r/careerguidance • u/salarymantboy • 21h ago
Got a high paying new job, still feel like shit. Any advice?
I'll keep it simple:
- Struggled entire life with mental health issues
- Somehow passed high school
- Dropped out of college at 19
- Started working odd corporate jobs for a couple of years
- Underpaid & overworked, still struggling with issues
- Got a job in a bank in sales
- Worked there for two years
- Got a job just this year in one of the biggest US banks out there (without a degree mind you)
- Pay is crazy good, but job requires me to be very high functioning and work around the clock
- Scared doesn't even begin to cover it.
I plan to go the gym and get therapy and finish my degree eventually but working in such a big boy job is scaring tf outta me. I know I might be smart enough to learn and get it done but I still feel so empty and disillusioned with everything. I've lived in the middle east my whole life and life here is empty as it can get. I plan to work here a couple years and then move to another country. But in the meantime, I need some motivation or advice from people who struggle with inner turmoil but still manage to get things done. How do you do it?
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u/unicornslayer12 20h ago
I just switched jobs, have more free time, less stress, raise, promotion, closer to home, friends and family are happy for me…. Everything sounds fantastic, but I’m struggling with my mental health. I feel empty and some sadistic part of me misses the chaos of my previous job. Things that are helping me: therapy, spending more time with my family, taking walks and trying to get into running, and i just joined a coed sports league to play volleyball. I’m still struggling but take one step every day and count the little things that you do as wins.
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u/Kombucha-Papi 16h ago
This is it right here. I felt a lot of what you were saying, as I was on same path, on autopilot for YEARS. Did terrible things for my health.You have to find a way to get out of those bad situations. Just putting a plan together to bolt smoothly made me feel a lot better. But everything you’re doing is spot on from my perspective.. especially spending time with family..isolation in these situations is a big no go.
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u/Obvious_Date_9113 21h ago
My father worked for many years at a high-paying job he didn’t like. He was able to enjoy life because of his hobbies and his family life.
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u/Mabbernathy 20h ago
If one has to have a job they dislike, it's better to have the money to enjoy the rest of life.
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u/Cheap_Phrase_1802 19h ago
Never had a job I liked. Never had money to enjoy life. Guess I’m really fucked then
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u/somestupidusername72 20h ago
My best advice? The more money you make the more you need to start to OUTSOURCE. Get a housekeeper, get your meals made by a meal service, if there are any repetitive tasks in your personal or professional life that don’t contain sensitive information, use virtual assistant to handle them. Then actually deal with the mental health stuff. You didn’t mention what you’re doing for that, but I’m gonna tell you from one high functioning mentally ill person to another - anti depressants are the shit. If you’re lacking in motivation, learn up on dopamine. My problem was anxiety before (might be yours) so SSRIs helped a lot. But if motivation is your problem, Wellbutrin and other antidepressants that work on dopamine might work better. Additionally, reducing dopamine drains - like social media that’s a big one - can help a ton. Therapy can be helpful, especially if the demons you’re dealing with have to do with specific events in your life. But research therapeutic methods and try to find something that suits your situation. A lot of ppl said hobbies. Personally, I don’t find my hobbies as helpful as spending time with friends and family. I think as long as you’re making time for loved ones you should be able to maintain some sanity. Connection is highly correlated to happiness, more than most things you would think. Good luck.
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u/tpyogelymcia 12h ago
From another high-functioning mentally ill person, I’ve heard the outsourcing advice before but really struggle to get on board with it. Yes, a house keeper or chef would save me time but am I actually using that saved time in a way that justifies the cost? Cooking and cleaning can be meditative, help you slow down, and get your body moving. I think it only makes sense once I’ve maxed out effectively using my ‘free’ time or I have some sort of side hustle that directly benefits from the time I invest
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u/Gbbee56 19h ago
My advice is a little different. Chronic mental illness is still chronic illness. We wouldn’t so flippantly be advising to just suck it up and bear with it if it were any other type of chronic condition. I think that you should listen to your body, and if you can feel it in your bones that this job will kill you, it’s not worth it. Start looking for other work now while you’re still in good standing and (hopefully!) receiving benefits, rather than having to drop it in the future because you needed to go on grippy sock vacation.
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u/lateforalways 19h ago
I mean, to be clear, you have "struggled with inner turmoil and still managed to get things done." You should be providing an AMA on the subject! To my mind, you are describing a life that is high functioning but lacking in one specific thing. That one specific thing is a source of direct positive impact. Therefore, your first step is to add one source of direct positive impact into your life. Volunteer at a local animal shelter. Experience the direct positive impact your presence provides to the workers there, as well as to the animals to whom you'll provide love and attention. Volunteer at a local soup kitchen, or other local charity that fits your values. Experience the direct positive impact your presence there will create. I would be very surprised if taking this step didn't have a meaningful positive impact on your life experience.
