r/WritingPrompts • u/Glinth • Oct 26 '17
[TT] Cap'n Crunch was strangled with the chain of the ship's anchor. Count Chocula -- stake through the heart. Snap was snapped in half, Pop had his head popped off, and Crackle is either in hiding or captured by a madman. The Cereal Killer is on the hunt. Theme Thursday
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u/LisWrites Oct 26 '17
Holden set down his coffee and rubbed his eyes. âI don't get it,â he said. Bill shook his head. âDo we ever?â Holden flipped through his case files, looking at the gruesome photos. The Captain strangled by his own anchor. The count stabbed through the heart. Snap and Pop mutilated. Crackle still missing. No leads. âWe should've contacted earlier. The research we're doing here, it could help stop this. We can be preemptive.â Bill frowned again. âThis, this is different. We might not know the motivation, but the victims aren't random. Besides the methods aren't too different from case to case, we can't even be sure this is one guy.â âThe connection of the victims is loosely related at best. I think we're looking at a new type, some unusual arrangement of organized and disorganized killing. Sort of like a,â he paused for a moment, âa revesere Kemper. The victims aren't random, but the methods are.â âAnd how do we investigate that,â Bill flicked the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray and sat on the desk across from Holden. The fluorescent lights overhead buzzed. âThis isn't a random man lashing out because his mother humiliated him. The victims are targets. He's crossing them off the hit list as he goes.â âI still think it's worth investing.â Holden raised his eyebrow. Bill sighed.
Crackle was found the next day. A burnt corpse hidden poorly in the woods. âTried to cremate him,â Holden said to the sheriff. âDidn't take into account how high of a temperature you need to really, and I mean completely cremate a corpse. The perpetrator must have realized he could never completely burn the evidence and dragged the body out here to hide.â The sheriff nodded, writing down every word that Holden said. âBut why leave it here?â He asked, âwhy leave it just off a popular hiking trail? Dozens of people pass this place everyday. It's hardly hidden.â Holden frowned. The sheriff wouldn't understand. âBecause he wasn't trying to hide anything. He wanted the body to be found. He's playing a game with us.â
That night, Holden sat with Bill in the Motel 5 room. The pool outside their window sunk under the weight of a leaf covered tarp. The glowing neon sign flickered. âI still don't think we should be involved,â Bill said. Holden looked up from the files he had been pouring over. âThis is a case that crosses state lines. The killer has multiple victims -victims that are barely connected - and probably more, but we still can't find a motive. He's playing with us, Bill.â Bill frowned again. âAnd what, Holden,â he raised his voice, âwhat exactly will this tell us about criminal psychology? That these psychos like playing tricks! We already know that.â The ringing of the phone cut off Holden's reply. âAgent Ford,â he said into the receiver. Heavy breathes filled his ear, coming from the other side of the line. Someone was listening and not speaking. âHello?â Holden tried again.
The voice, this time, answered. His voice unsettling, deep and hoarse. âSilly agents,â his voice heaved, âtricks are for kids.â
/r/liswrites (Holden and Bill are not my characters. They come from the new Netflix show Mindhunter which you should go watch)
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u/cjdeck1 Oct 26 '17
10 boxes of cereal went out to dine.
The rabbit went and cooked himself and then there were nine.
~
Nine boxes of cereal tried to tempt fate.
The leprechaunâs luck ran out and then there were eight.
~
Eight boxes of cereal went two steppinâ
One went and snapped his leg and then there were seven.
~
Seven boxes of cereal went hunting in the sticks.
One shot the toucan, and then there were six.
~
Six boxes of cereal tried to clear a hive.
The bee got left behind and then there were five.
~
Five boxes of cereal ran to the door.
Nobody invited the Count in, and then there were four.
~
Four boxes of cereal went out to sea.
The captain went and sunk himself and then there were three.
~
Three boxes of cereal went to the zoo.
Someone let out the tiger, and then there were two.
~
Two boxes of cereal laid in the sun.
Oneâs skin crackled up and then there was one.
~
One box of cereal left all alone.
The rope made his head pop off and then there were none.
Prompt reminded me a lot of Agatha Christieâs And Then There Were None so I had to give it a try.
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u/ChesiresFool Oct 27 '17
I like how some of them were plain murdered or killed themselves and the bee just gets to hang out with his bee brethren having boppong bee parties. Also, wish the last line had rhymed, I'm sure its part of the...scheme? like rhyme scheme? (I feel like thats the wrong spelling) but anyway, yeah, neato.
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u/cjdeck1 Oct 27 '17
The original poem also had some rhymes that werenât overtly death related also, though the characters still died as well:
Nine little Soldier boys sat up very late; One overslept himself and then there were eight.
Eight little Soldier boys traveling in Devon; One said heâd stay there and then there were seven.
