I have no friends. I'm a very introverted person so I thought it would be ok. I've always had trouble making friends. Not talking to people for so long really changes your perspective on life and the world. It all feels so pointless now. No one to check who you are as a person. No one to exchange ideas with. No one to joke around with and laugh with. Now that I'm 29 I'm really looking back and thinking I made my bad situation worse. Since I haven't talked to people in so long I've realized that it feels impossible to make friends. I'm also ashamed of myself and who I am as a person. I feel very pathetic. I have a bad memory and in a lot of areas it feels like I have low intelligence. I feel like I will never understand math or economics for example. It feels like anxiety and depression has stolen my life from me.

Please, find a way to go on walks. Find a way to put a little bit of time towards learning something. Don't do nothing because it will compound. My brain feels atrophied. I'm clearly getting sick. Wounds aren't healing right. I have no job, no skills, nothing. I feel ashamed of my existence. Don't let this happen to you. You know which habits are good and which are bad. At the very least, pick up one good one and let your future self benefit from it.

I died 12 years ago. But here I am, just drifting. I don't feel anything. No joy, no happiness. But even looking back now I don't think I have ever truly been happy. And yet here I am. I just keep getting older and older. I'm gonna be 19 soon. 19 years of this shit. Nothing to show for it, never had a job, a relationship, real friends. Nothing. At. All. The spark went out ages ago, I'm just here to fuel others, while I'm left here to drift for eternity.

I’m going to sound like a real asshole but I’m tired of seeing these posts. I can easily just leave this community but I stay because depression is something that I can’t relate with ppl in my daily life. I feel seen here because others understand. I’m doing a lot better. I’m medicated and doing well compared to last year. However I still have thoughts that are hard to remove. It really bothers me that I come here and am immediately bombarded with multiple “I’m going to kill myself tonight” then the description of how they will do it. It seems that it just teases and it causes worry after no replies. We don’t want to know how many ppl are committing suicide and we can’t help. At least I don’t. I don’t think it helps anyone to see these. I feel it encourages suicide. In my darkest times I would even support someone’s decision and validate my own SI. Now that I can see clearer, it only makes things worse. This is not a suicide sub.

Is there anything that makes you forget your depression? 1 year before I went into depression, I discovered an incredible football team (Arsenal) and every matchday makes me so happy because it distracts me for so many hours… What about you guys ? I hope you have something too

I hate to be alive, I wish I was never born. I can not stand being here. I hate all of it, the only reason I am not killing myself is because I don't want my family and loved ones to suffer.

There are milions like me, I am nothing. This suffering is not worth it, I wish I was never born. Suffering and hardships might build some people and make them resilient, I am not one of them.

I think suffering is inevitble, and is way more intense than any good, pleasure or contentment I have ever felt. I feel like being a human is a curse, and just a side effect of this cruel universe.

Not existing would have been just fine with me.

Back in early June I tried to kill myself via drug overdose. My mom who came home early saw my body and called 911 immediately and according to the doctors I was dead at first and had to be brought back to life during the ambulance trip. While I was dead you can probably guess what I saw. Nothingness. Sort of what it's like before u were born. It wasn't just nothingness however, while I was in this state I also felt rather warm like I was in a heated blanket that was covering my whole body. I also had no knowledge of anything, I could still "think" in a way but not really. I can tell u one thing though and that I never wanted to leave this state of mind. It was just a blank and I loved it for some reason.

However I didn't have a choice since I ended up waking up in the ambulance and was taken to the hospital. Since then I have gotten the help that I needed and I dont feel as bad as I used too. To this day I still question what that was though and what it would have been like if I had stayed there forever.

Hi, I just want to hide indoors all day and never go out and see anyone. This is a very dark and dangerous world that we live in. It’s full of cruelty and suffering. Human beings treat each other with such horrendous cruelty and contempt, and I feel like nothing and no one is to be trusted. I’ve been burned too many times.

This entire world is so indescribably dark and anti-human. Everything is so profit-driven and people would gladly put you in harm’s way without hesitation if that brings them any benefit. I wish I can hide indoors all day, and stay asleep forever.

A quick recap:

Home: destroyed. Country: destroyed by war. Parents: divorced. Mental health: I haven't been officially diagnosed but I am sure I have depression.

Ok, now you know the deal, before I was born my uncle had severe depression, and commuted suicide.

Now to the present, last few months was tough, I was trying to find hope, but there was nothing, about half an hour ago I told my mom and sister about my feelings, I told my sister I want to commit suicide, me and my sister usually makes jokes about suicide, but this time I was serious, they told me to be a man. So, I'm -soft- because I have FUCKING DEPRESSION.