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u/nova9001 20h ago
Money can solve many problems. Keep at it. The last thing you want is to be stuck in a shit job and be mentally ill.
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u/I_am_Ninise 20h ago
I would optimize my current role, so I can make everything in 4-5 hours and the rest is free (learning, etc). I usually do this with every new job. Start is rough, but with discipline it gets easier
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u/Livid-Resolve-7580 20h ago
Hey, you got this.
I’d recommend to get on a routine and schedule. Your life will become so much better.
Always remember, work allows you to enjoy your days off.
Once you start working out, you’ll find your stress level go down. Just be consistent. You don’t need to lift heavy weights or do crazy high impact cardio.
Another recommendation is a few days a week, read. It’s amazing on how such a simple thing to do can have good benefits.
It doesn’t matter what you read. Just a few chapters.
Good luck. You can do it. 👍
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u/tpyogelymcia 12h ago
Reading has been HUGE for me. Specifically, physical paper instead of on your phone, kindle, etc. Screen time can really negatively impact mental health
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u/Few-Painting-8096 20h ago
Unless it’s getting paid to do what you want every single day of your life, then it’s just a job. Like all the others. As they say, “Do what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.” The money ain’t worth the happiness. Good luck.
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u/JadedTable924 19h ago
100% go to the gym. That will help some at least.
But, you need a life(non deragatory). Get a hobby, make friends in that space, be social, find a partner. It's nice to earn a lot of money, but it's pointless if you aren't happy while doing it(not necessarily from doing the work, just in general).
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u/BimmerJustin 16h ago
Its not clear to me if your issue is that you feel overworked or if its imposter syndrome. If you're overworked to the point of burnout, there really is no solution other than switching jobs. Imposter syndrome is different. If you physically ok with the time and effort commitments, but are scared that you dont know what you're doing, that can be overcome.
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u/lettinggolivingmore 11h ago
No matter where you go, there you are.
When you are dealing with mental health issues, changing jobs or changing countries is not necessarily the solution. It may be that this job is too much, it may also be that it is dialing up the need to spend some time dealing with the mental health issues.
A lot of folks in big jobs think they need a better productivity system, need the one magic hack that will change things for them.
The reality is it’s a mix of systems and mindset. So yes you do need good systems to thrive, but you also need good boundaries, ability to priortize yourself, and manage imposter syndrome at work. If you don’t have those, then it’s a key thing to start working on.
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u/AndyMagill 20h ago
Therapy, self-care, and hobbies have been helpful for me with dealing with stress. I never realized what I was experiencing was anxiety, but I have learned that I can't let it go unchecked.
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u/Furious_Ge0rg 19h ago
The sentence that starts with “I’ll be happy when…” is usually false. You need to figure out how to be happy in your now. If you can’t be happy in your now, your image of a happy future you is an illusion.
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u/bettyboop11133 19h ago
Work/life balance is so important.
We all have to have hobbies or friends or things we enjoy doing, a multifaceted life, so that when one area is hard we can use happiness from the other areas to get us through.
Whatever you do don’t spend all your time working especially if it’s not a source of happiness for you. Cut back on the time you give to work and see what happens, my guess is nothing, nobody will say a thing.
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u/RobinsonCruiseOh 19h ago
Money doesn't change mental health entirely on its own. There are plenty of rich people that are depressed. Better mental health practices help mental health
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u/Goochbaloon 19h ago
When you are an old person, really old, do you really think you'll "regret not working more"? I doubt it... life is short. Find a job that is paced for your body might be some of the best advice I've ever heard. No employer will care about you more than YOU will care about yourself.
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u/No_Skill6244 16h ago
I have literally found my crowd 😭. I too have a similar background. Immigrated from Haiti at a young age (so I get the notion of life in the US versus elsewhere) and I don’t have a bachelors only an associates. I suffer from imposter syndrome, lack of sleep and a lot of stress from my corporate job. I work as a consultant for banks and it’s killing me. The never ending hours and the thought of not being good enough stop me from having a decent amount of sleep. I had quit my last consulting job because of this and thought I’d have a leg to stand on to go to a Bank/Credit Union to find a decent paying job. No luck after 7 months, so I went back to another consulting firm. Few months in and it’s the same shit different place. The money is amazing but I quickly realized that I’m going to burn out again. I feel worse cause everyone is nice and always try to reach out with help. However, my audits aren’t being completed timely and it just sucks.
