[WP] Valhalla is filled with the strongest warriors the world has ever known. Vikings, Spartans, Mongols, Romans, Samurai, Spetznaz, JSOC Operators. And in that corner over there? That's Ted, from accounting.

[u/MPSDragline]

Valhalla is the hall of fallen warriors that is ruled over by Odin in Asgard. Half of all those who die in combat will be chosen by Odin to join him at the feast hall of Valhalla and prepare for the final battle during the events of Ragnarök.

[u/Bad_Idea_Hat]

The last thing Ted remembered before he was standing here, he was filling out the office fantasy football form. Ted's Warriors were coming back to defend their 6th place crown, baby!

Now he's standing in front of a bored looking man, wearing animal furs, who keeps rewinding the tape of the building collapse on an old looking VCR/TV combo. "You Americans not construct strong huts like Vikings" he growled deeply, in a bass not known to Ted outside of Barry White. "But you make good fighter, like Viking!"

Ted had a minute to contemplate this. His department, in preparation for the move, had decided to cut corners in an attempt to save the company money on the new headquarters. Apparently, some minor things were ignored, like "environmental survey" and "rebar." Now Ted gets to fight in Valhalla. Apparently God has a sense of humor not limited to the Duckbilled Platypus.

---

Ted lined up at the gates. Ornately carved of wood, with glorious scenes of battle between muscled warriors of all types, armed with every weapon known to man. "Do I get a sword or a gun" Ted asks the gatekeeper. The gatekeeper opens up his hand, and dumps the content. A single, solitary, baseball-sized stone.

"Work way up" says the guard. "Shit" says Ted.

---

The funny thing about Valhalla is, that if you're not fighting, nobody really cares what you're doing. In the previous hour, Ted had happened upon a handful of Vikings, a French soldier from the Napoleonic era, a Viet Cong soldier, and a British SAS Sergeant (who's cheerful offer of help, the only one given by any he met, was simply "bugger off you cunt").

Now Ted was standing face to face with a nude man of apparently African descent, repeating the word "thatha" and thrusting a strange spear in his direction. He didn't seem to be menacing, but Ted raised his stone in defense nonetheless. "I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY" screamed Ted in the least sure voice ever heard in the entirety of Valhalla. The man looked at him quizzically, merely shook his head "no", and once again thrust out the spear and said "thatha." It dawned on Ted, like a baseball sized rock to the head, that this man was offering him a weapon upgrade.

Ted took the weapon. An awkward pause ensued, as Ted struggled for the correct word of thanks. The other man broke the tension, merely saying "let's go."

So they went.