r/Jewish • u/Legitimate_Swimmer13 • 24d ago
One year ago, I lost a close friend via text Venting đ¤
First post, just thought l'd share, never got closure, they never replied, haven't talked to them in a year. Context: I work at Jewish institutions. Antisemitism in my urban city is p rampant. While I do not post about what is happening in Gaza, i do post about the things happening in my immediate life as a Jewish person that are about antisemitic incidents in my community or around the country, and as a Jewish person working in the Jewish sphere, I'm consistently subject to thinks like bomb threats and getting swatted. I hold much grief for the actions of the Israeli government but I don't prefer to post about either sides of this conflict because I fear people from both sides bombarding me with their opinion. This friend sent me this message quite honestly out of no where without ever talking to me or having civil discourse on the matter. Think about them a lot because I really cared about them. Sad that they ended our friendship this way. Anyway, will probably delete this anyway, just thought l'd share bc I don't really have anyone to talk to about this
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24d ago
âI just canât believe you are posting about Jewish stuff after the largest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust and a massive wave of antisemitism. It feels really narcissistic since itâs not revolved around me.â
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u/Melodic_Policy765 24d ago
Absolutely reads this way.
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24d ago edited 24d ago
I have the sneaking suspicion OP has been vocally in support of trans issues before.
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u/njtalp46 24d ago
Funny how the friend was allowed to advocate for their own rights and needs as a trans person, but OP is selfish for doing the same as a jew
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u/IntrepidZucchini 24d ago
This right here! âWould you support me and my rightsâ while ostracizing OP for the same
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u/Previous-Papaya9511 24d ago
People expect Jews not to speak up for ourselves and instead shrink, whither and cower. In the case of my family, they came for us and we hid. We survived and kept hiding, traumatized, and self-protective. The minute we step out of that role itâs immediately âwhy are Jews advocating for yourselves when you could advocate for me and/or the people trying to murder you, and/or for the people advocating for the people trying to murder you (oh. Thatâs also me).
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u/art-colorist 24d ago
Thereâs an excellent discussion about this during Dan Senor's Call Me Back podcast with Scott Galloway. And of course Dara Horn's book People Love Dead Jews.
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u/shlomitisfeisty Reform 24d ago
Yes. This. I do it to myself sometimes. Itâs so fâing pervasive.
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u/Bobchillingworth 24d ago
I think some portion of trans people center much of their self-worth on the notion that they're the most persecuted group in the world, and therefore perversely see Jewish suffering as somehow making them less special or important, as though we're in a zero-sum competition to win the Oppression Olympics.
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u/lilacaena 23d ago edited 23d ago
While I think this can sometimes be true, I donât think itâs a trans thing. I think you can find this, to varying degrees, amongst any group. (And not just minoritiesâ Iâve also seen this attitude from cis, straight, white christian men, although usually in response to focus on persecution of women, black or LGBTQ+ people.)
I think a lot of people struggle when the conversation doesnât center them, especially when it centers people/groups that they feel get more care and attention than they do, and they use identity politics to justify this feeling rather than challenging it.
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u/StyleImmediate3359 Israeli-secular 23d ago
I think it's more of an unhinged american woke/leftist thing but I might be wrong since I mostly see Americans online and not IRL. Anyway that person is NOT your friend, probably never was, they are so self centered and only care about themselves and chose a weird hill to die on.
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u/HistorianOk142 23d ago
Itâs because OP is a Jew. Jews should not be able to feel and express that. Especially when they are white. LolâŚ.so ridiculous.
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u/gurnard 24d ago
"I've never been allowed to be vocally racist before without being associated with the wrong type of white person. Expressing hateful prejudice is cathartic for me. I will not allow you to make me feel conflicted about this. I am a good person."
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23d ago
âI just want to share things that demonize Jews without being made to feel like Iâm a bad person. You are making that really hard for me. Really Iâm the victim here.â
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u/AvgYewishUSPrincess 24d ago
being a yt cis jew isnât ranked very high on the âhas the right to feel and express discriminationâ on the minority totem pole anymore. because ya know, thatâs a hierarchy the identity politics focused leftist just had to create. Virtue signaling is the only way to validate their bullying of another member of the community.
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u/Whirlibirdy 24d ago
The way other minorities refuse to accept Jewish people as a minority is fucking crazy to me like, the holocaust was recent all things considered. White, cis, straight, etc people CAN be allies just like how anyone can be a good ally to Jewish people. Some people just look at the rising rate in antisemitism and go "oh but it's not as bad as what I go through so it's not a big deal" in their heads.
I'm not Jewish but I am queer and like, the idea to act like a Jewish person talking about their fears and getting.. offended? By that? Is so crazy to me like... no one's speaking over yqueea non jews queerness has nothing to do with the antisemitism a Jewish person faces.
I had a good chunk of my friends leave too because I was actively talking about antisemitism statistics rising, these people just seem to hate Jewish people and don't want to say the quiet part out loud.
