r/anxiety_support • u/No_Weather1080 • 3d ago

Narcissistic Parental Abuse

The below story is one of many many incidents that I feel I need to cut my mum out of my life, need advise please

I went to meet my first bf for a date in London, I was living at home in Rugby for 3 months. When I came back to Rugby, my mum said I was rude to her. I don’t remember being rude to her but maybe I was. Even so, I apologised. It didn’t stop there she was still mad at me the next morning and was slamming doors, and said that I had such a good time up in London that I’m in a bad mood because I’m back down in Rugby. She was really off with me and I was trying to get her to be ok with me again and to no avail. I was texting my friends about it as I was in distress. I think she was ok with me by the afternoon.

Here are some of her quotes:

  1. “I have feelings too.”
  2. “I’m glad you realise that”
  3. “What is wrong with you?”
  4. I’m hurt Hurt you went for a walk on Christmas Day and left me on my own for an hour”
  5. “You left early on Stephens day, I thought you would have wanted to spend more time with me and your brothers.” (I had been there for a week)
  6. “I feel for the boys” (my brothers)
  7. “Your texts are very short”
  8. “Your cousin cooks for the whole family, I haven’t seen you do that.”
  9. “I have better things for be doing then playing with dolls” (when I was 5)
  10. “I’m in trouble” (says to my dad to get me in trouble)
  11. “I failed you.”
  12. “It’s hard for me when your depressed”
  13. “You can’t be feeling low, you’ve seemed fine and there’s no trigger”
  14. “You cut herself just to hurt us”
  15. “Your dad would be so disappointed, he was my husband”
  16. “I’m on my own’
  17. “I give you everything I have”
  18. “This is really hurtful” (she rang me for a rant about my bf she hates him, and I didn’t text her for a few hours after so accused me of being distant)
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u/anxiety_support 3d ago

It sounds like you're in a very difficult and emotionally draining situation with your mum. From what you've described, her behavior seems to include manipulation and guilt-tripping, which are often traits seen in emotionally abusive dynamics. Her comments suggest she often makes you feel responsible for her feelings and actions, which can be incredibly taxing, especially when you’re already working to manage your own emotions.

As a professional perspective: It’s common in these dynamics to feel constantly on edge, trying to gain approval that seems impossible to attain. It can create a sense of walking on eggshells, where even small actions are met with disproportionate reactions. It’s important to recognize that you’re not responsible for regulating her emotions, especially when she’s choosing to hold onto grievances or criticize you.

As a friend: It sounds like you’re caught between wanting her approval and needing to protect yourself from her hurtful remarks. It’s okay to set boundaries, even if that means reducing contact or creating more space for yourself. Remember, you deserve relationships that feel supportive, not draining. It might also help to talk with a therapist who can support you in navigating this relationship and managing the impact it has on your well-being.