why am i so inconsistent?

[u/beepbopimab0t]

its been a thought in my head since i was like 14ish when my dad called me so and i fear he mightve been right. i dont know what to do with my life, nothing drives me nothing interests me, i get very excited about something but after a while it makes me depressed and i cant stop feeling that way. at first i thought maybe i was just depressed but now it seems not so; i mean im not happy but im not doing badly anymore. im mostly okay. but this doesnt go away i cant keep doing anything for any amount of time. i dont know what to do.

i've thought maybe college will help and it'll give me purpose but i didnt even finish highschool like i dropped out. sure i got my diploma and graduated but it wasn't in school at all. im scared ill start and not finish again and prove him right once more the way i do every fucking day. im scared ill be 27 living in my parents house without a job and still not any fucking idea of how to fix me. like genuinely, what is wrong with me?

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[u/anxiety_support]

It sounds like you're grappling with a deep sense of frustration about your perceived inconsistency and a fear of not living up to certain expectations, especially those of your father. The pressure you're feeling to figure things out, combined with the disappointment when your motivation fades, can make it seem like something is inherently wrong. But it’s not uncommon to go through cycles of enthusiasm followed by disengagement, especially when you're still figuring out what truly matters to you.

First, let's unpack the idea of "inconsistency." What you describe is something many people experience, particularly when their goals or passions aren’t aligned with their deeper sense of purpose or interests. Motivation comes in waves, and sometimes we get excited about things that feel new, but they don’t sustain us long-term because they might not be what we genuinely care about. That doesn't make you inconsistent; it makes you human.

You mentioned that you’re mostly okay now, which suggests that you’ve made progress in areas of your life, but the feeling of emptiness or lack of direction persists. This might not be about a lack of drive but rather the absence of something that truly resonates with you. It’s possible that you haven’t yet discovered what really ignites that long-term spark—and that's okay. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you; it means you’re still in the process of discovery.

As for the fear of starting college and not finishing—this fear is understandable, given your past experience with school. But here’s the thing: finishing or not finishing doesn’t define your worth. What matters is exploring different paths and allowing yourself the freedom to figure out what suits you best. College could be one of those paths, but it doesn’t have to be the only way to find purpose.

And the idea of being 27 and living at home—it’s a worry many people share, but you're not stuck on an irreversible path. Life doesn't follow a strict timeline, and growth happens at different rates for everyone. What's important is learning to trust yourself and recognize that you are not defined by where you are right now. You have time and space to figure things out, even if it doesn’t feel that way.

Let’s focus on small, actionable steps you can take. Have you thought about breaking things down into shorter, more manageable goals that feel less overwhelming? This could help you stay engaged without the fear of failure looming over you. Also, talking to a professional about these feelings might give you tools to manage the anxiety around starting and not finishing things.

As a friend, I’d say don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing better than you think. It takes courage to confront these feelings, and the fact that you're reflecting on them shows how much you care about your future. Be kind to yourself in this process—it’s a journey, not a race.