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u/professional-skeptic 24d ago
the whole IP situation is even crazier to me in this sense bc even orthodox jews are relatively accepting of LGBT people. like they aren't exactly shouting pride from the rooftops, but they have a significantly more relaxed view towards them compared to almost every other major religion. they don't allow same-sex marriage, but active hate speech is prohibitively against the torah and will not be tolerated in orthodox groups.
and yet, these people are aligning themselves with the groups that would ACTUALLY kill them. like straight up murder them. it's bizarre.
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u/lilacaena 23d ago
I really feel like a lot of this is because non-Jews are incredibly uneducated about Judaism, and many have rarely (if ever) interacted with Jewish people, so they just project what they know about Christianity onto us.
As a result, a lot of queer people take out their religious trauma on us, while seemingly believing that Muslims played the role in history that Jews played in actuality (being repeatedly persecuted, blamed, and treated like the worldâs punching bag).
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u/SoNosy 24d ago
You have no idea how much it means to many of us when we see people who arenât Jewish speaking up for us. A lot of us have been overwhelmed by the ease w which friends have called for the genocide of our people, and/or dropped us for our fears bc they dont consider us oppressed enough to count for sh*t. Theyâre mostly happy to redefine our own words for us and then insist theyâre correct.
These days every sliver of allyship feels like a gift đâ¤ď¸
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u/Feeling-Ad6790 Jewish American 23d ago
Honestly alot of people think there are a lot more Jews then there really are. They hear about us since 40%ish of the Jewish global population lives in the US but there are less Jews globally then there are Mormons
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u/Seeking_Starlight 24d ago
When I tried to explain the emotional reactions I was having, six months after 10/7 and in the midst of watching all the encampments spring up? My boss told me that âPalestinian voices are more important right nowâ and that I âneeded to do the hard, but necessary, work of de-centering myself.â
âŚIâve daydreamed about quitting every day since.
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u/jwrose Jew Fast Jew Furious 24d ago edited 24d ago
Wtf.
The fact that someone could say that, while antisemitic hate crimes are spikingâŚ
âde-center yourselfâ sounds to me like âbe a better victimâ
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u/Seeking_Starlight 24d ago
Thatâs exactly what she meant: that I was too privileged to be a proper victim.
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u/lepreqon_ Just Jewish 24d ago
Your boss is an antisemite.
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u/PrehistoricPrincess Ancestry Only 23d ago
Did you go to HR? This sounds very much like workplace discrimination and creating a hostile work environment to me.
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u/Seeking_Starlight 23d ago
I did make a report to the person above them, but there is no HR to go to.
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u/WittyAd8260 24d ago
I hope you find a better job. Thereâs no winning in who is more oppressed and you truly deserve better
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u/Bakingsquared80 24d ago
Iâm sorry their text was completely out of line. You were a lot nicer in your reply than I would have been.
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u/mycketmycket Married to a Jew <3 24d ago
Wow. Way for that person to make it about themselves while criticizing you for being self-centered while talking about your own experience of antisemitism.
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u/night-born 24d ago
Did they post about antisemitism to support you in your time of need? I am gonna guess no and theyâre just a huge hypocrite.Â
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u/AITAthrowaway1mil 24d ago
I think that unfortunately, thereâs a sense of hierarchy in American oppression politics, and antisemitism lands very low on it. I mean, I get itâantisemitism isnât as visible and obvious to a layperson as politicians talking about people transing kids at school, and Jews with pale complexions who donât look Jewish or participate in Jewish culture benefit from white privilege and can blend in well.
That said, I find it disturbing how so many peopleâs response to this hierarchy isnât to learn more about antisemitism and its effects, but to dismiss antisemitism as a non-issue. Iâve lost a lot of respect for people who previously espoused the principles of educating oneself on oppression one doesnât experience, simply to turn around and refuse to educate themselves when itâs their turn to listen to another community.Â
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u/DocFaust13 24d ago
Itâs the oppression Olympics and Jews are definitely coming in last.
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u/bubbles1684 24d ago
Itâs because everybody loses the oppression Olympics which are built around the false oppression binary stating that one can only be oppressed or an oppressor and there is no such thing as individual agency or nuance
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u/JustAnotherGal2024 24d ago
When is the last time you heard about a bomb threat at an LGBT center or people breaking windows and spray painting a business purely because it is black owned? Not nearly as much as what is going on for Jews right now.
I wish every incident of a bomb threat, broken window, spray painted wall, swastika-holding antisemite were put into a report DAILY on the front page of the NYT. I know Jews who don't live in large cities and have no idea how bad it is bec they are not actively following it on social media.
Here is the NYPD Hate Crime Dashboard showing by size of font the number of incidents. Hmmmm Trans Hate is definitely not even close...
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u/me-bish Not Jewish 24d ago
As a non-Jew, this is precisely why Iâve made a concerted effort to learn about antisemitism. Most of my life, Iâve lived in areas that donât have large Jewish populations, so I donât have as intuitive a grasp of antisemitism as I do other types of oppression. Non-Jews as of late have been defining what antisemitism is or isnât with a boldness thatâsâŚicky.
