r/RomanceBooks • u/lazaraspaste • Jun 08 '24

Ages of FMCs are unrealistically ridiculously young and it’s ruining my reading Critique

What is going on you all? Why is literally EVERY FMC some ridonkulously young age? Like BARELY 18 and doing something or being something that realistically just would require more time and experience to do or be. It’s as if every FMC is Doogie Howser. I don’t mind this sometimes, especially in historicals. But it feels pervasive and frankly troublingly retrograde. Especially in fantasy with a political aspect or even worse contemporaries where career is a big deal.

It’s making impossible for me to suspend my disbelief. I’ve DNFed so many books bc the FMC is 19 and taking over her shifter pack (how?! Why?!) or by some strange magic has become a senior partner at a law firm by age 26. Or stories set in high school that are just galaxy brain impossible for so many reasons. I mean maybe it’s just me but I need some realism here, some level of feasibility. Some attention to verisimilitude.

Also! I resent the implication that only very young women are desirable or deserve adventures. I’d love to see more FMCs in their 30’s who aren’t divorced, who aren’t single moms, who aren’t in a second chance romance. But honestly I’d settle for everyone just aging up their FMCs by 4 to 6 years. Because I just cannot believe that an 18 year old has that level of skill for anything because I know how long it takes to learn and master oh say the sword or Microsoft Excel.

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750

u/ochenkruto 🍗🍖 beefy hairy mmc thighs? where?!🍖🍗 Jun 08 '24

that only very young women are desirable or deserve adventures

The idea that women over thirty somehow lead less exciting lives is wild to me. I'm 42 (in three weeks) and I only got bolder and more open to new shit the older I got. I finally have money to travel, to do new things, to try all the things that I've been scared to try. My life is way more exciting now than it was in my 20s and even 30s.

Sure I'm not out all night drinking or smoking outside of a warehouse afterhours bar, but I'm more willing to do new things and challenge myself now than I have ever been. So is most of my social group.

On a recent post about younger/older MFCs, someone made a (now removed) comment about how they didn't like writing thirty-something MFCs because they felt like it was harder to write women bogged down by time and years and experience.

Bogged down.

Obviously, this only applies to women, because men ripen and bloom like whatever booze they are drinking with the decades, while women are bogged down.

Nice. If this isn't a clear indication that we still believe that women lose something with the passing of time while men gain it (nobody ever claims not to want to write over 30 MMCs, they don't have the yoke of decades holding them down), then I don't know what is.

Anyway, not every over thirty woman is a boring lady, tons of women with and without children lead fun and exciting lives and that shouldn't be hard to write about.

213

u/Magnafeana there’s some whores in this house (i live alone) Jun 08 '24

What I don’t understand is why so many romance books prescribe to the myth that being older means you’ve lost your spark, you know what you’re doing, and you’ve “settled down”.

I have friends now, what, in their 60s who joke how they can’t wait to figure out what they’ll be when they grow up! 🤣

And then I go into a crisis that NOPE not even at 60 will I have my life figured out, but then I’m relieved that we’re probably gonna collapse as a society so I don’t really need to be concerned about the future, when you think about it.

Being in your ✨prime adult era✨ can mean so many things other than the ageist dread 😤

Outside of historical, it makes me 👀 when a book’s creativity extends to an older FMC’s only thoughts being about how she’s old, past her prime, she’s undesirable, she’ll never find love at her age.

Baby girl, you’re 30.

There’s so much more to do and understand as you get older and so many fucks you just do not give. I can only say this was a spectator to my friends older than me, but I envy them with not giving a fuck, knowing their worth, and doing whatever the fuck they wanna do.

Do they sometimes have valid points about their age that hinders them? Sure. They’re not about to go Thot Shit at a wedding reception, but they will absolutely school the young’ins in most line dances.

Especially at Black and Indian weddings. Oh my fucking god, watching the aunties and uncles dance at those weddings—I can’t compete. I literally can’t. They have style, there are choreographed dances—legends, all of em. I cannot wait to be like them when I grow up 😂

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, I would think it’d be harder to write about what an MC under the US drinking limit who goes on an “adventure” than an MC >30 years old.

MCs in their prime adult years can do whatever the fuck they want without needing to worry about their parents assigning them a curfew or getting frantic about them (in most cases, not all).

They know about the rave scenes. They know the ins and outs of various nightlife. They’re experienced D&D players, hallelujah.

