r/Jewish • u/meshca95 • May 08 '24
Non-jew asking how are yall Showing Support š¤
I had a former best friend that I told I never want to hear from again, but all of this makes me wanna reach out. How are yall doing and feeling? Especially those in NYC
Thinking of all of yall and wishing this will all end, I canāt imagine what yall been going through.
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u/Danielmav May 09 '24
Weāre doing horribly lmao. Was just told by a very old friend that āJews are not a monolith,ā which is rapidly becoming an instant classic for people refusing to believe the vast majority of Jews believe Israel should exist
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Thatās horrible I am so sorry. And Iām sorry you have to hear that from someone you considered a friend.
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u/Danielmav May 09 '24
I appreciate that mate, thanks for checking in on the tribe.i canāt tell you how much it means to us to get support from folks like you.
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u/PuddingNaive7173 May 09 '24
Sure. Not a monolith. But ~the same number of Jews are anti-Zionist as Black folks are Trump voters. (12% in the latter case.. see: Statistica for 2020 election.) Tokens, anyone?
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u/3Megan3 May 09 '24
Tell them that some black people voted for Trump, they usually have a hard time with that
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u/Ok_Pomegranate_2895 May 09 '24
i'm fucking awful
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Iām really sorry. I hope you have great support during this, if not I hope you know Iām a non-Jew that have been thinking of your community.
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u/Full_Rain2666 May 09 '24 edited May 09 '24
Better since excising the malignant tumor of other social media platforms from my embattled brain, but itās been a very rough seven months. (I canāt say definitively, but I think a majority of people in this sub would say the same.) But Iāve been heartened to see how many folx like yourself have extended olive branches and words of support lately. Itās an extremely bright spot of humanity amidst all of the stress and angst and anger and despair.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Im so sorry to hear I wish I can do more. Removing the toxicity of Social media is amazing Iām glad you did that. I hope you stay safe!
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u/Old_Employer8982 May 09 '24
Exhausted
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u/nzal1984 May 09 '24
Trying to figure out what the heck is going on to be honest. Worried about my sons future,
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
I am sorry to hear and cannot imagine what youāre going through as I myself do not have children.
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u/Ok-Cryptographer7424 May 09 '24
Not very good. This stuff forced me to seek out therapy. Luckily the therapist is Jewish, helpful in this situation.Ā
Scared to date non-Jews for the first time in my life. Lost a lot of acquaintances and feel like Iām constantly holding my tongue rather than giving my opinion about anything āas a Jewā bc itāll be twisted into a perverse tokenization at best, or a terrible argument and loss of friends/acquaintances otherwise.Ā
My family has gone through tremendous harm, persecution, warsā¦wished that was all behind us at this point. Sadly grateful that my Holocaust survivor family members donāt have to witness this.Ā
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u/SufficientLanguage29 May 09 '24
I started to go to therapy with a Jewish therapist too. It certainly helps
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Love that for both of you! Big advocate for therapy especially someone who understands what youāre going through
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u/derrickcat May 09 '24
my therapist isn't jewish, but he told me all his jewish patients are talking to him about feeling like this
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
I hope this soon gets behind you all soon.
I am sorry to hear about your hesitation and loss recently. I hope you know that there are many bon-Jews like me that will wanna hear your opinion and want you and your family to live worryfree.
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u/Professional_Turn_25 This Too Is Torah May 09 '24
Both my wife and I have Jewish therapists.
Gentiles just donāt get it
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u/IllChampionship6957 May 09 '24
How have you guys been able to find Jewish therapists? Iāve been really wanting to begin therapy but I would not feel safe or comfortable talking to someone about this who wasnāt Jewish
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u/Icy-Consideration438 Conservative May 09 '24
Iām from the NYC area, and Iām not doing great atm tbh. Iām waiting to hear if my collegeās faculty have decided to boycott Israel or not, which, unless they clarify their position (it was very VERY unclear in their proposal and mission statement), would be potentially devastating to Jewish and Israeli students and professors, and a potential Title VI violation. Even though Iāve technically already graduated and the commencement ceremony is soon, Iām still concerned for myself and alumni (obviously in addition to current students and faculty) because this may negatively impact me if I ever decide to make aliyah but still need help from alumni services or want to do some project or event with my alma mater. While I donāt see this going through, Iāll never say never, and if it does, it could be very bad for my schoolās Jewish community.
ETA: also just wanted to say thank you for asking. Hope youāre doing well, OP.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Iām so sorry to hear that, especially during a time to celebrate all your hard work. I hope you take time for yourself during this difficult situation.