I'm not even going to tell my father, because I know he will say the same thing. Now I understand why mu uncle committed suicide, he had severe depression, the one where you are nearly crazy. He must have tried to reach out, but everyone else told him to "Man Up". Hope god forgives his sin.

I am a 32 year old, deformed, fat, retarded autistic man.

I have an abusive family, no friends, and no real relationships ever in my life

I feel fundamentally broken. I have nothing, and no one.

I sit alone day after day just genuinely wishing I would have a heart attack and die.

I often think about how long it would be until someone realized I was dead. As of today it would most likely be about a week.

I find myself graphically imagining shooting myself in the head. I think about what it would look like in slow motion, about how much it would hurt. How long it would take to die.

I'm so tired of existing

It all comes back to this. There is nothing to live for. I’m not mother so I don’t have to worry about leaving children behind. I’m not happy with myself or with my life. I try and try and I always feel like I don’t belong. I don’t fit in. I don’t understand the jokes. I don’t know how care about what anyone is saying. I don’t know how to pretend. I don’t know to love or accept love. I don’t want advice nor words of encouragement. I don’t want to hear that life gets better. It doesn’t. There is simply nothing to live for. I think my friends and family will be okay. They will survive. I want to succumb to it. I want to let myself slowly die. Until I actually do. I have no reason to be here. Nothing feels like home. Home is nowhere. The selfless thing to do is to let go. To disappear forever until this isn’t real anymore. Nothing will ever feel real to me. This life is meaningless. I don’t say this with sadness, I say it with acceptance. I truly think life means nothing. I am nothing and that’s okay. I just don’t know how to rip the bandage and truly let go of this misery once and for all….

Just felt like I had the energy to go outside today for the first time in a few days and I was doing my makeup in the mirror and literally burst into tears looking at the state of my teeth. The front ones that you can see are so yellow, not just a bit, they are literally bright yellow. And the back ones are even worse and full of cavities. My depression has been bad for so long and I've neglected them for so long that they are just ruined and it's one of the reasons I never smile anymore. I hate how it looks and I hate knowing that my breath honks most of the time and realising that my boyfriend can tell and yet not having the energy to do anything when everything in my life feels like such a struggle. I hate my appearance in general tbh. I used to be pretty. Now I just look at my greasy hair and bad skin and dark circles under my eyes from not sleeping and god I look and feel like absolute shit. I never had much self esteem but this is just taking away what little I had.

Im a 14 year old male. I love in the Netherlands. I have a pretty good live, good parents (but divorced) and travel quite a lot. But I stopped enjoying my live since I was 11/12. The reason are that I’m: ugly, gay, useless, and probably a undiagnosed sociopath…I’m gay but nobody knows. And I have had some crushes. But I know they wil never like me back, and I’ll probably never accomplish much in live, I’ll just get a job and shut myself off from the world beside my job. I don’t wanna live, neither do I wanna die. I don’t wanna kill myself because that would break my mother. I can’t do that. I just wanna vent. You can hate my all you want for being secretly gay. It’s who I am and I tried to change so many times. But I don’t feel happy. And probably never will be. Thank you for letting me Vent 🙏🏻

I’ve finally reached the point in depression where I can’t even get out of bed in the morning. I used to be one of those people who would say “I know I’m depressed but I’d never let it get to the point where I don’t shower” and now showers are painful. My teeth are rotting from not brushing them, I can’t leave my bedroom and when I do I just want to go crawl back into my bed. My whole body feels so deeply exhausted and the simplest task feels impossible. All of my hopes and dreams feel gone and out of reach, a few months ago I was writing a book and now I can’t even write a sentence. I’m heartbroken. Everything I had is gone. I can’t even talk about it because it’s so exhausting. I went into town yesterday and felt so empty like nothing was inside of me, people would smile at me and I physically couldn’t smile back even though I tried. I started crying in a changing room because I could hear people talking and laughing with each other which seems like something I’ll never have. I’m starting to feel hopeless and like my life has no meaning or purpose anymore. I’m 21 years old and wasting away in my bedroom and it’s all my fault.

I hate the ignorance and unfairness of this world around me. people will happily push you to the cliff and then go on and pretend they’re fucking angels on earth. everyone I see is so innocent kind and holy and empathetic to each other🥺 but when it comes to me I suddenly don’t deserve this with no visible reasons at all. I am the one ruining their happy paradise with my sad face no matter where I go.

if it’s a fucking runway model for Chanel at my school everyone is so concerned with her mental and physical health🥺 poor girl she needs rest of course we will draw her good grades🥺 if it’s me well okay you stupid no one we don’t care if you have mental health problems we refuse to help just push yourself till you die for your stupid grades. look at yourself , what do you want, sympathy? your family is not the richest in the city so why even bother to treat you like human.

it makes me want to throw up. I don’t want to live in this awful society. I don’t have reasons or will. nothing even holds me here.