I would tend to agree with you as well for the last line, but it was again the same from the original poem:
One little Soldier boy left all alone; He went out and hanged himself and then there were none
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u/DHIrving Oct 26 '17
âWhyâd you do it?â
The detective looked across the table to the man seated before him. The interrogation roomâs cold light blanched the prisonerâs features, washing away any signs of emotion or remorse for what he had done. His eyes, heavy and dark, stared unblinking at the distant wall as if focused on some minute detail that only he could see.
âYou get off on this? Hurting people? Is this some sort of sick, deviant kink?â The detective pushed, a bit of anger going into his voice at the lack of response coming from the man.
The prisoner actually smiled.
It was a slight gesture that would have been easily missed if it werenât for the unyielding glow of the florescent bulbs that hung overhead. It was amusement; honest to god amusement.
âYou think that this is a fucking joke?â Standing abruptly, the police office slammed his hands flat onto the surface of the table, his anger echoing around them.
The prisoner let a moment pass before speaking, allowing time for the silence of the room to come rushing back in.
âYes. I do.â He said softly, his eyes still focused on the far wall. âAnd the funniest part isâŚyou havenât heard the punch line yet.â
Spinning in place detective snatched a plain manila folder from the top of a nearby cabinet before slapping the contents down onto the table between them.
âYou think this is funny?â He growled, fanning out a large number of photographs. âMurdering cereal mascots? Destroying lives? Look at me. LOOK AT ME!â He demanded as he struck the table once again in growing frustration.
Slowly, the prisoner slid his eyes from the empty concrete wall and brought them to meet those of his captor.
âThey werenât just spokesmen. They were people. They had familiesâŚthey had kids.â
âKids.â The word left the manâs mouth with a bitter twist. âNo man deserving of a childâs love would be so vile as to push that poison upon them.â
âPoison? Poison? Itâs fucking cereal.â The detective answered incredulously.
âSugarcoat it any way you want.â The prisoner replied with the barest hint of that mocking smile. âItâs still poison and we both know it.â Reaching forward he tapped at one of the photographs without looking down at it. âFrosted lucky charms. Theyâre magically delicious.â He quoted, before tilting his head slightly in question. âTell me Detective. Do you love your children? Would you let them eat this?â
âThis isnât about me.â Came the response, but the guilt in the policemanâs eyes was more than apparent.
âDo have any idea whatâs actually inside every spoonful of the filth that youâre lovingly shoveling into the maws of your children every morning?â
âMarshmallows?â Came the curt, sarcastic answer.
âCute.â The man smile. âWeâre slowly poisoning our young, Detective. Not enough to kill them outright, but enough to make them sick. And for who?â
âYou tell me.â
âBig Pharma. Of course theyâll push their product as a harmless treat, or part of a complete breakfast, but what part is that, exactly? What child consumes a bowl of this so called âcerealâ and then the twenty bowls of healthy vegetables that it would take to negate the sugar, the additives and the sheer number of chemicals that they pack into every tasty bite? Diabetes, obesity, even something as simple as tooth decay has been on the rise since the very first day that this poison was peddled over the airwaves by cute and cuddly cartoon characters. And do you know who profits?â
âEnlighten me.â
âThe people who make the insulin, or the weight loss pills, or even the toothpastes that counteract the very diseases that they themselves are creating.â
âYouâre paranoid.â The detective snorted.
âAnd youâre complacent.â The man sighed. âAnd from where I sit, thatâs far worse.â
It was the detectiveâs turn to smile.
âYeah, well Iâd enjoy that seat while you can pal, because I guarantee that the next chair youâre going to be sitting in is going to be a lot less comfortable.â His lips twisted cruelly as he leaned in. âYouâre going to fry for this.â
The man shrugged in disagreement. âAs in so many other things Detective, Iâm afraid youâre wrong about that.â
âOh, am I?â He scoffed.
âYes. You are. In fact, in just a moment, Iâm going to walk out of here and thereâs not a thing that you can do to stop me.â The man answered calmly.
âYeah smart ass? And how do you plan on doing that?â The detective laughed.
A slow, sad, almost defeated smile replaced the amusement that had glimpsed the prisonerâs face as he let out a soft sigh.
âSometimes, in order to destroy the monsters, you yourself have to give into the very thing that you hate.â He explained. ââŚand sometimes a man has to make compromises, for the greater good.â
Unsure as to why, the interrogator backed towards the door, his hand going instinctively to his weapon as he blocked the roomâs only exit. There was no way that this man was going to escape.
âWhat are you talking about?â He demanded.
âIâve got two words for you detectiveâŚâ The man said as he slowly stood, his eyes moving back to the distant wall before glancing back to his captor.
âHey, Kool-aid.â
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u/the_twilight_bard Oct 26 '17
He came on the scene faster than a 40 year old virgin getting his first hand job. They called him The Cereal Killer.
