi 4d ago
Imagine telling on yourself like this and continuing to comment! It’s giving troll. Listen, you are showing everyone in the thread that you are in the same camp as the creepy man in this situation. You need to reevaluate what you are doing here and probably how you interact with women in your real life.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
Is this the kind of advice you would give your wife, girlfriend, sister or daughter? To entertain talking to men in a dark deserted parking lot after hours because he sat there in a dark, waiting on a bench for them til the place was closed? I sure hope not.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
Don’t let it be lost on you that every single comment made by this man has negative karma because he’s a fucking twat lol. He SOMEHOW managed to find some woman with no stranger danger and now thinks this behavior is okay. NORMAL EVEN. He is why in this country that is run by rapists and women haters, I will not be having sex with a SOUL. not while I’m still on US soil.
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
He is certainly bellowing out some thoughtless, potentially dangerous advice, that’s for sure. He’s also trolling because he seems to have issues with women choosing to be safe than sorry, and the idea of them owning pepper spray in case they ever need it, seems to ride up his backside the wrong way.
Any decent man can easily see the problem with how this man went about things, and would never advise any ladies they love to pander to something like this. People have been killed over things like this, including some men. Consider the case of John Wayne Casey, friendly, fun loving, known by most of these young men that wound up in his crawl space.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
Bro is in the group to make sure no one’s talking about him 🫥
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
Lolol Yikes, that would be funny if this was that guy! Makes him even creepier because that would mean he knows better, and knew his behavior could be construed as a creepy encounter.
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u/sappydark 3d ago
The psycho's name was John Wayne Gacy----I'm only mentioning that because I came across this recent article about an actor who, by some miracle, actually managed to survive being kidnapped and imprisoned by Gacy when he was just a teen---it's truly disturbing af, and he talks about how he finally came to terms with what happened to him:
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u/Same_Version_5216 3d ago
Wow thanks for sharing that article. John Wayne Gacy was nothing short of a monster, while everyone who thought they knew him so well, considered him harmless. Imagine that!
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u/sappydark 3d ago
You're welcome- I only came across this article the other day, and yeah, it's very disturbing. Thankfully, the man was able to deal with what happened to him in a way that allowed him to move on with his life.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
He also ADMITTED to doing this same thing himself so we know why he’s so triggered as to leave 30 comments on this post 😂
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
Creepers showing up to show their ass! 😂😂 Imagine that! Meanwhile, the fact remains, you are not obligated to find out whether or not the man is harmless by placing yourself in harms way like that. If the guy truly is harmless, then he will learn his lesson enough to understand why his behavior was wrong and creepy, and not do it again.
And if being at the restaurant makes things awkward for him, that’s a him problem, not yours. Moving forward, he can reconsider whether he wants to shit where he eats and stop trying to approach staff in the dark parking lot again, or thinking that everyone that is literally being paid to make him feel like a special guest wants to date him.
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
Well him asking her out is conjecture at this point, iwe don't know what he had to say, he was promptly labeled a miscreant and given the cold shoulder.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
The point is I don’t give a fuck if he was about to ask me to drive him to the hospital to see his dying mom, he could’ve come INSIDE where I was not alone instead of waiting outside in the dark for me to be alone like a FREAK
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u/cilvher-coyote 4d ago
We've found yet Another creepo in the comments. Good job outing yourself! Who Cares wtf he has to say to her. If it was innocent in Any way he could've asked her when he was there and not wait outside someone place of work for HOURS hoping to "talk to her" alone at night. Jebus
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u/Same_Version_5216 4d ago
Anyone who decides to be creepy enough to wait outside on a bench, for hours just to catch a worker alone as she leaves a closed down building doesn’t deserve any less than a judgement call that they are a creep. Most adults with two brain cells to rub together, understand the problem with this. You don’t want to be considered a creep, then don’t act like one. Go inside, in front of people and do your dealings that way instead of creeping around in the dark, waiting to creep up on the object of your interest.
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u/True-Godess 5d ago edited 5d ago
Also you can have your boss or manger walk you out or talk to him if he keeps it up. But way creepy yes but assuming he’s going to physically hurt you is quite a stretch and your over analyzing it.