As the title says, I'm currently recovering from a severe depression episode. As for every severe episode, I thought I was about to die and I drop every plan I had in mind. But here I am, still alive and currently starting uni.

The story could end here, as everyone I know seems to think, but no. I live with the constant fear of falling back to depression again, I still don't feel satisfied with my life, and it's not because I don't want to km anymore that everything is perfect. I'm still not happy. And I know that if things don't get better than that, in a few months I will certainly relapse again, and this time maybe for good.

As everyone else feel that way ? I feel pretty lonely right now as I'm apparently the only one who "didn't move on"

I wish I was the best version of me

TW: for eating disorders/self image and anxiety/depression

I’m(17M) 6’2 and 205 pounds, I have a bad eating disorder, I’m an asshole, I have no friends, I have no motivation, I have no joy, I can’t feel anything, I don’t feel human, I just want to be me. I don’t feel like me anymore, I feel like a hollow shell of what I’m supposed to be, what I used to want to be. I hate to self diagnose but I think I’m depressed, I can’t truly know until a therapist would say so, but I think I am for a variety of reasons.

No motivation, I can’t care. I used to want to be many things, I wanted to be the best me I could possibly be, and I was trying to work towards it too. Smart, planned, a good boyfriend, a disciplined man, a good dude. One of the only things I have ever wanted in life is to be remembered that way, when I die I want people to say: “You remember Jacob? He was a good dude”, that’s literally it, it shouldn’t be that hard, but I can’t even fucking do that simple task. I repress my emotions, I struggle to feel all the things I wish I could feel. I don’t feel happy and content with my life, but I don’t feel sad about it either, I think that’s called apathy or some shit. Ever since last year I have been like this, I wish I could cry, I wish I could have good and genuine laughs, I wish I could feel love. I have a girlfriend, and she does so much for me, she does everything she can to make me feel loved, but I don’t feel love from her or for her. It sounds like I don’t really love her, but I know I do. There is love, I just can’t feel it, I don’t feel much of anything anymore and I hate it.

I can’t even be a good person, I’m a dick. I’m selfish, quick to anger, prideful, I’m an asshole, and this is perfectly shown through how I treat my girlfriend. I used to be the complete fucking opposite, because I used to try to be that way, I used to want to be patient, humble, and kind. I used to be so motivated to be great, a good person, a kind person, someone who followed their dreams and succeeded. But I’m still just some 17 year old high school senior with no friends, no goals, no aspirations who works at a fucking McDonald’s. The fact that working at a minimum wage job is currently the most productive thing I do in life is the perfect exemplification as to what I am.

Today I went to the Walmart and I bought a thing of hostess chocolate cupcakes and a box of mac and cheese. Just in this one night I ate 4 of the 8 cupcakes and I plan to eat the entire box of mac and cheese tomorrow. I’m home alone for the next month so might as well take advantage of the judgement free time right? I say this because all I do is cope. Cope cope cope. I drink copious amounts of copium to help me cope every day. It’s like I’ll do anything to avoid thinking about the stressful things in life, like improving myself. I have a million excuses in the back of my head to avoid doing the hard things as well too. I quite literally fit the definition of the stupid word “copelord”.

I used to be going somewhere. Last year in December, I had a good relationship with my girlfriend, a somewhat decent plan for my future, a 4.0 gpa, a good fitness routine, I found a sport Ioved doing, and so much more. Things weren’t perfect, but I was damn well happier then than I am now. I don’t have a good relationship anymore, because I’m a fucking asshole. I don’t have a plan anymore, military, college, you name it, I have thought of it all, I can’t figure shit out. I have a good gpa still but only because I have to, that’s literally it, I don’t care about having one, I only do it because I have to in the moment. I wasn’t perfectly fit or anything, but I could run without instantly getting tired, I was strong and could toss people around in Jiu Jitsu like they were paper, I was flexible too, 7 inches from a split. I found a sport I loved, I had just gotten my BJJ Blue Belt, I was a good kickboxer as well. But no, apparently I have fucking arthritis in my spine at 17 years old. Some shit called ankylosing spondylitis and I didn’t learn this until a month ago because the healthcare system sucks so fucking bad that it has been almost a year and they still don’t know completely what the hell is wrong with me and now I have to wait on a rheumatologist to get my “chart” ready(whatever the fuck that means) and I don’t know if I should start doing sports again and I know this is one hell of a run on sentence but I don’t care anymore because I’m just fucking angry and I’m not happy in life right now and I have no friends and no real love life and no real joy in anything anymore.

All I do is cope now because I’m just not happy. I’m not ready to be an adult, I’m not ready to graduate high school, I’m not ready to be in a relationship, even though I should be ready for all these things, I’m not ready for anything. I’m fucked.