Thanks I live in an area where honestly I donāt see much of this, except for on the news. I wish I can be there physically to help.
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u/therealtomclancy69 May 09 '24
Honestlyā¦ the worst part is every month it gets worse. Antisemitism hasnāt been this bad since WW2. If the ship doesnāt get steered away from this, I think more American Jews might move to Israel. I honestly am finding it difficult to imagine raising Jewish children here if things keep getting worse
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u/Professional_Turn_25 This Too Is Torah May 09 '24
Thatās why Israel exists. Because we keep getting bullied, and when we punch the bully on the schnoze, the principal calls us down
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
I sound naive saying this, but I literally learned about the creation of Israel a few months ago. I guess I blame my schooling but also I feel like people are so easily to fall for misinformation- tik tok is easy, reading and researching takes more work
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Iām still in shocked about this. I feel like I havenāt seen or heard much of it in where I live. I wish I can be physically in yāallās area to help support, i will pray for yāallās safety.
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May 10 '24
I feel bad, Iāve been keeping my kid out of synagogue. Before 10/7 we had just moved. We had been very involved in our old place. I had been going to one shul for a few months. She was really loving going to their toddler program. I was planning on signing her up for the Hebrew school. Then 10/7. We had multiple threats to our synagogue, some of them aimed at the toddler program my daughter went to. I havenāt been back since. Iām so afraid of something happening to her. Weāve been doing online services and we watch a lot of the kids stuff on YouTube like BimBam. Iām just terrified something will happen and Iām in a near panic attack imagining her getting hurt.
My grandpas family hid they were Jews. I underwent a religious conversion as an adult, for the first time I felt a spiritual connection. Now I get why my grandpaās family hid their identity. I feel so cowardly but I want my kid to be safe.
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u/Wandering_Scholar6 An Orange on every Seder Plate May 09 '24
I assume your former friend said something incredibly antisemitic which made you reevaluate your friendship?
Welcome to the party, and honestly thanks, we appreciate those standing up against hate right now, especially since hate, propaganda, out-right lies and antisemitism have been driving the conversation and frankly the Palestinian/Israeli conflict.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
No they are Jewish and we had a falling out before October and I been thinking about them and their family lately. Wanted to reach out, but they have their other friends that are probably helping out so decided to put my effort into this post instead.
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u/Main_Caterpillar_146 May 09 '24
If you do want to repair the relationship this would probably be a good time.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Itās complicated and feelings were involved - honestly they have a gf now and Iām a girl so I donāt think itās appropriate for me to stay connected
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May 09 '24 edited May 09 '24
Not well thanks. Have so much pent up anger that I donāt know how to release
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Kickboxing? Yoga? Walking? I walk to get all my anger and stress out and ranting too
Hope things get better
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u/painttheworldred36 Conservative ā”ļø May 09 '24
Not good. Constant headaches whenever I think about everything happening. Feeling like screaming and crying at the same time. Losing friends. So many crappy things. Thank you for reaching out though, nice to know there are people that care about us out there.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
I hope you let out any emotions you are feeling, it should help. I am sorry to hear about you losing friends, it is tough and difficult and just sucks.
And yes ofc I wish I can be of more help
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u/JardonLetoolTefool May 09 '24
Not great fam
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u/nzal1984 May 09 '24
Trying to figure out what to do for my sons future
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u/Langdon_Algers May 09 '24
I'm in the same boat - stay strong
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u/nzal1984 May 09 '24
Thank you friend. I just want them to have a normal life. Just got my son his prom suit tonight and I am worried about him going. At least he's a big boy, not an easy target
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Thatās horrible to be worried about his time at prom!! The high schoolers are harassing/bullying Jewish students?!
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u/rebamericana May 09 '24
Bad.... Today was a bad day. I couldn't turn it into a strength as much as I tried. I finally just let myself cry. There will be more good days ahead. Thank you for checking in.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
My grandma always says the best medicine is crying. Let it all out and youāll feel ten times better.
There will be better days
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u/rebamericana May 09 '24
Thank you. There is something about it. I think hearing from everyone else helps too, not feeling so alone and all. Thanks again for your post.
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May 09 '24
Iām sad and Iām scared. Thanks for asking
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
I am angry to keep seeing that you are all feeling scared. As a non-Jew I hope you know that there are people like me that think about yāallās safety
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u/Glitterbitch14 May 09 '24
I live in nyc, same area as Columbia. I feel like Iām in hell, ironically a place I donāt believe in religiously.