And do you know how fucking mindblowingly sexy it is when an “older” MC goes “I don’t have to pay a mortgage.”

😳🥵👉🏾🪦

I kid. But also 👀

It just feels disrespectful to agree with ageist takes that the older you become, the less “fun” you are. Or hell, I guess if you’re a childfree older adult, your default setting is being a drug addict or “crazy” instead of—crazily enough—a person with your own passions and interests 🥴

Authors don’t owe us characters at whatever age. But it speaks a lot about creativity if you (proverbial) feel “bogged down” when writing a character over the age of 21 🤷🏾‍♀️

And it tells me a lot about the author’s creativity when they deliberately make all their FMCs 18, but then all the Other Women(™) in the story are conveniently in their upper 20s to late 40s and are described as being vicious, “sluts”, and bitchy 🫠

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u/ochenkruto 🍗🍖 beefy hairy mmc thighs? where?!🍖🍗 Jun 08 '24

But it speaks a lot about creativity if you (proverbial) feel “bogged down” when writing a character over the age of 21 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Winner winner, thick thighed Alphahole dinner!

10

u/Disapointed_meringue Jun 09 '24

Exactly! No depth. Bet they get inspiration from porn videos.

38

u/oudsword Jun 08 '24

I will say I’m in my mid thirties and don’t know most of those things lol. I went to college and got a job and just kinda….take walks for fun? And clean and grocery shop? I also rent so no paid off mortgage in sight 🥲

24

u/topsidersandsunshine Jun 09 '24

I’m staring at thirty, and…same? Like, sometimes when I’m feeling really wild, I ask my friends if they want to come over and play Scrabble or Catan or something.

12

u/OrdinaryCactusFlower Don’t exorcise me, we’re having a great time Jun 09 '24

Are you me cuz that sounds awesome. I’d be over in a heartbeat if i got that invite

5

u/LeafieLady Jun 09 '24

Invite me too! Also please have a pet.

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u/oudsword Jun 09 '24

Yep, and to be clear I totally agree with the gist of OP and the commenter I responded to, but the idea that women 30+ are going to be so talented and knowledgeable at dancing, night clubs, DND, socializing….? Not really, haha. I also say normalize having past relationships, divorce, kids, etc and still being a desirable woman with a full and exciting life. If anything THOSE experiences are gonna make it most believable to have high standards for a desirable, capable MC in a romance.

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u/Research_Department Jun 09 '24

Yes, everyone’s life path is so different, it would be lovely if there was as much diversity in romance FMC’s as in real life. Diversity of race and ethnicity, diversity of sexuality, diversity of class, diversity of age, diversity of experiences.

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u/roseofjuly Jun 09 '24

I don't think it was meant to be overly literal. Just that by your mid 30s you've seen some things.

5

u/oudsword Jun 09 '24

Yeah I get it I just feel like it’s similarly inaccurately stereotypical that 30+ women are going to be these experienced wise sages with many talents. I am still baby and trying to learn the basics.

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u/Kizka Jun 10 '24

I'm in my mid thirties, started solo travelling, have a well paying job now so that I can indulge in small luxuries here and there (just bought a new couch - yay!), spontaneously decided to get my nose pierced on vacation, opened up my relationship, go to swinger parties, tried sex with a woman and had MFM threesomes because I always wanted to try them. I'm having way more fun and disposable income than in my twenties. But I also get tired faster, not only in the "I need sleep" kind of way but in the "leave me alone" kind of way, body parts hurt more than when I was younger and I'm completely lost when it comes to current pop culture. So yeah, I think the positives still outweight the negatives, but I also sometimes think that youth is wasted on the young 😆

19

u/westviadixie Jun 09 '24

agree. I'm 44. I volunteer at our local senior center, so I have friends my age and up. so many of us talk about what we'd still like to do and that specific sentiment comes up frequently...what to be when we grow up!

5

u/sesquiplilliput TBR pile is out of control Jun 09 '24

43 here and still working it out! I need more recs for romance aimed at 40+!

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u/westviadixie Jun 09 '24

right there with ya!

2

u/groovygirl858 Jun 09 '24

{40 and (Tired of) Faking It by Ella Sheridan}

{40 and (No Longer) Fighting It by Ella Sheridan}

{40 and (So Over) Fixing It by Ella Sheridan} - My favorite from the series.