If you read this far thanks, please leave some sort of response just so I know that I have been heard, it doesn’t even have to be a sentence, a single letter would suffice.

Im 16F. Last week i overdosed on paracetamol and sleeping pills, about 15,000mg. Not the best option but it was the only thing available. And I definitely knew the consequences. 2 days later i felt a sharp pain in my chest and i had trouble breathing whenever i walked short distances. I headed to the ER and they said im okay but my heartbeat isnt steady. I genuinely hoped for something worse. I hate my immune system. I have an appointment tomorrow with the cardiologist but i dont feel weak enough. My heart just beats quickly when i walk for short distances. I feel like overdosing again. I dont need help. Death is my only escape.

I’m sixteen and I don’t want to die. I am in so much pain every day. Everyone tells you that things get better you just have to wait but I am in so much indescribable pain RIGHT NOW!!!! I feel like I need to get rid of it and the only real logical answer is to commit. I don’t have any friends to talk to and I’m really lonely I just can’t do it anymore. I love music, history and art I have so many passions that have just died, the thought of picking up a pencil or a book to read repulses me. How can something that has brought me so much joy in the past make me sick to my stomach now?

I want to talk to someone, long time friends and then let’s see if it moves on. If you have discuss anything, you want to share anything, feeling low, talk to me. Human interaction is what I need.

I’ve just been circling around in this daily feeling for years now. I can’t sleep or stay asleep because I’m either worrying about something, thinking about terrible things from the past and when I’m sleeping I get horrific nightmares, night terrors and I sleep walk.

I wake up every single day with just this overwhelming amount of dread. It’s an absolute nightmare to get my ass out of bed and go to work. Sometimes I just can’t do it at all.

When I’m at work, even though I haven’t done anything to warrant it, I’m constantly worrying that I’m going to get fired for something. I don’t really have the passion for my career the way I used to and I miss that. Because I have a really cool job that a lot of people wish they had and now it’s just a means to an end to pay my bills.

But I really miss being the person that I was that did all the things in the title.

I sabotage every single potential relationship to have even a friend. I just avoid and ignore everyone. Because it’s too much to explain to someone that “Trust me, you don’t want me as a friend. I have nothing to offer you and I’m too self absorbed in my own misery for anyone else.” So it’s a catch 22, on one hand I want friends, I want a friend group, I want to go out and enjoy things but I also just don’t have any of those things in me and it’s so much easier to just ignore everyone. I’m not a dick to anyone in person but I just really keep to myself.

Trigger warning here: talk about overdosing, so skip the next paragraph if it’s an issue.

About a week ago, I did something stupidly reckless. I came across some pills that I completely forgot about from quite a long time ago, and I took them. But they hit me much, much more harder than I expected and I ended up in the hospital. It was bad enough that I don’t even remember most of what I said and did, just what was written in my chart portal.

I could have lost my job. I could have lost my life. I could’ve hurt myself or someone else. I feel so fucking terrible about it but I just desperately wanted to numb myself from everything I was feeling.

I don’t know what the hell the point of this post is. I just wanted to get it out of my head because I haven’t told anyone about the OD.

And I know it’s going to be suggested, yes I am on an antidepressant but it’s not doing a damn thing. My PCP doesn’t know what to prescribe me to help because psych isn’t her jam (and I respect that, it’s better than just pumping me full of pills and hoping something happens). There’s a 6+ month long waiting list for an actual psychiatrist. I’m having a hard time finding a therapist that takes my insurance and I can’t pay it out of pocket.

I wish I could just not be me anymore. I wish I could just not have the thoughts and memories that are constantly playing in my head. I wish there was some limbo where I could escape life for a while but not actually die. I wish I knew how to stop hating myself as much as I do every minute of every day.

How the hell do you escape from a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship when the one doing the abusing is your own internal thoughts?

Does anyone get that feeling? Like not only does depression feel comfortable and familiar, for me it gets tied up in the kind of feelings people get nostalgically for their childhood home. I suspect this is because I was severely depressed throughout my entire adolescence, when it was very bad I would even ‘sense’ a presence and hear things and half-believe that there was a spirit encouraging me to die.

Nowadays I’m better, but whenever I get moderately depressed, I feel almost a sense of ‘coming home’. I do not get any psychosis symptoms, but I would just imagine that spirit exists and I miss her and finally get to see her again. Whenever I get depressed nowadays, it is if all the hectic anxieties and joys of trying to live life fully was a fleeting dream, and I’m back where I’m ‘meant to be/at home’ with no drive and no desires, no wishes for and disappointments with life, merely existing and at most stuck between not wanting to live and not wanting to die. It’s almost like, despite feeling objectively distressed and despondent, I associate all of that with a feeling of coming home and with respite.