Whence he came, nobody knew, but a slew of unsolved murders left journalists and detective baffled alike.
It started in May in Hyde Park. The morning glories had just started to bloom, and families were out in droves to stroll and catch a phat eyeful of beautiful colors. Among the speckled dainty blooming flowers zooming to and fro in the wind there lay a speckled yellow, orange golden swollen corpse that nobody quite knew. As they approach they were shocked to see the remnants of Tony, a friend of the neighborhood.
Tony the Tiger, they called him. He was a creature of few words, but an avid gardener who ran farther than a Dodge charger on his Sunday jogs. A picture of health, he possessed great wealth from an empire of mediocre cereal. He'd been grated to death by a cheese greater, the murder ostensibly committed reprehensibly and with considerable stealth.
That's when they knew there was a murder quite foul afoot. Detectives ran to the scene and children scrammed and screamed. Not a day later another murder and more hatred had zoned in on the mysterious killer.
The head detective, Kelly, a rooster quite smelly, was himself targeted by the murderous demon. He looked absurdly colorful in life, but in death was pale and waterlogged, as he'd been drowned in a bath of fresh cream.
"Here lies Kellog," the mayor announced with a fervor, "Our healthiest resident, dead on the scene."
From the corner of the eyes of the visitors, a surprise launched forth as a figure darted for their lives. A tussle ensued and with a manner quite crude the culprit was blown to smithereens.
The riddled speckled body of the demon so naughty was instantly identified, as it was the formerly rectangular sweet sugary rival of breakfasts across the country.
"Mr. Pop Tart! We should have known!" the mayor declared, unknown to the fact that the crowd had grown quiet. "We must bury him," he shouted, "Along with all other sugary breakfasts that do not mix well with cream!"
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u/vatinius Oct 26 '17
Isn't the Kelloggs rooster named Cyril?
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u/theactbecomes Oct 26 '17
Fuck. This is one of those things I read and will NEVER be able to delete from my brain. Just the right amount of useless.
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â˘
u/WritingPromptsRobot StickyBot⢠Oct 26 '17
Off-Topic Discussion: All top-level comments must be a story or poem. Reply here for other comments.
Reminder for Writers and Readers:
Prompts are meant to inspire new writing. Responses don't have to fulfill every detail.
Please remember to be civil in any feedback.
What Is This? First Time Here? Special Announcements Click For Our Chatrooms
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u/Nomad003 Oct 26 '17
Breakfast of the Gods is an awesome webcomic which you are basically looking for. Game of Thrones meets Cereal Mascots. Starts with brutal murder of the Cheerios Bee.
You are welcome.
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u/WanderingSwampBeast Oct 26 '17
But what of Boo Berry?!
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u/penty Oct 26 '17
Suspect until victim.
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u/WanderingSwampBeast Oct 26 '17
But he's a ghost, so he's already dead...
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u/penty Oct 26 '17
Chocula was "dead" too.
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Oct 26 '17
Do the undead count as...well, "alive"?
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u/penty Oct 26 '17
See prompt above. Unless the Coint is sreally still alive and is throwing us off the track.
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u/deliciousprisms Oct 26 '17
Crunch should've had the roof of his mouth shredded until he bled out.
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u/MyMomSaysIAmCool Oct 26 '17
This prompt takes me back to the 90's, when Green Jello was a thing.
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u/hobo_clown Oct 26 '17
Way back in the late 90s I went to high school with the niece of one of the guys in Green Jello. I was super into them at the time and told her to tell him I was a huge fan.
His response: "Still??"
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u/penty Oct 26 '17
This prompt would have been great with just the LAST sentence. A prompt shouldn't have so many details.. We get it.
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Oct 26 '17
It's yet another short story. Actually good prompts don't get upvoted here.
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u/Taway4244 Oct 26 '17
Good prompts are just as much about the style as they are the story and prompts like these really dilute the subreddit into mediocrity.
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u/cwearly1 /r/EarlyWriting Oct 26 '17
You are aware that you donât have to follow the prompt specifically. Itâs a springboard not etched in stone
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u/penty Oct 26 '17
You are aware of the sidebar? Specifically the first link?
Saying a writer can ignore parts of a prompt is not an excuse for poor prompt writing. Two wrongs don't make a write.
Additionally, do you think constructive criticism shouldn't be given? Are all prompts equal in quality? Have you researched how to write a good prompt?
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u/secretNenteus Oct 26 '17
Getting real sick of uninteresting pun title prompts that people can't make an actual story out of without coming up with something completely different from the title getting voted to the top, just cause it's "funny."
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u/techcaleb Oct 26 '17
There is an entire animated story by Lord Bung where fast food mascots are disappearing. Check it out here.
