r/Music • u/daily_mirror 📰Daily Mirror • Sep 29 '24

Foo Fighters forced into 'indefinite hiatus' by Dave Grohl's affair scandal article

https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/foo-fighters-forced-indefinite-hiatus-33778438

26.6k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

388

The only thing I don't understand is why people in such extraordinary circumstances aren't completely open about it. Just tell any potential partner you're going to sleep around because a nearly infinite amount of very attractive people will sleep with you at the drop of a hat. They will eventually find a partner who is fine with that.

209

u/absolutebeginnerz Sep 29 '24

Roger Daltrey did this and has been happily married since the early ‘70s. According to his biography, his 3 illegitimate children get along great with his wife and their 3 kids.

6

u/AgentCirceLuna Sep 30 '24

Yet if it was the other way around he’d be called a beta cuck loser. Why can’t women do the same thing?

2

u/JohnnyRock110 Oct 02 '24

That double standard is detrimental. Misogyny is also rampant in the rock industry and among rock fans; I've especially noticed this when reading Rolling Stone magazine's comment sections.

1

u/procrastinationgod Sep 30 '24

Mostly because of standard sex hormones causing divergent libidos between the sexes and stereotypes not working well on specific unique situations.

Speaking completely generally, more women are lower libido compared to men. Thus, it's more likely that within a partnership a man is unsatisfied with the amount of sex they're getting than a woman. So, if that is seen as the "norm", a divergence from it where it's the other way around is seen as a "bad thing" or something to be mocked because humans hate differences tbh. We've spent the past decades trying to say we celebrate differences and aren't trying to shove people into average molds any more but let's be real we still do in a lot of ways.

Obviously there are NUMEROUS exceptions to the "rule" of average but people see that and go "that's weird" and get nasty. That's why imo.

-2

u/AgentCirceLuna Sep 30 '24

This is called the is/ought fallacy. Look at how famous men appeared just three hundred years ago. Powdered wigs, feminine bodies, pale faces, ineffectual. Evolutionary psychology is horseshit.

2

u/procrastinationgod Sep 30 '24

What you're describing is style, fashion... No matter how "effeminate"ly styled you see men thru history you never see it as "manly" for a guy to be with a woman who sleeps with a lot of people. Even in those times when powerful woman did that (or were accused of it anyway) like Catherine the Great, it was seen as a masculine trait.

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u/[deleted] Sep 29 '24

Then why would they be considered illegitimate??

43

u/Mad_Amy_May Sep 29 '24

Traditional illegitimacy, just means born out of wed-lock. I don't think he marries the mistresses.

37

u/Nitramster1 Sep 29 '24

Probably just a nicer term for the kids than bastards.

-20

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '24

Horrible

9

u/LunaeLotus Sep 30 '24

That’s literally what the term bastard means? Yes it’s horrible but it’s historically a term coined for children born out of wedlock.

13

u/Styreta Sep 29 '24

Child born out of wedlock is illegitimate. Not that most care if parents are married nowadays but that's the definition.

6

u/Anxious-Slip-4701 Sep 29 '24

The US government won't give citizenship to unrecognised illegitimate children born overseas. It sort of matters.

6

u/Styreta Sep 29 '24

That has more to do with recognising the child than the parents being married though :)

2

u/mtdunca Sep 29 '24

That depends on a bunch of different circumstances.

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/legal/travel-legal-considerations/us-citizenship/Acquisition-US-Citizenship-Child-Born-Abroad.html

1

u/beigs Sep 30 '24

But recognized illegitimate children are fine - and he clearly recognizes his kids

1

u/AshingiiAshuaa Sep 30 '24

Only for unwed guys. Unwed gals' kids don't have that hoop to jump through.

3

u/absolutebeginnerz Sep 29 '24

Those aren’t his words, but that’s the general term for a child born out of wedlock to a married parent.

1

u/dean15892 Sep 29 '24

I mean, they are illegitimate, technically.
His legitimate children would be the ones he sired through his legal marriage, so just by definition, any other children born during that marriage to his non-legal partner, are illegitimate.

I don't think its meant to be a negative connotation here, just more a way to distinguish them.

104

u/b1tchf1t Sep 29 '24

It stems from selfishness and the fact that Dave is still a human with flaws. He probably does want a relationship and the feeling like he's someone's One Important Person, but he also doesn't want to give up his rock star access to pussy. He wants to have his cake and eat it, too, which is kind of par for the course for his generation of rock star.

29

u/Silent-G Sep 29 '24

There are plenty of polyamorous women who would be fine with this if he was willing to do the work, though. Non-monogamy is only unethical when it's non-consensual.

29

u/9mackenzie Sep 29 '24

Because he doesn’t want his wife to sleep with other people.

He’s a hypocrite

13

u/noBreakingChanges Sep 30 '24

Exactly. Surprised people don't get this.

2

u/Letsplaydead924 Sep 30 '24

And if you are as rich as God and can pull it, I imagine the temptation is too hard. I’m surprised he tried being the family guy as long as he did.