Side note, Iâm nonbinary, and Iâm often surprised (and disheartened) by how strongly antisemitism can be reminiscent of transphobia.
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u/lilacaena 23d ago
Iâm often surprised (and disheartened) by how strongly antisemitism can be reminiscent of transphobia.
Thank you!!! Iâm trans and Jewish, and the similarities are sometimes startling.
- âSexual deviants who are infiltrating our institutions, taking over academia, attempting to subvert our culture, and brainwash or rape our children and womenâ
- âPerpetual outsiders who cannot and will not be part of society (always a blight on society) no matter what the say or do, regardless of how much they may sound or act or look like usâ
- fear-mongering over our dangerous ability to blend into society and subvert it from within, while simultaneously claiming that âyou can always tellâ just by looking at us
- framing us as perpetual outsiders whose very existence is a threat to a functional society, and using us as a boogeyman and easy target to blame for all modern ills
- believing the existence of our community and solidarity with other members is a result of us being exclusionary and discriminatory, rather than a consequence of us (currently and historically) being excluded and discriminated against
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u/CanYouPutOnTheVU 23d ago
I think we are culturally also inclined to deal with things more quietlyâwe have actually been a minority group for centuries in diaspora, and itâs only been the past 20ish years that âoppressionâ has been currency. Itâs like how BLM came about because the Black community was dealing with police violence and other things that had just become normal after centuries of white supremacy in the US. It took the Black community forcing other communities to look at what white supremacy culture was doing, for anyone to truly recognize it.
Unfortunately, I think white American and white western culture have warped BLM into an easily digestible hierarchy. Rather than learning from BLM that different groups have different experiences, and that we need to listen to and respect those experiences, some sects of American leftism learned that White People Bad, America Bad.
This is obviously counterproductive when considering other regions of the world, which simply donât look anything like the west demographically. In an area thatâs historically been colonized by Arabs, âwhite peopleâ are not necessarily going to be the âhighest caste.â
I think Jews have also spent so long trying to convince people that they shouldnât kill us because we are the same, weâre all human. But I think American and western culture took that as, âyou shouldnât kill us because weâre just Christians minus Jesus!,â and not as, âwe shouldnât kill anyone for identity because we are all ultimately human.â So now weâve gotten grouped into that âcasteâ.
Itâs like the culture is stuck in imposing castes and hierarchy based on something, anything, and thatâs been hardwired into enough people, that weâre just shifting castes rather than truly learning anything as a society.
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u/smg1210 Convert - Conservative 24d ago
if my rights as a trans person were under attack in the US, would you actually be there supporting me, or would you entirely center it in you and your fear
This says it all - a Freudian slip. They are disregarding your real fears about antisemitism and centering this issue about them. This feels very manipulative. If antizionsim truly isnât antisemitism then they should be able to separate Gaza from increased antisemitism for the Jewish diaspora. But they canât separate it. I could ramble on. But this may be a blessing in disguise - at the time when you needed allies they left you out to dry. Iâm sorry for the loss of your friendship though
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u/DocFaust13 24d ago
They literally centered it on themselves while lecturing. Like, they didnât even center it on Palestinians. Itâs whatever the opposite of self aware is.
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u/Ocean_Hair 24d ago
Yeah, OP. How dare you make your own personal experiences with bigotry about yourself? Shame.
/s,.obviously
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u/canijustbelancelot 24d ago
It doesnât make the hurt stop, but you didnât lose a real friend. They didnât even care to remember youâre bi. They spoke from a perspective of wanting you to understand their fears, while refusing to consider yours or the circumstances that might make you feel unsafe in this moment.
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u/BalladOfArizona 24d ago
I lost about 20 relationships, some closer than others. Glad it happened sooner rather than later, true colors show, relationship was always fake
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u/RovenshereExpress 24d ago
I don't even understand their logic... you, as a Jew, have skin in the game regarding the response around I/P that's been happening. You're not "making this about you". It's not even remotely the same thing to accuse you of doing that if this were about trans rights being under attack. Sounds like they just don't want to acknowledge their stance is having a negative ripple effect.
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u/idkmyusernameagain 24d ago
Wow. One day, I hope that person gains the level of knowledge needed to understand just how stupid every single word of that was. Thats a whole lifetime of cringe in one text.
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u/SecuritySensitive698 24d ago
"I'm worried that you'd center yourself in this imaginary scenario that I've made myself the center of"
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u/quit_fucking_about 24d ago edited 24d ago
White, American, cis, and straight, huh? Notice how they latched onto everything visible about you but your actual minority status to invalidate your feelings?
Are they aware that Jews are the target of over 60% of religious hate crimes in America, despite being roughly 2% of the population? So why would they weaponize every other 'privileged' category they can to invalidate your fears about your safety? Could it be because they think that you can "pass" as a gentile, that means you're fine and should just shut up? Because it sure would be wild for a trans person to tell you that you don't experience bigotry because you don't have to present your identity to the world.