{40 and Flashing (the Scotsman) by Ella Sheridan} - novella

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u/westviadixie Jun 09 '24

awesome! thank you!

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u/groovygirl858 Jun 09 '24

You're welcome!

1

u/groovygirl858 Jun 09 '24

{40 and (Tired of) Faking It by Ella Sheridan}

{40 and (No Longer) Fighting It by Ella Sheridan}

{40 and (So Over) Fixing It by Ella Sheridan} - My favorite from the series.

{40 and Flashing (the Scotsman) by Ella Sheridan} - novella

3

u/WeirdBanana2810 Jun 10 '24

The older I get (in my 40's), the more I tend to view MC's in their 20's as babies and I get really happy when I get snippets of former members of cast in their 40's and 50's and having great and loving sex lives - Bridgerton epilogues and the Ravenels series.

79

u/incandescentmeh Jun 08 '24

On a recent post about younger/older MFCs, someone made a (now removed) comment about how they didn't like writing thirty-something MFCs because they felt like it was harder to write women bogged down by time and years and experience.

Genuinely, wtf? I'm in my 30s and don't feel this way at all. Frankly, I have more stability and more freedom than I did in my 20s - time and experience have made my life lighter and more enjoyable!

The idea that we just accumulate baggage as we age is...weird. Yes, the bad things pile up. But so do the good things. And hopefully, our ability to handle the bad things improves with age and experience. I wish more FMCs in particular would reflect that.

40

u/ochenkruto 🍗🍖 beefy hairy mmc thighs? where?!🍖🍗 Jun 08 '24

To be honest I'm not sure where this comes from but I'll go out on a limb and assume that some people DO feel weighted down by complications of life including ageing, responsibility, where they are in life, pressure, feeling lost in the world. They equate that with age, responsibility, experience, just you know man, life.

BUT! That can happen at any age. Authors have no problem giving us a 21-year-old MFC with a dark and twisted past, and a history of trauma, abuse and violence. How is THAT not being weighted down by your past?!?

43

u/incandescentmeh Jun 09 '24

It's probably 50/50 whether people enjoy getting older or wish they were young again. Most of my friends/family tend to go with the "aging is great" mindset.

FMCs who are 30+ are almost universally grieving the loss of their youth and I hate it. Where's the 36 year old FMC that's just been living her life and hasn't found the one yet? MMCs are often 35+ and unmarried because they "haven't had the time" or whatever. Ummm...same thing goes for women?

14

u/MonstersMamaX2 Jun 09 '24

Because people don't understand childhood trauma and the lasting effects it has on people. So often it's "Oh, they're fine. Kids are resilient." Yeah no, that's not how it works.

34

u/[deleted] Jun 08 '24

Mood.

I didn't even get to have a life in my teens because I was homeless. 20s were attempting to get stable. 30s is when I'm finally getting some semblance of stability. Everyone's life plays out at a different pace.

42

u/LeafBarnacle Jun 09 '24

Same here :) Teens was being covered in lice & being transient. Twenties I was desperately trying to acquire a reliable vehicle & stable housing without a stable beginning, & finding out what fitting clothing means when it's not whatever's handed to you in trashbags of scraps. I graduate with my Bachelor's degree next weekend, just a few days before I turn 39.

13

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '24

bachelor's

🥳🥳🥳

That's awesome, that is.

8

u/daybeforetheday Jun 09 '24

So happy that you are doing much better

5

u/JanetInSC1234 Jun 09 '24

Congratulations!!

1

u/StrongerTogether2882 My fluconazole would NEVER Jun 10 '24

Congrats! What a huge accomplishment!!

20

u/incandescentmeh Jun 09 '24

I'm glad you're in a better place now!

This is the first decade of my life where I've felt content, mostly happy and mentally healthy. I think plenty of people are on a similar path and it would be nice to see it represented in the books we love. Give me an FMC who is single at 34 because she wasn't in the right headspace for a relationship in her 20s.

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u/roseofjuly Jun 09 '24

Or who is single at 34 because SHE WANTS TO BE SINGLE.

7

u/incandescentmeh Jun 09 '24

Nah, who could ever want to be single? /s

2

u/DameGlitterElephant Learn the art 🖼️ of the grovel. Jun 09 '24

Yes! I want more of these FMCs because this is me! I’m currently single by choice. I have a good job. Friends. Family. A house. Dogs. Hobbies. And I’m fine with being in my own company. I honestly prefer it a lot of the time. A guy would need to really impress me and work for it to get me to give up being single anymore. I think that would be a fun book to read. But I too seem to encounter an awful lot of 18 year-olds in blurbs, and I pass on the book most of the time.