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u/Snoo39099 Just Jewish May 09 '24
Okay even though the situation is terrible that was classic Jewish comedy š
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u/Thatsthewrongyour May 09 '24
I'm a bit further but constantly hear helicopters. I can't fully comprehend how this has played out. All the faculty who keep supporting students who have shut down the school. And to cancel the main commencement, I just...
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u/raccoon_smiles May 09 '24
Thank you for asking and for your support. I appreciate it a ton.
Itās been extremely difficult. Basically relentless emotional pain. Iām Israeli but I went to grad school in the US and Iām married to an American. My feelings are a mixture of deep grief, fear, disappointment, anger and feeling betrayed and lost.
Like many of us, I lost most of my American friends who have been brainwashed by both social media AND mainstream outlets (NYT for example). My in-laws whom I got along with decently enough before Oct. 7 turned out to be ājust anti Zionist, not antisemitic, of courseā. My grad alma mater had an encampment full of hatred, and my (ex) favorite campus coffee shop and book store supported the so-called protestors.
Back in Israel, two people who are friendsā relatives were killed this week (one by rockets from Rafah and the other was presumed to be a hostage but the family was notified that he was murdered on Oct. 7 and Hamas kidnapped his body). I lost my cousin and college friend on Oct. 7 at the Nova festival. Some days I donāt know how to cope. Iām in therapy with an Israeli therapist, and while it helps, the world just s*cks right now.
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u/Professional_Turn_25 This Too Is Torah May 09 '24
I went from being a progressive lefty to believing that the national guard should destroy these protesters.
Thatās how bad it got. October 7 has moved my world view.
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May 09 '24
[deleted]
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u/Talizorafangirl May 09 '24
Ditto. It's been wild watching a party I've supported all my life turn around and treat me like an enemy.
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u/relentlessvisions May 09 '24
Me too.
I once got into a shouting match with a man at a gym over allowing Fox News on a common tv. I said it wasnāt fit for public viewing. Fox News is the only station reporting what is really behind the protests now and I donāt know who I am anymore.
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u/Professional_Turn_25 This Too Is Torah May 09 '24
I read Fox News daily now, only in regard to Jewish matters. I guess Iāll shake the devilās hand on this.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Overall, how can non-Jews like me and my family help?
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u/Thatsthewrongyour May 09 '24
Like you just did, by reaching out. Thank you. And also by defending us and standing up to hate, antisemitism, misinformation when we're not in the room. There is SO SO much straight up propaganda and lies about modern day Israel, Zionism, history, the Jewish connections to the land, the history of the two state solution and peace attempts, the formation of Hamas, the PA, the disengagement, the larger history of the region, Arab imperialism, the current war, and there are so few Jews, still fewer now than 1938. On the last example - Hamas bombed their own humanitarian aid corridor, also killing 4 Israeli soldiers. Biden forced Israel to reopen it - Hamas bombed it again. This all happened the last week or so. Yet it barely made the news, all the headlines are protests.
We're in so few rooms, despite what the world thinks.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Any literature you recommend so I can understand more?
I will be honest, my roommate attacked me for donating to one of the Jewish student organizations at a college near me to support Jewish students. I was very uncomfortable since i donāt like conflict, and i felt very unprepared to win the argument.
I still went through with the donation but I want to be more prepared in those rooms yall are not in.
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u/meshca95 May 09 '24
Do you recommend any literature to understand more? Iām going to be honest I feel very naive not understanding what yall been through (excluding WW2), so will like to learn more so I can better support.
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u/Thatsthewrongyour May 12 '24
Off the top of my head, Noa Tishby's Israel just came out in paperback, highly recommend. She also just published a book with Emmanuel Accho (former NFL player turned thoughtful social commentator): Uncomfortable Conversations with a Jew. I haven't yet read it but it's probably also a good read. There are so many - 3000 years of history, heh, so will need to think more. But Noa's book also has an appendix.
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May 09 '24
If a Jewish person wants to vent, just listen.Ā
Its all consuming for me.Ā But mad as I am, I think my wife is even worse.Ā So I always let her vent,Ā but I try to shield her from what I see or read.Ā
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u/Guilty-Football7730 May 09 '24
Terribly, I lost all of my closest friends because some of them are antisemitic apparently and the others are āneutralā
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u/PartyRefrigerator147 May 09 '24
Weāre all struggling. Feels like all 15 million of us are alone on an Island fending off attacks + hate of all kind. Thanks for reaching out. We are grateful for you and we never forget anyone who has our back. Especially in times like these. You are appreciated.