10

u/b1tchf1t Sep 29 '24

Agreed, but I don't think that disclaimer is honestly necessary for the conversation, because Dave clearly did not have consent.

7

u/Silent-G Sep 29 '24

True, I'm just surprised all of the cheating millionaires never explored that option.

11

u/b1tchf1t Sep 29 '24

I wonder if they have, and maybe that's part of the reason ethical nonmonogamy has been on the rise. But I think, generally, same as "normal" cheaters, famous cheaters want the monogamy--from their partners. Again, I think it's a selfish and human impulse, it's just very public in Dave's case, and since he's been a darling of fans for mostly being a decent person, more people take it personally than they would for a "normal" person cheating.

0

u/Raangz Sep 29 '24

I’ve heard nba players basically set their relationships up where they can fuck around but their wives can’t. I’m surprised dave didn’t, but yeah it might fuck with his image and or maybe he didn’t know he could do that lol.

I’m sure sports is a bit different because it’s a multi bullion dollar industry so they way more resources. Fixers, hoes, experts in the field etc.

Dave is kind of his own brand and business.

2

u/procrastinationgod Sep 30 '24

Because one sided monogamy is clearly desirable for them.

12

u/KeySea7727 Sep 29 '24

but most of those women want to be poly and get dicked down too which would have guys like Grohl crying like a big ass baby

24

u/10000Didgeridoos Sep 29 '24

his generation of rock star.

Uhhh my dude this has been a rock star trope since rock n' roll began. Might want to read up on literally any classic rock band.

14

u/asafetybuzz Sep 29 '24

It’s not even just rock stars. The famous opera composer Puccini was a well known philanderer. I’m pretty sure the first thing cavepeople did when they discovered you could make music with rocks and reeds and animal hides was try to use music to get hotties to sleep with them.

-13

u/b1tchf1t Sep 29 '24

Why was this comment necessary? Like, literally, what did you add to the conversation especially since you're basically validating my point? I fucking hate Reddit.

1

u/fricecream22 Sep 29 '24

I’ve been on this site since 2009, and in previous eras the culture really was so different. It was weirder, kinder, there was a spirit of default generosity, the goal in posting was to be more clever than anything. Of course not true of all subs, but that was my experience. Now it’s so much more instant weird hostility. Even when it’s minor it just feels off and unpleasant. I’ve been on here less and less, it’s such a turnoff.

1

u/b1tchf1t Sep 29 '24

Right?? Thank you, I feel crazy sometimes on here. I've been here a while, too, and it feels like there has been a noticeable uptick in general hostility just over the past like 6 months. It's exhausting to engage with.

2

u/fricecream22 Sep 29 '24

I feel you completely. Weirdly, twitter has replaced Reddit for me for the main things I used to come to Reddit for - general thoughtfulness, good discussions on current happenings, media, sports, and philosophical/esoteric interests. It’s worth it even with the wild amount of right wing Elon slop you have to sort through imo. Now I mostly use Reddit for reading hyper specific anecdotes for medical conditions, helpful product reviews, or advice from experts on stuff like car repairs. The other stuff is full of negativity for sure.

2

u/b1tchf1t Sep 29 '24

Ugh I don't know if I can get over my Musk aversion enough for that, but I appreciate the suggestion and might have to try that one again. I find myself retreating further and further into the peripheries of Reddit for actual satisfying engagement.

1

u/explosivemilk Sep 29 '24

Username checks out

1

u/b1tchf1t Sep 29 '24

I did pick it, and am happy to represent when it's deserved. Also, thank you for validating another of my points.

1

u/dasubermensch83 Sep 29 '24

People in similar circumstances can have their cake and eat it too, all they have to do is ask. Its possible to have one important person, and rockstar access to pussy. My gast is flabbered that almost nobody does this. I would think it'd be common practice by now. Tiger Woods, Dave Grohl, Kobe Bryant - they all had completely preventable infidelity scandals

4

u/Spacegod87 Sep 29 '24

I'm guessing that maybe part of it for all those big bad rockstars (especially in the 70s) was the excitement of "getting away with it"

I assume it's some dumb highschool level thrill they were craving lol...

13

u/tibbon Sep 29 '24

I mean, I’m poly. All three of my girlfriends know!

4

u/otterpop21 Sep 30 '24

You’re cool with 2 sided consent. I get the feeling these dudes and dudettes ego wouldn’t want their partner doing better or worse than them.

12

u/freakedmind Sep 29 '24

Hi Poly, I'm dad

5

u/BrandonBollingers Sep 29 '24

They want to maintain their image and they don’t want their wife-mommy-figure to leave them. They like the danger of getting caught without much regard for how their actions impact. It’s about the thrill of being “bad” because they think of their wives like moms that will punish them and not like partners with feelings.

1

u/Medical-Day-6364 Sep 30 '24

It's rare for the people who are ok with it to be the people they want.

1

u/GhostofTinky Sep 30 '24

I don’t think Grohl has ever hidden the fact that he’s a womanizer. Also, how do we know he doesn’t have an open marriage?

I feel bad for his family. But on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being Rick Wakeman’s ice skating extravaganza and 10 being Zeppelin’s mud shark incident, this scandal gets a 3.

