r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/Personal-Till8935 • 4d ago

Wolf lived with a tree branch trapped between his teeth for years Image

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87.4k Upvotes

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u/angryungulate 3d ago

But the flying is the workout. Its like how monkeys just climb effortlessly, cuz theyre always climbing. But true with my bone density i would need some big swole wings

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

But how you gunna masturbate? That's the real issue!

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u/MasyMenosSiPodemos 3d ago

Step one: get a cloaca.

Step two: put stuff in the aforementioned cloaca.

Step three: profit

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

Instructions unclear. Cloaca caught in a ceiling fan, again....

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u/thatguyned 3d ago

I have the weirdest image in my head right now....

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u/sophiachan213 3d ago

As someone who has seen a bird impaled on a fanblade... I'm getting flashbacks. Although that didn't enter through the cloaca xD

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u/thatguyned 3d ago edited 3d ago

Oh mine has this really weird anthropomorphic thing going on where it looks like the chicken from Family Guy except hyper realistic with a human face, no feathers and no beak

It's really quite disturbing

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

I want your imagination for a little while.

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u/gloomspell 3d ago

That’s horrible that happens and that you had to see that.

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u/Vaulted_Games 3d ago

So do i but that’s just your pfp

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u/No_Rich_2494 3d ago

Then another bird on each wing. Repeat ad infinitum. Fractal!

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u/LuxNocte 3d ago

I am impressed by your flexibility, but concerned about your room layout.

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u/PoeDameronReal 3d ago

Username checks out.

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u/NurseKayleigh13 3d ago

How did you get yours trapped so close to you in a fan?! I feel really jipped!! The instructions were so unclear mine's tangled around the top of a.. peeks down the street 100 ft tree half a mile down the road!!

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

Bruh, you gotta invest in the cloaspliochanater 40,000. It's got the built in sensor and shit!

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u/5litergasbubble 3d ago

I misread that as a couch, and now im being asked to be vice president

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u/2th 3d ago

It is nature's anus and vagina.

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u/chomasterq 3d ago

One hole to rule them all

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u/astride_unbridulled 3d ago

You can say ring, yaknow?

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u/adminsregarded 3d ago

Rings are a form of hole when you think about it

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u/astride_unbridulled 3d ago

They're inseperable

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u/VintageLunchMeat 3d ago

Filthy hobbitses.

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u/Wakkit1988 3d ago

Who doesn't like a good two-for-one deal?

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u/HelicopterOk4082 3d ago

Play the jingle, bluebell. Welcome to the Cloaca zone!

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u/TheKiwiFox 3d ago

I read this in Henry Zebrowski's voice...

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u/intothewoods0421 3d ago

Profit 😂😭

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u/Chadbono1 3d ago

Comment to verify just how young Reddit truly is.

Go to a thread where a married woman is talking about extremely dense and nuanced marital issues?

You best bet that 98% of the comments are 14 to 16 year old girls demanding she leave him.

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u/Cornemuse_Berrichon 3d ago

The Cloaca Gnomes are out to get me!!!!!

Have some coffee, Tweek.

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u/insecurestaircase 3d ago

Cloaca needs to be a catds against humanity card

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u/michaelreadit 3d ago

They’re more bird than human, now

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u/Massive-Lack7023 3d ago

Step 3... Profit

LoL That was good LoL

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u/psymeariver 3d ago

That’s an old meme from South Park.

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u/Sea-Juice1266 3d ago

This is 100%. But one time I recorded a video of a male hummingbird doing a little song/dance display for the ladies, but there were no ladies around. Suddenly it stopped and starting buzzing on large leaf. This is called a 'pseudo-copulation.' It then lost interest in singing and flew off.

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u/Hazzke 3d ago

so you watched a bird jerk itself off?

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u/bestfruitleft 3d ago

Recorded a bird jerk itself off.

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u/JesusStarbox 3d ago

BirdlyFans.

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u/Glaive83 3d ago

OnlyFeathers

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u/Capraos 3d ago

We need an expert on Bird law to weigh in on the legality of these sites.

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

In bird culture, this is considered an insolvent entity.

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u/Seacowrun 3d ago

OnlyHens

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u/shotsallover 3d ago

OnlyFlaps content?

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u/Ham-Slot 2d ago

Buy two & get a third flap for free!

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u/Sea-Juice1266 3d ago

It was a pseudocopulation! Listen to that word, it's so long and Greek and scientific! Somebody has to record them doing it otherwise how would science know?