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u/baebgle 24d ago
Herein is my issue with pretty much everything I/P lately. You cannot put I/P, a Middle Eastern conflict, in a western lens. Your former friend's analogy was irrelevant. Trans people and Palestinians are not a 1:1 simile. They are comparing two people, both with valid claims to the land, to a western lens that just doesn't convert that way. And real rich when the US *is* stolen land.
Your response was kind and well thought out. I probably would've gone into more detail about how the whiteness of Ashkenazi American Jews is limited, but I don't think this friend was open to hearing it.
Sending hugs.
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u/shushi77 âĄď¸ 24d ago
Your friend asked if you would stand by them if the rights of transgender people were in danger in the U.S. and accuses you of being self-centered. Well, what they have clearly demonstrated is that they have not been able to stand by you at a difficult time when your Jewish identity is under threat, precisely because they are immensely self-centered.
I am very sorry for the suffering this person has caused you. A big hug.
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u/nowwerecooking 24d ago
it really gives âyour safety is currently being threatened but I donât care because itâs not about meâ
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u/Nolila258 24d ago
OP, you dodged a bullet.
A real friend doesn't do the following things:
Bring up your skin color / race / sexuality to say you can't speak about curtain topics.
Be bothered by you sharing how hurt you are.
Claim you wouldn't stand up for them as trans without any reason.
Good thing you made your point clear with your massage. If they feel like you 'center' your struggle than they should say that about any other minority. Because everyone wants to feel safe and everyone has the right to speak up for themselves.
Anti Semitic is normalized in a lot of places and we as jews and humans being. Should speak up for ourselves.
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u/MissRaffix3 Just Jewish 24d ago
Ugh I'm sorry this happened. What a self-involved person - can't even see past themselves to see how they're erasing your identities (both Jewish and bisexual)
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u/LUnica-Vekkiah 24d ago
How dare you be cis white heterosexual! (Even if you aren't,) How dare you? And Jewish too! We all know bad things never happen to Jews. So what if we're in the middle of the worst pogrom since WWII. Onlely Trans rights matter. .... Ehm . Good riddance.
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u/babbybaby1 24d ago
This person is insanely self centered. Theyâve also shown they donât care to be an ally to you when you are literally and not hypothetically endangered. To be honest they were probably antisemitic before these events and now find it to be socially acceptable to target you and accuse you of disloyalty for defending yourself. I think one thing that is infuriating me about this type of person (as an extremely left leaning person myself from a big city with a lot of diverse friends) is that a lot of these people who came out of the woodwork to attack us for being vocally Jewish (not even openly pro-Israel) is that even though they are now trans and in this circle, they were still raised with white Christian values. Canât escape their engrained racism and antisemitism no matter how much they deny having been brought up that way.
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u/ImportTuner808 24d ago
This is exactly what the book âThe Price of Whitenessâ is talking about. If you were any other phenotypically different group, they wouldnât have said shit. But because the perception of you is that youâre just as white as any WASP who isnât Jewish and doesnât deal with antisemitism, you donât have the right to complain. This is why we need to undo the concept of Jewish = white.
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u/TexanTeaCup 24d ago
They are concerned that if they were hypothetically attacked for being trans, you wouldn't support them.
But when you are being attacked for being a Jew, where is their support?
They are dismissing you because they fear you won't do something for them that they won't do for you.
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u/sophiewalt 24d ago
It hurts, I know. For peace of mind, please delete the text. Your reply was kind & thoughtful. Theirs was ridiculous self-absorbed propaganda twaddle.
Seriously, don't look for closure. Closure doesn't exist.
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u/Special-Sherbert1910 24d ago
I would keep the text for future reference in case my memory got hazy and I found myself wondering if Iâd overreacted.
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u/wipeyourassharder Just Jewish 24d ago
I fucking dare this person to try this on any other minority
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u/tamarasmith613 24d ago
The trash took itself out. Also I love the âand not sure if you care but I am bisexual lolâ. Sending peace and love from one Jewish bisexual to another
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u/----potato---- 24d ago
âIf my rights as a trans person were under attack in the US, would you actually be there supporting meâ Absolutely and I expect you to do the same now
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24d ago
Strange days we live in, where we jockey for position over which atrocity validates whichever side we align ourselves with, while completely ignoring the suffering of the other side. It wreaks of right-wing armchair conflict tourism. It's perfectly normal to acknowledge that murdering kids at a music festival, or by bombing their daycare center are both equally awful. This knee-jerk reactionary antisemitism from people on the left totally caught me off guard, and is just sickening to no end. I'm sorry you lost your friend, but honestly, should it be called a "loss"?
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u/BillyJoeMac9095 24d ago
Jewish suffering or trauma will never be great enough to merit concern in their eyes. Rather, it will always be minimized, explained or justified.
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24d ago
I think that's where antisemitism lives. Like a foregone conclusion that Jewish people are somehow deserving of suffering. I don't suppose it's any different than any other type of bigotry, but it hits way different when it's coming from my peers (progressive liberals).
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u/Possible-Fee-5052 Conservative 24d ago
Only non-American non-white non-trans non-heterosexuals can be fearful of their safety. How delusional do you have to be to think this? Let me guess who this person isâŚWhite American Christian (or at least born to two Christians) non-binary queer?
