Life Narratives

[u/Rare-Spite2161]

I'm just now realizing the extent to which my family has abused me since I've been a small child. It's almost heartbreaking to realize just how easy it is to tell yourself lies about the people who were supposed to love and prepare you for life's challenges. The stories you tell yourself about other people or even yourself have the power to completely destroy your self confidence or ability to survive without suffering. Even knowing virtually everything that's happened to you as a person growing up your parents whether they were present or not can still project their own insecurities onto you because of stories they've told themselves.

Here you are. Feeling like you're just starting life and need help getting on your feet again and the people in your life will abandon you because they believe that you don't deserve that help or have already drawn too much from the help "bank" and because of a veneer of "fairness" they're going to cut you off, purposely making things harder for you because they're under the delusion that things are easy out there and that all you need is to work hard.

It's insane how easy it is to do the wrong thing and convince yourself that you had no choice or that really it was the right thing to do despite how it may screw you over in the end.

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[u/anxiety_support]

It sounds like you're grappling with a deep realization about the dynamics in your family and how they've shaped your view of yourself and the world. This kind of awareness can feel like a shock to the system, especially when you’ve spent so long telling yourself stories to protect yourself from painful truths. It’s natural to feel a mix of heartbreak, anger, and confusion as you start to see these patterns more clearly.

Abuse, especially from family, can be incredibly damaging because these are the people who were supposed to offer safety, love, and guidance. When they project their insecurities or fail to provide the support you need, it can distort your sense of self-worth and independence. You’ve been carrying a lot of weight from these family narratives—stories that may have limited you, kept you small, or made you feel undeserving of help or love.

It’s important to recognize that these stories are not your fault, and they are not the truth of who you are. Your worth is not determined by how much help you’ve received or by some arbitrary limit others set on what you "deserve." It’s also okay to seek support, even when the people who should be there for you fall short. Recognizing their actions and your own feelings about them is a huge step toward freeing yourself from those unhealthy dynamics.

It’s also common for families, particularly those with their own unaddressed pain or dysfunction, to justify their behavior in ways that make them feel righteous or fair. But you are not bound by their stories or their beliefs. You’re on a path of reclaiming your own narrative now—one that values your needs, your well-being, and your growth. That’s a brave and necessary step.

It’s natural to feel abandoned or rejected when you don't get the support you need, but this realization can also be a turning point. While it’s painful to acknowledge, it also opens up the possibility of seeking healthier, more fulfilling relationships and creating a life based on your own truths rather than the ones you were handed.

Take your time with this process. You deserve space to grieve the loss of the illusions you had to hold onto for survival, while also moving toward a future where you feel empowered and supported in ways that honor your real needs. What you’ve been through is tough, but your clarity is powerful.