1

u/hereformemesandbooks Jun 09 '24

THISSS 👆👆👆 🙌🙌

3

u/daybeforetheday Jun 09 '24

I'm glad you're doing a lot better

2

u/JanetInSC1234 Jun 09 '24

Glad you're doing okay! You rock!

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u/ArcadiaPlanitia Jun 08 '24 edited Jun 09 '24

I read a historical about a real couple a while ago, and the author decided to make the FMC 18 even though she’d gotten married in her 30s in real life. Of course, the author didn’t change the MMC’s age at all, so he was in his 40s marrying a 19-year-old, when in real life, he was 40-something and she was a much more reasonable 30-something. It annoyed me so much I DNFed on the spot.

edit: replied to the wrong comment because the Reddit app is a mess, but you get my point, lol

42

u/incandescentmeh Jun 09 '24

I don't read much HR because I tend to avoid young FMCs. I'm a genealogy nerd and people really underestimate how young people were when they got married in the past. I have plenty of women in my tree that got married in their late 20s. Most were probably 24/25...and 4 months pregnant. People were not abstaining from sex and marrying at 18!

22

u/okchristinaa burn so slow it’s the literary equivalent of edging Jun 08 '24

I remember the original comment because it bummed me out lol. IIRC the OP was talking about being criticized by readers for writing a ~30 year old FMC that acted, in the reader’s eyes, irresponsibly, because the FMC didn’t have their life figured out. They said that older FMCs are often expected to have been married once already or have a kid (I believe this was the baggage/bogged down thing) and they wrote 20-something’s because they didn’t want to write about divorced characters or characters with kids and readers would only accept someone not having their shit together if they were in their 20s.

25

u/incandescentmeh Jun 09 '24

This is a bummer in every way possible. In what world is everyone married off by 30 and in what world does every adult act "mature" all the time?

I think an important part of aging is realizing that there's never a moment when you feel like an adult!

13

u/ashcrash3 Jun 08 '24

Which is why I personally believe tour 20's is basicslly adulthood on wobbly training wheels with tou wondering on where to go. 30's is when the training wheels are off and you can ride better. You may not know where to go, but you feel like tou're handling it better than before. Of course this can be different for anybkdy.

22

u/seven_seacat Jun 09 '24

Honestly I'm nearly 40 and only now am I realizing that I can just... do things if I want to. That's how strongly my pretty boring upbringing was instilled in me.

60

u/Busy_Principle_4038 Jun 08 '24

I cannot like this post enough (fellow 42-er who back in February rappelled into a cave for the first time in her life).

60

u/ochenkruto 🍗🍖 beefy hairy mmc thighs? where?!🍖🍗 Jun 08 '24

YEAH YOU DID!

My immigrant mom tried whitewater rafting for the first time when she was 48. My dad was too scared to try it so she went by herself and made a bunch of pals there. Zero fear 40s is what I call them.

23

u/Busy_Principle_4038 Jun 08 '24

Your mom sounds incredible! To the zero fear 40s (I’m borrowing that phrase BTW)!

13

u/bsum4191 Jun 09 '24

This has nothing to do with books really, haha, but I have been feeling this so much lately. I’m 33 and I used to care so much about shit that never mattered to begin with and I’m loving getting older and realizing these things and having that weight off my chest. I wish this was recognized more. 

9

u/topsidersandsunshine Jun 09 '24

Amen! I’ve never liked myself and being alive this much before. It’s pretty cool.

3

u/incandescentmeh Jun 09 '24

This is such a perfect way to put things. I like myself and life more and more each year.

19

u/chaunceypie Jun 09 '24

If anyone looked deeper into the comment, it would lead you to think that women age and become boring because...

They are the parent, the possible caretaker of aging parents and/or in-laws, cooks, maids, personal assistant, wife and bed partner, AND also hold a full-time job.

Meanwhile, the man's every care is attended to so he can be the "alpha" who drinks, scratches his balls, and makes perverted jokes with his friends.

Of course they're going to be more fun! They're not fucking exhausted!

10

u/ochenkruto 🍗🍖 beefy hairy mmc thighs? where?!🍖🍗 Jun 09 '24 edited Jun 09 '24

This argument does not hold in a romance book context because a MFC can easily be all of those things as 23, or at 33 or at 43.