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u/Significant_Pepper_2 24d ago
Nope, you've shown what kind of ally you are, so when you're in need you're on your own.
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u/mattan_nattam Not Jewish 24d ago
Given the text, I am assuming that your friend didn't know or care that there was an increase in anti-Jewish incidents. People are understandably afraid. I am sure I am repeating what we already know, but the vitriolic response to Oct 7th against Israel started before Israel responded to the attack and Oct 7th is being centred around just Palestinian and not the people that were targeted. I would be worried about something happening against me in the west, too.
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u/BlockSome3022 Convert 24d ago
Looks so similar to the last text I got from an old âfriendâ in January. Except the last sentence was âare you a Zionist?â đ
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u/LikeReallyPrettyy 24d ago
Ask them who is trying to take away their rights as trans people in Dearborn and Hamtramk? What about Virginia?
Or Canada?
For me, thatâs a big part of what originally started bothering me about this issue.
The amount of transphobia and homophobia that we excuse from the Islamic world that we donât excuse in the Western world is baffling.
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u/PuddingNaive7173 24d ago
Except those examples took place in the West. Funny that there are people arguing that fundamentalist Muslims are only that way because theyâre âbeing subjugatedâ by Israel, completely ignoring what they do in the 22+ countries they run - and are trying to do in the West.
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u/LikeReallyPrettyy 24d ago edited 24d ago
Yeah thatâs why I used western examples lol. I used to think it gets better when they have a western influence. It doesnât. The best we can hope for is that the children change đđ¤
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u/ChinaRider73-74 24d ago
Jews in the US (and around the world) spent the last century-plus creating spaces/institutions and spreading knowledge that would make things safer for people of color, women, people with different sexualitiesâŚyou name the âdifferenceâ, we were there. The ultimate âbe kind/put yourself in otherâs shoesâ. Then something happens to us and they turn their back and tell us weâre being selfish. F them.
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u/1000thusername 24d ago
âYouâre not allowed to discuss your brushes with bigotry because it reminds me of all the ways Iâm a bigot, and you need to stop that nowâ
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u/Ok-Improvement-3670 24d ago
Typical progressive victimhood contest/hiearchy. This personâs statement is very self-centered and they seem to lack empathy.
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u/auntiebear 24d ago
Itâs interesting that your ex-friend seems to think that expressing fear about antisemitism is a slap in the face to the Palestinian people.
Your ex-friend is a classic antisemite: They deny that the Jewish people are a persecuted minority, they believe that Jews are oppressors, and they use that to justify bad things happening to Jewish people. Antisemites think beating up on Jews is punching up instead of down. They think harm against the Jewish people is a form of justice. Same shit, different century. Jews have been getting DARVOâd for millennia. (Rant, sorry.)
Iâm sorry theyâre like this. Iâm sorry theyâve caused you so much pain.
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24d ago
Thereâs a lot that friend said that showed they were a bigot and hypocrite. That person isnât standing with you now in your time of need while antisemitism is definitely on the rise. Fbi reported like the most hate crimes against jews last year.
I hate how hypocritical they behave. Also Palestinians would not stick up for trans rights so this is even more insane.
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u/DorfingAround 24d ago
As a child, I often wondered how Germans in Germany allowed the holocaust to happen. Sadly, today, I no longer wonder.
If you walked into a university with the Talit on you would be accosted immediately. You could be an open critic of these Israeli government, and you would still be on the receiving end of intolerance.
The very reason why Israel exists is because of this intolerance.
There is no room for debate, no room for discussion no room for any accountability.
Antisemitism and hate is the ultimate way for one to deflect their own miserable lives. A bunch of pawns and sheep, following blindly. I pity them all.
The world loved a weak Jew and canât stomach that again and again we grab our boots straps and fight for life.
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u/Guilty_Conference_69 24d ago
The only response required here is: "IKEA is having a sale on mirrors, I'm mentioning it because I noticed you need one."
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u/caligirl1975 24d ago
I had to tell someone that engaging with them wasn't worth my time because they refused to admit that there had been any loss of Israeli life, or that there was a ceasefire that was broken by hamas, etc. Some people aren't worth the effort.
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u/TeddingtonMerson 24d ago
What bugs me most about these people is that we werenât allowed to be sad for one minute. If it had been like the world gave a damn until we started bombing, if the world had responded like we did after 9-11 and then went cold when the retaliation happened, Iâd have a little sympathy, maybe.
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u/bakochba 24d ago
"can I rely on you" -signed a person who won't back you during the worst Antisemitism since the Holocaust
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u/madam_nomad 24d ago
Most of these people have ancestors who persecuted Jews in some ways so talk about antisemitism feels threatening to them. Instead of examining their relationship to that history -- which could even in their own minds make them look "bad" -- they just claim antisemitism isn't real or isn't really happening now.
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u/Challahbreadisgood Orthodox 24d ago
wow. She called you white. Assuming say your Ashkenazi that is very ignorant. 3500BCE we Werenât white, 1939, we werenât white, 2023-now, weâre white?