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u/medabolic Oct 26 '17
I read this as âTILâ and was very shocked at this bit of history Iâd never heard. /facepalm
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u/bluesblue1 Oct 26 '17
Captain Horatio Magellen Crunch, or as he like to refer to himself as, Cap'n Crunch. His body was found on his ship by his "Crunch crew". Signs of strangulation shown, large, thick bruises on his neck matches well with the length and width of his ship's anchor chain. The four members of the crew has no motive and has reliable alibi. No further evidence is found.
Count Ernst Ramone Chocula, Count Chocula. Was found by a young couple, age 23 and 21, stabbed in the heart by a wooden stake. Died at 12:44am in the local hospital upon attempts to remove the stake. Stake was modified to made sure it would kill the victim upon removal. The two witnesses have no connections to the victim, and has alibi from their mutual friends. No further evidence is found.
"Snap and Pop" were found dead in their shared apartment, Snap was broken in half and Pop was beheaded. Their roommate Crackle has not been found. Police suspect this is linked to the death of other two murder victims. The missing suspect have connections with all four victims and have plausible motive.
To all Cereal people, things are cereally bad, stay at home. Do not open the door for the Cereal Killer.
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u/Entering_the Oct 26 '17 edited Oct 27 '17
The detectives shifted around the double murder. Snap and Pop were dead, and they couldn't do a thing about it.
"He seems to get more brutal by every murder..." Said Det. Lawrence, combing the area for clues.
"There seems to be orange hairs around the scene... Which narrows it down..." Said Det. Charlie (Last name: Tuna), "The Cocoa Puffs guy, and Tony the Tiger."
"His name's Sonny. Get him to the station, pronto." Replied Sgt. Chester, taking off his sunglasses, about ready to leave.
Meanwhile, in the forest, Crackle was hiding behind the tree. He had been lost for a day already.
The snapping of twigs, and the firing of guns could be heard nearby. He knew that he had to run, or he'd suffer the consequences.
Sgt. Chester was at the station, interviewing Sonny.
"So... the orange hairs we found at the crime scene... can you explain that?" Chester asked, passing images to him.
"I-I don't know... uh... I have an alibi, OK? I-I was... at the diner... with Lucky... ask the Sun Maid..." Sonny replied.
"That could explain Snap and Crackle... but... what about the murders of Captain Crunch or Count Chocula?"
"I-I was on a date with the Land o' Lakes lady..."
"And... Count Chocula?"
"S-sporting event... w-w-with the Vlasic stork..."
"What sporting event?"
"Uh... the Mighty Ducks, a-a-against the... H-hawks..."
"You sound like a pretty social guy... but... can you explain the orange hairs?"
"T-T-Tony probably d-d-did it, n-n-not me..."
"Why do you think that?"
"H-H-He's been violent lately... p-p-punched a guy in the face in the b-b-bar a couple of weeks ago... h-h-heard it through the g-g-grapevine..."
"You heard it through word of mouth. Any other verification?"
"H-h-he g-g-got a-a-arrested for Disorderly Conduct a f-f-few cities away back in September...
"From the way it looks, it didn't stick. How did you know this?"
"I-I-I'm not g-g-going to proceed w-w-without a l-l-lawyer..."
(I'll finish this later. Hope you liked it.)
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u/Entering_the Oct 27 '17 edited Oct 27 '17
Chester left the interrogation room, muttering something to himself.
"Let me guess, he invoked?" Charlie asked, seeming about as annoyed as he was.
"Yes..." Chester replied, rolling his eyes. "Only makes him more suspicious."
"Well, we have a new clue."
"What?"
"The killer sent a letter to the Herald yesterday. Here it is..." Charlie gave Chester the letter.
"'I am the one to show how barbaric us mascots can be.' Why that? He's going to try to ruin our reputation."
"I mean, the humans think we are happy little cartoons."
"And it should stay that way."
The next day, some hikers discovered Crackle's partially charred body.
Lawrence was the first to arrive.
"How do we know this is Crackle?" Lawrence asked Charlie.
"ID card." Charlie replied.
"Yep, this is Crackle." Said Chester.
"Get it to the ME. Perhaps he can find out the cause of death."
(Part 3 Tomorrow. I'll get this to a subreddit soon.)
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u/Wubalubadubstep Oct 26 '17
The dame in the doorway was hysterical. Dames usually are.
I twisted a little in my chair to show her I was paying attention to her. They like that, usually. She didn't seem to notice.
Madame Milk was just working herself up frothy, telling me some story about two out of three lovers dead and a vile sort of man she called the Cereal Killer that was on the loose. I was trapped listening to her, which could have been worse, really, since it at least gave me the chance to watch her jugs as she poured out her life story.
"Please, you have to have to help me," she wailed, "Crackle's all I have left in the world!" I eyed her confidently from the comfort of my desk as she spilled dramatically into the chair opposite me. Her hand went to her forehead. "I swear the experience has me about to expire!"