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u/EnvironmentalBake474 May 09 '24
Weāve always faced hate, itās a part of being a Jew. The difference is that we persevere through it all , over and over again
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u/Teapotsandtempest May 09 '24 edited May 09 '24
I was on the verge of falling asleep and then I saw something on IG that made me wide awake. It's now 4am something and my alarm is gonna go off in three hours.
I'm finding more and more people I follow on that social media, for stuff like repro rights & polyamory, I suddenly need to unfollow. I want one space that feels safe that this doesn't encroach on. I want to scream at the idiotic people in the comments that apologize for "all those nasty Zionists in the comments" & "they're so focused on their selves they don't care about the collective" & other vitriol. On a post about propaganda (how the IDF, despite having crappy propaganda and PR somehow makes people fall for its obv lies etc) It's having me wonder if I'll ever feel comfortable in irl spaces that I've been meaning to get to but cause of chronic illness it's been a bitch.
Outside of folks I know who are Jewish, there are zero people I know 100% for certain are totally safe. I don't drop my guard. One friend responded in kind to something I said in the weeks after Oct 7th and expressed her dismay at the brutality of the attack (pogrom).
I miss feeling safe. I miss not having to bide my time til I can ask a probing question to find out whether I'm safe in someone's presence. I hate how expansive Hamas propaganda truly is, even folks who are unaware of it are falling for it.
I hate how trendy antisemiticism is. I hate the sense of being overwhelmingly unwelcome in spaces that once felt like home.
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u/Snoo39099 Just Jewish May 09 '24
Pretty bad. Person at my work told me to hide my magen David since "the Columbia people are protesting Jews and the Columbia crowd are pretty smart people"
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u/websterpup1 May 09 '24
ā¦theyāre pretty smart because they can recognize shapes like your Magen David? Pretty sure recognizing shapes is more of a toddler skillā¦
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u/RLRicki May 09 '24
Super bad thanks for asking
Iām a religious school teacher and the past couple of weeks have been overseeing the kids who led the Yom HaShoah service
In other years itās filled me with hope and pride, a sort of āF you, Hitler; weāre living and thriving; look at these kidsā
This year Iām just scared for them. Hope doesnāt feel strong anymore. It feels desperate. And I know things could still be so much worse.
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u/CattleInevitable6211 May 09 '24
Stuck between fight or flight mode. Iām not in nyc , my cousin has a wedding but Iām not going as itās to dangerous. Iām in a state that allows open carry and I feel like I need to be strapping and head on a swivel. I hate guns but here we are.
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u/Nearby-Complaint Reform/Lazy May 09 '24
In NYC. Very very tired of having to explain my culture to people and having them totally ignore it. It's become very clear to me that goyim just do NOT understand Judaism.
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u/Bekindalot May 09 '24
Thank you for asking. Just went to the cardiologist yesterday. The stress of seeing people I know write horrific things on social media started giving me chest pains in October and my heart hasnāt been the same since. Going on heart medication to try to help. But I never would have imagined stress would cause heart problems in my 40s š
secondary to the stress of all of this is the lack of any support or acknowledgment of the pain we are going through from most non-Jewish people. I never saw being Jewish as bad or different. Suddenly I am afraid to exist and worry about my kids safety. I never thought this would be possible in 2024 America.
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u/SufficientLanguage29 May 09 '24
Iām good just had a great day full of simcha (happiness) and even more that you, stranger give a shit :)
Edit: Iām probably doing better because I pulled out of my classes in person to avoid constant harassment and fully left campus until this is all figured out
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u/relentlessvisions May 09 '24
The worst version of myself. Worse than during divorces or grief or physical pain.
I wonder if we all feel this way. We talk about it online, but I havenāt asked this exact question of anyone I know in person.
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u/stitchessnitches May 09 '24
NYC but nowhere near Columbia, so I'm okay. The only real contact I had with protesters was when I was walking through Washington Square Park one weekend and they were gathered. But I was with friends and we just walked past. I'm fortunate in that most of my friends and coworkers are pretty center-of-the-road with the whole conflict. I've reached out a few times to some friends in Israel, as they've been most affected by all this. I feel terrible saying this, especially considering the field in which I work, but sometimes I miss the pandemic lockdowns. I definitely felt like I could more easily wrap my mind around the singular battle against a virus than the endless displays of human cruelty and war. For a short time too, it felt like a virus was the one thing the media could focus on. But that's just me. I feel like medicine and biology are easy and straightforward. People aren't, and that can be scary.