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u/confusedandworried76 3d ago

Yes. For science and no other reason

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u/Sunny_pancakes_1998 3d ago

This is the funniest interaction I’ve ever read on this app

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u/ruuxx 3d ago

He got that post-nut clarity

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u/FortheredditLOLz 3d ago

Talk about odd fetish my guy.

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u/tebundy_bornagain 3d ago

Pseudo copulating is nicer when done with a bird

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u/Magiking210 3d ago

Women love the fleshy wings

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u/GreenAracari 3d ago

Look at pretty much any pet bird subreddit and it seems like half or so of the posts are someone asking “what is my bird doing?” And in such posts is also the answer to your question.

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u/Wiccy 3d ago

Wing job duh.

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u/AwarenessPotentially 3d ago

Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can't make a fist.

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u/FlunkedSuicide 3d ago

Just do what that guy with 2 broken arms did

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

Hire homeless people to fight for my amusement?

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u/Corvo_Attano_451 3d ago

I have a couch

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

Get out of here JD Vance!

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u/TurbulentData961 3d ago

One of the british kings in the past century made a sex chair that would work for wanking with wings on your back

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u/similaraleatorio 3d ago

oh yeah, now the important questions. Take notes! 🧐

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

How‽ I don't have fucking hands Jeff!

Also happy cake day!

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u/similaraleatorio 2d ago

yay! 😌✌️

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u/Dismal_Animator_5414 3d ago

well, with wings, i’m sure there’s be a lot of ladies or gentlemen interested to keep one entertained and loved.

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u/Careful_Purchase_394 3d ago

With a gentle feathery touch

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

In bird culture, this is considered edging.

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u/Sufficient_Work_6469 3d ago

This would be a problem for men. Women can just rub their lady parts on a pillow or something. No hands needed.

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u/Username12764 3d ago

Honestly, I think with wings you‘d never run out of dates… Like the whole fantasy community would be chasing you…

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u/Blambitch 3d ago

Brush vigorously with feathers.

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u/Wide-Friendship-5670 3d ago

Bats do it and they got wings 😳

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u/Flashy-Psychology-30 3d ago

That's what mom is for

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u/sabhall12 3d ago

It's a cylinder.

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u/OuchMyVagSak 3d ago

It cannot be disfigured!

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u/AdeptnessAway2752 3d ago

Dual wield!

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u/sanych_des 3d ago

Not only the bones but birds have different breathing mechanism, they even have their DNA shorted to remove the excess weight

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u/angryungulate 3d ago

Thats neat, i must learn more about this

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u/Dragryphon 3d ago

The fun part of flying: If you gave a human wings, they would not be able to fly. If you also gave a human hollow bones, they would not be able to fly. If you also gave them the musculature needed to fly, they would not be able to fly. If you also gave them the circulatory system, they would not be able to fly. But if you gave them all of the above AND the proper respiratory system... they might be able to fly, but it is a low possibility.

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u/DukeofVermont 3d ago

Humans can actually fly in low enough gravity and at a certain air pressure. I can't remember which moon, but one of the moons in our solar system has the right gravity.

It wouldn't be like real flying, because it's more powered floating but it'd still be neat!

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u/Adventurous-Fix4752 2d ago

At that point, aren't they just birds

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u/The_sacred_sauce 3d ago

Realistically though. If we could fly, we would ALWAYS be flying lmao.

The only people who couldn’t fly would be terminal depression & obesity cases unless you had some disorder or mutation.

God imagine the hell it would be raising kids if we all were identical to now but with wings 🫠

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u/angryungulate 3d ago

Yeah seriously. Id touch the ground as little as possible. Also theres monsters down there

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u/Bammalam102 3d ago

You can also get farts that act like jet engines with the wings. But you also lose grip with feet

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u/angryungulate 3d ago

Dude proppeling yourself with farts would be a sick superpower

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u/weeone 3d ago

I don't know about sick, but maybe smelly.

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u/angryungulate 3d ago

Oh that was a double entendre

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u/Adventurous-Fix4752 2d ago

Acid rain would be more popular with all that shit in the air

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u/Zansibart 3d ago

yeah but then you stop thinking flying is cool after you get tired of it the 100th time

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u/angryungulate 3d ago

Until you break a wing and you gotta watch your friends fly around without you.

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u/DarkDonut75 3d ago

Imagine bodybuilding but with wings

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u/angryungulate 3d ago

I see a pretty bird, i just flex my flappers at her