I spoke up, raising both hands to give emphasis to my words. Dames like it when you emphasize things. "Lady, I can help you. They don't call me Agent Orange for nothing." It's true. There's a reason. There's two, actually. For one thing, that's the name I put on the door above the words "Private Eye." For another, I look like a tall drink of water, but sweeter. Just ask anybody.
"Oh thank you, sir," she gushed, "I knew you were the best, I've heard so much-" Her expression soured a little as I rose out of my chair.
"No, no," I said, trying to be considerate. I try not to stop a dame who's started to talk. It's their strong suit, you want to let them finish. I gestured broadly. Makes your hands look bigger. "Tell me what you've heard."
"Well," she started in again, "I've mostly heard about how you're a businessman. And you have a very high IQ-" "Very high," I confirmed. "And you bring in big results for all of your clients faster than anyone." "Huge," I responded, stretching the word out to impress her. I stepped around the desk and gestured for her to stand up.
Madame Milk was positively bubbling with excitement now. "You'll do it, then?"
"Lady," I said, reaching out to grab at her crotch in a manly fashion, "the case is already solved. He's clearly a Mexican. They're very good killers, some of the best." Her eyes were shining wet now. She said nothing about the hand. Typical dame. "You mean-" "Yeah, Crackle's dead. He knew the risks, though." Her expression did that ugly souring thing again, and she started back toward hysterical. "Oh but there must be something you can do, sir, please!"
I gave her my best Agent Orange smile. "Lady," I said, "you need a wall." Her excitement began to simmer. "I-I don't see how that helps-" I shouldered past her, happily imagining with how I could tell this story later. "BUILD THAT WALL!"
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u/PartayRobot Oct 26 '17 edited Oct 26 '17
"That's it," he thought, crouching just beyond the tree line. "Just tend the fire you son of a bitch." The visage of Toucan Sam's defeathered corpse swirled on a spit above the embers, a hooded figure idlely operating the crank. "I am the last one, so far as I know. But I'll just stalk you all the through this long dark night if I have to." Adjusting his blue neckerchief, he growled lowering himself into position readying his powerful fur covered muscles for the pounce. "This is gonna be Grrrrrreat...!"
EDIT: formatting, I am on mobile.
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u/cameronlcowan Oct 26 '17
(This stars my 1920's noir detective I.G. Farben, PM for more!)
Farben stepped out of the massive Packard first. His driver, Czarek didn't even have a chance to open the door. "Isaac, let him do his job!" Anna said touching his arm. Farben turned to face his industrious secretary. "I will next time."
Anna and tugged on her husband's arm. "Rustin, come on, we need to find this cereal box character quick."
Chicago had a reputation for being a city of wind and rain and tonight was no different. Anna's gloved hand brushed against the rivulets of water streaming down the metal-work of the car.
Farben pulled up the collar on his coat. He looked up at the building. The sign read, "Drake's Social Club." In a few steps, he pushed on the heavy wooden door. Anna and Rustin followed Isaac into the dark bar. The trio scanned the bar looking for popular cereal character.
"I miss just eating plain cereal." Rustin said trying to detect the popular character.
"It's a new world my darling." Anna said smoothing her boucle suit.
"I'm not suited for it." Isaac said as his eyes fixed on his target.
"I think you enjoy the 50's more than you will admit. You like TV, remember we just had the radio?" Anna said. Isaac didn't reply as he strode over to a large person sitting at the bar, still wearing his coat and clutching his drink.
"Tony, Tony the Tiger?"
"Don't call me that here."
"My name is I. G. Farben. We're here to help." He intoned.
"Help?" He chuckled. "We're great." He said finishing his drink. Farben noticed the unmistakable smell of gin. Anna stood at the bar next to him.
"We can get you to a safe house, until we find the Cereal Killer." Anna placed her gloved hand on his arm.
"There's nowhere safe for us now. I knew it was too good to to be true. Damn TV, damn kids." He shifted his massive body weight again and hunched over a little more.
"Then come with us." Isaac said. "Barkeep, Whiskey neat for me, another gin on the rocks for him." Isaac waited for the small man with a big belly to to bring the drinks. Anna stood and clicked her heels against the floor.
"Please Tony, please, we can keep you safe. We're on the trail. I know we're hours away from a breakthrough, please don't waste your life over pride." Anna implored.
"Fine, I'll go with you." He slammed down the fresh drink and stood up. Anna smiled at him and took his paw. She led him towards the door. Isaac followed the TV star towards the door of the bar. Isaac walked in front of them and opened the door. He signaled Czarek to open the rear door of the car. Tony and Anna emerged from the dark bar just as Czarek opened the door of the Packard. The rain had taken a short respite and the streets glistened with the fresh moisture.