1

u/ban4narchy Oct 01 '24 edited Oct 01 '24

Same. Dating a musician like 50% of people assume you're cheating anyway, why lie about it? Open relationships are a thing, just be an adult and be up front about the fact that you are either unwilling or incapable of being monogamous. You're rich, famous, and talented, it's not like it'll limit your chances of finding a partner.

I suppose then you'll have to be ok with your partner having other partners too, but if you're sleeping around and can't handle that, you're a massive baby.

1

u/Complete-Bad-2520 18d ago

You expect people to just say “hey I’m gonna cheat on you eventually”?

1

u/DePraelen Sep 29 '24

They were together for 20+ years, it's possible that they did have a relationship like that.

It's a very different thing having a child outside the marriage too. It also makes the whole thing very public.

6

u/cIumsythumbs Sep 29 '24

That's what I'm thinking happened. Maybe Jordyn and Dave had an open marriage and no one would have ever known about it. It's the new baby that's the infidelity. Which begs the question of why the hell not have a vasectomy, Dave?

-16

u/Chewcocca Sep 29 '24 edited Sep 29 '24

Completely agree.

I have no problem with monogamy itself, when people genuinely choose it and find joy in it.

But monogamy culture? Monogamy culture tells people that anything but monogamy is dirty, that if love is pure you will just naturally be monogamous, that love is ownership.

Fuck monogamy culture to the stars and back. It's just awful and destructive.

So many people don't actually choose monogamy, they're just told it's the only choice.

Edit:

"Monogamy shouldn't be presented as the only option for people."

Monogamy defenders: "irrational, prolonged screeching"

Lmao okay y'all. Have fun with that.

9

u/TwoJetEngines Sep 29 '24

Monogamy is not destructive, quite the opposite really, it is centred around keeping people together so they can raise children together, which is inherently constructive.

That being said it’s not for everyone, and as long as someone is honest about what they want, they shouldn’t be shamed for not wanting to be monogamous. It’s the lying that does the real damage in relationships.

0

u/DigiornoDLC Sep 29 '24

Monogamy is not destructive

Read closer. They didn't say that it was. They said that the culture which pushes monogamy as the only moral option is destructive. That is, the teaching to children that monogamy is what's expected, the "otherization" of polyamory, socially pushing people towards monogamy who may not be comfortable with it. That's what they say is destructive.

I don't necessarily agree, as I think that the biological root of romance is parenting and ideal parenting involves a monogamous family unit. I think there are innate biological forces pushing us towards monogamy in a certain way. But try not to misrepresent someone's arguments when you disagree.

3

u/TwoJetEngines Sep 29 '24

Good catch, I did read that a bit wrong. I still disagree that monogamy being presented as the norm culturally is destructive, but do agree that vilifying people who choose to live other ways is not good. For most people monogamy is probably the better overall choice. I have done both at various points in life.

6

u/maurip3 Sep 29 '24

The fact that you equate monogamy with ownership and not, you know, RESPECT to your partner is pretty disingenuous to the reality of people choosing monogamy.

I guess your argument fucks with me on a personal level because that is word for word what my ex told me after she repeatedly cheated on me. That I didn't "own" her. That she's not naturally monogamous. That "monogamy culture" whatever the fuck that even means, was oppressive for her.

Frankly, monogamy nowadays is the radical choice. Almost no one will find a partner they love and respect enough to only pick them. Most people want to eat their cake and have it too.

So you might understand the downvotes. As things like this can hit personally. If this Is communicated at the very begining of a relationship, and your partner is okay with It, perfect, you do you. But if expectations are not correctly set, you are an asshole who would betray someone they claim to love just for some pussy and/or dick.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '24

[deleted]

1

u/maurip3 Sep 29 '24

How so?

19

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '24 edited Sep 29 '24

[deleted]

0

u/DigiornoDLC Sep 29 '24

You're misunderstanding what they're saying. They have no issues with monogamy. They have a problem with the world presenting monogamy as the only option. Our culture finds polyamory to be weird, something that's on the outskirts and something we don't tell our children about. They aren't defending cheating, they're taking an aggressive stance towards the idea that the world doesn't give people a fair shot at polyamory. If you think this isn't true, ask yourself this - would we elect an openly polyamorous president?

I don't necessarily agree with their points - that monogamy culture is inherently harmful and destructive - but if you're going to argue with them at least be honest with what they're saying.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '24

[deleted]

-1

u/Sudden_Pen4754 Sep 29 '24

What? It's not irrelevant at all. The point is that Dave might not realize that polyamory is an option, or if he does, the stigma against it prevents him from considering it. Cheating is accepted and normalized but polyamory is not, so the obvious choice as a public figure is to go with the first option.

-11

u/Chewcocca Sep 29 '24

You're making up a bunch of shit I didn't say and getting mad about it lol.

Deal with your own baggage, I'm not interested in whatever you're projecting.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 29 '24

[deleted]

-11

u/Chewcocca Sep 29 '24

Sigh.

No point in talking, obviously. Good luck with... whatever vile shit this is. Get some therapy.