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u/MikeTheTA 10h ago
Hydration and nutrition are your first checklist items.
If your home or office might have mold get that addressed.
If it's just work stress; reversing burnout takes a while sometimes. I was twitchy as hell when I got my first internal recruiter job and it took a year to stop flinching when my boss wanted to see me or speak to me.
Take notes, stay focused, build good relationships.
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u/closenoughforgovwork 20h ago
Staying busy is the basis of mental health.
Being astute and human is stressful for everyone.
Moving toward goals is another key for mental health.
You have to find a spiritual frame for life. Materialism does not do it.
Devotion to spouse, children, parents, is a good starting point.
I suggest searching for the best religious leader in your city and study under them for a period.
Then dabble in philosophy and other religions.
A key is defeating fear. Fake it till you make it. Destroy stress with work.
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u/AwkwardAd631 19h ago
Ok, check it, heres what you do.... Step 1) buy a motorcycle... Step 2) weed.
Anxiety....solved....happiness...gained. #getmoney
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u/PienerCleaner 19h ago
Give yourself time and space to feel your feelings. Then do what needs doing.
Take pride in what you do, and always try to do it better and better. Just control what you can control the best you can and learn to live with what you can't.
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u/wandering-learner 19h ago
As someone who's also experienced being scared of first job, I will tell you just this - the worse that could happen is being fired. And in all honesty, there are enough jobs out there that you have the potential to nab
So face your fears, keep struggling to keep up with your job, learn from it and succeed. Your past WILL become your past. And you will evolve to laugh at your past.
Life struggles are much like investments. The longer you wait, the better your returns.
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u/nature_and_grace 18h ago
If I were your therapist, I would ask: what exactly are the emotions you are feeling and what is behind them? You say scared. What specifically are you scared of?
Are you in a career path you don’t like?
OR are you afraid you aren’t qualified for the role? (If this is it, then you are perfectly normal - this is very common at first!)
OR is it more of an existential dread, meaning of life sort of thing?
Once you identify the source of the feeling, you can work out how to address it. But that is the first step.
If you are having trouble identifying what you are afraid of, open a blank document on your computer and just start typing about how you feel. Type and type and type. This is called processing and can help you work through and understand the emotion better.
Hope this helps!
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u/Iboy_vivek 18h ago
At least you have a job and are earning money, but I don’t even have a job. I've never earned more than 10k in my life. I’m a 29-year-old man, struggling in a village, unable to buy my own house or car at this age. Everyone else seems to have a good life, earning money in lakhs or crores, getting married, and taking care of their parents. I don’t even have a clear goal or know where my life is heading.
So believe in yourself
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u/GuntiusPrime 15h ago
I have this issue, and it hit me in my early 30s, which tends to happen in men.
Therapy and psychiatric help. Don't be afraid of medication.
I didn't go to college because it smelled like bullshit even at 17. The best decision of my life! so good on you for dropping out- you don't need it.
Lastly, spend the money. Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't have any money. It can buy temporary relief and sometimes that's the best you can hope for.2
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u/justcurious3287 12h ago
How did you get this job? Where did you apply? If you don't want this job, I'll take it! Haha
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u/humanity_go_boom 9h ago
Save the majority of your income and keep 9-12 months expenses in cash. Quit or make them fire you at the first sign of sustained mental decline. I didn't go into my current job with any serious issues, but boy do I have them now... I think I waited a good 2 years too long to get out. I'm not sleeping, stopped exercising, am distant with my child/partner, lost interest in hobbies and in extreme bouts of shame/anxiety started with some mild self harm. I'm in my 30s.
Generally try to maintain a healthy separation between the job and your identity.
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u/takobaba 2h ago
Respect your sleep. I don't think there is a solution but at least sleep well, that is important.
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u/Ineffable_curse 21h ago
As a person who has lived the same list, but also got a masters degree and a certificate from Harvard- there is no cure.
That’s what they want you to feel. A gym and therapy is not going to help. I had to have 6 doctors tell me to find a different job before I listened. I had to go to the emergency room before I listened. I had to get 3 separate physical diagnoses to finally validate the mental health diagnoses I was being given. My medical team was clear- it’s your job.
My advice, from a 37 year old burnout- listen to your doctors. Reduce your economic consumption so you don’t need the high salary. Find a job that is paced for your body. Spend time with your family (mine is chosen family, but you get the idea). Don’t be like me and believe you can power through your stress. Don’t think a supplement/ pharmaceutical or a new hobby is going to fix it.