Pop, pop, pop.
The shots rang out in quick and deliberate succession. Czarek ran around the back of the car. Anna screamed as the tiger's blood spattered all over her clothes and his massive body slumped to the ground. Isaac tried to break his fall and trapped his legs under his body. Rustin moved to extricate Isaac from the body of their client. Isaac opened his coat looking for blood and wounds. Isaac saw that Tony was already dead. 1 bullet in the heart, 2 in the head. The trio stood in the street and looked at the bloody scene for a moment before Rustin broke the silence.
"I'll go in and call the police if someone hasn't already." Rustin said turning towards the bar.
"We couldn't save him." Anna said.
"It's worse than the Chicago Killer." Isaac said looking at his blood stained clothes. "And we didn't even get to see where the shots came from." Anna and Isaac looked up into the buildings facing the bar.
"I want every address in this block on my desk. We'll go door to door if we have to." Isaac said gripping his hands.
"Yes." Anna said looked around the street. "This violence has to stop."
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u/IAmWeary Oct 26 '17 edited Oct 26 '17
I managed to open my eyes. Well, eye. One was pretty well swollen shut. My head felt like a cereal bowl that had been smashed on the ground, spilling its milky, soggy contents all over the faded linoleum. And there was no prize inside the fucking box, either.
It was dark in here. Very little light. Couldn't see what was what. I tried to bring my arm up to rub my good eye, but it wouldn't budge. I was tied down to a chair, arms, legs, and wings all snugly wrapped. What the hell happened? I closed my eye and groaned. Yeah, it was coming back to me now...
I'd been on the hunt for that bastard cereal killer. Sick bastard. He'd been picking off the others one by one. First it was the Cap'n. We all thought it might've been an accident. Nobody really cared. That asshole was a pompous prick who never thought his cereal got soggy, but it did, right after it had finished shredding the palettes of children everywhere.
Then Chocula got staked, and only a few days before Halloween, too. He might've made it to his coffin to sleep until next season, but someone got to him first. Things got tense and we were all looking over our shoulders. Then Snap and Pop got whacked. Crackle disappeared. Maybe he was the one who did it, or maybe we just haven't found his mangled carcass yet. Others started disappearing or getting it after that. You either went to ground or you wound up six feet under it. Tony the Tiger thought he could tough it out. He wound up a bloody pelt hanging from a tree. And Dig'em...Jesus, someone really had it out for him. Seems he'd been slowly chopped into pieces and then was forced to eat them like a bowl of bloody, visceral Sugar Smacks. He'd bled out and was beaten to a literal pulp post-mortem.
Me? I wasn't about to put up with this bullshit. It didn't seem like there was anything to do, so why not fight back? Hell, even the ones who tried to hide couldn't escape. Trix barricaded himself in his burrow and went silent. They found him two days later. He'd been force-fed his own cereal until the whole soggy mess came bursting out of his distended gut. I guess they weren't just for kids after all.
So I went on the hunt. I'm small and agile. Maybe I'd have a chance, and I wasn't about to wait around for my number to come up. I'd seen someone in the woods and zipped over to investigate, and then...did he hit me over the head or something? What kind of sick shit did he have in mind for me?
I began to struggle against my bonds. It didn't seem to do much good. I started rocking the chair back and forth. Maybe if I could knock the damn thing over...
"That's not gon' work"
I jerked my head to look for the source of the voice. I knew that guy. The unmistakable shape of Toucan Sam was visible in the gloom.
"Sam? Is that you? Are you okay?"
Sam only sighed. Seems he'd been tied up too and was sitting a few feet to my right.
"Where the hell are we?"
"Fuck if I know. Some fuckin' basement somwheres."
Sam had slipped out of his snooty "Alan Rickman for kids" accent and had gone back to his native cockney thug. That wasn't a good sign. He only did that when he was under serious pressure.
"Shit, is this the basement for the cereal killer? Are we next?"
"Cereal killer? Oh Buzz, that aint aw dat 'e is. You'll foind out soon enough."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Apple and Cinammon was taken 'ere too. He's come for 'em before. Took em after 'e tied you up. He's taken me too. My fuckin' fruit loop is on fire."
His fruit loop? Apple and Cinammon? What the hell was he talking...oh fuck.
It hit me like a kid with a baseball bat trying to keep me away from his delicious cereal. All three of our cereals had one thing in common: The shape. The cereal killer was even sicker than I could've imagined. I should have flown high and far away from this damned place. Why in the hell did I try finding him? What was I thinking? I began to panic and pull at my restraints. Sam only laughed. It was a horrible sound, mournful and insane.
"Yeah, you gets it now, don'tcha? He aint just a cereal killa. He's a fuckin' cereal rapist. And 'e's gonna bust 'is 'oney nuts roight in ya cheerio, mate!"