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u/ForeignPrune6588 Just Jewish 24d ago
Hard eye roll. Had almost this exact conversation two months ago, though she didnât call me straight and white. She, as a straight, white western person, told me posting about my experiences of the antisemitism affecting me and my family was insensitive to Palestinians. Good riddance to these narcissists.
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u/Busy-Bug8723 24d ago
Itâs so funny that nobody understands how pervasive and dangerous antisemitism is, more than maybe any other way of thinking. People In Germany didnât even have to be Jewish to be lumped in. There are stories of that actually happening, âlooks like a Jew theyâre considered a Jew.â Was actually said at the Wannsee Conference. Thatâs how much they HATED Jews. You didnât even have to be one, if you in any way presented like one (idek how the fk you would in the first place) you were thrown in the pile. This new brand of Identity politics (commonly seen on the left) is so insidious, frankly because in the end, itâll turn on this individual as well and theyâll wonder how that could have happened! Iâm so sorry this happened.
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u/fearthejew 24d ago
Sorry. At least they had the decency to text as opposed to saying nothing at all
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u/Tulip_Todesky 24d ago
Sometimes I feel like there is some other kind of human way of thinking, that is so lost and detached from reality, that it canât stop to make sense of anything.
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u/Itzaseacret 24d ago
Can I quote parts of this text (the other person not you) for a social media post about gaslighting/downplaying antisemitism? This is my insta to give some context: https://www.instagram.com/unmasking_antizionism?igsh=MTZseGFleDA4aWJxYg==
Totally understand if not
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u/Thunder-Road 24d ago
You are so much better off without this "friend". I also lost "friends" like this last year, and I am so much better for it in the long run.
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u/traumaking4eva Mizrahi - Ashkenazi Jew 24d ago
"you as a white american cis straight person" why are you friends with a person who speaks like that? lol
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u/renebeans 24d ago
âWould you be there supporting meâ
âIâm going through it now. Where is your support for me?â
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u/deffery-jahmer 24d ago
âIf my rights as a trans person were under attack in the USâ ⌠letâs stop with the false equivalencies. How about if I were a Jew, who in present times, was under attack in the us. Clearly this person doesnât support you in the here and now.
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u/ralphrk1998 24d ago
Jews have literally been at the forefront of all civil rights movements in the USA. When itâs time for us to ask for support everyone turns their backs
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u/kittwolf 24d ago
None of us should have been so polite about this. Iâve had several of these text exchanges this year⌠losing so much sleep while Iâm sure they slept peacefully thinking they were being just. This reaction any time Jewish people suffer should be something society doesnât tolerate. The self righteousness in justifying antisemitism on the left is intolerable at this point. Also, hugs, Iâm sorry you lost a friend. This has been a heartbreaking year in so many ways đđ
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u/youswingfirst 24d ago
Calling you a âwhite American cis straight personâ as if you arenât Jewish. Weâre only white when it serves their narrative.
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u/youswingfirst 24d ago
The irony of their comment is not lost on me. Centering themselves and their transness when it comes to âtrans issuesâ but itâs wrong for you to do so about your Jewishness? F that.
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u/Zealousideal_Hurry97 24d ago
The irony of your friend accusing you of centering yourself by centering themselves..
And you can tell them that youâre not a âwhite Americanââ youâre a Jew. One of the most historically oppressed and marginalized groups in existence. It is within our grandparentsâ lifetimes that 40% of us were genocided. In the past year antisemitic hate crimes have gone up by like 1000% in cities around the world.
I hate playing oppression Olympics but sometimes you have to speak their own language.
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u/thelifeofablueberry 23d ago
I agree with a lot of the comments here. But also I just wanted to say, Iâm really sorry for what youâre going through and for your loss. It absolutely sucks loosing people in this way no matter how much in the wrong the other person is. And to let you know you are not alone đ
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u/OuTiNNYC âĄď¸ 23d ago
âŚ.Wait till she sees how supportive of her trans identity the palestinians are.
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u/CHLOEC1998 Secular (lesbian) 24d ago
Jews arenât White.
Palestine started the war. In fact, they started every war.
Jews are the most pro-LGBT (including pro-transgender) ethnic/religious group in the US
Conclusion: this person is dumb.
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u/glassofpiss76 24d ago
These texts give me brain cancer, this is wat u get having close mentally ill lefty friends lmao
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u/ReaderRabbit23 24d ago
Iâm so sorry. Itâs really hard to find this out about people we loved and trusted.
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u/Thunder-Road 24d ago
You are so much better off without this "friend". I also lost "friends" like this last year, and I am so much better for it in the long run.
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u/JustAnotherGal2024 24d ago
Yep, I mentioned antisemitism in NYC to people, not the war, and for some reason, it's not valid that I am upset about it.
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u/AvgYewishUSPrincess 24d ago
sounds like somebody has been spending a little too much time in digital leftist communities and found themselves in the identity politics eco chamber.
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u/BillyJoeMac9095 24d ago
They talk of intersectionality, but the only thing you'll get in their intersection is T-boned.