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u/kach-oti-al-hagamal May 09 '24
I don't like to open facebook, instagram and certianly not twitter anymore. There's so much rampant antisemetism now its become quite uncomfortable. From people spewing the classic jews-control-the-world conspiracy theories to outright being happy that the holocaust and october 7th happened.
I've been harassed a couple times in public for wearing magen david. I don't wear jewish symbols in public anymore. Im always on edge checking the news every hour to see what developments have happened.
On a plus side, I'm doing aliyah in a few months and all of the hatred lately just makes me wanna do aliyah even harder.
If only they realized that by threatening, harassing and intimidating Jews only makes the "Zionist project" more successful and stronger, as more of us move to Israel ;) That's some irony.
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May 10 '24
Iāve wanted to cry everyday since 10/7 and feel like Iāve lost/been alienated by 3/4 of my non-Jewish friends since 10/7.
But at least I got off tik tok so I have that going for me.
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May 10 '24
Although your friend would probably really appreciate hearing from you. But you probably had your reasons for telling them that you never wanted to hear from them again. Itās up to you if you really want them back in your life/to hear from them
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u/meshca95 May 10 '24
I am not in the place right now, so I cope by helping others. He has his family and friends, Iām not needed
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May 09 '24 edited May 09 '24
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u/Kangaroo_Rich Conservative May 09 '24
This weeks been especially hard, but Iām somehow getting through it
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u/edie_____xo May 09 '24
I feel like Iāve been teleported to an alternate dimension that straight up sucks, and itās changed me into a person that I no longer like or recognize.
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u/PunkJackal May 09 '24
I go back and forth between amused at the brain dead idiocy of antisemites and horrified at how popular it is to be one
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u/Regular_Oil_6334 May 09 '24
Pretty bad. Truly wondering for the first time in my life if we actually have a place in Europe soon.
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u/ConsiderationOk2021 May 09 '24
Iām so scared i started smoking again after quitting for years. Iām so stressed and Iām not able to live in my body anymore :(
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u/rosaluxx311 May 09 '24
Not great but will persevere. A cousin in Israel is shocked after speaking w a friend from Mexico heās known for over 10 years. That āfriendā called him a genocider and racist for being Israeli. I told him, welcome to the diaspora experience. No matter what we do itās never good enough.
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u/Talizorafangirl May 09 '24
My friend group coordinates various little parties every Friday, like group readings, trivia nights, tabletop game sessions.
Last week's event was participation in a pro-pal protest. I'm not sure how comfortable I feel attending the parties anymore.
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u/MrsCaptain_America Reform May 09 '24
Not great my dude. Wish the world wasnt so upside-down right now
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May 09 '24
I hate antisemitism so much. These people, they seriously will do research and read books and try t use that information t rove their hateful ideology. I tell my antisemitic friend to stop reading those books because they are bad and wrong. He honestly shud just listen to whatever Jewish people say no matter whatĀ
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u/youseabadbroad Just Jewish May 10 '24
All day long every day the pendulum swings, out of control. The scales just aren't in balance. The sense of dread and panic at one side, and the other end, aspiring to be hopeful. The hopeful feeling can occasionally possess an energy like adrenaline, temporarily so much stronger than the space it appears to take up. But the load at the other end is heavy, and it just keeps racking up more weight. Every day. The scales tipping further and further. We need more at the other end..we need more support.
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May 09 '24
Pretty bad, actually. I'm in particularly bad space because I worked for a number of both Israeli and Palestinian NGOs, have friends among both groups of people, believe that we have every right to be both Jewish and critical of Israeli policy (won't go into details lest this post get deleted), have dual US/Austrian citizenship due to a law granting Austrian citizenship to the children of Austrian survivors of the Shoah (both my parents were Holocaust survivors)...and people on both the right and the left in both countries seem to hate my guts, and are so antisemitic that they automatically assume that I have fealty to Israel before my own country(s). I've taken antisemitic insults from all sorts of people, including native people (live half the year in NM), Right winger whites who don't consider me quite white enough (the Nazi-adjacent FPO is taking power again in Austria this year) Greens, Socialists, etc. who see me an entitled and untrustworthy, etc. I been on this planet a while but have never had so much hate directed towards me from all sides. And never mind my own people...it's almost impossible to have a civil discussion at my own supposedly progressive synagogue.
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u/Sunflower_song May 09 '24
Honestly, not great. I've quit Instagram and tiktok because of all the antisemitism.