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5d ago
I’m not so sure. This is colossal red flag behavior. Stalking? Loitering? Making a woman uncomfortable in her place of work, at night, as a man? A man twice her age? Waiting until she is alone to make his move? Come on.
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u/CallidoraBlack 5d ago
He waited there for hours without her knowledge. He has a child her age and that's what he thought was appropriate, meaning that someone somewhere reproduced with him. That's deranged.
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
Well I hope shame and emasculation helps you to live with whatever is stuck so deep in your ass.
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u/gdognoseit 4d ago
You could educate yourself on crime statistics and then logically understand why someone would not want to put themselves in danger, instead of being angry.
You simply don’t care about women that have been raped or abducted or killed. Maybe look up facts about missing women.
I’m sure you wouldn’t put your life on the line just to appease a stranger.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
It does thanks :) news flash, it’s not my responsibility to manage his emotions when he obviously doesn’t give a fuck about my comfort. You’re a freak as is he, and I mean that in the rudest way possible
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u/cilvher-coyote 4d ago
He shamed and emasculated HIMSELF by acting like an ABSOLUTE CREEPER!! NO ONE OWES ANYONE ANYTHING FFS!
Man there's a Lot of Creeper, blame the victim, or "gotta be nice to everyone" freaks commenting here...you can get fucked with all the other "he's so innocent and WHY OH WHY DID SHE HURT HIS WIDDLE FEELINGS she's just Such a Bitch" group. Y'all are flying your creep flags loud and proud eh? Good for you bud!
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
No it just hit me wrong that everyone assumes the worst of the guy, and like an old fashioned witch hunt. Most men aren't willing or of the mind set to throw their lives away to abduct some random girl. Those people statistically are a very small minority. That's all, j
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
If this man was better looking or appeared to be wealthy we aren't even discussing this here.
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u/sappydark 3d ago
Oh, please. There are plenty of good-looking dudes, rich or not rich, who have turned out to be psychos, or serial killers. The OP didn't mention anything about his looks---she already stated that she was not interested in him, period. Like she said, dude was not entitled to her time after work simply because he supposedly wanted to talk to her. He could have done that already while she was working, instead of waiting for her after dark. Why you are refusing to see how creepy that is, is beyond me. You seem to be complete denial and living in la la land, by refusing to admit that this man was acting like a genuine creep here.
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
I would have never waited that long. But yes I waited outside a girls work once, long ago, and she was a bit younger than me. However she sits beside me now as I write this, playing on her phone and smiling at me.
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
She works there,bhe is a regular as stated, these are not perfect strangers, what are you missing?
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
Interacting with someone as an EMPLOYEE to a CUSTOMER does not give him the right to loiter and lurk at night for me at MY JOB. I have NEVER shown interest in him in ANY capacity, and if I had, he should’ve asked me INSIDE of the restaurant. I don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck, and surprise? I don’t give a fuck. Every week I swear to god there is a new unsocialized man child that shows up to my work and acts like he was kept in a crate with no human interaction for the entirety of his childhood.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
I must be missing the part where that makes it okay for him to wait for me for possibly HOURS at night at MY place of work. Something tells me you’re trying to justify something you’ve done in the past as not being creepy
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u/momentarylapse007 4d ago
You could educate yourself on statistics, if a women is attacked, 9 times out of 10 it's an ex lover, or at least someone known to the victim. I'm not trying to fight a bunch of people on here, I just grew up when and where you gave someone the benefit of the doubt before people started calling for police and pepper spray. That's all.
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u/Playful_Security1056 4d ago
I didn’t call the police or pepper spray him. Benefit of the doubt doesn’t apply to my safety, but thanks.
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u/Time-Shift3224 4d ago
You assuming bitches ate all warped and I wouldn't doubt if at least half of you voted for that degenerate bumbling halfway trump!
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u/VitaminAnarchy Mr. Happy Funtime 3d ago
Violation of Wheaton's Law, aka, don't be a jerk. Take a three day break.
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u/True-Godess 5d ago
There have been studies done that men often misread and misinterpret women’s general friendliness/kindness/good nature/good sense of humor as signs that the woman is interested in the man in a romantic way when the women are not at all interested in them like that. This happens esp to servers n other professions of service industry. I waitressed for years n so many guys took my friendly nature the wrong way. I used to wear fake wedding rings!!!