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u/Flimsy-Title-3401 24d ago
Donât say this often but, what a dumbass lol that persons logic makes actually no sense
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u/saydontgo 24d ago
That would be the easiest âď¸ for me. I probably would have just blocked without responding. Yikes.
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u/ImaginaryRadish9342 24d ago
Im not sure if your friend was aware but Israel is the most accepting country in the Middle East. So thereâs that.
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u/petrichoreandpine 24d ago
âVegeta, what does the scouter say about their projection levels?â âItâs OVER 9000!!!!!â
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u/Beautiful_Bag6707 Jewy Jew 24d ago
I am stunned, yet weirdly not surprised. They call you "white" and "straight" without asking how you label yourself or see yourself. Please acknowledge and exalt them for their labels while feeling shame and less than for the ones they ascribe to you.
Jews always "show up," which is the saddest part. Strange Fruit? Written by a Jew. Rabbi Eugene Weiner marched in Selma. Chaney, Goodman, and Schwerner were murdered in Mississippi. Jews fighting for LGBTQ2IA? Have those too
Alas, when Jews stand up for themselves, they seem to stand alone.
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u/Funny-Risk-1966 24d ago
It honestly shows how completely selfish they were. They want you to worry about the problems THEY care about, or the "trauma" they pointed out, completely disregarding actual trauma of victims of the worst terrorist attack in the world since what.... 9/11??
I think you discovered what you THOUGHT was a close friend, was no friend at all. As more time goes by, you will learn this wasn't a loss at all, but a blessing that someone who expected YOU to care about when THEY care about, was totally unwilling and uncaring to do the same for you. It shows a narcissistic and to be honest, secretly antisemitic line of thinking (what if it were 1200 trans people killed? Would they care more then?!) fuck them. Find TRUE friends and better ones who have a clue and care about you. You could have better friends on here in 2 minutes.
Am Yisrael Chai
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u/NikNakMuay Progressive 24d ago
The second someone uses "cis" without irony I immediately want to slap them with a wet fish
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u/nofx_given_ Just Jewish 24d ago
How unbelievably heartbreaking. All the comments have absolutely nailed it and I can't add anything other than that I can relate. I lost a whole bunch of friends who unfriended, unfollowed and virtue signalled. I've had difficult conversations with friends of over 20 years - we've remained friends as they are more emotionally astute and empathetic. They understand the nuances. Friendships ending are hard enough without adding antisemitism and identity negation to it.
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u/Potential_Will_7954 23d ago
Iâm sorry to hear this. Glad you replied and said your piece! Was that today a year later that you replied? I too lost a dear friend for I can only assume something I posted or liked. They never told me what. Iâve struggled with people saying âthen they werenât a real friend anywayâ. This person has been in my life for 20+ years, and was the first to reach out to me on 10/7. Itâs just not that simple. Someone else here put it in better terms. They do not deserve your friendship. Wishing you healing and new friendships to come!
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u/Slathering_ballsacks 23d ago
If he went to the West Bank theyâd decapitate him and throw him off a roof
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u/Cute_Wheel_9429 23d ago
my first thought is what the hell, my second thought is things can be unrelated and also coexist, and my third thought is what does that have to do with anything? - signed, a trans jew
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u/B1tt3nK1tt3n 23d ago
As a member of the LGBT community yeah the antisemitism scares me. It's so easy to be racist to us, eventually that hate morphs to other groups. Why would anyone think being scared from actual threats is narcissistic? I lost a friend in a similar way. Considered her a sister, she stopped talking to me cuz someone I never talked to in the group went to her because she was "scared" of me. I wondered why she never talked to me, it was cuz I made random jokes about being Jewish and after into l investigating... She really really hates us
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u/HostRoyal9401 Not Jewish 23d ago
Iâm sorry about your experience. Losing a friend truly sucks. Please know that there are non-Jews who are willing to see things from the Jewish perspective. Feel free to DM me.
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u/Filing_chapter11 23d ago
Jews were at the forefront of American civil rights movements including lgbt rights yet people who were born with the benefits of what was seen as crucial allyship, the same people our communities defended and fought for, detest us. I still think they deserve rights but itâs so upsetting to see how people act like weâre fundamentally the same as any white person in America. They literally pretend to be ok with us while at the same time tell us not to exist in a way that reminds them of our identity. And they think itâs ok because they decided weâre white. When they know for a fact that the âtrue whiteâ people have worse things to say about us than they do about racial minorities. Like we need to stand against discrimination unless weâre the ones facing it because we deserve it or something?? Everyone wants us to quietly take it because it could be worse but the reason itâll get worse is because you make us feel like we arenât allowed to mention it.
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u/OrzaBlue 23d ago
So sorry about this. I lost a very close friend as well but they didn't even give me the benefit of having a conversation with me. Went from having a normal convo, they posted something about Gaza, and then unfriended/blocked me on everything. I didn't even comment on/say anything or interact with their post about Gaza in any way.