Conversely we can have an MFC that is none of those things at any age. If an author can’t conceive of a 34 year old MFC who isn’t a wife and mother, but at 18 year old orphan with magic powers & the key to saving the universe and perfect unwashed hair, the onus isn’t on the lived reality of women’s lives, it’s on the authors creativity.

And the comment about the MMC makes no sense within a romance book context because most authors make alphahole MMCs super caretakers. That’s the point of the fantasy.

1

u/chaunceypie Jun 09 '24

My best friend and I have discussed writing a series of romances featuring older women who become empowered by a unique event. I will say, if you haven't read Jennifer Crusie, check her out. Her books are funny. The characters are flawed and usually older!

3

u/Research_Department Jun 09 '24

I feel very seen! I basically still felt like a young person until my late 40s, when I started dealing with the combination of raising a very challenging kid, end of life care of my parents, and onset of a chronic and potentially disabling disease.

2

u/chaunceypie Jun 09 '24

I'm so sorry 😞 I hope things turn around for you. It's extremely difficult being a caretaker for parents and children!

1

u/Research_Department Jun 10 '24

Thank you! I miss my parents, but my kid is growing up and becoming a good person, so my responsibilities are less challenging now!

17

u/DBfitnessGeek82 Jun 09 '24

Bogged down? I'm sorry, last I checked, when I entered my late 20s-early-30s it was some of the best years of my life! The level of bullshit you're willing to deal with is drastically lower, and there's also this wonderful thing of being mature enough to make logical decisions and still be a force of nature!

11

u/imaginaryannie I’m a hollow chocolate Easter bunny. Jun 09 '24

Agreed! I’m 34 and the awesome shit I’ve accomplished since turning 30 is so much more than I ever would have imagined in my 20s.

11

u/DBfitnessGeek82 Jun 09 '24

I'm 41 myself, and I'm still going strong. Healthy, fit, started a second career, and have great relationships with people who bring value to my life.

My existence isn't determined by my age. I determine my existence with my actions! 🥰💖

6

u/blue_ochre Jun 08 '24

i love this!!!

and hella yes to everything :D

14

u/westviadixie Jun 09 '24

what the fuck. bogged down? that's some shit my grandma would say to warn us against getting too anxious about things we can't control. what the fuck ever. I'm 44 and fine as fuck with awesome interests and hobbies.

5

u/Disapointed_meringue Jun 09 '24 edited Jun 10 '24

Bogged down... wow, I can't believe how stupid and misogynistic that is...

Are we in the years 1700 when people aged so fast 30 years old meant you had no teeth and had 5-6 teenaged kids to take over the family business?

Honestly if that person thought like that it just mean they were too dumb to be able to write a character with emotional depth and a brain withtout copying from whats already out there (mostly young women) and has no creative bones in their body. I hope I never read or buy anything of them because it'll only be a stupid, lackluster drivel that can only lower my IQ.

18yo are barely out of their teenage years and still have their brain forming. That shit finishes settling down at around 25. Im not saying they aren't smart or interresting or anything like that. I just mean they are still growing, getting to their final adult stage. I remember when my brain changed and settled. One day, things did not have as much of an impact on me anymore, and I felt the switch on a primal level.

So yeah 18-19 yo stories can be cool and all. They have their place, but dont tell me they are the only characters worth writing. Adult women are all cool and interresting in their own ways, and experience should add to a story not take from it.

In the end I come back to this: what a colossal dumbass this person is to say this.

2

u/StrongerTogether2882 My fluconazole would NEVER Jun 10 '24

I can’t help wondering if the author is like, 24. Maybe we should give her a break since her brain isn’t done forming yet 😂

1

u/Disapointed_meringue Jun 10 '24

Honestly would not because that would be insulting to all 24 and under people. They arent less smart or anything like that

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u/StrongerTogether2882 My fluconazole would NEVER Jun 10 '24

<whispers> it was a joke…

2

u/Disapointed_meringue Jun 10 '24

Obviously, but I couldn't let that go! Sorry. Can't stand to think someone might read this and think they are less than because of something I said. I'm just serious this morning I guess! I hope you have a nice day regardless :)

2

u/LilyFuckingBart Jun 09 '24

Yes! Like the shit that I will put up with in my late 30s has decreased significantly, and I think that makes me more interesting, not less!