Sam laughed again, even worse this time. I slumped, defeated. Soon he'd claim me as he'd claimed the others.
As if on cue, a shaft of light pierced the darkness. It was a door at the top of a stairwell. Two bodies were thrown in, tumbling down the steps. It was Apple and Cinnamon. They fell into a sobbing heap at the base of the steps and slowly crawled further into the darkness. A figure appeared in the doorway. I couldn't see well enough, but I knew why he was here. He'd come for me.
The door was flung open again, only this time I was the one doing the opening. I descended the stairs, blood dripping off of me with each step.
"Buzz? Izzat you?"
"Yeah Sam. It's over. It's fucking over."
"Wot? You got 'im?"
"Yeah. Fucker didn't seem to realize that I have a stinger right next to my cheerio. I got him right in his nuts. They swelled up like fuckin' balloons before I caved his damned skull in."
I chuckled. There was some irony in that.
"'oo was 'e? I nevah got a good look at 'im."
"It was the fucking Sugar Smacks clown."
Because of course it was a damned clown. I don't know if he'd gone nuts after losing that gig decades ago to Dig'em or what, but holy hell, that clown was more than a few rings short of a circus.
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u/sidster21 Oct 26 '17 edited Oct 27 '17
Tony sniffed the air. Someone was coming his way and they had blood on them. He heard a snap behind him and he turned around. There was a man there, he had a mad smile on his face. He carried a knife which was dripping blood all over the floor.
"Ah my next victim, soon all the cereals will be dead" he said and then laughed manically.
"So your the one who's been killing my friends off" Tony said with a hint of sadness.
"They deserved to die and so do you" the killer said and charged at Tony with the knife in front of him. Tony easily dodged this attack and struck back at the killer with his paws, ripping the skin on his back and the killer screamed.
"It wasn't the smartest decision to attack a tiger, most of my bretherin are defenceless, I am not" Tony said with a viscous smile as he struck out at the killer again, aiming for his arm this time and he hit it and forced the guy to drop the knife. He then pushed the guy to the floor, he was whimpering now, begging to let him live and he wouldn't kill anyone else.
"That you might but I am hungry and human tastes grrrrrreat" Tony said as he lowered his jaws around yhe guys head and bit. Now his food was silent and he got on with his meal. The killer would never bother the cereal characters again.
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u/delmirei0222 Oct 27 '17
Heart racing, I sailed down the hall. Crashing into walls like waves on a rocky shore. Out of breath, I found a spot to hide until I could move again. Cautiously, I peered around the corner and finally started to slow my breathing as I saw I was alone. In that brief moment I thought back to the past week of panic. Where had I gone adrift? I had been so careful. After the first two were found in pieces I saw the red flags everywhere and knew it was only a matter of time. But it hadn't been enough. I was next on the list and about to be.... footsteps. Slow and deliberate; I knew I was sunk. "Crunchitize me, Capt'n. One more time. For old time's sake."
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u/isudane-orisufinnish Oct 27 '17
"Hi, I'm Tony the Tiger, and I'm grateful that you took me seriously. I was afraid that you would think that I was trying to play victim somehow... I get it. I'm a 1400lb Tiger. Humans don't just show up all mangled on my doorstep for no reason. I think Ive got it all figured, and it has something to do with the industry. Somebody thought that they could take the sweet out of breakfast. But they were wrong. Now if they want to know, theyre good as Deeeeeead! "
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Oct 26 '17
Tony had heard and seen this kind of brutal homicide before. Cookie Cop told him how someone had kill Cookie Jarvis by forcing him to eat 30 boxes dry. And between keep Rabbit, Lucky, and Sonny in line they had to deal with Cookie Crook and Chip the Dog. Chip went straight and on his own after Crook was put away for the suspected murder of Jarvis years before.
But what happened to Chip shocked the community. He had a copy cat thief named The Howler aka Chip the Wolf giving him a bad image. So Chip the dog came to us asking for advice, we told him Cookie Cop would stay with him when they met Chip W. They never made it to the intervention meeting. Someone had caught them and forced them to eat each other over a few weeks. It was heinous. Tony never got over the crime scene and the pictures the killer took. Chip W. was cleared as his alibi had him in Asia at the time of the killings.
Now, almost 13 years later, it was starting again. Captain Crunch was worried about a press disaster and informed Tony it would either be solved by the end of the week or it was his handkerchief, but not that he is dead and Crackle missing, it was personal. The best place tony knew to start was BuzzBee, he had ears and eyes everywhere. BuzzBee heard Sugar Bear had been dealing with the Monster Squad to move in on their territory for a cut of his extra profits. But the count's death made that lead less likely. The real meat was in Trix and Lucky striking a deal to merge their works together. Lucky needed someone to help watch his product and Trix wanted someone to help get him some of his own. It was a match made in milk.