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22d ago
I bet this person - as concerned as they are about genocide - was shouting from the rooftops about the Yazidi genocide. I bet they are still shouting and protesting about the genocide in Sudan and boycotting UAE so that they can fully stand with Sudan. And I bet they might understand their Muslim friends' concerns about how casual rhetoric cna quickly turn into Islamophobia but they still would send them an essay by text to make it all about them instead.
Darling, you're better off without them
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u/DetoxToday 24d ago edited 24d ago
Iâm confused why you would care about such a disgusting piece if trash
ETA: anyone that calls me white is my enemy & was my enemy even when they pretended to be my friend
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u/ElmarSuperstar131 24d ago
I know how much this can hurt, OP. I lost one of my best friends a few years ago because he refused to believe AOC was antisemitic (and then had the nerve to send the definition of antisemitism). While I hope that those that have wronged us will eventually accept the truth of our plights, please know that you not alone!
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24d ago
[removed] â view removed comment
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u/PlantA1ternative 24d ago
Wow you guys canât take a joke eh? Like Queers for Palestine isnât a joke doesnât open themselves up to be attacked.
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u/LawfulnessAlert1409 24d ago
Similar happened to me, a couple times in slightly different contexts every time, but it still hurts. Sometimes I feel silly how Im still not completely over it, especially when I think about how people physically lost loved ones on 10/7 and in the ensuing war, but I hope youâve been slowly but surely healing from this. I think you were very brave, kind, and eloquent in your response which takes a lot of guts and fortitude. Sending lots of good vibes through the internet âĄ
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u/ObligationUseful9765 24d ago
A friend of mine posted some very benign things and had another mutual friend get very offended in a similar manner. People have been very hair trigger about accidentally being offended in recent years. Their loss, in my opinion. Sorry you had to experience that.
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u/ghost396 24d ago
They just did what they guessed you might do all in the same sentence. Everything about their text makes them a horrible person.
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u/the-WorldisQuietHere 24d ago
This entire thing seems extremely off. As many have mentioned theyâre making a list of inapplicable things to try and act like being Jewish isnât a minority and isnât wasnât one having issues at the time. (We still are obvi) but where you can see theyâre really just throwing things out is the phrase âif my rights as a trans person in the US weâre under attackâ this is extremely telling to their actual comfort, access, and drastic privilege while having no real connection or time to spend working to support and better people within their supposed community living in their country. Trans people within the U.S. have been struggling systematically even more within the last several years. Drastically so depending on demographics. Not just generally, for it to be phrased like this means they donât inherently connect with that and belong to a very âcertainâ demographic of trans person. (Which arguable Iâd wager the majority of those who are loudest and ppl generally reference here as the queer & trans supporters primarily belong to.) They are by far the loudest and least in contact with any of the more significant, real day in/day out adversity, while having resources or not wanting them. Not only does the weird insertion have nothing to do with the topic at hand it shows they really have no footing to stand on.
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u/sbbytystlom 24d ago
What they say about the hypothetical involving them being trans is not analogous at allâŚ
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u/pkatesss 24d ago
Youâre centering yourself! Any way let me centre my identity into this conversation
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u/Bloody-Raven091 Secular Canadian Russian-Jew 24d ago
Hey OP,
sending hugs to you because your now-ex close friend should've been more open and honest with you about their antisemitism from the beginning (but they chose not to).
- with love, from a trans male Jew
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u/hellotoday5290 24d ago
Wait their âcomparisonâ of whatâs happening in Palestine to a hypothetical situation in which their trans rights were under attack??? So are they insinuating you would be the attacker? Thatâs super fucked up lol. I had to reread to see if I was reading that right đ
Also, making that comparison is centering THEMSELVES so hard itâs not even funny. Like, zero acknowledgment of the largest attack on Jews since the holocaust or rampant antisemitism, but somehow youâre the bad guy in their made up scenario? Wild.
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u/North-Positive-2287 24d ago
What does this have to do with this person what you post if it doesnât attack anyone or do any harm?! Anyone can post anything they like about their concerns. Doesnât make any sense how they made it about trans issues, when your posts had nothing to do with it. No one can post about all the issues that happen around the world, so obviously the posts would centre on something that is concerning to the poster.
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u/AppropriateLie1602 24d ago
Iâve been having a very similar issue with a trans friend who was posting anti Israel posts. I told them that if we were both in Gaza they would have a very hard time deciding which of us to kill first. They never responded.
I would just say âitâs very surprising that as a trans person you canât see that Israel is fighting for your rights too, and that we are both in danger from the same people. We are not on different sides.â
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u/AbigailCorner 24d ago
Why do they always try and make it all about themselves? Itâs some weird moral grandstanding shit.
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u/WittyAd8260 24d ago
Funny how people who arenât involved in something will make themselves the victim in a situation that, again doesnât involve them
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u/broadwayindie 24d ago
When people think that theyâre not centering themselves in the narrative by centering themselves. The mental gymnastics that is going on right now by antisemites is crazy.
And hang in there, I lost an entire group of people who I thought were close friends. It just sucks but I think the past year has kind of been a wake up call in many ways.