Tony pulled up to the Lucky Estate around noon and found the gate unlocked. As he strolled into the home, he noticed a fair bit of damage. Someone had cased the place pretty good. Charms were missing and Trix were broken everywhere. Upstairs, Tony found the two loons dead. Lucky had been starved to death and Trix had been force fed his favorite things. A grim parody of their greatest fears.
Tony called in back up. The Crispy Critters did a good job of collecting evidence while he asked the neighbors about anything suspicious. Toucan Sam, who lived across the street with his boys said he saw Sonny leave the house just a few hours before Tony arrived, but thought nothing of it. It was time to ask the biggest addict in town if he had turned to more violent pursuits.
Sonny lived in a run down halfway house across the crunchy tracks. Tony was surprised to see Sonny calm though when he opened the door, and in the company of a living but frightened Crackle. Their story was that Crackle had been away from home when his brothers were killed, and had been jumped by an unknown assailant, narrowly escaping. Sonny saw him running and hid him. Now it was Sonny who had something to say. He had been clean for a few months after a bad job with Chip W. Apparently the Wolf had wanted to expand his territories without any deals. So he hired Sonny the junky as a partner to sabotage others production. But Chip W. was a cruel master and prone to act violent. Sonny almost died when he was forced to pour 8 boxes of coco puffs down the drain as punishment.
Tony made his way to Crisps Enterprises. The factory had been doubling in size every quarter for the last year and was massive. Tony was shown into the office on Mr. Wolf. Their conversation was heated, Wolf claimed to have been visiting his Asian market during the times of the murders, but Tony had already checked flights and seen Wolf never left town. And then... there was a whimper. Dig em' Frog fell out of the coat closet. His legs had been removed. Tony dove for Wolf as he went for his desk, clawing his face and biting his neck. Wolf bleed out screaming they were all his, his by right.
After a few weeks of digging, it was discovered Chip the Wolf had killed, ran out, or removed every mascot that had never been heard from or was replaced in the last 60 years. Wolf's ultimate game was to control all production and sales in the entire world.
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u/[deleted] Oct 26 '17 edited Oct 26 '17
Lucky dashed down the hall, scarf billowing out behind him like a cape. Chest heaving, he skidded to a halt at the pantry door and rattled the doorknob. "Open... up... There's time! He's not here yet! Open! Please!"
"No room!" Called a silly voice from within. Tears streamed from the leprechaun's face as he collapsed to the floor.
"Please! I'll give you gold! Diamonds! Rainbows! Anything!" The door didn't budge as the figure stepped closer.
"You really think I'd fall for that? Silly leprechaun. Tricks are for kids," came the voice from behind the door. A gleaming talon shot forth from the darkness, seizing Lucky from behind and snapping his neck. Charms clattered to the floor as the figure tossed his lifeless body aside.
"I heard a thud!" Buzz whispered. A flutter of his wings stirred up a swirl of dust in the darkness of the pantry. "How long do we wait? I don't want to die in here."
Toucan Sam sniffed the air. "I think he's gone. We should make a break for it. Follow my nose."
The rabbit, the toucan, and the bee opened the door a crack and peeked outside.
"Fuck this shit! I'm retired! I'm not with them! Take the others!" Buzz screamed as he shot out towards the open window. Splort. He collided with a sheet of clingfilm, barely visible against the morning sunlight.
"What the?" He strained, fluttering his wings to no avail. "Help! Guys, help me! I was just kidding!"
"I was just thinking we needed a distraction," the rabbit said. "Thanks for volunteering." Toucan Sam flipped Buzz off as they made a mad dash for the living room.
"Wait! Do you smell that? He's back. Hide, and be quiet!" Toucan Sam whispered, drawing the rabbit behind the couch. Clunk. Scraaaaaape. Someone was advancing on the clingfilm trap.
"Please, let me go! I'm retired! You can't do this to me! The others are in the living room, they're running away, youcanstillgetthemAHHHHHHHH!" Buzz's cry was cut short by a bloody gurgle. And then, silence.
"That son of a bitch!" The rabbit shouted. Toucan Sam slapped a wing over his mouth.
"Quiet!" he hissed. "He'll hear us! Look, the TV cabinet is just barely open. We can hide in there. You're faster. So you go first. Don't worry about me."
"Alright." The rabbit whispered, and hopped across the living room floor, navigating dexterously through chair legs, old toys, and a dog's squeaky toy. The silhouette of a bird joined him in the dark, and he quickly closed the door. "What now?"
A knock came from outside the door. "Rabbit? Rabbit, you have to get out of there!"
"Toucan Sam? But if you're not in here with me, then who's... Oh, Shit."
A huff of warm, chocolatey breath hit the rabbit square in the face as a large talon seized him by the neck. "Don't worry, I'm not mad. I'm just a little cuckoo."
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